I'm intimidating?

[darkishstar]

So.
Title says it all.
The past ten months since I've broken up with my ex, I have only had creepers and weirdos approaching me, my friends have even affectionately started calling me the "Creeper Magnet." Every time I'm actually interested in a guy, it hasn't worked out...

I have a lot of guy friends. I have few girlfriends because I hate drama, and the girls I'm friends with are usually really chill and are not drama queens anyways. I'm down to play some ball, into a few martial arts, I work out a lot... but I'm also really into make-up? I'm artistic, but I also study a lot and work hard for my grades.. etc.

Does that make me intimidating?
My guy friends and even my dad have told me I'm intimidating to guys, like they feel out of my league or something, so they don't even try. My dad said it's because I'm a smart girl. My guy friends say it's because I seem to independent.

What gives? I don't even know how the hell I'm intimidating, I don't try to be.. I honestly think that guys are just not interested in me or they don't like me at all or something... but what do I know? I'm a poor judge about myself.

I know it sounds silly, but it's made me feel kinda down, not that I NEED a guy or anything, but like, I dunno, I feel like when I first meet people, I gotta hide away my true interests, like the whole sport/martial arts/tomboy aspect of me, and just show the make-up the clothes, the face. I hate that I have to hide myself because I think people are going to judge me and treat me differently.

Not to say it happens EVERY time, but this usually happens with guys. Like, they like my face/body/think I'm cute/personality is cute... until they get to know me better, find out about the tomboy side, and then... nothing happens, they disappear. My last ex even told me I was manly or something, and that the make-up was all a lie or something, like a front I put on to reel guys in or something, I KNOW he was being a dirtbag, but I can't help to think that part of it might be true? (The part that's true, I mean the manly part, not the whole putting make-up on as a front, that's dumb.)

Meh. I feel really stupid now. This is such a silly thing to get sad over, but I guess it's been building up.

Is it something wrong with me? Or just the boys my age?

 

[cazgh]

Definately something wrong with the boys!! Be yourself totally - the right man will be out there for you - your just a strong independant woman and little boys obviously can't handle it

As for the make up as a front for who you are thats complete BS - the reality is that somebody gets to have a girlfriend they can really relate to (i.e. the sports and the martial arts) but who is also really attractive and pretty - how many real men would not really appreciate that?

Don't let it get you down - it will all work out!!

 

[LMD84]

yep it's the boys and not you!!

you should be proud of how smart and how multi talented you are! i knwo i would be!

and i'm just like you - have few female friends for the same reasons and i suppose other than make up i have very 'blokey' interests. but the guy i ended up marrying didn't care. he took me for who i was and enjoyed the fact that i wasn't like most girls.

seriously you will find somebody for you.... you just haven't met him yet! so don't be sad - it's the guys who are stupid for not realising what a fantastic girlfriend you could be!

 

[nunu]

Nothing is wrong with you. It's not your fault that you have a varitey of hobbies and an interesting life outside of school. What is so intimidationg about that? They are just immature and you'll find the right one who appreciates you for who you are.

So don't let it bother you.

 

[iadoremac]

OMG you sound like you could be my twin. I get the same thing too. A few weeks ago a colleague said that she thinks i am a little bit too independent and the fact that my folks are rich and i have my own money doesn't help matters. Don't worry about it babes regardless of how independent or smart you are you would always find a guy that likes you for those reasons. Getting a guy doesnt have anything to do with your personality or the way you act its all about luck because i know some horrible women who have perfect guys so not to worry

 

[User38]

I went through the first half of my life being intimidating to men and to some women. When you are outspoken, well read, educated and interested in LIFE and not just chit chat, you become "intimidating" to many.

It did not really bother me because I was too busy to notice... until my late husband walked up to me after a debating class and said "You are a formidable woman" .. notice, he did not say "intimidating"! After that we dated full time, got married, finished grad school.. and life went on. Mentally I graduated from being intimidating to being comfortably formidable

It happens.. and life takes care of it!! Enjoy it!

 

[revoltofagirl]

you just haven't found anyone that's man enough for you!!

I know it sucks but you wouldn't want to date anyone if you had to hide who you really are! just be yourself and you'll find someone who isn't afraid of an independant woman

 

[Shimmer]

Nothing's wrong with you.
Don't change for anyone.
Be true to you, and enjoy being you, and the rest will fall into place.

 

[RedRibbon]

Shimmer, you so smart

As the rest have said, a lot of people can't take the fact that a woman is independent and doesn't need a man to take care of her and buy her stuff. I'm the same, I can exist on my own without help from a man and not many have accepted that in the past. However, DON'T CHANGE AT ALL because you will get a man who accepts the fact that you're fiercly independent like that. If you change to be how the man wants then he obviously won't be the right one for you.

 

[darkishstar]

Yikes, so I guess I am intimidating then, just for the fact of having a lot of interests. Hahahah.

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one... I'm not going to lie, I feel like Mulan. Hahahah. Like, I know I want to stay true to myself and be myself, but it's still frustrating!

Quote:

Originally Posted by cazgh As for the make up as a front for who you are thats complete BS - the reality is that somebody gets to have a girlfriend they can really relate to (i.e. the sports and the martial arts) but who is also really attractive and pretty - how many real men would not really appreciate that?

I completely agree with this! But sadly, I dunno, I think a lot of guys like girls to just be pretty. I mean, my guy friends ALWAYS tell me that "Oh yeah, guys wanna date girls that are laidback and chill, low maintenance, can hang with the guys.." can play video games with.. but I NEVER see that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iadoremac OMG you sound like you could be my twin. I get the same thing too. A few weeks ago a colleague said that she thinks i am a little bit too independent and the fact that my folks are rich and i have my own money doesn't help matters. Don't worry about it babes regardless of how independent or smart you are you would always find a guy that likes you for those reasons. Getting a guy doesnt have anything to do with your personality or the way you act its all about luck because i know some horrible women who have perfect guys so not to worry

Ugh, hopefully my luck will get better then! Or else, I must have horrible luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HerGreyness It did not really bother me because I was too busy to notice... until my late husband walked up to me after a debating class and said "You are a formidable woman" .. notice, he did not say "intimidating"! After that we dated full time, got married, finished grad school.. and life went on. Mentally I graduated from being intimidating to being comfortably formidable

Wow! What a nice story. I hope one day I can grow out of this awkward period and feel "comfortably formidable!" I'm glad it all worked out for you.

 

[TISH1124]

You are perfect! Don't change a thing...I got the same thing for so many years of my life....

Intimidating ....All that says is you ara a strong woman, Will be with a man cause you want to , Not cause you need to, You are above Drama and you have your shit together!! Intimidating = Good...You only want to be with a man who is capable of steppin' up to the challenge of a strong woman anyway....Let the weak ones keep it movin'

 

[User27]

*****

 

[gildedangel]

Only immature guys would find you intimidating, and you don't want some immature sleaze right? Mature men would find your hobbies and interests interesting, not intimidating. The right man will find you, don't change yourself one bit; you sound like a strong, independent woman and you should be proud of that!

 

[chocolategoddes]

Wow... you already know how much I can relate with you on that!

I'm aware that I'm intimidating to people. Sometimes I use that to my advantage, but it can make dating very difficult. A guy needs to be really confident and secure with himself in order to approach an "intimidating" girl, so in a way, you being "intimidating" is just sifting out all the insecure losers who couldn't handle your fierceness to begin with!

For me, I know I have a "masculine" demeanor and I guess that translates into intimidating. I also have a lot of guy friends. I think like a guy. Also, I'm a boxer so I can knock a bitch out if he tries to mess with me.

 

[Sexycocolatte]

I get it all the time. wish a had some ways to help you. but i 26 yrs old and haven't found what helps. i've actually had a guy come to (he was drunk) and tell me he wasnt scared of me like all the other guys. i asked him why would he be scared; and he said that i was FINE but i looked like i dont take no shit. I thought it was funny and kinda shed a little light on why i dont get much play. and girls that i feel arent as attractive get all the guys. On the good side i don't get much dummies approach me.

 

[cazgh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes Also, I'm a boxer so I can knock a bitch out if he tries to mess with me.

Brilliant!!

Just keep enjoying your friends for now and it will happen soon enough. I know it can be hard to try and find your own place in the world but you will get there

Your not intimidating at all!

 

[SakurasamaLover]

Reading your story made me think of me a lot. Same thing with the kinda stuff I like, who my friends are and how the people perceive me. One thing differ thought and I think it might help you to be more.. happy. Just don't put up first the makeup and cloths and girlys side with mens, just say straight ahead that you are a girl, you like makeup and clothes but you like to play like a men (I'm sure you know what I mean). They usually understand and actually a lot of guy I know are looking for this. But if you don't say it right away the guys who aren't really confident about themself can be intimidated and then they flee lol.
ANd yeah the guy who told you iot's a facade (the makeup and clothes) is a morron. There is more girl like us then we think, it's ust that we don't tend to look for girlfriends, at least that's what I think.

Oh and I know it's too often said and it sound ust like everybody say's but... be yourself and you'll meet some one, it just takes more time for girl like us

Don't feel bad for not being the standard image/personnality of the woman in the medias, it's just a markething point of view, not the reality.

 

[iadoremac]

if a man thinks you are intimidating then you know he is not the one for you because he is looking for a woman he can walk all over and trust me there are plenty of women that let men walk all over them

 

[darkishstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1124 You are perfect! Don't change a thing...I got the same thing for so many years of my life.... Intimidating ....All that says is you ara a strong woman, Will be with a man cause you want to , Not cause you need to, You are above Drama and you have your shit together!! Intimidating = Good...You only want to be with a man who is capable of steppin' up to the challenge of a strong woman anyway....Let the weak ones keep it movin'

Quote:

Originally Posted by Casadalinnis ~If it makes you feel any better, my brother tells any guy I date that I was born a man and have had recent operations. He's had two of them fooled and now it's become a huge joke.....he's still alive and I haven't changed hobbies nor validated to guys that my make up is because I want to be like a female further. Be you because it will make you happy and if a guy is that intimidated off the bat than know it was because they weren't as strong as you in life. Wish you the best and know your ex sounds like he was trying to break your confidence and that makes him a real prick.

Woooo hehe, video games!!! And I like watching ball games, but I have watched the occasional UFC too. xD But yeah, a lot of my guy friends joke that I'm their bro and stuff, though affectionately still a "sister" you know? But yeah.

And yeah, my ex was a prick. I agree on that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes Wow... you already know how much I can relate with you on that! I'm aware that I'm intimidating to people. Sometimes I use that to my advantage, but it can make dating very difficult. A guy needs to be really confident and secure with himself in order to approach an "intimidating" girl, so in a way, you being "intimidating" is just sifting out all the insecure losers who couldn't handle your fierceness to begin with! For me, I know I have a "masculine" demeanor and I guess that translates into intimidating. I also have a lot of guy friends. I think like a guy. Also, I'm a boxer so I can knock a bitch out if he tries to mess with me.

I have a masculine/don't fuck with me/I'm tough kinda demeanor too. So I suppose that's where the intimidating comes from too. Plus the kendo and kung fu.. so if anyone tries to mess with me or any of my friends, I'll throw down too! I mean, it don't even matter if I'm dressed up tomboyish/laidback/dressy, somehow I can't hide the demeanor I have.. so I dunno hahaha, I really can't do anything about it, so I guess I really just shouldn't worry about it!

And I think, this is why I tend to be drawn to guys that are like a year or two older, because they're not only more confident/comfortable, they don't mind the chill/more independent girls.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sexycocolatte I get it all the time. wish a had some ways to help you. but i 26 yrs old and haven't found what helps. i've actually had a guy come to (he was drunk) and tell me he wasnt scared of me like all the other guys. i asked him why would he be scared; and he said that i was FINE but i looked like i dont take no shit. I thought it was funny and kinda shed a little light on why i dont get much play. and girls that i feel arent as attractive get all the guys. On the good side i don't get much dummies approach me.

I see... well if like everyone says it's true and you just gotta wait for the right guy.. well he's bound to show up and I hope it all works out for you too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SakurasamaLover Reading your story made me think of me a lot. Same thing with the kinda stuff I like, who my friends are and how the people perceive me. One thing differ thought and I think it might help you to be more.. happy. Just don't put up first the makeup and cloths and girlys side with mens, just say straight ahead that you are a girl, you like makeup and clothes but you like to play like a men (I'm sure you know what I mean). They usually understand and actually a lot of guy I know are looking for this. But if you don't say it right away the guys who aren't really confident about themself can be intimidated and then they flee lol.

I dunno, if they find out later, they'll get scared away, if they find out firsthand, they still get scared off. So that's why I was kinda feeling, what the heck am I supposed to do then you know? But thanks for the suggestion anyways.

 

[Camnagem]

Don't change you for anyone!

When a guy says "you're intimidating" what it really means is...he's weak. It may not seem like it now (hang in there girl), but it's a huge positive and a compliment. It weeds out the garbage before it approaches you with a ridiculous pick up line. Real men will find you and love you exactly as you are. You're a strong woman and you deserve a strong man...lame ass losers who never leave mama's basement need not apply.