Long Distance Relationship Support Thread

[NutMeg]

Hey everybody! As promised, here is our very own source of love and support for those who are in a long distance relationship. Even if you haven't been in a LDR (Yes, I am using an acronym), or if you have in the past, feel free to stop in!

Ok, my name is Meg. My bf and I have been dating for 4 years in March. I'll give you the concise version of our relationship and also post links to other threads where I have ranted, because man is it long and complicated.

We started dating in March of '05, while going to the same high school in Alberta. In September of '05 he moved to a town that was an hour north of where we met. In November of '06 he moved to a mountain town in BC and for a number of reasons we broke up. When he moved back in the spring we started the slow and painful process of getting back together, which was confusing to say the least. In September of '07 I moved to Vancouver, a hour plane ride and 13 hour drive from where he currently lives. I moved back to Alberta in April of this year during summer break, but further away from him than my parents place (2 hour drive). As of September of this year I'm back in Vancouver.

Yes ladies, that is the concise version. God help you if you had to listen to the whole sordid tale in one sitting. Luckily the end is in sight, because he's moving here at the end of December/beginning of January!

Some links in which I vent about my relationship:

http://specktra.net/f262/im-pretty-h...g-worse-95914/
http://specktra.net/f262/self-reflection-112434/

Welcome everyone! Come in and share your stories.

 

[sweetbabyblue]

Ok, so here's my turn.
My bf and I met through a mutual friend, but my parents are very strict and they particularly dislike him after meeting once for 10 minutes. They refused to let me be friends with him or see him, so I only ever got to see him once every holidays (so a few times a year).
That was 4 years ago. 2 and a half years ago we started going out before I moved interstate to study which has made things even more difficult, and my parents still hate him and won't let me go out with him. They dont know him and they have no interest in getting to know him. They just said I wasnt allowed to see him.

Ergh, well at least I've got it all out there!

 

[User93]

Ooooh ladies I'm so excited too!

Here I am with my story.

Ok, call me a geek but me and mty bf met through internet. Not only through internet, but through an online game. Online shooter game. I'm super girly

So well, we were just talking a lot, every day for hours and hours, we became really good friends, I';ve never met a person like him. And then after 2,5 months like that he told me he loves me and I told him back.

It was really tough though, because I knew I love him so much and he loves me, but we are so far away. I'm in Russia and he is in Brasil. We just went on hanging together, we simply couldnt leave it. We were saying that it is hard, we gotta break up, but well, couldnt.

Then in about 5 months he came to me and said that he happened to kiss a girl from his group on a party. Long story short, this affair kinda lasted 3 days. It was so fucked up

, we broke up, I was nowhere. He was saying that just hapened, that he is really sorry, we were crying so bad. I took him back, because we are so far away, and yet he could easily go out with her but he chose me, who he never saw, and came honest to me. That was a tough decision for me.

So since then, he said that this "you-shouldnt-be-attached-to-me-relationship" is too difficult, and we gotta start planing future. This summer he took 3 planes

and came here to be with me. Let me just tell it was awesome!

Except this though...http://specktra.net/f262/how-do-your...usband-110618/

And you know, I think a distance makes relationship stronger, if the feelings are real. He could date anY bitch girl there, yet he spent all that money and came to me. I love him so much. He is the best person I've ever met. We are together for 1 year and a half.

People would say its crazy, but I feel so awesome with him. He is the best ever for me. We try to make plans and work it out somehow. We are in college both, so gotta graduate first. But well, this winter I wanna go see him soooo much!

I'm so happy with this thread. I dont like talking with my friends here about LDR, because when people haven't experienced it, they really cant understand much and will just be bored. I'm so glad that here we can chat, ask for advice and help, share stories!

Offtopic:

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg P.S. Alibi this is totally off topic, but I nearly pee myself everytime I see your avatar. It is soooo funny.

I know, right?

I nearly sh!*ed myself when I saw it I'm laughing at it myself when I see my posts haha.

 

[xxAngelxx]

I'm in a LDR too, have been for about 14 months now. He's a Marine, so he also gets deployed, which makes it worse. We're both divorced and his ex-wife is kinda crazy, which has added some... difficulties... to our relationship. But we love each other so much and he just adores my son. Thankfully, my son adores him too.

We had actually met when I was a waitress long ago. He and his friend ssat at one of my tables and we really hit it off. For the first time EVER, I agreed to meet a customer otside of work (at a bar where I knew most of the staff). It was so perfect, but we didn't think a LDR would work, so we remained friends. Several months later, we were both falling hard so we decided to be exclusive.

I have no idea when we will be living together, but we know we want to get married in a couple years. Its so hard with him being across the country from me, but we're making it work so far!

 

[Dreama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alibi Ok, call me a geek but me and mty bf met through internet. Not only through internet, but through an online game. Online shooter game. I'm super girly

You aren't a geek at all! I met my boyfriend on the internet as well.

Quote:

And you know, I think a distance makes relationship stronger, if the feelings are real.

I couldn't agree more.


Quote:

I'm so happy with this thread. I dont like talking with my friends here about LDR, because when people haven't experienced it, they really cant understand much and will just be bored.

I know what you mean. It's so easy to talk about, but hardly anyone understands if they haven't been through it themselves. I wish you guys the best!

 

[User93]

Dreama, thanks girl! And oh, thanks for telling im not a geek!

Long distance is a big test for relationship, but since you decide to take it, it does make you stronger. You learn to cherish precious moments together and not take each other for granted. Its a huge deal to commit yourself tpo someone who you cant kiss every day, or fall asleep with. But if even though you stay together, guess that's for real.

I am reading a book on psychology by Chaldini (Meg, you study psychology, have you heard about him hun?), not sure if i spelled right, I'm reading cause a teacher recommended it but its interesting actually. So there I read about this phychological effect - people who had to struggle and work a lot to get something, value and cherish it way more that those who got the same thing easier. It all will be ok girls

Thanks to Meg now we have this thread where people DO understand actually

And Dreama, tell us your story too

 

[NutMeg]

I'm a little grouchy today because I couldn't get a hold of my bf last night, and he isn't texting me. Usually we text about 10 or so times a day. His phone sucks so his battery probably died again. Poo.

 

[Dreama]

Ok

Well I met my boyfriend at the beginning of this year on the web and we really hit it off. Had lots in common and spent a lot of time chatting online/on the phone. We set a date to meet up this past summer and had a freakin' blast! It's been a while since I've seen him, though.. That really sucks.

But we keep in touch daily if not on the phone - by the internet. I'm moving very very soon to be with him, and I couldn't be happier.

LDR's aren't easy by any means. I've learned a lot this past year and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

 

[User93]

Meg, I bet its all ok! Can you reach him by e-mail/msn/home phone? I bet soo he will text you saying his phone sucks so much

Look at my cookies avatar, arent you smiling already?

Dreama, oh I'm really happy for you

Is he really far away, so are you moving far away?

 

[NutMeg]

^Lol, you're right. All I need is your avatar and I will be happy for the rest of my life.

Anyway, he's working in Northern Alberta right now. He doesn't have internet access or a landline. I'll probably get a call from him tonight complaining about his phone. He knows I get pissed if I go too long without hearing from him, so if he really can't get it working he'll probably call me from a payphone or something.

 

[Dreama]

Yep, I'm from FL and he's from Canada. So it is pretty far, but soo worth it.

 

[NutMeg]

What part of Canada? I'm Canadian so I'm curious.

 

[Dreama]

He's from Ontario. It was so nice there during the summer, but I know that's changed quite a bit.

 

[NutMeg]

Well Ontario is beautiful year round. As in the kind of beautiful you would like to view from your nice warm living room with a hot cup of tea. Lol, the winters are intense to say the least. Good luck!

 

[Cocoa_love]

hey lovelys, I am getting out of a marriage and keep meeting "friends" that live FAR away. How do you ladies do it? I went w/ a friend to Co for a family event and was not looking for a BF and I guess I picked one up. Still just friends cause I am not ready to commit. Anyway-- he was in Co with his family but is from another state 8 hours in the opposite direction. The good thing is he will fly in to visit but. I think my issue is being more afraid of commitment to a person soooo far away.

So what do you do to keep the relationship special being so far away?

 

[User93]

Good luck Dreama! I believe Meg Ontario is beautiful, but damn, it should be damn nice in Florida aswell!

Oh Meg my avatar is always here for you, you know where to find it! Tell us when you bf will arise!

Ladies, as the question was already mentioned a little - how often do you talk with your men and for how long?

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoa_love hey lovelys, I am getting out of a marriage and keep meeting "friends" that live FAR away. How do you ladies do it? I went w/ a friend to Co for a family event and was not looking for a BF and I guess I picked one up. Still just friends cause I am not ready to commit. Anyway-- he was in Co with his family but is from another state 8 hours in the opposite direction. The good thing is he will fly in to visit but. I think my issue is being more afraid of commitment to a person soooo far away. So what do you do to keep the relationship special being so far away?

I would say, that is the person is right, you just know thats him and commining isnt that hard (well, for me it wasnt) because really, I just never met anyone better than him. I think you should wait, let you guys stay "friends" and see how and where it goes. Its hard to commit to a person you dont know that much and that you havent spent much time with. LDR is not about meeting a person who unfortunately lives far away, but meeting that very person, to be with who you unfortunately gotta wait. You will feel it!

And oh, whats "Co", I'm not american so I dont know sorry :/

 

[preciouscharm]

HI ladies! I came by to see the new thread. Ill post later tonite <3

 

[NutMeg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cocoa_love hey lovelys, I am getting out of a marriage and keep meeting "friends" that live FAR away. How do you ladies do it? I went w/ a friend to Co for a family event and was not looking for a BF and I guess I picked one up. Still just friends cause I am not ready to commit. Anyway-- he was in Co with his family but is from another state 8 hours in the opposite direction. The good thing is he will fly in to visit but. I think my issue is being more afraid of commitment to a person soooo far away. So what do you do to keep the relationship special being so far away?

In my case, the long distance has built up slowly along with our commitment level, which was nice. It's hard to start a serious relationship with long distance in the beginning, but I think it can be done (Alibi being an obvious example

). The most important thing in your situation I think is to take it slow and just get to know each other. Gradually you will figure out if you want to be with him in spite of being far away.

As far as keeping it special, for me it's all about showing love. My bf and I communicate in some form or another on a very regular basis, it helps us feel like we really are a part of each others' lives. We try to talk on the phone every night, even if only for a couple minutes, and we tend to text each other a lot throughout the day. Sometimes if one of us is busy it isn't possible to talk every night, but we make sure we know about stuff that happened in each others' day. Every once in a while I send him some snail mail, like old school love letters. He thinks it's cute, and I love doing it. He never does it back, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

He's not what you would call romantic..

P.S. Contact has been reestablished, all is well.

Meg out

 

[User93]

Oh Meg is right, I actually AM an example

. I just wanted to say in the other post, that you dont have to exactly commit yourself really soon. You can stay friends, see how it goes, and decide if you wanna be with that person or just move on, you know!
When I started with my bf, we were just good friends and were talking for hours, there was no commitment or something like that involved (i wanted though, haha!). Then we became best friends actually, and then after 2 months or so we talked about feelings. You can just take it slow, and see whats the best for you, cocoa_love.
And you know, you mentioned that you are getting out of a marriage, and if you ask me, now every romance is fun and good for you, no matter where it leads and how long it lasts. Just have fun.

Oh Meg I'm happy its all good now.