I really need some sound advices.. ( and thanks in advance )

[xxainixx]

i'm faced with a unusual problem. ( oh btw, this is a relationship problem )


you see. i knew this guy about 4 months ago. and dint really though too much of it.. until he invited me over to his house one day. and from then on.. i practically *stayed* with him.. but the thing is.. though we do things couples do.. cuddle and such.. he have a girlfriend.

when i found out about this.. i asked him.. and he said that ours was a fling relationship. at that point of time, i wasnt very much in love with him so i said ok than.but inside,i hurt a little.. it's tough being with someone for almost everyday and have the person say they *dont really like you* but i just shrug it off..


about a month passed. he broke up with his then-girlfriend. but still.. he just wouldnt * ask me to be his girlfriend* granted , he didnt like me enough to be his girlfriend( words from his mouth )

we drifted apart... than one day, he started to invite me back to his home again. and i had a chat with his mother when he was asleep.


his mother told him to just CHOOSE 1 girl. and stop being such a flirt. and apparently, his mum told me that he chose me because he broke up with the other girl.

i can also see that he likes me more because i use to call him more last time and now, he'll be the one calling me out and such.


IM SICK AND TIRED of this.. he still has not asked me to be his girlfriend.. clearly, i've fallen in love with him despite me telling myself not to.

what should i do?

I thought of giving him a finale... either you take me as a girlfriend or we're quits.


give me some advices pls.. im really at crossroads
​

ps. i tried my best to summarize it... so it's a short version.. i dont have the energy to type every single detail out

 

[benzito_714]

i think it would be best to slowly and surely let this thing go. yeah it sounds nice to hear his mom say that he chose you because he broke up with the girlfriend but those are her feelings NOT his! he has let you know on different occasions that you are not 'special' enough to be his girl and that's cool because you are special enough to be someone else's.
he seems indecisive, a little immature, and above all conceited. you can do better, love yourself and for your sanity-leave him.

 

[MACATTAK]

If he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, chances are he will do the same to you. Relationships built on lies probably won't work out in the long run. It's also not flattering to be someone's second choice. You deserve someone who wants you as their first choice. Don't lower yourself for someone whose basically outright telling you he's a jerk.

 

[xlakatex]

I agree with the above statements

good luck and keep us posted.

 

[user79]

He cheated on his ex gf with you. What makes you think he won't cheat on you with the next best thing that comes along? Honestly, he sounds like he's just using you...

I'd get out of that one right quick.

 

[SkylarV217]

I agree he doesn't sound like a good relationship for you to be in . Always remember "If he'll do it for you, he'll do it to you."- Ie if he'll lie for you, he'll lie to you. If he'll cheat for you, he'll cheat on you..... While you may think you like him .... he has a bad record and he'll hurt you in the end .

 

[Simply Elegant]

I agree with everyone else. It seems like he's using you. And who knows, maybe his girlfriend broke up with him and he had you as his next choice. This guy doesn't seem right for you because he doesn't value you as his first choice and he's already shown you what he'll do, like cheating.

 

[GlossyAbby]

I agree with everything above.. I say cut your losses and run from this guy

 

[Beauty Mark]

He doesn't sound like a winner... However, if you're still willing to give him a chance (people can change... I'm not entirely a believer that a cheater is always a cheater), you need to have an honest conversation with him about this relationship

 

[talste]

He sounds like a class act, I say follow the general consensus, forget about him, perhaps go work on your self esteem a little, then find a guy that knows how to treat a lady.

 

[kimmy]

if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

i don't think he's really shown you that he's a bang up guy and he's given you enough signs that he isn't worth it. you might think you love him now, but those feelings will fade with time and you'll be better off just cutting your losses and getting away from him as soon as you can..

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx i practically *stayed* with him.. but the thing is.. though we do things couples do.. cuddle and such.. he have a girlfriend. when i found out about this.. i asked him.. and he said that ours was a fling relationship

Well, like all the girls above said, how can you trust that a person? If he has a gf and hooks with you? Its not only about “cheated once will cheat again” but about his state of mind. He takes this as a normal thing, staying with someone for a while, then letting know he has a gf. I was really shocked to read this, its like “I have a gf but you stay with me aswell?” Wtf.


Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx but still.. he just wouldnt * ask me to be his girlfriend* granted , he didnt like me enough to be his girlfriend( words from his mouth )

I’m sorry to be harsh, I don’t wanna be, but if he told you this, that’s it. This guy sounds weird to me, just talking such things. But that’s it basicly. What can you do if he said he doesn’t like you enough to be his girlfriend? What, he wants you to “earn” his liking you? Or its just like “I don’t like you enough, but come stay with me once in a while”? I’m sorry to say so, but after he told you a thing like that, I would suggest quitting all that just for your self-respect. Do you really need a guy like that?



Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx IM SICK AND TIRED of this.. he still has not asked me to be his girlfriend.. clearly, i've fallen in love with him despite me telling myself not to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx what should i do? I thought of giving him a finale... either you take me as a girlfriend or we're quits.

If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he would have asked you already. Stop wasting your time, your emotions, your tears on this guy. Why you have to basicly ask him to take you as a gf? Im sorry sweetie, you say you’ve fallen in love with him, but IMO its better and easier to finish it now
. Cause if you two stay together, you gonna fall for him more and more, and he gonna hurt you more and more. That’s nothing wrong about you, that’s just hime being a flirt, a home-made Casanova or whoever. But such guys hardly change, and if they do, it takes a lot of time. What should you do, is not to waste time over him, and find a nice guy. Let him know you’re not the type to act like that with, tell him you’re sick of it, and break up this “fling”

I'm sorry if i sounded rude or harsh. His behavior is just unacceptable, You're not a toy. and you have feelings and self-respect aswell. He takes it way too easy.

 

[xxainixx]

thanks for all the advices girls

it's just that.... i've been with him almost everyday for months! it's almost become routine...


the thought of not being with him just...

i'm already heartbroken because it;s really hurtful to really love someone who doesnt feel the same way..

i... it's really confusing

 

[user79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxainixx thanks for all the advices girls it's just that.... i've been with him almost everyday for months! it's almost become routine... the thought of not being with him just... i'm already heartbroken because it;s really hurtful to really love someone who doesnt feel the same way.. i... it's really confusing

But it's better to have some heartbreak now because you are missing him, than be heartbroken later if he dumps you or decideds to see other women on the side or cheat on you.

 

[talste]

hmmm, Here's a few things to ponder,

1. Are you in love with him or in love with the 'idea of being in love'?

2. when you mention the thought of not being with him, Is it the thought of not being with him specifically or the thought of being alone that upsets you?

3. The (one sided) "relationship" only lasted a few months, in the whole scheme of things a few months really goes by in the blink of an eye and is not very long at all.

I still say forget about him, use your new found free time to do something you enjoy & live and learn.

Take away knowledge from this relationship & don’t make the same mistakes next time.

You'll be fine.

 

[xxainixx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by talste hmmm, Here's a few things to ponder, 1. Are you in love with him or in love with the 'idea of being in love'? 2. when you mention the thought of not being with him, Is it the thought of not being with him specifically or the thought of being alone that upsets you? 3. The (one sided) "relationship" only lasted a few months, in the whole scheme of things a few months really goes by in the blink of an eye and is not very long at all. I still say forget about him, use your new found free time to do something you enjoy & live and learn. Take away knowledge from this relationship & don’t make the same mistakes next time. You'll be fine.

no. 1

im pretty sure im love with him

2. the thought of not being with him.. being alone is *ok* to me it's just that without him....



thanks honey for your encouragement!

 

[kaliraksha]

The only thing I see repeatedly in what you described is that he doesn't really seem to care about you. For me that's enough to let a mate go. Beyond what he did to his ex and the possibility of it happening to you he doesn't show you that he wants you or cares about you in his life.

I know it's easier said than done... but don't waste your tears on someone that won't cry for you. Unrequited love hurts like a b!tch... but love yourself more than you love him.