I never feel like I am truly happy and at peace

[SagMaria]

Haven't posted here in a long time, glad to be back....

It just feels lately that I don't feel happy, something always feels off. I am always worried, down....but not severley depressed or anything...issues with me family are bothering me...my family and I haven't had a 100 % perfect relationship, in fact at time it was very bad. Thing were done and said but I guess the past is the past and I don't want to go rehashing the whole story. Anyways it seems know I just cannot get close to my family.

I feel so awkward around my mom and dad, like I can't show my true self, I don't know how long it's been since I told them I love them and I do but I just can't seem to get my words and feelings out of my mouth. I'd like to be closer but I am at a loss on where to start, I don't know what to do or say.

I always worry about them too, like something will happen and I'll be crushed as I cannot live without them.

I feel like I am crazy or something. I think this has to do somewhat with my anxiety that I have, but it feels like my whole life is a mess and I would like to be closer to my family, happier, have less worries....

Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone in the same boat? I do love to read so if anyone could recommend a really good self-help book that would be great. I appreciate it guys.

 

[Beauty Mark]

With your family, if you want to get closer to them, having a cup of tea with your parents and just chatting about life can help sometimes. It doesn't have to be elaborate, just simple actions and conversation are helpful.

For me, I realized my father will always choose his girlfriend, so I decided to choose myself. Being around them and trying to foster a relationship just plain wasn't working. I'm very lucky, though, because I have two friends whose families have sort of taken me in. It isn't the same, but it's better than nothing.

Even though I'm still really hurt by my father and it's a constant struggle, I do have occasional feelings of regret and sadness... He almost died (had emergency open heart surgery) in August, so despite everything, I do love him. I think that's what makes it hard, you love someone who lets you down and hurts you.

As for being happy, indulge yourself in a hobby or passion of yours. We're happiest when we're involved in something we love.

I also find having a good friend to talk to helps immensely. It doesn't matter if they don't 100% empathize, but just having someone listen and check up on you from time to time means so much.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[fillintheblank]

I don't really know your situation and I don't know if you'd be open to the idea, because for a long time I wasn't but I was also very unfufilled, but have you thought about prayer? sometimes just telling God what your feeling and asking him to take control of those feelings in order to bring peace to your life does so much for people. I don't know what your beliefs are, but when I read your post it reminded me of myself and one day I just decided to let go of the doubt I felt and gave in and asked God to help and knowing that He is always there and having faith has made me a much happier more positive person. I hope you can find peace too.

 

[laguayaca]

I find myself in the same boat some times and it is such a lonely place! I understand the feeling of wanting to say something but not being able to push your words out. I think it is an important part to put yourself first sometimes and to love yourself. Like Fillintheblank said God can give you great peace. I find that when I try to fix it I do nothing so thats when I turn to my knees and take it to the Lord in prayer sometimes your heart has to just let go. I have had a lot of messed up moments in my life. Somedays are harder than others but you cant let that rule your life girl! You must let go trully forgive and Love as best you can! Perhaps not speaking but showing love with a card or even a simple hug. I hope this helps! Just know you are not alone my dear!

 

[faithhopelove24]

The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer is an awesome book. it's Life changing

(actually anything she writes is helpful...)

 

[pumpkincat210]

I think part of human nature is not to be totally at peace. We are always striving for something better and that is what keeps us going in life.
I would first try to get closer to your family. I know it is difficult but try to be yourself. Spend more time with them and show them what you like to do. They probably would really like it if you told them you loved them too. Sometimes I feel awkward telling my parents I love them too, but i feel better after i've said it. It brings some closure to me.
Sorry I don't know of any self help books but if your anxiety is persistent and doesn't go away soon i'd consider speaking to a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist. You might have generalized anxiety disorder or depression and a medication could help you alot. I have both disorders and i'm on klonopin for when i get really anxious. I use it on an as needed basis. It really knocks away the anxiety without making me drowsy or out of it.
Good luck and remember things aren't as bad as they seem. Talking to people really helps alot and try not to keep your feeling bottled up!

 

[MACHOMULA]

Having a relationship with God doesn't make life easy by any means, but it's the only way I know to find true peace. I believe it makes the difference in all relationships (parents, husband, friends, etc.).