JesseVanity
Well-known member
.....
Long distance relationships..
- Thread starter JesseVanity
- Start date
User93
Well-known member
I understand you SO GOOD... Im in the long-distance relationship aswell, and i love him. The constant fear of our relationship ending just because of distance hurts me SO MUCH. I have anxiety, stress, i cry, im so lost. This what we have is so good, but there is always. constantly. this thing about the distance which we just cant work out anyhow. I just wanted to tell that i understand you and all you're feeling. I tell him too that if he doesnt wanna be with me he should just go, break up with me, it pisses him off. I feel insecure and im so afraid. But im afraid to lose him even more.
Lalai
Active member
I think you should just tell him that having a long distance relationship is hard enough without him getting grumpy over something like that. It's just being honest! I can understand he feels pressurised to get a job but if he really is committed to you, he should do the best he can. If he just lets weeks and months slip by with no intention of coming there maybe he's starting to grow out of the relationship.
I've been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now and even though it's months since I last saw my boyfriend we call each other every day or if we can't we just do ti once a week and talk online. We also have a time set when we can see each other the next time, which makes it easier. If you don't do that it just feels like you're hanging in the air.
Maybe the bets thing you can do is to tell him that you're not trying to put pressure on him and you really care about him but if you don't see the commitment and love and it's breaking your heart, why hang on?
I've been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now and even though it's months since I last saw my boyfriend we call each other every day or if we can't we just do ti once a week and talk online. We also have a time set when we can see each other the next time, which makes it easier. If you don't do that it just feels like you're hanging in the air.
Maybe the bets thing you can do is to tell him that you're not trying to put pressure on him and you really care about him but if you don't see the commitment and love and it's breaking your heart, why hang on?
User93
Well-known member
Long-distance relationship is a pretty big stress for both sides, and thats getting really tough sometimes. I agree with lalai, that you should try to get as much stability as possible, like arranging some time to hang together every day. Both sides gotta commit something, plus i think thats nessesary to talk about your feelings, but without crossing the line and becomong an emo, cause no one wants to add any stress. You're not selfish at all, but in a relationship like this the most important thing is to see some future together, which both gonna work for, as much as they can from their sides.
Thats what frustrates me so much. As for me i cant even help for a garanteed future together. We have 6-7 hours difference. Thats tough for me sometimes.
Thats what frustrates me so much. As for me i cant even help for a garanteed future together. We have 6-7 hours difference. Thats tough for me sometimes.
eskiepeskie
Member
I'm in a long distance relationship and I can totally understand what you are going through. Me and my boyfriend have had the same kind of arguments that you and your boyfriend are having.
When you talk to him about it and he gets angry and says he is stressed out... is he stressed out over getting a job near you? He might be feeling pressured to get a job and feels if he doesn't you will want to end things with him.
My boyfriend is still looking for a job up here and we look together for jobs for him to apply for (on the phone). We can cover twice the ground and its not so boring searching for a job when you are doing it with someone else
When you talk to him about it and he gets angry and says he is stressed out... is he stressed out over getting a job near you? He might be feeling pressured to get a job and feels if he doesn't you will want to end things with him.
My boyfriend is still looking for a job up here and we look together for jobs for him to apply for (on the phone). We can cover twice the ground and its not so boring searching for a job when you are doing it with someone else
iluffyew769769
Well-known member
Sounds like his job situation is like my B/Fs. If he gets angry about not finding a job it is probably because it hurts his pride.
Be supportive and know that if he really cares about you everything will work out.
Be supportive and know that if he really cares about you everything will work out.
pumpkincat210
Well-known member
In my opinion long distance relationships rarely work out. I don't mean to scare you, but they take alot more work and dedication than other relationships. You both have to talk calmly and communicate like mature adults.
When I was in a long distance relationship i constantly worried that i was being cheated on or forgotten. I'm not saying he is, but his anger and reluctance to see you would make me think twice about that. Maybe you could take the trip to see him, talking in person is really important because you can interpret body language which is extremely important when seeing if a person likes you. Good luck and don't let him get you down, he may just be bummed out because he can't find a job and has no monetary independence.
When I was in a long distance relationship i constantly worried that i was being cheated on or forgotten. I'm not saying he is, but his anger and reluctance to see you would make me think twice about that. Maybe you could take the trip to see him, talking in person is really important because you can interpret body language which is extremely important when seeing if a person likes you. Good luck and don't let him get you down, he may just be bummed out because he can't find a job and has no monetary independence.
NutMeg
Well-known member
Quote:
You see, most relationships don't work out, long distance or otherwise. Assuming you only get married once, only one of your potentially many relationships will "work out". I don't think that we (people in general) get into a relationship thinking that it is the one that will work. We're all just trying to figure out if this person and this relationship is what we want, and I don't see that as a reason to be afraid of long distance relationships.
To make any relationship work you need trust, respect, etc. In a long distance relationship I think it's also hugely important to have a timeline. When is the next time you will talk, see each other, when will the long distance part be over? It is extremely difficult to cope if you don't know these things, and to the OP I really feel for you right now. Uncertainty in this kind of situation is brutal. I think you need to come up with some clear expectations for both of you and discuss it with him. Living your life without any idea when you will see him next is so exhausting and you shouldn't have to live like that. PM me if you want to chat, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while now.
Originally Posted by pumpkincat210
In my opinion long distance relationships rarely work out. |
You see, most relationships don't work out, long distance or otherwise. Assuming you only get married once, only one of your potentially many relationships will "work out". I don't think that we (people in general) get into a relationship thinking that it is the one that will work. We're all just trying to figure out if this person and this relationship is what we want, and I don't see that as a reason to be afraid of long distance relationships.
To make any relationship work you need trust, respect, etc. In a long distance relationship I think it's also hugely important to have a timeline. When is the next time you will talk, see each other, when will the long distance part be over? It is extremely difficult to cope if you don't know these things, and to the OP I really feel for you right now. Uncertainty in this kind of situation is brutal. I think you need to come up with some clear expectations for both of you and discuss it with him. Living your life without any idea when you will see him next is so exhausting and you shouldn't have to live like that. PM me if you want to chat, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while now.
iluffyew769769
Well-known member
Quote:
This is probably the smartest thing said by anyone in this thread.
| Originally Posted by NutMeg
You see, most relationships don't work out, long distance or otherwise. Assuming you only get married once, only one of your potentially many relationships will "work out". I don't think that we (people in general) get into a relationship thinking that it is the one that will work. We're all just trying to figure out if this person and this relationship is what we want, and I don't see that as a reason to be afraid of long distance relationships. To make any relationship work you need trust, respect, etc. In a long distance relationship I think it's also hugely important to have a timeline. When is the next time you will talk, see each other, when will the long distance part be over? It is extremely difficult to cope if you don't know these things, and to the OP I really feel for you right now. Uncertainty in this kind of situation is brutal. I think you need to come up with some clear expectations for both of you and discuss it with him. Living your life without any idea when you will see him next is so exhausting and you shouldn't have to live like that. PM me if you want to chat, I've been in a long distance relationship for a while now. |
This is probably the smartest thing said by anyone in this thread.
seonmi
Well-known member
I'm in a long distance relationship, too and it's been 3 years. We have not come to the point of moving to one place yet as we are still in school for another year. It is hard because I miss him so much, but we trust each other so we never have to worry about being cheated on.
I'm not experienced in this stage of a relationship but I think the best thing to do is just talk honestly and calmly to him how you feel, that you don't mean to pressure him, and you guys can work things out together. Try to be as supportive and "sweet" as possible. Also, make sure to build a time line and some expectations. For example, I've been talking to my bf about what we want to do after graduation. I know there is a big chance of me and him still being in a long distance relationship but I hope the distance will get shorter.
Sorry for rambling too much. Hope things work out for you.
I'm not experienced in this stage of a relationship but I think the best thing to do is just talk honestly and calmly to him how you feel, that you don't mean to pressure him, and you guys can work things out together. Try to be as supportive and "sweet" as possible. Also, make sure to build a time line and some expectations. For example, I've been talking to my bf about what we want to do after graduation. I know there is a big chance of me and him still being in a long distance relationship but I hope the distance will get shorter.
Sorry for rambling too much. Hope things work out for you.
effboysinthebut
Well-known member
I don't necessarily think that most long distance relationships are doomed. I had a long distance relationship with someone I married. Of the two years we've been married he's been home one. He's in the army so six months after we got married he went to Afghanistan.
He just got back in February and is leaving again in December.
Long distance relationships don't work unless both people are committed to doing the work.
He just got back in February and is leaving again in December.
Long distance relationships don't work unless both people are committed to doing the work.
static_universe
Active member
Maybe he's just trying to take some time off? He's probably stressed. And I remember it took a year for me to get a job. It just interview after interview and filling out applications, it wares you down.
But you should save all the money you possibly can, just to make his eventual move up there as easy as it can be.
Me and my girlfriend are trying to move her up here, but we just can't financially and she keeps getting mad cause I keep spending a lot of my money on makeup. She thinks I'm not serious. It hurts. Blah, sorry for going off on a tangent.
But you should save all the money you possibly can, just to make his eventual move up there as easy as it can be.
Me and my girlfriend are trying to move her up here, but we just can't financially and she keeps getting mad cause I keep spending a lot of my money on makeup. She thinks I'm not serious. It hurts. Blah, sorry for going off on a tangent.
mona lisa
Well-known member
Quote:
I concur with pumpkincat on this.
| Originally Posted by pumpkincat210
In my opinion long distance relationships rarely work out. I don't mean to scare you, but they take alot more work and dedication than other relationships. You both have to talk calmly and communicate like mature adults. When I was in a long distance relationship i constantly worried that i was being cheated on or forgotten. I'm not saying he is, but his anger and reluctance to see you would make me think twice about that. Maybe you could take the trip to see him, talking in person is really important because you can interpret body language which is extremely important when seeing if a person likes you. Good luck and don't let him get you down, he may just be bummed out because he can't find a job and has no monetary independence. |
I concur with pumpkincat on this.
