pinkhandgrenade
Well-known member
so, for those who are into kink and bdsm and anything fetish-y, how do you introduce it into new relationships?
introducing kink and bdsm into new relationships?
- Thread starter pinkhandgrenade
- Start date
wolfsong
Well-known member
*I love this subject :yesmaster:
You don’t know how someone will react to the subject, until you bring it up - and what can be a much loved fantasy to someone, could be a nightmare as reality - eg brutal rape fantasies (which I personally would only enjoy in theory
), extreme S&M etc.
Maybe start off with talking about each others fantasies, or reading increasing degrees of S&M/bondage/fetish sex stories out to each other to see if and what turns you on – and what you wouldn’t feel comfortable with/ feel like you wouldn’t enjoy. You can judge how the other person will respond to new experiences by their answers/willingness.
Be honest and open – if you feel silly or nervous maybe get tipsy (though I suggest you don’t get drunk – as you may agree to do something you would feel violated/humiliated by whilst sober, and also you run the risk of hurting yourself, and your relationship unintentionally.)
Maybe take a trip to your local sex shop to have a gander at the toys and equipment they sell. A sense of humour about the subject will benefit you greatly – not a lot of people are turned on by gimp masks, but if you joke about it, rather than getting weird/freaked out by them – and thus shy away from the whole ‘kinky subject’, then it will make the experience enjoyable, but still show where your boundaries are – and will probably bring you a bit closer too.
If you both want to try something that involves sub/dom role play, then maybe first start off lightly with tying each other up with silk/satin scarves/stockings (fluffy hand cuffs are tacky IMO, and can ruin the mood) and blindfolding each other (take it in turns to see what you personally like better – I’m not saying you should both go at it blindfolded at the same time!). Remember to always have a ‘safe’ word so that you can stop anything immediately if you want to – this is where your trust for the other person comes in, if you don’t trust them completely and don’t want to do something then please don’t try - you have no idea what will happen if you let yourself be vulnerable with someone you don’t know well enough or don’t have faith in. The word should be something that wont be shouted out under any other circumstances other than that of you wanting to stop – i.e. ‘stop’ is a bad one as you may be role playing/ unsure or in pain (it’s the natural word to yell, but you may want to continue) – but something like ‘banana’ or ‘kangaroo’ is great as they cant be confused with other words.
If you like that, maybe take it to the next level with a bit of spanking - non threatening way of finding out if and how much you enjoy pain (over the knee being spanked by hand, or with a paddle – open to a lot of role playing games if that’s what makes you feel more comfortable). And then go from there. Also adding nails during sex is great - can be just scoring the surface, or working your way up to drawing blood if thats your thing (this can go on to blood letting/blood sex).
If you want to get into the whole blood thing, be safe - sterile products, sterile skin, sharing blood/bloody equipment is the same as condom less sex (but without the baby making potential), but has added blood diseases that can be transmitted - get checked out if you want to do this (I’m not one to tell someone they shouldn’t - each to their own, and I’ve been stupid with this in the past, though luckily didn’t catch anything), disinfect wounds thoroughly and bandage with sterile dressing afterwards. Also know your body - be aware of what your boundary is, know where your major blood vessels are (and avoid like the plague), know how much you can take before your body feels dizzy/nauseous (signs you have gone too far), and how much your stomach can take (human stomachs cant deal with much more than a small wine glass of blood - if anyone boasts about drinking a pint or two they are a fucking liar!). I would suggest blood letting whilst having any alcohol/drugs in your system - alcohol thins the blood which means you piss it even from cuts that don’t look too deep (reason why you shouldn’t get tattooed whilst hammered). Drugs/alcohol numbs you, and can make you do or go further then you should - it also messes with your judgement of situations.
I wouldn’t suggest that you go into it all guns blazing with the whole whips/cutting/gimp masks/gangbanging/metal chains/20” double dildo/sex slave sodomy type role playing to start with. Even if this turns you both on in theory, you need to work your way up in reality. You may not enjoy it as much as you think, and this kind of thing can numb you to ‘normal’ sex, or anything that isn’t full on – and even that may get tedious. It’s like using the most powerful vibrator at the highest setting on your clit without ever having used a sex toy before. Also remember if you are in a loving relationship and want to keep it that way, then sex should be about more than fetishes/getting off - its great for adding a new element to sex, but it shouldn't be necessary every time.
You don’t know how someone will react to the subject, until you bring it up - and what can be a much loved fantasy to someone, could be a nightmare as reality - eg brutal rape fantasies (which I personally would only enjoy in theory
Maybe start off with talking about each others fantasies, or reading increasing degrees of S&M/bondage/fetish sex stories out to each other to see if and what turns you on – and what you wouldn’t feel comfortable with/ feel like you wouldn’t enjoy. You can judge how the other person will respond to new experiences by their answers/willingness.
Be honest and open – if you feel silly or nervous maybe get tipsy (though I suggest you don’t get drunk – as you may agree to do something you would feel violated/humiliated by whilst sober, and also you run the risk of hurting yourself, and your relationship unintentionally.)
Maybe take a trip to your local sex shop to have a gander at the toys and equipment they sell. A sense of humour about the subject will benefit you greatly – not a lot of people are turned on by gimp masks, but if you joke about it, rather than getting weird/freaked out by them – and thus shy away from the whole ‘kinky subject’, then it will make the experience enjoyable, but still show where your boundaries are – and will probably bring you a bit closer too.
If you both want to try something that involves sub/dom role play, then maybe first start off lightly with tying each other up with silk/satin scarves/stockings (fluffy hand cuffs are tacky IMO, and can ruin the mood) and blindfolding each other (take it in turns to see what you personally like better – I’m not saying you should both go at it blindfolded at the same time!). Remember to always have a ‘safe’ word so that you can stop anything immediately if you want to – this is where your trust for the other person comes in, if you don’t trust them completely and don’t want to do something then please don’t try - you have no idea what will happen if you let yourself be vulnerable with someone you don’t know well enough or don’t have faith in. The word should be something that wont be shouted out under any other circumstances other than that of you wanting to stop – i.e. ‘stop’ is a bad one as you may be role playing/ unsure or in pain (it’s the natural word to yell, but you may want to continue) – but something like ‘banana’ or ‘kangaroo’ is great as they cant be confused with other words.
If you like that, maybe take it to the next level with a bit of spanking - non threatening way of finding out if and how much you enjoy pain (over the knee being spanked by hand, or with a paddle – open to a lot of role playing games if that’s what makes you feel more comfortable). And then go from there. Also adding nails during sex is great - can be just scoring the surface, or working your way up to drawing blood if thats your thing (this can go on to blood letting/blood sex).
If you want to get into the whole blood thing, be safe - sterile products, sterile skin, sharing blood/bloody equipment is the same as condom less sex (but without the baby making potential), but has added blood diseases that can be transmitted - get checked out if you want to do this (I’m not one to tell someone they shouldn’t - each to their own, and I’ve been stupid with this in the past, though luckily didn’t catch anything), disinfect wounds thoroughly and bandage with sterile dressing afterwards. Also know your body - be aware of what your boundary is, know where your major blood vessels are (and avoid like the plague), know how much you can take before your body feels dizzy/nauseous (signs you have gone too far), and how much your stomach can take (human stomachs cant deal with much more than a small wine glass of blood - if anyone boasts about drinking a pint or two they are a fucking liar!). I would suggest blood letting whilst having any alcohol/drugs in your system - alcohol thins the blood which means you piss it even from cuts that don’t look too deep (reason why you shouldn’t get tattooed whilst hammered). Drugs/alcohol numbs you, and can make you do or go further then you should - it also messes with your judgement of situations.
I wouldn’t suggest that you go into it all guns blazing with the whole whips/cutting/gimp masks/gangbanging/metal chains/20” double dildo/sex slave sodomy type role playing to start with. Even if this turns you both on in theory, you need to work your way up in reality. You may not enjoy it as much as you think, and this kind of thing can numb you to ‘normal’ sex, or anything that isn’t full on – and even that may get tedious. It’s like using the most powerful vibrator at the highest setting on your clit without ever having used a sex toy before. Also remember if you are in a loving relationship and want to keep it that way, then sex should be about more than fetishes/getting off - its great for adding a new element to sex, but it shouldn't be necessary every time.
kiss_love_kill
Well-known member
.....
a914butterfly
Well-known member
i would just say to discuss it with your partner and see how it goes, or just do something a little kinky and off the beaten path and see how the other person responds to it. if he/she likes it, maybe take it a step up and move on to some other kinky sex act. communication is the best thing.
