I just want to die
- Thread starter Pascal
- Start date
Shimmer
Well-known member
There is no situation that is hopeless honey.
Are you going to counseling with clergy or no? Perhaps you can find a local clergy person with whom you can speak.
Right now you're in a hard place, the way your post reads; I don't think there's anything I can do to make it better but I can offer you an ear if you need to talk.
Good luck.
Are you going to counseling with clergy or no? Perhaps you can find a local clergy person with whom you can speak.
Right now you're in a hard place, the way your post reads; I don't think there's anything I can do to make it better but I can offer you an ear if you need to talk.
Good luck.
Sanne
Well-known member
I really sorry to hear all this, and there's only one thing I can advise you to do: GET HELP!
if you're feeling as low as you're describing, go see a psyciatrist (sp?) or someone you thrust and talk about your problems. Even though you can only see a grey sky right now, doesn't mean the sun isn't still shining.
I really hope you decide to fight and win, because the only thing you really own is your life, nothing more, nothing less!
Go get help as soon as possible! Do it now, or first thing tomorrow morning!
if you're feeling as low as you're describing, go see a psyciatrist (sp?) or someone you thrust and talk about your problems. Even though you can only see a grey sky right now, doesn't mean the sun isn't still shining.
I really hope you decide to fight and win, because the only thing you really own is your life, nothing more, nothing less!
Go get help as soon as possible! Do it now, or first thing tomorrow morning!
Vicky88
Well-known member
Don't say that honey, I know sometimes you can feel low and you're obviously feeling it constantly but you only get one life. Every minute of unhappiness is one minute of happiness that you will NEVER get back.
I really hope you will try and get some help, I know you go to councelling but maybe talk to your GP and get referred somewhere else. Are you on any kind of anti-depressant?
I feel like this a lot lately, I have no friends, I'm really overweight. I'm just lonely and I wish my life was everything that it's not. But I always look to the future and say that things will be ok 'cause I will take control of my life.
If you ever need to chat, please PM me or email me. I know you don't know me but I will listen to anything you have to say and help the best I can.
I really hope you will try and get some help, I know you go to councelling but maybe talk to your GP and get referred somewhere else. Are you on any kind of anti-depressant?
I feel like this a lot lately, I have no friends, I'm really overweight. I'm just lonely and I wish my life was everything that it's not. But I always look to the future and say that things will be ok 'cause I will take control of my life.
If you ever need to chat, please PM me or email me. I know you don't know me but I will listen to anything you have to say and help the best I can.
Pascal
Well-known member
thank you all for your kind words, but you see I am on PROZAC for my deppression and yeah it helps and I was going to counsilng every Thursday, but I don't like going anymore, I literally do not like the people in my group, and I highly doubt they like me. I have been in so many counsilng groups and tried to be there confessing what I feel with a bunch of other people but it doesn't help me at all. It's not because they are strangers it's just because I don't want to be there and then go home still upset. Usually I will go to counsiling and come out still upset.
ette
Well-known member
I feel the same a lot. When people say they are afraid of dying, I think "why?" sometimes I think it would be easier but than I realize how silly I am being. Life IS a struggle. For everyone on this earth, no matter if they are the Princess of Monaco or if they live on the street. Life is ups and downs, twists and turns, ins and outs. I feel worthless a lot but then think about the good times. You are in control. You are in the steering wheel. You have an incredible talent with makeup and you are very beautiful. Not only that, but you have a great ability to express your emotions. You should try to find someone to talk to, like a counselour, there are free places all over the place. People WANT to help you get out of this rut, even if they have just met you, they still want you to live. How else would there be 6 billion people on this world without the people that want to help? Hun you are not being selfish, everyone has thoughts like this and you are not alone on your journey through life. There will always be people standing on the sidelines to help, even if you don't know they are there yet. Please hun, if you ever need anything, know that we are here and that you are NOT alone.
janelle811
Well-known member
Hun, please don't try to hurt yourself again, it makes me so sad to hear that
Perhaps you should try going to a therapist, instead of group counseling. Also, if you find that the counselor isn't any good, don't be afraid to switch to somebody that you are comfortable with.
Also, the anti-depressant you are taking might not be the right one for you; you should try to talk to your doctor about other options. If they are unwilling to help, look for a doctor that is! Doctor's beliefs differ from each other; some believe in therapy, others just medication, and so on. Your doctors solution may not be the best one for you.
If you ever need to talk, you can message me, I'll gladly listen. I'm sure most other people on here would feel the same way, so if you ever feel really down, please reach out to us first!
Don't worry about feeling selfish, or annoying when it comes to something like this - YOU are what is important right now, and don't give up on trying to find yourself help.
Perhaps you should try going to a therapist, instead of group counseling. Also, if you find that the counselor isn't any good, don't be afraid to switch to somebody that you are comfortable with.
Also, the anti-depressant you are taking might not be the right one for you; you should try to talk to your doctor about other options. If they are unwilling to help, look for a doctor that is! Doctor's beliefs differ from each other; some believe in therapy, others just medication, and so on. Your doctors solution may not be the best one for you.
If you ever need to talk, you can message me, I'll gladly listen. I'm sure most other people on here would feel the same way, so if you ever feel really down, please reach out to us first!
Don't worry about feeling selfish, or annoying when it comes to something like this - YOU are what is important right now, and don't give up on trying to find yourself help.
bottleblack
Well-known member
If your counseling group isn't working for you, definitely look into another one! Find one that is a good match for your and keep your head up! Please update us on how you're doing!
Pink_minx
Well-known member
Life is to beautiful to miss out on it. I know you are probably going through hard times right now, just be strong and know that you wont be living with your parents for the rest of your life. Things will get better for you in the future. Yes there is so many challenges out there in life but you just got to face them and if you do make a mistake you will def. learn from it and do better from that. Trust me I know! You just have to keep your head up and surround yourself with ppl you are close with. Dont EVER give up your own life ok! stay strong.
moonrevel
Well-known member
Hon, trust me because I know what it's like to be where you are emotionally right now (without going into details, just trust me that I understand), and while it may seem hopeless and impossible now, things WILL get better. As someone who has gone through these kinds of things, has been through treatment (in and outpatient), and even has studied psychology I can tell you from experience....if you don't like group therapy, get an individual therapist and psychiatrist! Prozac DOES NOT work for everyone, and there are a million other drugs that will keep you safe while you can work on what's going on in your head, and you need a doctor who will listen to your medication needs, and a therapist who can just be focused on you in therapy and not worrying about group dynamics. Please PM me if you ever need to talk, because I know it's an incredibly difficult time, but you CAN get through it. You just need the right tools and the right people to help! *hugs*
giz2000
Well-known member
Quote:
Have you spoken to your MD about possibly changing your meds? Sometimes, meds stop being effective and you have to try something else. Hang in there, sweetie...you're going to be ok. {{{{hugs}}}}
| Originally Posted by Pascal thank you all for your kind words, but you see I am on PROZAC for my deppression and yeah it helps and I was going to counsilng every Thursday, but I don't like going anymore, I literally do not like the people in my group, and I highly doubt they like me. I have been in so many counsilng groups and tried to be there confessing what I feel with a bunch of other people but it doesn't help me at all. It's not because they are strangers it's just because I don't want to be there and then go home still upset. Usually I will go to counsiling and come out still upset. |
Have you spoken to your MD about possibly changing your meds? Sometimes, meds stop being effective and you have to try something else. Hang in there, sweetie...you're going to be ok. {{{{hugs}}}}
coachkitten
Well-known member
It really broke my heart to hear you write all of that! You are so supported here and I am glad that you wrote all your feelings down.
Maybe it would help if you could see a person one on one instead of in a group. I have found that those don't work for me at all and that I feel a lot better with it being just one on one.
You are such a beautiful person and I so always enjoy seeing your FOTDs and posts on Specktra. Even though we all really don't know each other too well you would have a lot of people on here that would miss seeing you around!
I really have been where you are and can really realate. I really hope that you read everything that people are saying on here and stay with us. You have such a talent for make-up and I am sure so many other things and the world would not be the same if you left us.
I will be thinking about you and hoping your week goes well!
Maybe it would help if you could see a person one on one instead of in a group. I have found that those don't work for me at all and that I feel a lot better with it being just one on one.
You are such a beautiful person and I so always enjoy seeing your FOTDs and posts on Specktra. Even though we all really don't know each other too well you would have a lot of people on here that would miss seeing you around!
I really have been where you are and can really realate. I really hope that you read everything that people are saying on here and stay with us. You have such a talent for make-up and I am sure so many other things and the world would not be the same if you left us.
I will be thinking about you and hoping your week goes well!
Pascal
Well-known member
Thank you all for your concern, I am doing much better today I do not like feeling like I want to die or that it's the end of the world, but sometimes when your so confused it seems like the only option at the time cause it is the easy way out. But I am still here alive I think about my past attempts of trying to take my own life and how I am still here I think that GOD doesn't want me yet and it is not my time to go, so he still wants me here. So I might as well try to make the best out of the day he gave me and just live it. I just don't know why it's so hard to think positively when I am feeling down and why things are so clouded when I am sad. Being deppressed teaches you so much about the human brain and why we do the things we do, I have been in so many counciling groups in the past year, I have been in groups with people as old as my grandmother and people as young as 16 years old, I just can't seem to fit in but oh well. I heard a saying once
" When you fit in with the rest of the world then there's something wrong" and that's totally me. I just cannot be that girl that is a follower I am a leader I don't do things just because the rest of the world does it. I guess I am just very lonely and when it comes to talking to an actual human being it gets difficult, with me not talking to my sister and all of my family living in the middle east it's very difficult, but as you all see I'm still hanging on.
Love you all
:loveya:
" When you fit in with the rest of the world then there's something wrong" and that's totally me. I just cannot be that girl that is a follower I am a leader I don't do things just because the rest of the world does it. I guess I am just very lonely and when it comes to talking to an actual human being it gets difficult, with me not talking to my sister and all of my family living in the middle east it's very difficult, but as you all see I'm still hanging on.
Love you all
:loveya:
coachkitten
Well-known member
Glad to see you post today!
Hope today is going better!
janelle811
Well-known member
Quote:
You are completely right!! Not only does everybody on specktra care about you, but God does too!
I know it's really difficult with depression too- I totally believe that it is not something that you can just snap out of, but I think it really is like being sick, like if you got a flu or something, but in a different way (if that makes sense). So, when you feel like you are having trouble talking to people, it's not your fault, but right now it is just hard w/ your depression.
Ok, in case if that made no sense, basically I'm just saying that you seem like a great person, and that I think that you will get better
| Pascal: But I am still here alive I think about my past attempts of trying to take my own life and how I am still here I think that GOD doesn't want me yet and it is not my time to go, so he still wants me here. |
You are completely right!! Not only does everybody on specktra care about you, but God does too!
I know it's really difficult with depression too- I totally believe that it is not something that you can just snap out of, but I think it really is like being sick, like if you got a flu or something, but in a different way (if that makes sense). So, when you feel like you are having trouble talking to people, it's not your fault, but right now it is just hard w/ your depression.
Ok, in case if that made no sense, basically I'm just saying that you seem like a great person, and that I think that you will get better
Hawkeye
Well-known member
Hmm. This sounds all too familiar to me. Mainly because-I was once there.
Not in your exact situation of course. I just kind of secretly wished it would all end.
Everyone goes through something like this. But it is this hard stuff that makes you someone very very special. I know it seems like lipservice eh? Well as most folks on this board know by now I tell people exactly what I'm thinking.
But I know it's hard. I can tell you what pulled me out was the silliest thing. I happened to be sitting there feeling isolated and alone and then some stupid TV show from Disney channel came on (and yes I was 21 at the time lawd have mercy) and it was called Buffalo Dreams.
Well I had no friends at the time and my parents they didnt understand my isolation so I watched it and the way of life it seemed...perfect.
So I began studying and suddenly i had this craving to learn as much as I could about every philosophy. And the more I read about them the more I realized that well I was pretty damn stupid.
It is only when you are at rock bottom that you have to go inside yourself and if you can find even a miniscule of hope to hold on to, that is the definition of self strength.
I know you are a strong person and its not fair you got thrown in this situation. I know a friend of mine who takes paxil daily and shes the most depressing person I know-maybe your on the wrong medicine, maybe you might want to read books to help you ease your pain like I did with books on wisdom, or maybe you may want to write your feelings out like you did here, or find another group or person to talk to.
Groups they are hard to talk to. I know. But you're strong you can take this on. And just remember-you're at rock bottom now babe, it can only go up from here.
Not in your exact situation of course. I just kind of secretly wished it would all end.
Everyone goes through something like this. But it is this hard stuff that makes you someone very very special. I know it seems like lipservice eh? Well as most folks on this board know by now I tell people exactly what I'm thinking.
But I know it's hard. I can tell you what pulled me out was the silliest thing. I happened to be sitting there feeling isolated and alone and then some stupid TV show from Disney channel came on (and yes I was 21 at the time lawd have mercy) and it was called Buffalo Dreams.
Well I had no friends at the time and my parents they didnt understand my isolation so I watched it and the way of life it seemed...perfect.
So I began studying and suddenly i had this craving to learn as much as I could about every philosophy. And the more I read about them the more I realized that well I was pretty damn stupid.
It is only when you are at rock bottom that you have to go inside yourself and if you can find even a miniscule of hope to hold on to, that is the definition of self strength.
I know you are a strong person and its not fair you got thrown in this situation. I know a friend of mine who takes paxil daily and shes the most depressing person I know-maybe your on the wrong medicine, maybe you might want to read books to help you ease your pain like I did with books on wisdom, or maybe you may want to write your feelings out like you did here, or find another group or person to talk to.
Groups they are hard to talk to. I know. But you're strong you can take this on. And just remember-you're at rock bottom now babe, it can only go up from here.
lovejam
Well-known member
I was you once. Exactly you. Family life and all. On medication, in group therapy... None of it seemed to work. And, like you, I wanted to give up. And tried, more than once.
But, you have to understand that it does get better. If I could go back and talk to myself as a teenager, I'd let her know that it's not hopeless. Things do get better, if you let them, and if you're willing to work for it. It took me years, YEARS, to learn how to be happy. But, I did it. You can do it, too.
Start by going to a therapist who will see only you. Group might not be working because you need someone who will focus only on you. I never liked having to wait my turn, or having to talk about my problems in front of other people. Once I got into one-on-one therapy, I could really start working on it.
But, unfortunately, for a long time I was sort of trying to stay depressed. I was at once afraid of being "normal," and afraid that I wouldn't like the person I became once I got better. But, I worked hard, and now I'm great. Life is fantastic, and even if it does get boring sometimes, I love it.
You really need to try a different medication, too. Some people have to go through quite a few before they land on the one that works best for them. Prozac is obviously not working for you. So, talk to whomever prescribes it, and ask to try another. Keep trying until one works.
Don't give up. It might seem easy to give up, but it's not. And it's not worth it, either. You get one life, so you have to work hard to make that life good. If you end it now, you don't get another try. That's it. There's nothing after that. You don't want death. Death is oblivion. Death is nothing. You want relief, and I'm sorry to tell you, but relief takes work.
I'm sorry if any of this offends you. I read your post and I got a clear image of my teenage self in my head. This is everything I wish someone else would have told me back then. Or, maybe they did, and I just didn't want to listen. Please listen. People care about you. Your life matters. Your existence has a point, you just haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Never give up.
But, you have to understand that it does get better. If I could go back and talk to myself as a teenager, I'd let her know that it's not hopeless. Things do get better, if you let them, and if you're willing to work for it. It took me years, YEARS, to learn how to be happy. But, I did it. You can do it, too.
Start by going to a therapist who will see only you. Group might not be working because you need someone who will focus only on you. I never liked having to wait my turn, or having to talk about my problems in front of other people. Once I got into one-on-one therapy, I could really start working on it.
But, unfortunately, for a long time I was sort of trying to stay depressed. I was at once afraid of being "normal," and afraid that I wouldn't like the person I became once I got better. But, I worked hard, and now I'm great. Life is fantastic, and even if it does get boring sometimes, I love it.
You really need to try a different medication, too. Some people have to go through quite a few before they land on the one that works best for them. Prozac is obviously not working for you. So, talk to whomever prescribes it, and ask to try another. Keep trying until one works.
Don't give up. It might seem easy to give up, but it's not. And it's not worth it, either. You get one life, so you have to work hard to make that life good. If you end it now, you don't get another try. That's it. There's nothing after that. You don't want death. Death is oblivion. Death is nothing. You want relief, and I'm sorry to tell you, but relief takes work.
I'm sorry if any of this offends you. I read your post and I got a clear image of my teenage self in my head. This is everything I wish someone else would have told me back then. Or, maybe they did, and I just didn't want to listen. Please listen. People care about you. Your life matters. Your existence has a point, you just haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Never give up.
