i need some help...

[Courtney <3]

this morning, my boyfriend, mom, and i went out and about. my boyfriend got a call from one of his very best friends saying that his grandpa had passed away. now my boyfriend is very very close to his grandfather. he bought him his first car, and another car when he graduated high school, and helped raise him growing up. after having my mom rush me and him to his grandparents house, we realize we had a communication error. it wasnt his grandpa who passed, but one of his uncles.
needless to say we were glad that it wasnt grandpa, but now we are still faced with the death of a family member. my boyfriend is still very upset, as is expected.
what im worried about is how to help him. i called into work this evening because i didnt want to leave him. right now he is asleep, but when he wakes up, i wont know what to say or do.

has anyone ever gone through something similar? any advice on how to stay strong for him and help him?

 

[littlepickle]

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's Uncle. The best thing you can do for him is just be there for him, be available for him to talk to and let him know you're there for him with a big hug and a listening ear whenever he needs it.
Big hugs and I'm thinking of you, I've been your position before and it can be hard, but you'll be okay!

 

[Courtney <3]

Thanks for replying. It means sooo very much to me. i just feel so bad for him, he keeps waking up from nightmares hes having.
My parents are also helping, since im only 17 and i still live with them, theyre letting him just stay here.
I just hope I can stay strong enough for the both of us.

 

[obscuria]

Sorry to hear about this.

It's hard dealing with death, but you just have to let a person go through their own grieving process but reassure them that you are there for them and will support them through the difficult time.

I've lost some really good friends throughout the years, what helped me through the difficult times was that the people around me gave me some space so I could grieve, but still made it very clear that they were there for me.

 

[dreamscapemess]

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlepickle I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's Uncle. The best thing you can do for him is just be there for him, be available for him to talk to and let him know you're there for him with a big hug and a listening ear whenever he needs it. Big hugs and I'm thinking of you, I've been your position before and it can be hard, but you'll be okay!

Absolutely agree. I went through the same thing, minus the miscommunication and it was with my dad, not my boyfriend.
(I guess that's not really the same thing then, huh?)
My dad heard really late one night that his mom had passed, and he was extremely close with her. So was I, towards the end. All I could do was let him know I was there for him. It's the reminder they need that they'll get through the tragedy. To this day, my dad still thanks me for being there. He was a wreck, but neither of us can imagine how much worse he would've been without that support system.
I think I can speak on behalf of all of Specktra when I say this: condolences to your boyfriend, and if YOU are ever in need of that support, you've got an army of MAC lovers behind you.

I hope things get better <3

 

[LMD84]

i'm so sorry that you guys are going though something like this. i had to go through it with my husband twice because he lost both his grand mothers. honestly the only thing i did was make sure that i didn't give him any extra stress, making sure he knew i was there to talk to and be a shoulder to cry on, and i left him alone for a little while. my hubby prefers to deal with things on his own rather than have me contantly checking he's ok. big hugs for you both

 

[Courtney <3]

Thank you so much everyone.
Even though i've never met any of you, i feel like i have a bunch of friends ready and willing to help me if i need it.
he's doing better today, he's staying with his family, and im on standby in case any of them need anything.

thanks again for all of the kind words.

 

[purrtykitty]

So sorry to hear. I agree with what has already been posted. Just let him know you're there for him and his family. Maybe you and your mom can take over a casserole with a card for his family. Little things like that really help through tough times.

 

[kdemers1221]

i know what you're going through. my boyfriend's mom died last august and his dad died when he was 8. needless say he's alone on the parent front. its extremely difficult dealing with death. the best you can do is be understanding and let him know you're there for him. remember that any anger or distance he might have isn't because of you but his emotions. don't take anything too personal. he might not want to talk about so don't pry just be available for if and when he decides he's ready to discuss it. being supportive is the key. it'll be hard at first but as time goes on the pain lessens.

 

[kaliraksha]

I'm sorry to hear this and that you guys are going through this =(

While I haven't done this for my boyfriend, I have done it for others and my boyfriend has had to do it for me. I say just let them grieve and if possible make sure they remember to take care of themselves. I was really bad about feeding myself, I didn't care to eat anything. It cheered me up a little when my boyfriend took me to my favorite place to eat. He may get busy with his family and you should just let him dictate how he wants to grieve and try to be supportive of what he feels will help him.

Given how concerned you are right now about being there for him I know you will be comforting and probably just what he needs.