Is it healthy to constantly lie?
- Thread starter Penn
- Start date
TISH1124
Well-known member
There comes a point where it is habitual lying and the person actually starts to believe their own lies....At that point it is very unhealthy IMO
Pathological Liar
A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.
Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.
The terms Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.
Pathological Liar
A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.
Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.
The terms Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.
TISH1124
Well-known member
My sister used to have a friend like that...it was so sad we all knew he was lying but he would just lie lie lie...I mean he would be swearing to God it's true and everything...Like wooowww this dude is getting crazy...He was like a famous producer in his mind....he was a yard man in real life
TISH1124
Well-known member
He was like man last night I flew with some friends in their private jet to this big party in LA..We would be like you were here all night Otis (yes, Otis) and he would say no I went after you guys went to sleep and man it was off the chain...the girls were all over me...I would say Otis I saw you here last night...nahhh nahhh man I went later that night and came back before you guys got up....I would say you are dreaming...But then it was simple lies...I had filet mignon for lunch...No you had a burger....you can't even afford ground beef...
blindpassion
Well-known member
I know someone like that.
Almost everything he says is a lie. You can't take a single thing seriously. He lies to make himself look more cool, popular, rich - he does it for personal image.
Almost everything he says is a lie. You can't take a single thing seriously. He lies to make himself look more cool, popular, rich - he does it for personal image.
looovemac
Well-known member
Quote:
LOLOLOLLLL I have a cousin just like him... I heard him once telling his friend "I was in the hospital visiting my uncle" I was like who is in the hospital... ughh He never answers his phone and guess what? he was in the meeting with important people!!!! I can't stand people like that.
Originally Posted by TISH1127
He was like man last night I flew with some friends in their private jet to this big party in LA..We would be like you were here all night Otis (yes, Otis) and he would say no I went after you guys went to sleep and man it was off the chain...the girls were all over me...I would say Otis I saw you here last night...nahhh nahhh man I went later that night and came back before you guys got up....I would say you are dreaming...But then it was simple lies...I had filet mignon for lunch...No you had a burger....you can't even afford ground beef... |
LOLOLOLLLL I have a cousin just like him... I heard him once telling his friend "I was in the hospital visiting my uncle" I was like who is in the hospital... ughh He never answers his phone and guess what? he was in the meeting with important people!!!! I can't stand people like that.
gildedangel
Well-known member
It sounds like your cousin does have more problems than just depression, and the depression may be contributing to this complusive lying. She needs to go and see a shrink, perhaps lessening her depression would lessen the lying. It is best to fix this now before she gets herself into serious legal trouble if she were ever to run into the law.
TISH1124
Well-known member
Quote:
I know...His name came up not too long ago...someone said...has anyone heard from Otis? And my Dad said I am sure he is somewhere lying about something
| Originally Posted by looovemac
LOLOLOLLLL I have a cousin just like him... I heard him once telling his friend "I was in the hospital visiting my uncle" I was like who is in the hospital... ughh He never answers his phone and guess what? he was in the meeting with important people!!!! I can't stand people like that.
|
I know...His name came up not too long ago...someone said...has anyone heard from Otis? And my Dad said I am sure he is somewhere lying about something
RedRibbon
Well-known member
I know a girl I went to school with who lies and lies. She has convinced her friends on facebook that Mr RR is her man and she has covert photos of him on her facebook account because she sees him from time to time as his parents live down the same road as she does with her family. She has gone to great lengths to prove to people that her and Mr RR are together. She believes that because I have no photos of Mr RR on my facebook profile and he has none of me, that people will believe her over me, despite his facebook saying "in a relationship with RR". She is lamer than lame and has already made up how he proposed to her, the flat they share in Kensington etc..which kinda freaks me out a bit if truth be told. I thought it was funny at first until someone came up to me and said that I should accept that Mr RR wants to marry that girl and that I should get over it already as he will never be mine..
MACATTAK
Well-known member
Quote:
You kill me!!!
Quote:
Maybe he finally made it big out in L.A......j/k!!
| Originally Posted by TISH1127
He was like man last night I flew with some friends in their private jet to this big party in LA..We would be like you were here all night Otis (yes, Otis) and he would say no I went after you guys went to sleep and man it was off the chain...the girls were all over me...I would say Otis I saw you here last night...nahhh nahhh man I went later that night and came back before you guys got up....I would say you are dreaming...But then it was simple lies...I had filet mignon for lunch...No you had a burger....you can't even afford ground beef... |
You kill me!!!
Quote:
| I know...His name came up not too long ago...someone said...has anyone heard from Otis? And my Dad said I am sure he is somewhere lying about something |
Maybe he finally made it big out in L.A......j/k!!
crystalclear
Well-known member
It sounds like your cousin has crossed the line where lying is acceptable. Some people lie to make themselves feel better about themselves or to look better (or their lives more exciting etc) than they really are, this is usually harmless just about everyone does it now and again and depressed or insecure people tend to do it more frequently and on a grander scale than most. However, when it gets to the stage you have mentioned and people get hurt it is very dangerous. She hasn't just lied but has manipulated and emotinally abused your friend and by the sounds of it she is aware of that, if not planned it that way. She sounds like she may have a mental illness and if so (and even if not) her mother denying it and by being allowed to continue and escalate her behaviour, she will get worse and worse until she causes herself serious harm or serious harm to another. If your worried that shell hurt herself if you mention it to her that would suggest that there is something more than depression wrong with her.
If you have any family who sees that there is a problem, you could try talking to them and together try speaking to her parents,if that doesnt work you could try talking to her but it doesnt sound like she would listen, if thats the case it may be better to have as little to do with her as you can.
I hope this gets a bit better for your family, I can empathise as I have an uncle like that he claims that he fought in the Falklands (lie), that he was in the SAS and took part in the Iranian embassy seige (another lie) and he always says he was in the Army (he was rejected for the Navy- he even tells this lie to close relatives who know hes lying) when in actual fact he's spent much of his life stealing (he got a job in an old peoples home and kept coming back with lots of old fashioned, expensive jewellery he claims to have found in bins along with an elaborate story as to why he routinely raids bins) , lying and getting into trouble with the police (how he has avoided prison I have no idea). In the end I realised that he could not be changed and was a danger to everyone around him, worst thing is that he is a very convincing liar and has tried to pass the blame on to other family members (including to the police- the person he blamed would have gone to jail if they hadnt been able to prove that they had been at work at the time). One of his daughters is just the same telling weird lies about her teacher commiting suicide infront students in the middle of town on morning.
The only way I have found to protect myself is to have nothing to do with them ( havent seen any of that side of the family in almost 8 years) and when I needed to deal with them before that I remember how convincing they are as liars and never accept their lies and making it clear you disbelieve them or know their lying might lessen her urge to lie to or around you. Either way I think your cousin needs help but if she doesnt want help, unless she gets into trouble with the authorities and they discover she is ill, there is nothing that can be done to help her as (if Canadian law takes the same view as in the UK) you cant force her to get help or treatment.
If you have any family who sees that there is a problem, you could try talking to them and together try speaking to her parents,if that doesnt work you could try talking to her but it doesnt sound like she would listen, if thats the case it may be better to have as little to do with her as you can.
I hope this gets a bit better for your family, I can empathise as I have an uncle like that he claims that he fought in the Falklands (lie), that he was in the SAS and took part in the Iranian embassy seige (another lie) and he always says he was in the Army (he was rejected for the Navy- he even tells this lie to close relatives who know hes lying) when in actual fact he's spent much of his life stealing (he got a job in an old peoples home and kept coming back with lots of old fashioned, expensive jewellery he claims to have found in bins along with an elaborate story as to why he routinely raids bins) , lying and getting into trouble with the police (how he has avoided prison I have no idea). In the end I realised that he could not be changed and was a danger to everyone around him, worst thing is that he is a very convincing liar and has tried to pass the blame on to other family members (including to the police- the person he blamed would have gone to jail if they hadnt been able to prove that they had been at work at the time). One of his daughters is just the same telling weird lies about her teacher commiting suicide infront students in the middle of town on morning.
The only way I have found to protect myself is to have nothing to do with them ( havent seen any of that side of the family in almost 8 years) and when I needed to deal with them before that I remember how convincing they are as liars and never accept their lies and making it clear you disbelieve them or know their lying might lessen her urge to lie to or around you. Either way I think your cousin needs help but if she doesnt want help, unless she gets into trouble with the authorities and they discover she is ill, there is nothing that can be done to help her as (if Canadian law takes the same view as in the UK) you cant force her to get help or treatment.
revinn
Well-known member
Speaking from experience.. I never really made up friends or anything like that, but when I was depressed and my anxiety was going untreated, I definitely became something of a chronic liar. It felt right, I can't explain why..
Honestly, going to a psychologist regularly (Cognitive Behaviour therapy is highly recommended for depression, and it's what I found the most effective), and getting put on antidepressants definitely helped me stop lying. When I would lie, I'd honestly believe what I was saying..it felt like I was in a fog. It's definitely a coping mechanism. Sit her down, tell her that you worry about her (I wouldn't mention the lying, let her come to that on her own), and that you think she'd benefit from talking to someone. Explain how it will improve her life. If you want, PM me and I'll give you my email to give to her. She'll just keep getting more miserable if no one interferes.
She's already got a great support system obviously, since you're caring enough to seek out help for her. That's the most important thing to a depressed person. If she tries to push you away, don't give up. I did that to my parents, even though I would secretly want them to stay, and they never stopped trying with me. That made all the difference in the world. Most importantly, remember that she's not a terrible person. Hurting people is not ok, but she probably doesn't see or understand that she's doing it right now; she's so wrapped up in her own problems that she's oblivious. Be patient with her, as hard as it is. A lot of people who've never dealt with mental health issues have a hard time understanding their method of thinking, so just try to be empathetic. Just leave the confrontation to a professional, so you don't cause a rift between yourself and her.
I know I didn't address the lying as much as I should have, but I honestly think seeing someone will help get her on the right track. Best wishes!
ETA: Great advice in the post above mine! I definitely agree with her points as well.
Honestly, going to a psychologist regularly (Cognitive Behaviour therapy is highly recommended for depression, and it's what I found the most effective), and getting put on antidepressants definitely helped me stop lying. When I would lie, I'd honestly believe what I was saying..it felt like I was in a fog. It's definitely a coping mechanism. Sit her down, tell her that you worry about her (I wouldn't mention the lying, let her come to that on her own), and that you think she'd benefit from talking to someone. Explain how it will improve her life. If you want, PM me and I'll give you my email to give to her. She'll just keep getting more miserable if no one interferes.
She's already got a great support system obviously, since you're caring enough to seek out help for her. That's the most important thing to a depressed person. If she tries to push you away, don't give up. I did that to my parents, even though I would secretly want them to stay, and they never stopped trying with me. That made all the difference in the world. Most importantly, remember that she's not a terrible person. Hurting people is not ok, but she probably doesn't see or understand that she's doing it right now; she's so wrapped up in her own problems that she's oblivious. Be patient with her, as hard as it is. A lot of people who've never dealt with mental health issues have a hard time understanding their method of thinking, so just try to be empathetic. Just leave the confrontation to a professional, so you don't cause a rift between yourself and her.
I know I didn't address the lying as much as I should have, but I honestly think seeing someone will help get her on the right track. Best wishes!
ETA: Great advice in the post above mine! I definitely agree with her points as well.
allthatgl1tt3rs
Well-known member
This is really sad
I knew a girl like this and she was actually around the same age when things got out of hand. She fabricated stories to get attention. One minute it was a pregnancy that was quickly aborted. Next minute it was a brain tumour (no, I'm not joking!).
The final straw came on a night out when she made out that she had had her drink spiked/she'd taken something by accident. She slipped off into the night and she had everyone searching around for her all night. She even got someone to call one of us to tell us she was in hospital. She wasn't in hospital of course. She hadn't taken a thing, she was fine, she just decided to go home and make up a story to have people thinking and worrying about her all night long!
It got too much towards the end, she would steal off friends and ruin people's nights out. But I honestly believe that in this girl's head what she was doing was just a bit of a thrill and maybe a way of coping with a trauma etc. To me, it was a cry for help - a very large one!
This kind of behaviour needs serious therapy and the mother should recognise this because it stems from childhood - something's seriously wrong and the girl needs help! Her anger at the world could be an offshoot from her depression - it's common to feel like it's you vs the world when depressed and feeling out of your depth. I'd try to talk to her mum, but from a concerned perspective - concern for the girl's health because at least then the mum should listen out of care and appreciation.
I hope that you manage to at least bring it to her attention and help the girl get help! x
The final straw came on a night out when she made out that she had had her drink spiked/she'd taken something by accident. She slipped off into the night and she had everyone searching around for her all night. She even got someone to call one of us to tell us she was in hospital. She wasn't in hospital of course. She hadn't taken a thing, she was fine, she just decided to go home and make up a story to have people thinking and worrying about her all night long!
It got too much towards the end, she would steal off friends and ruin people's nights out. But I honestly believe that in this girl's head what she was doing was just a bit of a thrill and maybe a way of coping with a trauma etc. To me, it was a cry for help - a very large one!
This kind of behaviour needs serious therapy and the mother should recognise this because it stems from childhood - something's seriously wrong and the girl needs help! Her anger at the world could be an offshoot from her depression - it's common to feel like it's you vs the world when depressed and feeling out of your depth. I'd try to talk to her mum, but from a concerned perspective - concern for the girl's health because at least then the mum should listen out of care and appreciation.
I hope that you manage to at least bring it to her attention and help the girl get help! x
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Yeah, the best thing you can do is bring it to her attention, especially since you don't have her mother's full support. She really needs counseling... I would guarantee that this is something that is stemming from a self esteem issue and she is use to lying to herself so much and believing it that she justifies ways to keep doing it. It's either for attention, for coping, or the only way she knows how to deal with negative emotions for people.
It's hard for me to admit that I use to get caught up in my lies when I was young, because I didn't know how to directly address problems I would find ways to "punish" people that harmed me. Now, I know that for me it was a self worth issue and I had to learn to stand up for myself more. I became this door mat for all my friends, and I felt taken advantage of and it wasn't until it all blew up and I got help that I got to the point where I recognize what I'm doing and I stop myself.
It's hard for me to admit that I use to get caught up in my lies when I was young, because I didn't know how to directly address problems I would find ways to "punish" people that harmed me. Now, I know that for me it was a self worth issue and I had to learn to stand up for myself more. I became this door mat for all my friends, and I felt taken advantage of and it wasn't until it all blew up and I got help that I got to the point where I recognize what I'm doing and I stop myself.
blazeno.8
Well-known member
The short answer to the title: no.
The sticky answer to your final question: It really depends how deep you want to get into this. It seems like you're already involved more than you want to be (because this situation doesn't look like it's one you want to be in). If you're willing to stay the course if you do get directly involved, I'd say proceed with caution. If she feels neglected, she needs someone who is committed, but you have to be on your guard.
The sticky answer to your final question: It really depends how deep you want to get into this. It seems like you're already involved more than you want to be (because this situation doesn't look like it's one you want to be in). If you're willing to stay the course if you do get directly involved, I'd say proceed with caution. If she feels neglected, she needs someone who is committed, but you have to be on your guard.
