I'm gonna blow!

NicksWifey

Well-known member
I'm sure everyone knows how I feel about my fiance's family. I have talked about them on here before. If not, here's a thread when I first started noticing all of their problems: http://specktra.net/f262/fiances-family-long-post-102207/

If y'all read my posts, you know that I have a lot going on health wise. I work 2 jobs and go to school full time so most of the time, I stay stressed. With all of the added shit going on about my upcoming thyroid surgery, I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Before you read this, I'd appreciate if no nasty, snide comments were made. I come here for advice, not to be judged. So if you want to read, continue...

Nick and I have been doing pretty well lately. However, whenever his family gets involved, is when the shit hits the fan. I honestly feel like I'm going to slaughter these people, they drive me up the fucking wall. They are the biggest MOOCHERS I've ever met in my entire life and I've known many freeloaders, but his family is the worst. I love Nick, but I don't love his family. His mom and I are getting along better, but she still has her annoying moments. It's mostly his brother and sister that I'd like to dropkick in the face. His dad is an asshole too. To make a long story short, the whole family is constantly coming over here and in different trips, cause they can't get along. Sundays are our only day off together and it would be nice to have one damn Sunday that didn't involve his family coming over, blowing up our TV and internet. But that NEVER happens, cause they just can't stay at their house, they are always over here. Thursday evenings are supposed to be nice, cause we supposedly have them to ourselves, but his freeloading brother is always showing up to download songs and play online and always says he will only be here for 10 minutes but it's usually 90 minutes. Then Nick and him will get into a big argument about how long he's been here and he'll finally leave.

Last Sunday, I had been working on my accounting exam, which is very important. It was due this past Monday and I was busting my ass to finish it up. Nick alerted me that his dad and sister were coming over to watch Prison Break. Ok, I DO NOT understand why in the hell they come here to watch it when they have DVR at their house too. The sister DVRs each episode and watches it obsessively. Knowing his sister and her behavior in the past, I knew she would be throwing a temper tantrum to get on the computer and play on her MySpace, download songs and watch videos on You Tube. I told Nick that I needed to work my exam and he said that was fine. I shut the door to our 2nd bedroom where our computer is and had been working on my exam. The dad and sister showed up and I heard his sister say "I want online to download songs" and Nick replied, telling her no, because I was taking a timed test. She immediately started bitching, whining, throwing this big ass temper tantrum. I was sitting in here, grinding my teeth, seriously about to go out there and whip her ass cause it's obvious she has never had it whipped before. You just don't come to someone else's house and act like that, that is sooooo uncalled for and very immature and disrespectful. I don't care if she's 15 or not, that's how most kids act when they are 6, not teenagers. She acts like this everytime the come over and she can't get her way. If she can't get on the computer, she takes the remote and starts flipping through the channels like a mad woman. They finally calmed her down and they all sat down to watch Prison Break for probably the 10th time. Before they left, she started blowing up and throwing an even bigger tantrum about getting online. Just because we have high speed internet and they only have dial-up, I mean seriously, you would think it was the end of the world. Nick and his dad put her in her place and they finally left.
Later that night, I confronted Nick about his sister's behavior and I was getting tired of her coming over here, always acting like a spoiled brat when she can't have something. We got into a huge ass argument over it. I know in my heart, that if my family conducted themselves in the same manner, he would be all over my ass about it. So no, I do not feel bad for telling him his family needs to chill the fuck out and stop coming over here. These people are always blowing up his cell phone and our house phone to come over. Half of the time when they come over, Nick fights with them. OMG, big surprise, the phone is ringing now and they are on the caller ID!!
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Not joking here
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It's like these people think this is their home away from home and they are allowed to come here and act however they want. Maybe because I was raised with manners and to act like a civil human being when I go to someone else's house to visit (whether it's family or not), is the reason I can't fathom their behavior.


Nick refuses to do anything about his family and them coming over all the time. You know, I live here too and pay my half of the bills so I believe I have a big say-so in this. I don't understand why he won't side with me over his family, in the aspect that his sister needs her ass beat for coming over to someone else's house and acting like that and because in general, his family constantly freeloads off of him. Nick's mom and dad are always calling here, asking him for money. Nick's brother has been involved in a lot of shady shit lately and to be honest, I do not want him here in my house. He is a sneaky bitch. I got super pissed yesterday morning because I found a text message on Nick's phone from his sister on Friday saying, "Can we come over Sunday? Or will the computer be occupied?" Like this is some kind of fucking dew drop inn/internet cafe where she has the right to be on our computer!
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I wonder what it will take for Nick to realize I'm not joking about this shit and that something needs to be done, will it take me blasting his family verbally and a huge fight ensuing? Quite a few times, Nick will tell me that his family is coming over and suggests I leave and go spend time with my parents since I always get annoyed when they come over. Are you kidding me? This is my house and I'm not going to be ran up out of here like some kind of wussy, because his family thinks they are entitled to constantly come over here.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I have tried so many times, both in a civil and angry manner to get my point across to Nick about his family, but he won't buy it. It's like "They're my family, let me deal with them, it's not your business." Well it is my business because I live here too. No, I do not want to end my relationship over it, but these people are driving me up the wall. Oh god, thank you for reading this if you made it all the way through.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
Blood is sometimes thicker than anything and you marry the person, you marry the family. Cliches, but true.

It sounds like no one respects you or him in his family. It sounds like, for whatever reasons, he doesn't want to stand up to them more than he has. I suppose, despite all the drama, that he really loves them?

You're going to have to decide that if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. I can't say anything more, but it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of unnecessary drama
 

NicksWifey

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by M.A.C. head.
You already know what I'm going to say
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LOL, I know! But STILL good god I just can't shut up and smile, you know that
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User93

Well-known member
Look girl, I completely understand you and you are right for feeling this. But look, what can he tell them? He can't tell his family not to come over out of nowhere. I dont think many people would be able to do that. However they are, they are his relatives. And however they are, I bet he understands it, he just gets frustrated and defensive, as noone would like to hear this about family.

I understand you, but the "I pay half of the bills" thing doesnt work when family is involved. You are not his roommate. And as you love this man, well, I guess sooner or later you guys just have to be ok with that. I'm sure he understands, but really, I dont see much what he can do. Try to understand him, imagine how much it should hurt him to hear a woman he loves not liking his family. As he cant do nothing with it. Imagine how tough is it to fight with you after most of the times they come.

His sister sounds awful to me. I guess thats just age, maybe she will get a aboyfriend and leave you guys alone. You can talk with him about her actions, just talk in a nice way and dont sound rude, cause whatever bitch she is, she stays his sister. Ask him what he thinks himself. Dont make accusations. Though girlie, damn that would piss me off aswell!

You should concentrate on the future: you wanna stay with this man. Then maybe its better to start making lemanade from lemon - as you can't change them, you can change your attitude towards them. Just dont give a damn. You know they have no adequacy, then handle them like crazy people, don't confront them for nothing, just dont give a damn and period.

Its gonna be ok
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I know you are going through a tough period, but all gonna be very ok.
 

M.A.C. head.

Well-known member
I think you need to tell Nick that there needs to be a plan worked out, so you can gain some piece of mind, and so that Nick can spend time with his family. Nick needs to go over to his families house more often, and you should put a lock on the computer room door. I mean, that's just IMO of course.
 

CantAffordMAC

Well-known member
I think that maybe you should get out of the house for a day or so...by yourself. You are going through a lot of stress right now...go out to eat by yourself, get a massage or a pedicure, or even just take a walk. I think it will really help calm you down and itll give you time to think, and relax and just unwind. Then you can go home with a clear head.

Then I think you and Nick should have a talk. Like not an argument, but a talk. Just tell him that you are going through a lot right now, and you need his support on this. People get....touchy when it comes to family. Like he might be annoyed by them too, but he doesnt know how to go about addressing the situation. Plus, guys...are funny.
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They just act like....they dont care as much as we do about certain things, and they wonder why we take things so seriously. Yet I can see exactly where you're coming from.

I know the feeling of only having that *one* day and it gets ruined. Also, his family sounds annoying. Its one thing if they come over from time to time, but they sound like they really disrespect your house, and they have no consideration. His sister needs to be popped in the mouth...will the computer be occupied?? Do YOU pay the internet bill???
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I dont think you're trying to say you dont want his family over EVER, but if they come over too much, then it needs to eb taken care of. Especially when they arent respecting your stuff/house/you. Thats not cool. And for Nick to suggest you leave when they come over, is just wrong. Plus that will make his family happy and they might just lose their minds and come over more...

I suggest sitting down and talking about it with Nick, and not arguing. Id try to reason with him and not disrespect his family when you talk to him.

Good luck, I love you girl
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ohnna-lee

Well-known member
Set a password, when you leave the computer shut it down. If she asks what the password is, charge her. I agree with the locked door also.
 

M.A.C. head.

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohnna-lee
Set a password, when you leave the computer shut it down. If she asks what the password is, charge her. I agree with the locked door also.

Ohhh the password thing is a good idea!
 

ohnna-lee

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicksWifey
LOL, I know! But STILL good god I just can't shut up and smile, you know that
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So then make it miserably unbearable and clean with nasty cleaners and run the vacuum. Have really loud conversations just within ears reach and be very giggly, tends to piss people off. Get into making smoothies, run the dishwasher.. can you tell I am a pain in the ass yet! If you can't beat em join em.

It's your home and you have everyright to be alone with your honey.

If it was me, I would leave my dildo on the keyboard... yes, I am that bad
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!
 

MacAddict_Sami

Well-known member
None of your business my ass!!! When it affects your life, it become your business... I would have gone and boxed her in the face, seriously... Who is she to throw a bitch fit about your computer??? Does she pay your damn bills... I cannot stand people like that; don't bitch that you have dial-up, get a flipping job and pay for high-speed, things don't come cheap in life... Honestly, it's you house too, therefore it is your business
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
Well family can be very difficult at times. B4 my husband and I got married I went through similar things when we lived together because he comes from a large disfunctional freeloading family. He has always been the successful one in the family..so therefore his mother, older sister, younger brother and sister feels that he should help pay their bills because he has money. WELL, NO! he did this however before we met and before we got married. I finally told him no more...1st of all the sisters had husbands- no good ones but whatever their choice and the brother was a professional hustler never had or wanted a real job. The mother was a professional shopper with no money! I refused to marry him until this situation was addressed..I said they are too old for you to be paying their bills and they need to grow up. They are USING you big time. After many arguments and them trying to turn him against me..he finally woke up and realized "Hey they are taking advantage of my kindness"! YOU THINK! He realized it mainly when the one sister went out and bought a new $200k house and after closing on it..came to him to ask him to help her get utilities turned on and to buy furniture. He flipped out..He said if you couldn't afford to get your lights on then maybe you couldn't afford a 200k house..REALLY!!! I said she had no intentions of affording it..she had plans of, Oh I won't worry about it because I will get my brother to pay for it. They would pop up anytime of the day or night. Needless to say after his awakening to the fact that he was simply a meal ticket they have all been cut off..Do they call anymore..Rarely, Do they come over..NEVER..Do we care..HELL NO!!
But sometimes they have to really see it for themselves that their own family is taking advantage of them and that they do not owe their family anything but love and respect and it is okay to say NO and hell NO if it warrants .. It's a hard thing for them to do...distancing themselves from them...But once he has had enough and they have crossed the line completely he will put an end to it.
My husbands sublings are upset because he told them that they will always be his family but that his wife and his kids are his immediate family and their wants and needs supercede any of theirs. But we are happy now..and they still call for the occasional $100 here or there..but not much because they know all money approvals have to be run by the lady of the house and the answer is normally NO!

Hopefully he will wake up and see that his family's behavior is not beneficial for him or for his relationship with you.
 

NicksWifey

Well-known member
So I told him I was going to my parents house for the day because his family is coming over and I know how "upset" his sister gets when she can't use our computer. Yes I pay for our cable TV/internet BTW. He got all pissed about why did I need to leave, etc. I asked him why did they constantly need to come over here on our only day off together. His response? "Well what else would we do, sit around on our ass?!" Yeah, that would be nice, ANYTHING would be nice without your fucking freeloading family always over here! Jesus Christ, he does not understand a fucking word I'm trying to say. And I even tried to be civil but nope, he wants to push my buttons cause he knows I get nasty when my buttons get pushed, regardless of who's pushing them.

I will be thankful that I can go back to my parents house for a few days after my surgery.
 

M.A.C. head.

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicksWifey
So I told him I was going to my parents house for the day because his family is coming over and I know how "upset" his sister gets when she can't use our computer. Yes I pay for our cable TV/internet BTW. He got all pissed about why did I need to leave, etc. I asked him why did they constantly need to come over here on our only day off together. His response? "Well what else would we do, sit around on our ass?!" Yeah, that would be nice, ANYTHING would be nice without your fucking freeloading family always over here! Jesus Christ, he does not understand a fucking word I'm trying to say. And I even tried to be civil but nope, he wants to push my buttons cause he knows I get nasty when my buttons get pushed, regardless of who's pushing them.

I will be thankful that I can go back to my parents house for a few days after my surgery.


I'm so mad right now. Mad FOR you.
 

carrieann07

Well-known member
I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been mentioned. But the one thing that bother's me is he keep's saying "his family". If your engaged you should be considered his family too IMO. That's the way it is w/ my fiance. I hope thing's get better for you, no one needs that extra stress in their lives.
 

carrieann07

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by M.A.C. head.
TISH girl you need a talk show LOLOLOL

Exactly. Oprah whooooo??

I'd be watiching TISH
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Malena

Well-known member
I hear you!

That´s an awful situation, but truth to be told, I don´t know exactly how I´d handle this, either.

That being said, I´ve been in a similar situation with the family of my ex-hub. Fortunately he had only one brother & their father never lived with the family
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But his mother would call constantly asking for money, asking to pick her up to drive her here & there & so on.
It was horrible since even so I knew she didn´t have much money, we didn´t have much, either . He was working (& getting poorly paid) & I only had a part time job being still at university back then.

Every time I´d say why he couldn´t tell his mother that she cannot ask for money ALL the time or get mad at me when I refused to drive all around town (she never told me she was upset, but would always complain about me behind my back) he would say "It´s my family, I love my mother very much!"
Yeah, I love my mother, too, but that was just TOO much. We could never agree on how to handle this situation. His mother was a like a saint for him (so she was quite the opposite)
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We would fight about that very often, but the issue was never solved nor did our arguements changed anything about it...

I wish I had some good advice, but alas I don´t
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Obviously, you already talked to him about this & made it very clear that you´re not comfortable with his family being constantly around & behaving in such a demanding, impolite way, but he doesn´t want to hear about it because it´s his family, his blood, whatever...
I´m pretty sure he isn´t happy about them, either, but when somebody says something against them, he feels he MUST defend them...

I´m with you, I do understand completely where you´re coming from & I agree 100%, hopefully you can sort things out one way or another *hugs*
 

TISH1124

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by M.A.C. head.
TISH girl you need a talk show LOLOLOL

Girl I am older than you guys so I have been there...Done It...Lived It and am over it! When you choose your significant other you are choosing to make them the center of your life despite all others. It is what it is...They have lived their lives now it;s time to let their kids live theirs!
This is my second marriage...The first one was to a Mama's boy..I swear they were sleeping with each other!
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