I just can't do it.

[Chikky]

So, my guy has been away for over a week for vacation and work, so this weekend was the first time I've seen him. We hung out Friday night, and Saturday we did all this stuff I like to do and ate where I wanted to eat.

All great, right?

Then, he starts getting ill. Feeling badly. Fever.

And I feel horrible. Because he's miserable and sick and I... I can't deal with that. At all. I'm TERRIFIED of the 'v' word and any sickness that brings it. Of me, him or ANYone in my family getting it. It brings me to tears and panic attacks. It's a huge phobia. (And, no. It's not something to 'get over'. No more than people who fear needles or death or snakes or things like that can 'get over' it.)

So now I'm feeling badly. I just feel bad that (while I kept it seemingly together, I think) I'm sure he wants someone to take care of him, and I canNOT do it. I can't. I'll already be a nervous, freaking out wreck for the next week or so until the 'able to be infected' time is up. And he won't disinfect his house. Ack!! That drives me nuts. How can I go there?

Anyhow. I'm just feeling sort of like a failure. I feel so bad that I can't make myself go near him. (Though I did see him today briefly.) That I won't be comfortable around him or his house for weeks now. That I'll be terrified to tears for my family and I. That I can't be the caring person I'm sure he wants and needs.

...No wonder I'm not married.

Anyone else deal with anything like this?

 

[almmaaa]

I'm sorry I am of no help, but I understand what your saying. If you dont mine me asking I'm a dummy and dont know what "v" is???

 

[Tashona Helena]

^virus?

I understand how it feels to not wanna go near something. I feel sick if someone I'm dating eats mayo around me or anything of that sort. I don't want to touch them or anything. Scares me, sounds weird but it does. I dunno sometimes wen you love someone you have to push yourself to do things you don't wanna do though.

 

[MACATTAK]

I'm thinking the "v" word is vomit.

 

[TISH1124]

Wow....I am OCD myself about germs and clutter...But I know if I had to take care of my family I would just have to put mind over matter and deal with it. Maybe you need some kind of medical help to help you get passed this phobia. It's no different that phobias of flying etc...I am sure there is help out there.

Trust me when you have kids...all this will be gone...you will and have to deal with it all...sick, poop etc....

 

[starbucksmocha]

I'm assuming that v is for virus?
I don't know if this would help you, but perhaps if you did some research about common colds and viruses and bacteria etc. maybe you would feel less afraid about what could happen. After all, people recover from fevers and being sick.
Maybe you might be able to feel more comfortable if you put it in perspective about the other kinds of diseases that are out there... HIV/AIDS, Avian Flu, etc. the ones that are extremely contagious and can be fatal. IN comparison, a flu/cold isn't so terrible. I'm not trying to say that your phobia isn't a phobia. I understand that it must be terrifying for you, but just my idea is that if you do some research and think about viruses logically, maybe they won't scare you so much? Hope this helps at least a little.

 

[Willa]

Last year you had about the same problem, what did you do after people answered in the thread?
I assume they gave you a good advice : see a therapist sweetie

It would be the best for you to do in this case
You can't let your demons win over and over

http://www.specktra.net/forum/f211/w...y-life-122401/

 

[Simply Elegant]

What they'll probably do in therapy is warm you up to the idea of thinking about it, then see pictures and then end up caring fo someone who is feeling that way. It's all about baby steps.

 

[ForgetRegret]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chikky So now I'm feeling badly. I just feel bad that (while I kept it seemingly together, I think) I'm sure he wants someone to take care of him, and I canNOT do it. I can't. I'll already be a nervous, freaking out wreck for the next week or so until the 'able to be infected' time is up. And he won't disinfect his house. Ack!! That drives me nuts. How can I go there? Anyhow. I'm just feeling sort of like a failure. I feel so bad that I can't make myself go near him. (Though I did see him today briefly.) That I won't be comfortable around him or his house for weeks now. That I'll be terrified to tears for my family and I. That I can't be the caring person I'm sure he wants and needs.

Sweetie, try not to feel too bad about it...you obviously WANT to be there and care for him, but your phobia is keeping you from doing that...it isn't your fault. People are terrified by different things, and you can't always help yourself to overcome those things. I think the PP brought up a good idea about therapy...especially if you want to have children...kids are sick all the time, it's just part of life (especially with daycare).
For right now, though...I need to ask how serious you and your man are? I'd say that if you're really close, and pretty serious, you might want to just come right out and tell him why you haven't been around since he got sick...if he cares for you, I'm sure he'll understand. Once you've had that talk with him, bring up the fact that you'd be uncomfortable at his house even after he's better, if he doesn't disinfect things. Something as simple as washing sheets and pillow cases, and spraying down hard surfaces with Lysol would do wonders to disinfect the place.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck...and I really do hope that you can overcome (be it through therapy or personal determination) your fear...I know it's not an easy thing, but you can do it, it's just going to take time, and like PP said, baby steps. GL!

 

[aggrolounge]

I have the same problem.. and I just make sure I'm up front and vocal about it with whoever I'm dating. I'm quite sure he'll be understanding!

 

[Chikky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aggrolounge I have the same problem.. and I just make sure I'm up front and vocal about it with whoever I'm dating. I'm quite sure he'll be understanding!

Doesn't it suck?? My goodness, it drives me crazy sometimes.

Thanks everyone for the responses. I just feel guilty is all. It's been this way my entire life; my mom can attest. I love my family and him, but there is no getting around it! I can't deal.

And, uh, kids. That's a negative there. I don't even know that I can have them due to medical issues, and I'm not really sure that they're for me. (This phobia aside, though it does factor in. Personal, choice and all, heh, though I like kids.)

And I've done research (as much as I can stand to read about it.) (Oh, and 'v' is for vomit.) But it doesn't matter. No illness to me is as bad as anything that involves that. Nothing. I know people get over it. I don't care. It's the worst thing in the world. It's the same as people hating flying or heights or anything like that. Just a phobia.

Quote:

Last year you had about the same problem, what did you do after people answered in the thread?

Well, I felt better when people understood, that's for sure, hehe. Other than that? I stayed awAY from people with anything like this. Therapy is way too costly and I have way too many medical bills (still paying off the last surgery) and other life bills already. I can't let my insurance go up again, unfortunately.

Thanks again for the advice everyone.