In love, but strained...

[MacAddict_Sami]

Let me first start off by saying that I absolutely love my boyfriend and he is the most SUPPORTIVE person in my life! But lately things have seemed soo strained between us. I have recently suffered a miscarriage in which the doctors think had alot to do with the fact that I am undergoing radiation treatment for Graves Disease. I didn't even know that I was pregnant until about 2 weeks ago; but I was told I would need to terminate if I wanted to carry on treatment. At this point I had decided to stop treatment (against doctors advice) and take my chances with the pregnancy; bear in mind, this is the 3 time I've been pregnant in about a 10 month span (I always miscarry during the 2nd-3rd month). Yesterday, long story short, I ended up in the hospital and was told that I miscarried. Needless to say, I was a complete wreck; my boyfriend took me home and held me for hours while I just cried until I fell asleep; when I woke up he was asleep on my floor while I was on the bed; Today we went to the doctors together and came up with a plan to fight the Graves Disease, which I am happy to say has shown great improvement and we will no longer be doing Radiation but will be using a new antithyroid drug; since our visit to the doctors I have not spoken to him; I've been ignoring his calls and I am not really sure why; I just don't want to talk to him; All I really want to do is cry; I know I should let him in, because I know he could help, but I just don't want him around right now; and the worst part is, On Thursday I am supposed to be going on a business trip for 2 and 1/2 weeks to Louisville, KY; I don't know if I should go anymore; I am so lost, I am not sure what to do or how to go about doing it...Am I just emotional because of the miscarriage?

 

[TISH1124]

I am at a loss for words...Ijust want to give you a big hug! I am so sorry that you are going through this...I can imagine how difficult it is to travel now with all that is going on in your personal life...But maybe the trip will help take your mind off things. I hope you make the right decision for you. My heart hurts for you and I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 I am at a loss for words...Ijust want to give you a big hug! I am so sorry that you are going through this...I can imagine how difficult it is to travel now with all that is going on in your personal life...But maybe the trip will help take your mind off things. I hope you make the right decision for you. My heart hurts for you and I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much Tish... I wish I could get this hug you speak of; this is a whole lot harder because my mommy is in the UK for the month, so I don't have her support; I hope I do too... I might go in tomorrow to see if I can even postpone it for a little bit... I know I'll get on with things, I am a big girl and I've been through worst, but it just seems hard right now...

 

[TISH1124]

Loosing a child no matter how many months you are is very hard...But please just pray...My doctors told me I would never be able to have children 12 years ago.....6 years after that I became pregnant and didn't even realize it until I was 4 months because they kept saying I had a virus...because my doctor felt there was no way I could be pregnant...I was...That is why I named him Christian...through Christ all things are possible...Ok I am done preaching.

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 Loosing a child no matter how many months you are is very hard...But please just pray...My doctors told me I would never be able to have children 12 years ago.....6 years after that I became pregnant and didn't even realize it until I was 4 months because they kept saying I had a virus...because my doctor felt there was no way I could be pregnant...I was...That is why I named him Christian...through Christ all things are possible...Ok I am done preaching.

... I hope someday I will have the same luck as you did; but for now, I am going to go back on the pill; the miscarriages are too much on me, physically and emotionally; Tish, I have to say, you seem like one of the BEST people in this world!!! You made me smile for the first time in about 3 days, I have a lil ray of hope again, so thank you

 

[TISH1124]

Hang in there girl! Just keep your beautiful head up...It will get better!!

 

[jdechant]

I am sooo sorry you are going through this pain...I personally don't know what it feels like, but I could just imagine...keep your head up high, and don't feel like you need to try again until you feel ready...good luck and just remember that god works in mysterious ways ..

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdechant I am sooo sorry you are going through this pain...I personally don't know what it feels like, but I could just imagine...keep your head up high, and don't feel like you need to try again until you feel ready...good luck and just remember that god works in mysterious ways ..

Thank you so much! And I am trying, I just needed to vent a little; things just seem so unfair at this point.

 

[Holy Rapture]

Honestly, I don't know what could a person say for another in such a situation to make her somehow feel better. You know, I've had really terrible and horrible times and I really actually went into such a shell that thinking I'd ever be able to start again seemed quite impossible, but after a period, I was able to move on and let go of the past. Life's never been better than it is now

I really hope when you come out of this, you're the strongest and happiest person! You will get through this, sure, it'll take time, always does. But, with family, love, faith, all will be better. Hold on ....

 

[NutMeg]

I think you should be really gentle with yourself, you're going through a lot right now. Don't shut your bf out, you really need as much love and support as you can get. Is there any possibility that your Graves Disease or the treatment for it is contributing to the miscarriages? In any case I think it's probably a good idea to go back on the pill, so you can focus on your health and your emotional well being for the next little while. Anyway I send you lots of hugs, and please go easy on yourself.

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I think you should be really gentle with yourself, you're going through a lot right now. Don't shut your bf out, you really need as much love and support as you can get. Is there any possibility that your Graves Disease or the treatment for it is contributing to the miscarriages? In any case I think it's probably a good idea to go back on the pill, so you can focus on your health and your emotional well being for the next little while. Anyway I send you lots of hugs, and please go easy on yourself.

Thank you, and I do plan to take it easy; They do believe that the Graves Disease has some impact on the miscarriages, but I've been told since I was 17 years it will this really hard for me to carry a pregnancy, but in my mind, anything is possible

 

[Lauren1981]

you're very emotional and right now, HONESTLY, i think you should take the time to get your emotions back on track and if taking some time to yourself for a while is the way to do it then go for it. 3 miscarriages in a 10 month span........ i don't even want to imagine how that feels. seriously. you've been through a lot of shit in less than a year.
the only thing i would say is explain to your boyfriend that you're very emotional and you need some "you" time right now. i think ignoring him will give him the wrong idea and kind of make him feel guilty. i know he has nothing to feel guilty about but normally when people ignore us we start to wonder "did i do something to them???" and i don't think you want that.

good luck with everything. i am so sorry to hear this but you will get through it. it just going to take some time so allow yourself to heal but at least let him know that it's not him. who knows, maybe after the business trip you might be up to talking to him again.

i'll be praying for ya!!!

:grouphu g:

 

[nunu]

i am so sorry you are going through this

I think you need some time on your own and once you feel ready to let him in they do so

 

[banjobama]

I cannot imagine what you have gone through these past months! My heart goes out to you.

As far as your boyfriend, you are probably taking your frustration and stress out on him because he's the one closest to you and you trust him. Let him try to cheer you up and let him love you, it might make you feel better.

 

[FiestyFemme]

Honestly, it just hurts me to hear what you've gone through these last months. Even though I'm not at the point in my life where I'm ready to have them, I want to have children more than anything. So hugs to you, girl! I cannot even imagine what this has been like for you... but don't give up hope, and don't even consider impossibilities. I think taking some time for yourself is good, but you should probably talk to your boyfriend about it. He sounds like he would be supportive, but I think it'd be good to let him know what's going on. I really hope this new treatment works and that you're feeling more like yourself soon!

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Thank you so much for the support ladies; I actually had a really good today - I only worked for half the day (a plan that was hatched by my bf and my boss)... The bf took me out this afternoon and we just had a nice chilling day; it was great... I was able to relax, and just let my bf help me through the emotions...it still hurts, but i am hoping it'll get better

 

[TISH1124]

^^ Good bf!!! I love stand up, compassionate kinda guys!! I have one and I promise once you get one...Hold on!! They are few and far between! Sometimes they can get on your last nerves with it...But God I would miss it if my dh was not the way he is. He is truly the man God meant for me to grow old with...I always know I am iin good hands when I am with him.

 

[MacAddict_Sami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TISH1127 ^^ Good bf!!! I love stand up, compassionate kinda guys!! I have one and I promise once you get one...Hold on!! They are few and far between! Sometimes they can get on your last nerves with it...But God I would miss it if my dh was not the way he is. He is truly the man God meant for me to grow old with...I always know I am iin good hands when I am with him.

Believe me, I know; I've been with him since before my 16th birthday and he's always treated me like a princess; that why yesterday, I couldn't comprehend why I didn't want him around; it was REALLY hard... But having him there today really helped; I need that support and since it's there, I am going to take advantage of it... I am still feeling down, but's def not a bad as yesterday...

 

[TamiChoi]

Sorry to hear you're going through this rough time and sorry for your lost

You are in my prayers. I know how hard it is for you. I think the best thing is... to have a loved one by you for a shoulder to cry on and someone to comfort you. Keep your head up and I hope things will get better for you!

 

[Holy Rapture]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacAddict_Sami Believe me, I know; I've been with him since before my 16th birthday and he's always treated me like a princess; that why yesterday, I couldn't comprehend why I didn't want him around; it was REALLY hard... But having him there today really helped; I need that support and since it's there, I am going to take advantage of it... I am still feeling down, but's def not a bad as yesterday...

That is so great!

Am so happy for you. Seriously, let you bf take care of you. Just sit back and try to feel his love. I bet you'll be back up in no time