Just another friend rant...

[xkriss]

Sorry for another one of these but I don't have anywhere else to talk about it and I just don't know what to do anymore. Thinking about it just makes me tear up and makes me want to puke..

I've never been the person with tons of friends. I have two close ones. Or well, two that I thought were close. Asking people to do stuff feels really awkward to be so I try to avoid it but I'm sick of sitting home all the time. It's pathetic really, what 17 year do you know that sits home watching lifetime every friday or saturday night when everyone else is out?

Ok anyways more to my point, so lately I have barely done anything. Last time I went out with a friend was the beginning of march. So finally since my friends weren't asking me to do anything I started to ask them since I know all relationships are give and take. I'll text them or whatever and they'll say "oh yeah sure, we should" and then I never hear back from them. And lately the two of them have been hanging out with each other.

I mean I'm a friendly girl, probably too friendly. I'm a push over and way too shy to keep pestering them by always asking. I don't know what to do. Do I say something? Do I let it go? I just don't know.

 

[nunu]

I think you should ask them what is going on because you have a right to know where you stand with them because you consider them as you're friends. If you feel that they hang out all the time without you and do things without you, you should really ask what's up.

I always used to initiate things with a few of who i thought were my firends. They always used to say when i call to plan something "yeah we should" and never hear from them after. Then i found out they were bitching about me and didn't want to hang out with me.
I am a shy person as well and a push over, i can't say no and always put people's happiness and prefrences before my own but i realised that living my life this way won't take me anywhere.

Good luck on what you do and i am sorry about this situation

 

[xkriss]

Thanks for such a quick reply.

Bahh I knew asking them about it was the best thing to do but I'm so gosh darn shy I dread doing it! But you're right, I deserve to know what's up.

Thanks for the advice

 

[duckduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xkriss Thanks for such a quick reply. Bahh I knew asking them about it was the best thing to do but I'm so gosh darn shy I dread doing it! But you're right, I deserve to know what's up. Thanks for the advice

A word of warning on this one though, I had a similar situation in High School with friends like these, and when I asked it was all "oh no, we totally love you" and "yeah hanging out is great! we've just been busy" and other placation. It was nice to hear at the time, but when I realized it was all lies, it hurt even worse. For me, it is hard to make friends, so I spent the rest of high school feeling pretty shitty and lonely. Then came college, and I got the opportunity to start surrounding myself with people who would actually accept and care for me and for who I really was. I learned a LOT about friendship, and what real friendship felt like from college.
I know that's not the greatest short-term news to hear, but you should know that these girls may well be very unhealthy people to be around for you, and that lifetime on a Saturday night is a whole lot better than hanging out with people who don't really like you.

 

[xkriss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckduck A word of warning on this one though, I had a similar situation in High School with friends like these, and when I asked it was all "oh no, we totally love you" and "yeah hanging out is great! we've just been busy" and other placation. It was nice to hear at the time, but when I realized it was all lies, it hurt even worse. For me, it is hard to make friends, so I spent the rest of high school feeling pretty shitty and lonely. Then came college, and I got the opportunity to start surrounding myself with people who would actually accept and care for me and for who I really was. I learned a LOT about friendship, and what real friendship felt like from college. I know that's not the greatest short-term news to hear, but you should know that these girls may well be very unhealthy people to be around for you, and that lifetime on a Saturday night is a whole lot better than hanging out with people who don't really like you.

Yeah, that's always been in the back of my mind. Sucks but oh well. Thank god I graduation is only 3 months away..

 

[FullWroth]

Trying to give your friends the benefit of the doubt, maybe they're just more assertive about hanging out? Like maybe they call each other and go "We should do X!" "Yeah, we should!" "How about on Saturday?" "Sure, Saturday's good!" whereas you stop at the "Yeah we should" part. Be more assertive about hanging out. It's not nagging people if you ask once and give a specific day. It's not nagging people to say "Do you guys wanna go see a movie on Friday?"

It's only nagging if you ask them once, they decide to think about it, and then you ask them 500 times a day until they give you an answer. That would be bad. But if you never actually ask someone to hang out at a specific time, then it's no surprise that you don't hang out a lot.

 

[xkriss]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullWroth Trying to give your friends the benefit of the doubt, maybe they're just more assertive about hanging out? Like maybe they call each other and go "We should do X!" "Yeah, we should!" "How about on Saturday?" "Sure, Saturday's good!" whereas you stop at the "Yeah we should" part. Be more assertive about hanging out. It's not nagging people if you ask once and give a specific day. It's not nagging people to say "Do you guys wanna go see a movie on Friday?" It's only nagging if you ask them once, they decide to think about it, and then you ask them 500 times a day until they give you an answer. That would be bad. But if you never actually ask someone to hang out at a specific time, then it's no surprise that you don't hang out a lot.

That's a really good point. I really am not assertive at all so that could be the largest factor in this problem. So being shy and passive I get paranoid and think asking more then once is nagging them so I always do leave it at the "yeah we should" stage. Thanks for the input