Insanely mad!!! Rant...

FlashBang

Well-known member
Ok as I am writing this I am still having to count backwards from 10, over and over just to stop myself from mashing my keyboard like a mad woman and jumping around like an ape!

So my sister won £30,000 a few months ago and as a thank you to my mum, my older sister and especially me, she promised to buy something of our choice (and within reason) with some of the money.
Originally she was gonna use my share to pay for a breast augmentation, since its something Ive wanted since I was 16, as a major thank you because I helped her out a hell of alot more than everybody else (both morally and financially at that time).
Anyway over the course of several months (and several of her shopping sprees) the money she budgetted for us got less and less to the point where she would be giving us all £1,000 instead.

Fair enough its still generous and when I promised to help her, I never expected anything in return. But today she decided to go back on all the promises.
We had discussed earlier using the money to put towards a holiday instead as for me, £1000 isnt enough towards by BA and Id also love a holiday more. The whole family agreed that it was a good idea and for 1 week we've been excited over a holiday to Japan, which normally would be too expensive but that £1000 each would go a long way in helping.

A few days ago she started second guessing whether she could afford it before eventually, today, insisting that she couldnt and refusing, being completely dogmatic and not really explaining why.

Now I understand she spent alot of the money on a new car and far too much on, quite literally, junk that she didnt need, or will not (and hasnt) used...expensive electronic junk. One example, a pricey (almost £1,000) computer monitor that she later found out she couldnt use so rather than returning it, keeps it for ornamental and novelty purposes and goes ahead and buys another pricey, but compatible monitor
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So after wasting alot of money on junk, she realised that she hadnt saved for the new year. Her new job doesnt pay alot (shes an apprentice), a fact that she was fully aware of before she started spending and even decided that on the same day she got her money, she said she would need to save some.
She completely ignored her own advise and just went wild. Now that shes running low on cash, she is going back on her promises.

I know its her money and I cant force her to give any away, but the fact that shes now going back on what she said, because she got too greedy and crazy with her money, just makes me angry.
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Has this ever happened to anyone else and am I completely wrong for thinking that this is unfair? I really know its her money but she cant justify going back on a big promise like that and letting everyone down on a chance of a great holiday, especially since its because she went insane with her money instead of being careful.
 

minni4bebe

Well-known member
Ok, well I understand that she promised your family that she would come through with all these fabulous things, but quite honestly, it was her money and she was free to blow it however she wanted to. I'm not saying it was smart, but it was her choice. If she really intented to give you all anything, she should have done it from the beginning. Yes, it was iresponsible, but you can't do anything about it. Go ahead, be mad, wallow in it and then let it go. I'm sure you learned something and doubt she did. It's to late to go back now. What's done is done. If I were you, I would not talk to her about the money at all, because since you're the one she runs to when she needs moral support, you're going to be the first one she runs to when she runs out of money. So next time she brings up the topic of that money, start talking about something else.
 

lexiesupagirl

Well-known member
why do ppl always fight about money.. even relatives. i wish i has a sister, big family and health is a great gift, waaay more important than cash.
 

vocaltest

Well-known member
Quote:
Originally Posted by minni4bebe
Ok, well I understand that she promised your family that she would come through with all these fabulous things, but quite honestly, it was her money and she was free to blow it however she wanted to. I'm not saying it was smart, but it was her choice. If she really intented to give you all anything, she should have done it from the beginning. Yes, it was iresponsible, but you can't do anything about it. Go ahead, be mad, wallow in it and then let it go. I'm sure you learned something and doubt she did. It's to late to go back now. What's done is done. If I were you, I would not talk to her about the money at all, because since you're the one she runs to when she needs moral support, you're going to be the first one she runs to when she runs out of money. So next time she brings up the topic of that money, start talking about something else.

Took the words right out of my mouth (or hands as I'm typing)... I completely agree.
 

Willa

Well-known member
minni4bebe said what I was thinking about...

Don't wanna sound mean or anything, but just keep in mind that it was her money and she had 100% the right to do what she wanted with it.

People act weird when it comes to money

I just think about Celine Dion, a while ago she had to make it clear throught (sp?) the media to her FAMILY and relatives that she would not give any more money, because people around her were asking over and over for money and stuff.

Let your sister deal with the fact that she bought some stuff that she wont use, and that she should have kept more money... it's her problem, not yours, don't waste energy on that
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maclove1

Well-known member
your sister was wrong if you ask me ,because she promised you something you wanted and cant afford to buy for your self and then she gets this blessing of money and knows your waiting for her to surprise you but then "epic fails" instead and hurts you and your mom .
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i don't agree with the "its her money" comments because she can now return that computer monitor and make her sister happy
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.
 

Shaquille

Well-known member
I agree with maclove1.
I actually understand that u are upset simply because ur sister cannot spend her money wisely.
Yes it is her money, but she should've spent it wisely and kept her promises, otherwise do not say anything at all. As simple as that.
 

melozburngr

Well-known member
I totally see why you're mad- you're mad not because she spent her money on herself and not on holidays, etc, but what it ultimately boils down to is the fact that she broke promises that she made to people she loves (you and your mom).
 

FlashBang

Well-known member
Thanks for your replies but Im still really upset/ angry about it.

Ive had promises broken lots of times, who hasnt, but when it comes to something that I have wanted for a long time, its really hard to take.

I mean, getting a breast augmentation wasnt for my looks, its because of the way I feel and its something I have wanted for 6 years. When she told me she could no longer afford it but would instead give £1000 towards it, it wasnt too bad, it was still something. I still want the BA and will eventually get one, even if its on credit, but the holiday was something everyone universally agreed with and were looking forward to.

I know family is more important than money and when you put it into perspective, its worth alot more to me than £1000. Of course I will get over this and move on but it wont stop me from feeling let down.

What really bugs me, is that this year alone, Ive really helped her out, never expecting anything in return. I bought her some expensive gifts, as promised, when I got my new job. This competition she entered; well, it required travelling for several days to even qualify, I arranged it all and paid for it (she promised and did pay me back eventually) and offered support. Then while she was in the competition I travelled to LA with to offer support for 5 weeks, which was really draining on my pocket but I did because nobody else could and she needed that help really badly. If I hadnt been there to support and pay for her, she would never have even had a chance to qualify and win, even when I struggled to afford it.

I then helped her with her CV (practically wrote it for her because she really struggled) to apply and get a job a few months ago, whenever she needs help or anything Im the first person she goes to. Im happy she does, dont get me wrong and I'll always be there to help out regardless of what happened these past few days, but breaking that promise is more about principle than money.

Its her money I cant tell her how to spend it, but she cant surely make those kind of promises and not expect to upset anyone.
 

Willa

Well-known member
Hooo, maybe I did not see it the way others do, but now I kinda understand why you are mad. At first I did not ''catch'' the you helping her thing, but I read what you just added and now I see it from another point of view.
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Did you talk to her about it?
About the fact that you would do anything to help her?
 

minni4bebe

Well-known member
I understand why she is mad, but we need to remember that she can't control what her sister does. The best way to show how you feel is to blow off the conversation. Trust me, when someone wants to talk about something and they get pushed off, it sucks. You know what she did and she knows she was wrong. She made some stupid choices but ultimately, you are you and she is she. Don't let one persons stupid mistakes bring you down and don't let this affect your sisterhood.
 

banjobama

Well-known member
I would also be very mad. Just to win all that money, and not give anything to the family that loves and supports you is very rude, IMO. Especially your mom, I bet neither of you really knows every sacrifice she made as a parent and I bet she would like to have something nice, no strings attached. And a sister is sometimes the only friend a girl has in the world, I know my sis has bailed me out more than once. It's bad enough to not give anything, but like another poster said, why add to that by making a promise you're going to go back on?

She is going to feel guilty about it and she is going to want you to make her feel better. If I were you (which I'm not, and I'm mean, and you don't sound mean) I wouldn't do her the favor of easing her conscience. "Oh, you feel bad? I bet you do. That's your problem, not mine." And talk about something else.
 

Lauren1981

Well-known member
i understand you're pissed but the bottom line of this is that it is her money and she can do whatever it is she wants to do with it. and if you do things for her, never expecting anything in return then don't get upset when you didn't get anything in return.
you said she's basically blown all of her money so just teach her a lesson by not doing so much for her. don't buy her any expensive gifts for her or help her out the way you've helped her out. it sounds like she's gonna be asking for your help again pretty soon here so just tell her no. i do feel that when we do things for people we need to do it out of the goodness of our hearts and not do it to hang over someones head for later (i.e. "well remember when i did this for you? you owe me")
i'm not saying you're hanging it over her head but instead of being upset about it i would just keep it in mind and not be so generous when she comes running to you for help.

just my opinion
 

abbey_08

Well-known member
i understand why you are upset but end of day it is her money. all you can do its not lend her money or buy her presents anymore, if she gets into trouble then just say you will support her but lend no money because she needs to learn the value of it. dont fall out with her though...lifes to short to fall out over money even if she did let you down badly
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FlashBang

Well-known member
Thanks for the advise everyone
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Its such a weird predicament(?) for me to deal with, I just felt soooo let down. Ive never held anything Ive done for anyone over their heads, I was just trying to give a little insight into how it makes me feel taking into account all the things Ive done for her
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Well some good news, the holiday may be going ahead afterall
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It turns out that she felt guilty and will keep her promise, she says she thought she had less left than she actually did....forgetting that she put some aside in another account
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Personally I think she knew all along and just felt guilty, either way Im still not going to get my hopes up, just in case and also this has taught me a lesson...money can affect anyone, haha. I know my sister isnt normally selfish or greedy (hense why this was originally such a shock to me) but I think she just got carried away, she still needs to learn the value of money.
 

Beauty Mark

Well-known member
I do think it's in poor taste that she offered something to you and your family that she had control over and essentially chose not to.

Since it's her money, I wouldn't do anything about it. I also wouldn't get expensive gifts for her in the future; why were you, anyway? I don't know if this is characteristic of her, but you've made her sound financially irresponsible. I probably, if I were you, wouldn't enable her irresponsibility when she realizes she's out of cash
 

FlashBang

Well-known member
Shes proved to be really irresponsible with money...large quantities at least, otherwise shes normally very cautious.

While she was struggling to find a job (she was out of work a LONG time, almost year) she would sometimes come shopping with me to help pick out an outfit or shoes etc and I used to see her drooling over something that she couldnt afford and then just sigh an move on.
So a few times I found myself buying her whatever it was she really liked, I felt sorry for her and felt cos I knew she was trying to get a job and was having no luck. Plus Ive always felt a bit motherly towards her, when my parents first seperated, we were as thick as thieves which is the main reason I guess, that she goes to me whenever she needs help.
 

abbey_08

Well-known member
the problem is shesbecome kind of dependant on you to fix her problems. next time you will have to say "im here for support and guidance BUT i cant i cant lend you money or do everything for you anymore. sounds like she kinda needs that push
 
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