I need some advice

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

And I am not getting it from anyone else! I figured here is a good place, with sooo many people here, Someone has to have some sound advice.


Heres my story, Im sorry if this turns out really long.

I am 24, I live with my mom because I had my own place, but My boyfriend and I decided to move back with our parents until his business gets off the ground, that we we could save money, not have to worry about expenses.

Ok on with my problem.

My mom is engaged, which is great but her Fiance lives in Wales (UK) .Shes is planning on moving over there, which would be fine with me , except, my moms sister (my aunt) is handicapped, she is paralyzed from the waist down, she has no use of her fingers, so she can't do a whole lot, She lives (and has lived) with my grandma and grandpa her whole life. They take care of her. Now there is A LOT of drama involved with that side of the family because they expect EVERYTHING from EVERYONE. My mom is basically moving to escape them, and leaving me behind to pick up the pieces. When she leaves , its gonna be all up to me to take care of everyone because although they can afford to, They refuse to hire any kind of help. They say that everyone is "untrustworthy" I am 25 years old! I still have my entire life ahead of me, I don't feel its fair that I should have to drop everything to constantly be there. All of my other aunts and uncles are no help at all. One moved north, the other leeches off my grandmother, yet does nothing to ever help them out what so ever.

My boyfriend has an established business here in town, and we can't really re-locate like the rest. I can go by myself to live with my dad, find a job in his city, and get my own apartment there, He lives in the California desert (per say) and land is much cheaper out there, so I could afford to live in an apartment on my own. My problem is , having a long distance relationship would be extremely difficult on me.

My complete issue, Do I stay here, to remain at my family's every beck and call, so that I can stay close to my boyfriend, OR do I move away, to escape all the drama I don't need in my life, by then adding another case of having a difficult time not being able to see my boyfriend of 6 years. ?


also I wanted to add, am I being selfish ? Its not that I don't want to Help out with my family, but this is more than helping out, Its basically not being able to have a steady job because I get screamed at if I am not able to be somewhere at a certain time.

someone Help!!

 

[Raerae]

Well... When your Mom moves out, you need a new place right? Is your boyfriend ready to move into your own place again? Or does he still want to live with his parents?

I would do what makes the best sense financially. So Cal is expensive... But on the other hand, if your open to living in cities like LA and Long Beach, there are cheaper places you can find. And another benefit of So Cal, is, you can find jobs that pay decent $20.00+ an hour, that don't require college degree's, as long as you have a little computer smarts (Word, Excel, Powperpoint, etc), are a quick learner, and can interview well.

You could also look into getting a 2 bedroom apartment, and picking up a roommate, be that a friend, or a random person. This way, your $1200-$1400/mo rent is split in 1/2 with the roommate, and then in 1/2 again between you and your boyfriend. $350/mo is dirt cheap for an apartment. And since your roommate is your boyfriend, you'd be sharing the room with him anyways. So you save a few hundred bucks right there. And if the roommate ever has to move out, $700/mo isn't really that bad to pay until you find another (i pay $875 for my 1 bedroom by myself). If anything, finding a good job in So-Cal, would allow you to move out, and save MORE money, then working a cheaper paying job in a small town out in the desert.

As far as the family. I'd say, let them deal with their own problems. Just because your someone's granddaughter/niece, doesn't obligate you to be their servant. Once they realise that all the free labor (family) has moved away because they are tired or being taken advantage of, they will hire the help they need. You said yourself, they can pay for it if they wanted. Just up until now, they haven't had a reason to pay for anyone.

 

[Beauty Mark]

If they're really expecting you to act as live-in nurse, just don't do it. Even if you live near them, what's the worst they can do? Live your life for yourself. If you like where you live and have no real reason to leave, don't!

 

[MxAxC-_ATTACK]

so what i need to do is grow some balls .. lol

 

[Jacq-i]

Essentially, yes...

I agree with Raerae and Beauty Mark. If your family needed the help, but couldn't afford it, then I'd understand... But since that's not the problem, I don't think you should tie yourself down to them.

Whether you get your own apartment in your town, or move to the city, you need to take care of yourself.

It isn't selfish to take care of yourself, don't let anyone tell you it is.

Good luck!

 

[glamqueen1]

Yep! it's time to start saying NO! (start practicing: nonononono) I think your family is really rude and selfish asking so much of you. Sometimes people misbehave towards other people because they can, and because no-one told them they can't! Sadly, I wouldn't expect them to come to any bright conclusions, they seem to have a lack of self-awareness. Just make sure you think of yourself here. (no-one else does)