i need someone to hear me out

[Post Modern]

I'm posting this because it is been something that has been bothering me for quite sometime and I hope you gals can give me some advice or hear me out on my situation.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we been living together for 15 months . He has been an awesome boyfriend ,so sweet and all but our sex life has gone downhill for about a year. He never is in the mood,always tired or doesn't even try anything. Where at first he was the affctionate one now I"m the one that's showing him all the love. We have open communication I think,and I've asked him but he thinks nothing is wrong. I feel like I am being demanding but ,I dunno ,I have started to worry about him being with someone else or interested in someone else. He hasn't show signs of that...
I know he works hard we are paying a lot of money for our apt and he is working two jobs with no days off. We don't go out anymore and it seems like we don't have time for each other.

 

[fuzz]

Well iv been married for 5 years and my husband and i do it almost every other day.But when he works many hours and hes drained and tired hes not in the mood very much and i find we do it maybe once a week.Maybe ur bf is just tried from working two jobs and so it effects his mood.

 

[florabundance]

It sounds like he's tired but definitely not of you lol. It's hard with work and bills to pay, but that's just real stuff. The trick is finding time to be sweet and intimate with eachother...whether it's just a matter of a few minutes together to chill. But don't pressure him, because chances are he'll just get the wrong impression or view it as nagging as opposed to how you intend it ie, that you're missing him.
It'll take some work, but things will return to normal eventually

so dont worry!

 

[Post Modern]

thank you and i know it will get better between eventually ,I am trying to make sure he knows i'm there for him no matter what. It worries me though and this might affect our relationship because he tends to question me,if i'm happy with him and I am of course.

I hope it will get better soon.
thanks for the replies ,it makes me feel a lot better

 

[jjjenko]

This is exactly what happened to me and my boyfriend. The sex was really good for about 2 years and now it's gone extremely downhill. He never wants to do it anymore, and when we do it, he's lazy. We talked about it,and he says he's going to try harder, but there hasn't been any improvement. He's says hes always tired, and not in the mood. I think I'm going to ask him to start taking horny goat weed to help him get his sex drive back.

 

[kimmy]

if you're always wanting sex when you know he isn't in the mood, i can't blame him for asking if you're happy with him. he's working two jobs, and that can be really rough on a person physically and mentally...i'd just give it time if i were you, and not pressure anything. i can definately understand you wanting it and being a little upset that you're not getting it as often as you want, but try to put yourself in his shoes.

 

[TISH1124]

I swear I wish i had this problem sometimes, for real...My dh works more hours than ever....If he worked 23hrs he would for go the one hour of sleeping or eating just to have sex....I know be careful what you wish for but damn...I swear once a week would be a damn blessing for me!

But there are other men I know that work reallywears them down and they just want to relax...My dh requires very little sleep so it doesn't bother him...Maybe he needs to be taking vitamins to keep up with his schedule and eating hi-protein foods for energy. Poor Diet can really affect your energy level....fast food is a killer

 

[Post Modern]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kimmy if you're always wanting sex when you know he isn't in the mood, i can't blame him for asking if you're happy with him. he's working two jobs, and that can be really rough on a person physically and mentally...i'd just give it time if i were you, and not pressure anything. i can definately understand you wanting it and being a little upset that you're not getting it as often as you want, but try to put yourself in his shoes.

I do put myself in his shoes and I know he is stressed,just like I am too. We both are working hard to keep up with the expenses and making a lil extra for ourselves(shoes for him and make-up for me) and I am giving him time too. I don't constantly hassle him.I know that I shouldn't pressure him. I guess guys are so different than us , because we seem to balance our lives and make room for everything and everyone.

Yea I 'm trying not to be demanding and thanks for all hearing me out...

 

[Post Modern]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjjenko This is exactly what happened to me and my boyfriend. The sex was really good for about 2 years and now it's gone extremely downhill. He never wants to do it anymore, and when we do it, he's lazy. We talked about it,and he says he's going to try harder, but there hasn't been any improvement. He's says hes always tired, and not in the mood. I think I'm going to ask him to start taking horny goat weed to help him get his sex drive back.

well at least i'm not alone on this and let me know how the horny goat weed works:lmaoo
j/k

 

[xxManBeaterxx]

Man that aint good, you gotta have hot kinky sex atleast every 2-4weeks. When your that busy in life, its not the amount of sex that matters, its the quality of it, when it does happen it should be fucking amazing.

My husband works a lot, we have kids, and i go to school and work, but hey we try. Emotionally we have that desire, but were physically exhausted... I remember once it took him forever to get it up, and when finally did and he got started pumping, it just went back down again 2 minutes later, i was like wth, err... we should just go to sleep LOL. It happens often.

 

[kaliraksha]

That happened with my boyfriend after living together for 4 years. We started majorly slowing down and all the lust was coming from me and that was totally new to me and frightening. I went through the same thoughts, but the truth is his time was all accounted for and I knew he didn't have the time to be cheating on me.

Use that open communication with him and be more direct. Tell him you're unhappy with your sex life and tell him it's a two way street and you both need to work on it. Tell him it has to change in order for you to stay happy. With that, sometimes the spark dies... put a little effort into it. Once, I went two and a half weeks without sex... that is a freaking era for my boyfriend and me ... but I decided to take things into my own hands... I figured if I wanted sex well then I would work for it. So I did the whole lingerie and heels and that one single act sparked our sex life for a quite a while... it's like I invigorated his imagination and occasionally he asks when I will dress up again, but I'm saving it for another slump.

 

[TheDiesel]

Sounds exactly like my relationship (except he only works 1 job and goes to school the other part). I know how frustrating it can be.

Quote:

Use that open communication with him and be more direct. Tell him you're unhappy with your sex life and tell him it's a two way street and you both need to work on it. Tell him it has to change in order for you to stay happy.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. And my fiance and I are actually going to be talking about this tonight.

 

[MissResha]

i'm going thru this exact same bullshit. yes im calling it bullshit. i'm bitter. i'm starting to resent my b/f. lack of sex affects my mood, and lately i've been really snappy. he needs to give it up.

ugh.

 

[TheDiesel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha i'm going thru this exact same bullshit. yes im calling it bullshit. i'm bitter. i'm starting to resent my b/f. lack of sex affects my mood, and lately i've been really snappy. he needs to give it up. ugh.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one giving the same response. Anyone know the best way to talk to an SO about this stuff?

 

[kaliraksha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDiesel I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one giving the same response. Anyone know the best way to talk to an SO about this stuff?

Well when I did it... as much as I wanted to... I refrained from blaming him. I think men in particular let their egos get really hurt when it comes to not satisfying someone in bed. I basically told him I wish we were having more of it and that both of us needed to work on it, or I couldn't be happy or stay in a relationship that didn't have a healthy sex life. I made sure to try to split the blame and say that we were both busy, distracted, tired, etc... but we have to make time for things we enjoy. I also went a little psychology on him and told him it would help our relationship to feel more connected/intimate and that it would help with stress. He wholeheartedly agreed and basically told me he just got into a cycle of thinking "tomorrow will be better." It was strange for me to realize that my boyfriend seemed more disappointed in himself than I was. That particular subject is a really big blow to a guy's ego and you have to handle it gently and know that you can do everything right in this convo and he's probably still going to be a little hurt.

We've always had date night on Thursdays and that helps a lot... because it's one night when we get dressed up, go out, and try to learn new stuff about each other (which is hard after 7 years). I like it because it has a built in sex time. Date night is also great because it's quality time spent instead of quantity, which is great if all you have every week is a few hours to see each other.

 

[Post Modern]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaliraksha T Once, I went two and a half weeks without sex... that is a freaking era for my boyfriend and me ... but I decided to take things into my own hands... I figured if I wanted sex well then I would work for it. So I did the whole lingerie and heels and that one single act sparked our sex life for a quite a while... it's like I invigorated his imagination and occasionally he asks when I will dress up again, but I'm saving it for another slump.

Thank you,I appreciate this advice because it is a two way street and we need to work on it together for both of us to be happy.

 

[Post Modern]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissResha i'm going thru this exact same bullshit. yes im calling it bullshit. i'm bitter. i'm starting to resent my b/f. lack of sex affects my mood, and lately i've been really snappy. he needs to give it up. ugh.

Thank you ,Thank you for your response!!!
I was feeling kinda guilty and I believe I am being a supportive girlfriend for understanding,but I got needs!!

 

[pumpkincat210]

I know where you are coming from. Working two jobs just to make ends meet is brutal! I remember working alot of overtime and falling asleep on the 5 minute ride home when my husband picked me up! Definitely designate a free time that both of you can be together uninterrupted and just be together.. have sex, talk, eat, laugh, just mesh! Talk to him when he isn't too tired or stressed out. If you are sure he's not cheating he'll respond well to your idea.