I want to move out but my parents dont want me to

[iio]

I'm planning to move out into a house with my bf and 4 other roomates. BUT my parents dont want me to go. My dad said that I should wait until I finish college (I'm 20 yrs. old by the way) and that I shouldnt move out because I would have to worry about bills (haha). As for my mom, she said that she will be lonely and that she will miss me (but I will only be living 10-15 min away).

I not sure if they are understanding me, but the main reason I want to do this is because I want to be independent. I'm glad I have parents that want me to stay and I think its great cause I could probably save more money but I think its time for me to go on my own. It may be a struggle but I think I can grow from that and become more responsible and again...independent! I mean this is a stupid question to ask but, am I making the right decision? I want to read what you all think...and maybe some experiences with your first time moving out of home.

 

[urbanlilyfairy]

IF you really feel like its your time to leave the nest ... well then it's your time. But if I could back and live at home just a tab bit longer ...I totally would lol ... I would have stayed living at home saving my money as long as I could hehe ... once you got billz and shiz ..its all blah ..but anyway thats just me ...

Everyone is different ..I understand your mom saying she is gonna feel lonely ..it's true my mom still to this day 8 years after me moving out ..still says she misses me and wishes I would just move back home lol ...this with me and my two dogs and husband lol. Ah parents got to love them hehe

I actually might most likely move back in with my mom temporarily the next time my hubby deploys to IRaq. I didn't go home when my hubby deployed the first time ..I wish I would have ..would of made about 6 thousand bucks in pocketing that rent alone lol... But im thinking the next time he does ..I shall just lock up my house and go spend time with my moms.

Good luck on your decsion ..i know it's hard.. especially trying to balance the whole making your parents happy and also yourself.

 

[Willa]

I moved out when I was 22. At that time I had a job so it was no problem for paying the bills, and I had finished with school.

But before that, for my mother it was no way she would let me go. I was desperate to go because me and my father don't get along very well (he's a sick man, depressive and was bullying me all the time). But my mom was always telling me : No, you can't do that, you don't have money, you don't have anything, no furniture and I'll surely wont help you out with it!

But you know what, when I moved out at the age of 22, guess who gave me all the money I needed? Guess who bought me furniture and still does? My mother...

I guess she was afraid because she would have never done that at the age of 17 or 18... She probably tought (sp?) I wouldnt be able to pay my bills.

Anyway, all this story to tell you that sometimes, when you feel the need to do something, like in this case moving out and being confident that you ARE ready and able to pay the bills then just do it. Don't wait for your parent's approval, maybe they are just scared as my mother was.

Maybe you could write down everything you would have to pay and check out if you can do it for real. In my case, when I moved out it was with a good friend of mine but because we both had strong character so we ended up not talking to each other and I had to return at my parent's house. I realized then that I'm not the type of person that can live with roomates...

This is my experience

 

[gigglegirl]

Wow, thats pretty much how my mom felt. She says she wants us to live at home until we get married; that she doesn't see how an individual can make enough to pay bills etc. Umm.....no.

I think honestly she's doing this because she doesn't want to be lonely. That's held me here for a while (just working on finishing up my degree from university--will be done in April) considering I have no job. But I'm not sure how much longer I will stay. I want to be independent, not have to report to someone who can't tell me what to do because its their house. I want to be able to set up things how I want (my family's pretty messy and I like to be neat.....not working so well here, I get to clean up after them :S)

Its definitely a personal feeling I think. So if you think its time for you, then you should go. But make sure you can afford it--budget slightly higher than the bills are, don't go into something where you can JUST make ends meet now. Also when living with roommates (I have seen this with friends and family) they can get annoying too if they have quirky habits that you're not used to (my brother's roommate would leave the alcohol bottles out in the living room instead of putting them away) and they can aggravate you to a point as well.

LOL from my rant there it looks as though I may have to live by myself for a while!

Definitely analyze both the financial situation you are putting yourself in, as well as the interpersonal environment you'd be stepping into.

Good luck!

 

[user79]

I moved out when I was 18. Don't regret moving out at all. If you have a job and can pay for yourself, then it's fine.

 

[kokometro]

I moved out of my house at 17 to get away from a bad situation. I wish I could have lived at home until I was settled in a job and had a direction. It would have been nice to have help with the things like car, bills etc. Living in a place with 5 other people will have it's own set of challenges.. you'll find that out fast. If you feel you must go, I understand that, but if you have a choice, I'd make sure one thing.. you have health insurance. If you are living at home and going to school, you'll probably be covered under your family plan. When you leave home (unless you're in a dorm) you probably won't be covered. Good luck. Also ask about possible changes in your car insurance as well and don't forget Renters insurance.

 

[prinzessin784]

from personal experience, I say hold on to that safety net until you're done with school. Roommate problems can make your life hell, and bills and the stress of fighting over them is miserable. Maybe you should sit down with your parents instead and tell them you are looking for more independence so you'd rather not have a curfew or whatever is bothering you about living with them. I'd try that first! Once you're tied in with a lease, it's hard to get out.

 

[jenntoz]

I say if you are cool with your parents you should live with them as long as possible & save your money.

 

[blazeno.8]

Yeah, I'm 21 and my mom likes it when I come to visit, but I can't help but get the feeling she wants me out of the house.... It doesn't matter since I pay her rent already.
If you're ready to move out then move out, but if your parents are concerned about how well you will fly once you leave the nest, try paying rent (it doesn't have to be ridiculously high, say $100 per month) or going on a grocery plan (if you're not already). Basically try a mock version of what it would be like being independent, but on you parent's property.

 

[Divinity]

Honey, move out. Your parents reasoning for wanting you to stay is selfish, as they should be because they are your parents. However, that reasoning is unfair to you and is causing you to hold back from your own adventures and living your dreams. You will be happier because of the change and ultimately your parents may be sad, but they will be supportive. It seems like they need this change as much as you do - after all, you gotta let go some time.

 

[MadchenRogue]

I knew someone who did the exact same thing and this is what happened. When she moved in, there were rules for the roommates and the rules where Not followed For example: On Monday Wednesday and Friday --so and so does the dishes, clean the bathrooms and such. Chaos ensued--
Then you have those roommates that promised to be there and all of a sudden DECIDED to move out due to financial reasons or something else, so then YOU have to be looking for a roommate otherwise you would NEED to COUGH UP the EXTRA 200$$$ for RENT and what not. Then, your school and grades gets screwed up because your boyfriend may complain you dont spent enough time with him, better yet.....You wake up in the morning, he is the mood for sex, you have a class at 9 am sharp but its 8 am--- See what I am getting at? The lure of independence is understandable-- BUT you need to be realistic. At the end of the Day, boyfriends come and go, roommates come and go --BUT YOUR EDUCATION...the fact you have degree and you are able TO GET YOUR OWN apartment, BUY your own car is priceless. Your parents are not saying it right but the mean well....Stick it out, live at home, get your education together, believe me you'll later find plenty of freedom which in reality comes with a hefty price.

 

[amoona]

Ok I'm 21 going on 22 and I still live at home and culturally I'm supposed to stay at home until I get married. Luckily my mom is pretty cool about it and she's always said that if it's for my education I can go newhere. So next year I'm moving down to LA. Other then that I wouldn't leave unless I had to.

I make good money and could easily support myself if I just took on a few more hours at work but I don't feel like I need to do that. Instead I live at home, go to school, and only have to work part-time. I am still very independent and pay my own bills and for my $20k a year school.

If your parents have no brother with you staying at your house then I wouldn't understand leaving just to prove your independence. You can be independent and still live at home. But everyone's life is different and if you feel like this is the way to prove your independence then go for it, but it is very difficult to live on your own and go to school. If you're only moving 10-15 minutes away then I wouldn't do it, but that's me - not you. Do what you feel you have to do.

 

[athena123]

iio, it's your decision that you'll have to live with but since you asked....

I moved out when I was 16 because I needed to get away from a bad situation. Fortunately I was working at the time and able to afford my own apt, so at least I didn't have to deal with a boyfriend and 5 roommates. I was still going to high school and working full time to support myself because I wasn't getting any $$ support from Mom.

I wound up dropping out of high school and getting a GED because I couldn't work and go to school full time. [Eventually I went to nightschool] I spent the next few years dealing with different roommates and while I had some fun and lots of parties, looking back it was a pain in the ass. Never knowing when someone was gonna move out without notice and stick me with all the rent and bills, dealing with either neat freaks or slobs, someone eating all your food, hogging the bathroom, etc... etc. My situation didn't really stabilize until I got a place with my fiance, just the two of us.

If I could have, I wish I could have stayed in high school, gotten a scholarship to university, stayed with Mom and saved my $$ instead of spending so many years just scrambling to keep my head above water.

Living with 5 roommates doesn't sound like a very stable situation, and if you get along well with your Mom, maybe she has a point. If things aren't so unbearable, you would probably be better off taking the opportunity to save your money, continue with school and save your $$ that you'd otherwise be spending on rent and feeding 5 other people to apply toward your student loan. Starting off debt-free can be priceless!

 

[Ms. Z]

You are not independent if you are moving out w/5 other people. If you are used to having your own space, this living situation may be hell for you, plus one is your bf?....not an ideal arrangement for a couple just starting out. I’m not against moving out of home at your age, but I do believe you should wait until you are better off financially.

 

[*KT*]

When I was in school I mainly only had one roommate and that seemed to work really well. Then she graduated 1.5 years before me and I moved into a house with 3 other people. I liked the people, however one of the roommate's had a GF that annoyed the hell out of the rest of us. She had a free private room on campus, but she LIVED at our house... showered twice a day at our house (morning & post-workout), did her laundry there, was on our phone, etc and it wasn't like she was helping pay our bills because it was her bf's place.

Locked in by a lease, I stuck it out for the two semesters and then escaped! One of the roommates and I moved out and got a place together and harmony ensued.

If the home situation is good and you've got a lot of freedom there, then I'd stay another year or two and save all that money for when you're done with school and will be out on your own.

Six people in one house makes for a lot of opportunities for arguments and strained relationships.

 

[user79]

Yeah actually, 6 roomates in one house - ummm that sounds like trouble. I personally would never do that because I like having a bit of privacy, and the more roomates you have, the more issues you will have to deal with. When I moved out, I moved in with only 1 other roomate and it was great. We both worked so we were rarely both home at the same time, and when we were, we got on well - for me it was the ideal living situation!

A few years later at school I moved in with 2 other roomates, a brother & sister. There were a few issues but overall we got on well.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Firstly, ITA that you can be independent without leaving home.

Make sure you're really financially and emotionally ready to leave the nest. Living on your own/with roommates is tough. You probably have a bunch of quirks that may annoy the hell out of others; your roommates will have those, too. There are a lot of great threads on cohabitation of all kinds on this board.

If you still decide to go through with it, perhaps arrange a day every week or so to go home and visit your mother. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

 

[pnayluvs1]

Honestly, you need to really think this through and talk to your BF about it as well. If you do move out who's name would be on the lease/bills? In the end it's that's person's responsibility to have rent paid. Are these people you plan on moving with responsible enough? Are their guests/friends allowed to spend the night? Cuz I don't think you'd want 6 of you + guests over all the time. It can get crowded and bills WILL go up. **Make sure you talk about bills, bills, bills!!!** I'm having an issue with my roommates about that now. We rented out 2 rooms with utilities included, so my BF and I pay the utilities, but now that it's been cold my roommates have space heaters + house heater on, causing pg&e to go up to $300+!!!***

I just turned 22 in November and have been out on my own since I was 18. At first my BF and I moved into a 1bd Condo, and we could totally handle rent, bills, with plenty of money left over. My parents own a 2nd house and we decided to rent it from them, which I kinda regret now. Not only is it more money for rent, but now there's 2 additional bills we didn't have before (water and garbage). We decided to rent out the 2 spare rooms to help reduce the costs, but having roommates can be such a pain in the ass. We've had 2 or 3 that never had rent on time, sometimes we wouldn't see them for days at a time because they avoided trying to pay. As much as you try to take precautions with contracts and such, people are gonna skip out on you, so make sure in the event things happen like that you guys would be able to cover the difference.

My advice: Keep track of bills, have rules/guidelines set for roommates, save enough money to be able to cover bills or part of the rent in the event something happens.