noturavgurl
Active member
hi ladies! i've always been bad at writing intros, so lemme get right into it. about 3 weeks ago, my bf broke up with me after a year and a half. we were each others firsts in many ways; he was my first...everything. he was always the one who said he didn't know what he'd do if he lost me, that he loved me so much, etc. when he ended it, he said he needed to take care of himself and we both had growing up to do and that as much as he loves me, he loves himself more. I'm 22 and he's 24. for a couple of days, i was okay aka functional. i accepted his decision and respected it. I seriously thought that if this ever happened, i would've been a complete hot mess. I was devastated, but i had no choice but to keep on swimming =). I was sick for days and barely ate anything; fortunately, i have some of the greatest friends in the world. they took me out, distracted me, pushed me into clubs, bought me shots, and stole my phone (no crunkcallin'!). i emailed him (at the advice of my friends) after he kept trying to talk to me, and i told him to back off and that i needed time. it worked for two days, but he kept talking to me..so after two weeks, we ended up talking again. he said he missed me and loved me and that he hated this. what could i say? i told him (i swear, i don't know how i stayed so levelheaded!!) that he made a decision and he has to live with the consequences; you can't have your cake and eat it too! either we're together or we're not. there's no halfway point. he blamed me saying that i was the one who forced him to break up with me and that i had too much pride. i couldn't believe it. if anything, he was the one with too much pride! he said i took him for granted and asked me what have i ever done for him? i guess at that moment, i realized that..love's not a competition. and to have to list all the sacrifices i made (my relationship with my mom, among other things) would turn our love into something..perverse. it takes two to make and break a relationship. he said maybe he made a mistake, and i said he'll have to figure that out. he cried and was acting so unlike himself..it scared me. i never thought he was that type. it didn't make me feel any better to see him in such a bad state, it made me worry about him. until i recalled that one of things he said to me when i said, please can't we just take a break instead? and he replied, "no, i can't accomodate for you anymore." and then i realized, i can't accomodate for HIM anymore. i couldn't worry about him and move on with my life at the same time. so i chose me, just like he chose him. after we hung up, i cried my eyes out even the thought of all the wrinkles waiting to happen couldn't stop my tears. then i started feeling better. crying is awesome!
even though, i can make these decisions and try my best to stop talking to him, sometimes i miss him so much that i can't help it and i'll msg him and try to talk to him...and even though we're just bs-ing, and chatting about nothing, i end up breaking down afterwards and feeling like shit and missing him more than ever. i know some day we can be friends, hopefully great friends because of all the love we shared, but right now as much as i hate to say it, he's right; we have some growing up to do. i guess the whole point of this is that, i know that maybe someone out there going though the same thing and as much as your heart wants to go be with him and do anything just to cuddle up in his nook again, please give yourself the time to mend.. for me, i know that if we get back together, we'll probably break up again in a couple of months and it's gonna hurt so much more. so i'm basically in survival mode! even as i type this, i'm missing him. i loved so many things about him. from his work ethic to his morals..to his round little butt!
anyhoo, im glad i caught myself at a good moment, because i know by tonight i might be a blubbering, snotcovered, brokenhearted mess again..and if you are going through the same thing, just remember that you loved him/her as much as you could, and if they threw in the towel, then you have to move on and leave them behind! i hope this helps someone out there...and if you have any nice stories..share!
< so cute!
even though, i can make these decisions and try my best to stop talking to him, sometimes i miss him so much that i can't help it and i'll msg him and try to talk to him...and even though we're just bs-ing, and chatting about nothing, i end up breaking down afterwards and feeling like shit and missing him more than ever. i know some day we can be friends, hopefully great friends because of all the love we shared, but right now as much as i hate to say it, he's right; we have some growing up to do. i guess the whole point of this is that, i know that maybe someone out there going though the same thing and as much as your heart wants to go be with him and do anything just to cuddle up in his nook again, please give yourself the time to mend.. for me, i know that if we get back together, we'll probably break up again in a couple of months and it's gonna hurt so much more. so i'm basically in survival mode! even as i type this, i'm missing him. i loved so many things about him. from his work ethic to his morals..to his round little butt!
anyhoo, im glad i caught myself at a good moment, because i know by tonight i might be a blubbering, snotcovered, brokenhearted mess again..and if you are going through the same thing, just remember that you loved him/her as much as you could, and if they threw in the towel, then you have to move on and leave them behind! i hope this helps someone out there...and if you have any nice stories..share!
