long term AND long distance relationships

[preciouscharm]

Since makeup/spektra is my escape I'm really hoping I can find some ladies in the same situation as me.

So I've been with my love for a little more than four years. Three out of those four years he's been stationed over in CA while im going to school here in FL. It's given our relationship SO MUCH strength and I really can't ask for anything more. We're best friends and support each other like no other. Lately here's the deal... We've always planned our future together and that's coming up faster than we now. By the time he's done with the air force I'll be done here with my undergrad. We are becoming so suddenly anxious to just be together already it's kind of driving us crazy. I'm already planning to graduate a year early and hope to get into med school there in CA. As much as I want to just pack up and leave to go there I know I have a good thing going here. I'm going to a good university and am heading in the right path, so I know I have to finish up my undergrad here. I hate the fact that I am becoming so depressed, its really taking a toll on me, because of the whole situation. We both work so hard yet always feel like we have to wait for something. The one thing that the long distance has taught me, is that I've learned to be an independent person and deal with my own stresses as opposed to always leaning on someone 24/7. It's the fact that we're both not getting what we deserve (each other) thats killing us both.

Do any of you ladies deal with this? How can I distract myself form the wait (I have a year and a half left for my undergrad). Thanks so much!

 

[User93]

Girl, I know really good what are you going through

I'm in a long-distance relationship with my bf, its less than yours, but we've been together for year and a half already. It's really damn tough sometimes, cause I just miss him so bad. I learned too to deal with things on my own, still, i need him so much. He is very far away within 5 hours time difference.

I'm really anxious about waiting too. But what's important, is that you said you know you are on the right path. You know, that you're not just taking time, but doing something that will really help in the future, your guys future together. I'm in university too now, diploma is really needed nowadays all over the world. So you should just know, that every time you go to college, you study good etc you are doing it for you two. The time will pass girl, and then you will be there with him, not only that, but after graduating you will be able to find a good job there, earn some money for the love nest

I went thorough ups and downs and sometimes this waiting was just killing me, and what I noticed, is that when you are depressed and anxious, time goes slower. All I did was just wait, lay and think, cry... This periods suck. And when I'm trying to be pore positive, just going to college, going to work to get some money for tickets etc, every day just passes and gets me closer to him. Sometimes this periods just finish themself, maybe you even to let you cry sometimes, and let it go. The most important thing in long-distance relationship i to support each other, so just tell him how anxious you are too, but that everything will be good for sure, that you are waiting for him and doing everything.

I wont tell you just to destract yourself from missing him and waiting cause its hardly possible, but whats important is that you realise that studing now and taking this time is not something bad which keeps you away from him, but something really good and nessesary for your future together. That it's gotta be done. So you guys get what you deserve, be with each other all the time, have this little things you were missing. It all will come

I hope you will feel better soon sweety!

 

[Blushbaby]

I can relate to what you're going through. My boyf is in NY, I'm in London ...I can't exactly hop on a plane every weekend! You can't hep who you fall for and trust me to fall for a guy who's 6000+ miles away!

You've both come so far and have managed to get through this, another 18 mths will fly by. I know it's hard but you've just got to stay positive. You will be together soon and it'll be so worth it when you finally are.

You need to keep yourself busy so that you're not at home crying ...literally. one thing I've realised if that you can't put your life on hold just cos your man's not by your side. Go out with friends, do that hobby you've wanted to try but have never gotten round to. Too often we consume ourselves in our partners to the point where we forget that we also have a life to live too.

I've lost count of how many times I've cried cos I just miss him so much, but being so far apart has made us stronger and we definately don't take one another for granted as every moment we spend together is so frickin precious.

We've started planning our future and it's not gna be easy but it's not an impossibility either. I plan on moving to NY to be with him and that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Try not to get so down, you're almost there xx

 

[NutMeg]

Man, a HUGE

to all you ladies who have to deal with this stuff. My bf and I are going to be celebrating 4 years in March, and we've been long distance of some kind or another since we'd been together for about 6 months. Right now I live in Vancouver BC and he lives in Alberta, 1 hour time difference. It's not the worst, we generally get to see each other every couple months, and I was home for the summer. We still live an hour apart when I'm at my parents' place, but every weekend is a hell of a lot better than every couple months. I am so freaking excited though, because the next time I see him is December 5, and then Decemeber 18, and then he's moving here!!!!

So although I have to go two months without him, I just keep telling myself that it's only one more goodbye.

Who thinks we should start a support group thread? Like the girls in the weight loss support thread, except we can bitch to each other about how much long distance sucks. There are a decent number of us... Anyone else think it's a good idea?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alibi I went thorough ups and downs and sometimes this waiting was just killing me, and what I noticed, is that when you are depressed and anxious, time goes slower. All I did was just wait, lay and think, cry... This periods suck. And when I'm trying to be pore positive, just going to college, going to work to get some money for tickets etc, every day just passes and gets me closer to him. Sometimes this periods just finish themself, maybe you even to let you cry sometimes, and let it go. The most important thing in long-distance relationship i to support each other, so just tell him how anxious you are too, but that everything will be good for sure, that you are waiting for him and doing everything.

I am so glad to hear this. I know you were having a lot of trouble a while back, and it makes me glad to know that you're doing better.

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I am so freaking excited though, because the next time I see him is December 5, and then Decemeber 18, and then he's moving here!!!! So although I have to go two months without him, I just keep telling myself that it's only one more goodbye.

aaaigh Meg i'm so happy for you!!!! Really even I am excited here for you!


Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg I am so glad to hear this. I know you were having a lot of trouble a while back, and it makes me glad to know that you're doing better.

Thank you SO MUCH!

You helped me a lot when I was feeling down doll.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Who thinks we should start a support group thread? Like the girls in the weight loss support thread, except we can bitch to each other about how much long distance sucks. There are a decent number of us... Anyone else think it's a good idea?

Oh I've been thinking about it too I swear!

It's a good idea, gotta see how it goes!

 

[NutMeg]

^

 

[chantelle8686]

wow u girls are very strong.... and to think when u guys get to be with ur loved ones the wait would have been sooo worth it!!!
Not only u will finally be together but u will also have a great career goal also!!

I lived away from my bf for a year...i moved out from his parents place as i was just stressing and we moved to fast, so i went back to school and i live with my step mum.
I moved 3 hours away and that was hard enough....i ended up coming down to sydney from Newcastle every wknd to see him as he work on the wknds also...i stayes the wknd and went back home on monday..so i only did 4 days of school...we have noe been together for 5.5yrs and we have had our fair shares of ups and downs...most ppl would leave their partner for etc...but because we love each other soo much, and altho its hard for him to show it, i know he does and it makes it all worth while, makes us stronger and altho there can be bad times just remember all the good times and thats wat makes u happy....
Its great that all u girls are doing this distance...does shoe how strong and how independent that we as women can be and that we dont always rely on our men!!!
We too are now looking at buy a house very soon, we are in the process of finishing the rest of our bills then we should have a huge deposit for a house in about 1-2yrs. very excited as that will just make our life complete....and a house for us to retire in and a place for our child/ren to have when we have gone

 

[preciouscharm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NutMeg Who thinks we should start a support group thread? Like the girls in the weight loss support thread, except we can bitch to each other about how much long distance sucks. There are a decent number of us... Anyone else think it's a good idea?

YES PLEASE!!We really really should!! I need people to talk to about all this, sometimes my friends arent the ones to go to bcuz they aren't in the same situation. AH thank u ladies for responding!

 

[preciouscharm]

NutMeg, I'm really excited for you!!! Mines coming home for xmas too (hopefully) but not staying of course

. But still is exciting

It's the only thing that makes me work hard in school, I think if we didn't have such a good relationship now, I'd be drained from all my hardwork and give up !

 

[User93]

Precious charm, oh i feel the same! I was working in the summer a lot, and now got a part-time job too, and still try to do good in my college, our relationship helps me so much! If not that I would be drained too, maybe would even give it all up, wont search for work, would be going out, parting etc... My bf has a very good influation on me seriously!

 

[airplane_girl]

Kind of same situation as you.
I'm from California and we meet at college in Oklahoma. So when he left the first time I was still in oklahoma. After two months of being a couple he had to leave for training for the Air Force. So for the first 2 years we got to see each other every 3-4 months. Then he came back for 1 year and we lived together for that time then I moved back to California for 1year to finish the last part of schooling. I moved back to Oklahoma 6 months before we got married. Then 5 months after our wedding I moved to houston for a job transfer. I had been here little more then a year before he was able to transfer here. So long story short we been together (living) for about 2 years of our 6 year relationship. The hardest part for me was having no family around to help distract me from being apart. I would just try to find things to do everyday.. go hang out at a friends house..study. The weird part for me was the less I talked to him on the phone the easier it was for me. I think being apart has made our relationship so much stronger. I cherish the time we get to spend together.

 

[airplane_girl]

being apart is a huge sacrafice for both of you. But its nice to have a relationship where neither of you are selfish and understand that it will all lead to a better future together.

 

[NutMeg]

For me, when I decided to go to university I knew exactly where I wanted to go. Unfortunately it was not where he would be, but I knew that if I did go to a university I didn't want in order to be near him I would end up resenting him for it. I also think of us being apart right now as preparing for our future together. We're gaining the experience and education to have a good life together in the long term, and that's more important than short term satisfaction. Or that's what I keep telling myself.

I think it's so important to have a timeline. If I don't know when I'm going to get to see or talk to him next I just go crazy. So preciouscharm, while it sucks that you know that your bf isn't going to stay, knowing that you do get to see him at Christmas gives you something to look forward to. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I focus on how soon it will be that I get to see him again.

So do you ladies think we should just use this thread or make a new one for our support group?

 

[preciouscharm]

Start a new one or keep this one, either one is fine with me. Perhaps we should start a new one and officially introduce ourselves and tell our stories of how we met our bfs and all the mushy stuff!! HAHA.

PS- I'm so glad this thread got a pretty good response.

 

[preciouscharm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by airplane_girl Kind of same situation as you. I'm from California and we meet at college in Oklahoma. So when he left the first time I was still in oklahoma. After two months of being a couple he had to leave for training for the Air Force. So for the first 2 years we got to see each other every 3-4 months. Then he came back for 1 year and we lived together for that time then I moved back to California for 1year to finish the last part of schooling. I moved back to Oklahoma 6 months before we got married. Then 5 months after our wedding I moved to houston for a job transfer. I had been here little more then a year before he was able to transfer here. So long story short we been together (living) for about 2 years of our 6 year relationship. The hardest part for me was having no family around to help distract me from being apart. I would just try to find things to do everyday.. go hang out at a friends house..study. The weird part for me was the less I talked to him on the phone the easier it was for me. I think being apart has made our relationship so much stronger. I cherish the time we get to spend together.

Mines in the Air Force too!! It's hard because everytime I go over to visit him we hang out with all his friends and wives, that get to see their husbands 24/7 grrrr!

 

[NutMeg]

Ok, I'll get on a new thread. I think it would be easier for others to find if the title was specific.

I'm excited.

 

[airplane_girl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by preciouscharm Mines in the Air Force too!! It's hard because everytime I go over to visit him we hang out with all his friends and wives, that get to see their husbands 24/7 grrrr!

After we started dating he left for boot camp so when it time for his graduation I drove about 12 hrs to San Antonio and when it was time to leave I cried like a baby all the way home because I knew it was going to be about 4 months until I was going to see him.

 

[NutMeg]

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