i feel like i've lost my way....anyone relate?

[florabundance]

Okay this may seem trivial, but basically i'm truly just in need of advice based on personal life experience..and i find it very hard to open up fully. But here goes..

I'm 18 and recently started college/university. I was unhappy with my course and the environment (stupidly i didnt really research my university choices) decided to withdraw from it, take a year out, work, gain some confidence and figure out what it is i actually wanna do.

..but i feel just SO alone..

my boyfriend of 2 years sort of brushed me off completely. we never discussed the end of relationship and it was left open ended, but he seems to have decided that we should catch up once in a while and leave it at that....
and that's great i guess. i dont wanna be someone who gets in the way of another persons life, but i feel kind of dejected. because he was not only my boyfriend but someone i spoke to so frequently, so i've lost one of my best friends. that is a major part of my unhappiness i think, because i just never expected for someone i love so much to just disappear...

my two best friends moved away for college/university - one is finding it tough, the other having fun. we talk often and they're just so amazing.

however, i really expected to find my independence now. i've had a very sheltered lifestyle (due to my ethnic background i think) and it's like all at once i have all this shit to deal with and i'm messing it up completely. i feel like i shouldnt NEED people to depend on, but i do and i cant figure out if that is what is hindering me from being able to just sort of..get on with things.

i feel really lost.

has anyone got any advice to share? ever been in the same position of a lot of things going on at one time and feeling a little powerless.

i guess im disappointed in myself for not being able to just sort myself out by myself, you know?

 

[aleksis210]

My eyes got a little watery reading your post, and I never cry! I think it's because I can relate, don't feel bad that you can't sort yourself out, it's hard to do that when you feel alone in the first place, your bf separating himself from you certainly doesn't help, but honestly the ONLY advice I can give(this is coming from someone who only has like 2 friends and is somewhat of a loner)is to find passion within yourself,first realize that feeling alone is quite a common and universal thing, but I really want to stress is that actually being alone is not a bad thing....​

I've discovered SO many things that I love and love doing! I know you feel like you need someone(friend,lover,family etc.)..which is just the nature of being human...but don't worry about that right now...worry about yourself....what works for me is taking care of my body with diet and exercise, I also love Makeup,Fashion,Tarot,art,animals, coffee and wine...and these are things that I LOVE...I love going to 'art' shows,wine tastings/vineyards.....my mom and I, even sometimes my bf, have so much fun doing tarot readings,I love trying different types of coffee,Looking on specktra for makeup inspirastion,I love school and my job etc. These things may seem small to some people but they make me feel happy and glad to be alive!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that what I find to be MOST common about people is the fact that everyone's loves and hobbies invovle multiple people, whether it be parties or going to the beach or movies etc. which is fine, but if that's all you 'have', feeling lonely will come all to easily and you will feel lost way too often than you should. Eventually you will find some people that share common interest and make you feel even more fulfilled with your passions. I hope I helped a little, this is just what I've found really works for me. Also, you're still so young! Everything falls into place eventually...

 

[florabundance]

thank u so much for ur reply! hearing what u have to say and that u can relate to it, makes thing feel a little less hard.
I guess i should have fun investigating and exploring what makes me happy

 

[Kayteuk]

I am doing the same thing right now.

What I have done is made a lot of friends on here, and kept them in real life too. They pull me up when I am down, and the other night one of the girls and I were face booking each other to death, and it made me forget all the bad stuff and think of the good.

I know how it feels to loose a boyfriend/best friend of that long. Its not nice and sometimes throwing yourself out there and in to the wind helps! I met my boyfriend back in the state my ex is working, and if it wasn't for me going back to get my stuff from my ex I wouldn't be having the time of my life now. Fate has a funny way sometimes but I promise you this, it will all work out.

A gap year is definitely a good thing. I am thinking about taking one at the moment and doing something COMPLETLY different on it. Such as getting my PPL (Private pilots license) and I am studying Latin. Lol. Just check about and do some evening classes!

I started belly dancing to make more grown up friends, and also the girls in my evening classes and I are going out soon. I have never been happier. Sometimes there are little classes you can do, and you can meet completely the opposite people of who you usually hang about with and get on like a house on fire!!

I think the best advice I can give is to say, add me on msn =) And I can help you through the bad times. Or go out to some sort of class, gym or something. And you will meet new people and have a fab time and forget all the bad things in the past!

I had exactly the same problem as you. All my friends went to uni all over the place and my other friend and I fell out! =) I hope things work out for you soon!

 

[Kayteuk]

Ooo and on the dependence thing, sometimes its a kick in the arse (I also had this) but it makes you realise what you have to do with your life. Sometimes depending on yourself makes you a stronger person and lets your understand more things in life.

And sometimes you can prove everyone wrong by exceeding their expectations! Hehe
Go for it girl!

I'm cheering for you!

 

[Lizzie]

I can completely understand what you're going through. When I moved out here (in the middle of nowhere) to go to school, I found out who my real friends were. There are those who visit me, and those who don't even call. I've found that people (perhaps like your bf) who can't be bothered to even talk and catch up aren't worth my worry. It was hard at first, because you're used to those people being there, but this is your time to gain your independence/come into your own. It doesn't happen right away (I've been here for three years and it hasn't completely happened yet), but it will happen.

I definitely agree with the poster who said to try to get into some activities. You can find something you really love, or even meet some cool people. If there is something that I could change from when I first moved out here, it'd be that. I used to go to classes and then straight back to my apartment. I have about three really good friends out here, and I've decided that's enough. I guess it's the whole quality v. quantity thing.

More than anything I would say that even though you're feeling lost, this feeling wont last forever. &Know that there are always people here that you can turn to, as well as your friends which seem lovely

 

[NutMeg]

One thing that I find soooo helpful whenever I'm feeling lost or unsure about my life is journaling. I know it sounds really lame, but it helps me to clarify my thoughts, my goals, my emotions. I'd suggest you just write everything you can think of that has ever interested or excited you. Then look through the list and decide what you want to explore, plan how you're going to do it, and then make it happen. Get excited about your life. Don't look at it as being lost, look at it as the absolute freedom to do whatever you want to do. If you get out there and start pursuing your interests I can guarantee you'll meet some amazing people, and you'll probably start to figure out what you want out of life. I know how hard it can be when you feel directionless, so good luck and hugs.

 

[Miss A]

i understand too girly! i am 21 and have a boyfriend of 5 years who is also my best friend, as of late we have been fighting and i realized without him i am so alone like another poster said i really only have a handful of friends. we are still together but it just made me realize how things could be.
a counselor gave me this advice, DONT EVER DEPEND ON ANOTHER FOR YOUR HAPPINESS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE LET DOWN, only you can make yourself happy and you do not need anyone to make you happy. i know it sounds a little dark but think of it as YOU HAVE THE POWER

let this be your mantra as i have let it be mine, lets say im so sad because i told my boyfriend 6 times what time i get off work, and now he asked me the 7th time, i feel as if im not important and he dosent even care enough to listen, then im my head im saying "only you can make you happy" so i write if off as a boys lack of attention to detail and forget it. I hope this makes you feel better!

 

[florabundance]

you r all so great! its such a comfort to hear your thoughts and im so thankful for all ur replies. and NutMeg, i thought about journalling, but sometimes i think im afraid to really confront the fact that i feel sad or upset you know? but definitely that will be something that im going to combat.

Lizzie, i was the same as you - granted i only lasted a week. i used to simply go to class then come home! but my main reason for leaving was the course.

I know that feeling low has long term benefits - whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger - but when it's happening, it does feel like it can never change. But your words have all got me thinking positive

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance NutMeg, i thought about journalling, but sometimes i think im afraid to really confront the fact that i feel sad or upset you know?

Please try it. You can get better if you hide from the fact that you aren't happy. And sometimes confronting it makes you realise that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was. Having a plan makes you feel so much better even if nothing has changed. Remember that you have the power to make yourself the life that you want. You are only as lost as you allow yourself to be.

 

[Kayteuk]

Your welcome =)

 

[aimerbijoux]

I can definitely relate. I just started college this year and i'm away from home for the first time in my life. Like you I was also raised in a sheltered home and my parents were always very strict (also due to my ethnic background). I don't have friends here except for 2 girls I walk to class with and my roommate who is just there... we eat together or watch tv together occassionally. Not exactly close friends, you know? but my best friend is my boyfriend of 7 months. however I feel like I depend on him too much for my happiness. He makes me extremely happy and when he is doing his own thing or at work I always feel lonely because I have no one else and nothing to do. I'm unhappy at my school... I want to transfer out as soon as possible, but in order to do so I need a high GPA so studying is my priority. However depression and loneliness is getting to me (especially now since my skin is at its all time worse and i'm gaining weight) its hard to focus on studying.

Upon starting college I also figured out who my true friends were. You know those friends in high school who promise you will be friends forever and they will keep in touch in college, yadayada? Yep... not a single one of those "friends" has called me the month and a half I have been in college. I have been kissing their asses asking them how they are doing, what is their life like, etc etc and they don't get a rats ass about me anymore - including my childhood friend since 2nd grade and my best friend throughout high school.

Right now it seems like the only thing that makes me happy in my life is my boyfriend. I depend on him for everything, unfortunately... i'm just not really open to other people because i've always been let down in the past so I always shy away from other activities that would enable me to meet other people.

Sorry for that hun! I know thats super long but reading your post makes me relate to you on the same level and you should know that you aren't alone.

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aimerbijoux I can definitely relate. I just started college this year and i'm away from home for the first time in my life. Like you I was also raised in a sheltered home and my parents were always very strict (also due to my ethnic background). I don't have friends here except for 2 girls I walk to class with and my roommate who is just there... we eat together or watch tv together occassionally. Not exactly close friends, you know? but my best friend is my boyfriend of 7 months. however I feel like I depend on him too much for my happiness. He makes me extremely happy and when he is doing his own thing or at work I always feel lonely because I have no one else and nothing to do. I'm unhappy at my school... I want to transfer out as soon as possible, but in order to do so I need a high GPA so studying is my priority. However depression and loneliness is getting to me (especially now since my skin is at its all time worse and i'm gaining weight) its hard to focus on studying. Upon starting college I also figured out who my true friends were. You know those friends in high school who promise you will be friends forever and they will keep in touch in college, yadayada? Yep... not a single one of those "friends" has called me the month and a half I have been in college. I have been kissing their asses asking them how they are doing, what is their life like, etc etc and they don't get a rats ass about me anymore - including my childhood friend since 2nd grade and my best friend throughout high school. Right now it seems like the only thing that makes me happy in my life is my boyfriend. I depend on him for everything, unfortunately... i'm just not really open to other people because i've always been let down in the past so I always shy away from other activities that would enable me to meet other people. Sorry for that hun! I know thats super long but reading your post makes me relate to you on the same level and you should know that you aren't alone.

i'm sorry to hear about your friends

being alone, or i guess, feeling alone forces you to do a whole lot of growing, right?
not that im looking to blame anybody or anything (cos i know that this is all a part of life), but sometimes i feel like if my life hadn't been so sheltered that somewhere along the way, i would have learned to depend on myself more. do u ever get that?
and what u say about not being open to other people/trust issues. i'm the same! it's like i want to find more great people like the friends i have already, but i hold myself back for fear of being let down.
really appreciate ur message! xxx

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Please try it. You can get better if you hide from the fact that you aren't happy. And sometimes confronting it makes you realise that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was. Having a plan makes you feel so much better even if nothing has changed. Remember that you have the power to make yourself the life that you want. You are only as lost as you allow yourself to be.

you're right. and i realised how beneficial taking physical note of your feelings really is after i posted this. it felt like i asserted the situation instead of despairing over it

 

[couturesista]

Thank you ladies for this post. I too have been feeling really low lately. I will def. try journalling.

 

[anjelik_dreamin]

Don't feel alone! I'm a second year in uni and I still often feel alone...all my best friends seemed to have moved on and I kinda find it hard to make friends. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but just know your not alone at all! Specktra is my current happy place

 

[Kayteuk]

So what are you going to do then flora? I am interested to hear what your plans are after hearing what we had to say =)

 

[florabundance]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kayteuk So what are you going to do then flora? I am interested to hear what your plans are after hearing what we had to say =)

hi sweety, i'm looking for jobs, printing cv's, calling around as we speak. In the mean time i'm researching uni courses and sending off for prospectuses. Aaand i just signed up for a livejournal lol, for somewhere to vent

thanks for ur wise words kayte

 

[aimerbijoux]

Quote:

Originally Posted by florabundance but sometimes i feel like if my life hadn't been so sheltered that somewhere along the way, i would have learned to depend on myself more. do u ever get that?

actually yes I do feel like that. alot of the people I knew in high school weren't raised in a sheltered, overprotective or "strict" home so they got to experience everything and now they are having the time of their lives in college because they're already used to the independence. I've never been independent my whole life.

hope everything works out for you though

im going to try some of these methods that were suggested as well

 

[Kayteuk]

Livejournal= GOD. Seriously a good way to vent. I used to use bloopdiary.com but i found it a tad catty!

What are you doing for fun at the moment then? Are you going out or starting a new hobby! Ya goto relax girl :-D Bless you!