Marriage- yay or nay?

[kaliraksha]

So, I'm curious what you all think about marriage? I am the only one out of my mid-20 to early 30s friends who believes that marriages can work. All of my friends are anti-marriage.

My questions for you are what do you think it takes to make a marriage work? What has helped your marriage be strong or not? How do you know when the person is the "one"? If you are against marriage, why? If you are for it, why?

I'm just looking for opinions and to understand both sides of it.

 

[couturesista]

While I'm not against marriage, I just know its not for me. I know alot of people who have successful marriages and are really happy, but I have always been the type of person that thought it was overrated. I've been with my Sweetie for 10 yrs and I have no desires to marry, now him on the other hand every 30 days he brings up marriage. I don't know, maybe one day, but as of now no ring for the fourth finger left hand.

 

[MACATTAK]

I'm for it. I've seen my parents marriage last for almost 30 years, so it can work. I don't plan on having kids, so I would like to have someone to grow old with. It's not a top priority for me right now, but if/when it happens I'd be happy about it.

 

[SuSana]

My friends that are against marriage, are the ones that are married. Just because they aren't happy in their marriages doesn't mean I won't be. My parents have been married for 29 years and I think they are the best example for pro-marriage that I can have. Everyone is different though, there are just some people that never want to get married, and there are also people who don't take marriage seriously. I know a girl that is 27 and about to get her 3rd divorce. She sees it like a breakup instead of a divorce. That is totally opposite of how I view marriage, but again, everyone is different

 

[Shaquille]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK I would like to have someone to grow old with.

this is also why I got married. I have friends, but I've been traveling (living in other countries too) and in new countries where I feel like an alien, it's great to have someone who sticks with me. Again, I have friends. They come and go in my life, but my husband will stick with me

Then again, I was looking and I found a great husband, who likes me being independent as well. He doesn't care when I go out with my friends. He wants me to be happy so he gives me freedom because he also knows I am responsible for every of my action

Like SuSana said, everyone is different. If you feel you are a family person, then get married, if you want someone to grow old with (with no kids), you have more things to think about (to get married or not), if you feel like you're anti marriage, then don't. Contemplation is important here

 

[mjalomo]

I have been married 14 years and I think it is a yay. I can honestly say I can't imagine being happier than I am sharing my life with my husband. I am also glad we are raising our children as a team. He is a great husband and a great father. I think our marriage works because we had similar views of what we wanted in our lives. We both wanted to have traditional families growing up. We wanted to raise children in a traditional home with sit down meals and conversation. He always said he wanted to coach his children's sports teams and he did. We wanted pets and family vacations and when our kids are grown we want to travel together. I am not saying it is easy because even though we have similar values we are very different people with very different political views, music tastes, etc. I don't think there is a ONE though. I hope not, as I hope if I die someone special will come into his life and love him too. I just know he is a great person and I am glad he thinks I'm great too.

 

[snowflakelashes]

I'm for it, its a partnership. I would have to find the right guy, and thats tough. I don't believe in getting married just to get married. Getting married to me is about comitting to work towards your common goals and dreams, if that is to have children and raise them , that can be a big part of it. If it's to travel the world or do volonteer work. It's making a comitment to continually work on your relationship it is not ever going to be easy , and thats the biggest thing I'd want in a partner is a guy who understands that while falling in love is easy, keeping communication going as life goes on can be hard. That's me though I'm sort of whistful romantic and traditional

 

[Beauty Mark]

My SO proposed, and I said yes.

We aren't legally married yet, because it's financially advantageous for me not to be, but we are planning on it. I love him, he loves me, I don't want either of us to get screwed over with insurance and that stuff later on in life.

You don't have to, in my opinion, be legally married to have the kind of commitment marriage takes. A lot of people find themselves in committed relationships without involving the law or church.

 

[TDoll]

I'm married and so far, it's been great. I think you can't really set yourself up to be hands-down "for" or "against" marriage, simply because you never know until you meet that certain person. Based on my previous relationships which were, um, interesting to say the least, I never would have thought I'd find someone that gets me so well. Nothing is ever an easy fairy tale, but you have to take the good times with the bad and respect each other enough to be able to get through the bad times and laugh about it the next day. Be friends and support one another. Build each other up when the other is down and have a good sense of humor. Trust each other and allow the other their space to be with friends and do their own thing. Oh, and never go to bed angry. (Those last two were bits of advice given to us by our parents....and very true)

Something that's inspired us is our parents' marriages. Both of our parents are still married. Which now a days, is a situation that is sadly getting harder and harder to find. We've watched them still having fun with each other, taking vacations together, and still very much in love. Theyve FOR SURE gone through hard times and tough issues, but we've seen them be able to work through it and be where they are today. I think that's inspiring.

 

[rbella]

I was so anti-marriage for the longest time. I was with my man for about 8 years before we got married. I am so happy we did! He is just as wonderful now as he was before we got married, but it is just different. I guess I am old fashioned and like the idea of taking on my man's name. It is also nice knowing we will grow old together and we will always be there for each other. I love him!

 

[kaliraksha]

Yeah, I'm engaged and we're waiting due to some financial reasons as well. I know this is the man I would want to marry. I know marriage isn't for everyone and I think lots of people get married because it's the next thing to do but not what they want to do.

Sometimes I wonder about the advantages of staying in a committed relationship without marriage.. we've been together for 6.5 years. I practically feel married.. but if we're not married does that mean he tries harder to keep me? I wonder about things like that. And also, what the advantages are of being married?

 

[Beauty Mark]

Advantages of being married: more legal protection if you break up (read: divorce), less insurance hassles (from what I understand, the press for gay marriage is based in this a bit), religious blessing (if you're into that kind of thing), appeasing family, weddings (if you want one)

Advantages of being in a committed relationship: Not giving into society's expectations (if you're into that)

In all honesty, I don't think much should change on the two people's behalf if you're married for 50 years or in a committed relationship for 50 years.

 

[User93]

I'm pro-marriage. When i was 17, i was dreaming to get married. My father died, and i guess sub consciently i always dreamed of having a family on my own.

But well, 2 years passed, and i dont dream to get married as soon as possible, still, i find it one of the biggest blessings in life to spend your lifetime with a person you love and grow old together. I think its one of rare things in life which truly matter.

I agree that everyone is different, and about 80% of my friends have parents who are divorced, but yes, its about a person, making the right choice and staying true to it. Im not agains divorces aswell, i think you should always have the right to be happy.

 

[seonmi]

I'm pro-marriage. I have a great bf and I look forward to us living together. We plan to get married when I'm done with school, which is 5 or 6 years from now. My view is if you live together, why not getting married? I really don't see any difference between a serious long-term relationship with marriage. But it's just me. My parents got divorced 6 years ago after 16 years of marriage but it doesn't affect how I think about marriage, frankly.
If my bf asked, I would say yes right now. But he wants to have financial stability before building a family. I think he's right. About children, I'm not the type of girls who get all excited seeing a baby/child. I plan to have one or two because it's necessary; but it doesn't sound exciting to me

 

[revinn]

My parents met when they were 15, married when they were 21, and now, 27 years later, they still act like two teenagers in love. It's kinda gross, haha, but I know how blessed I am to have been raised in such a loving family. My father's favorite saying is, "the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." I have such high expectations and respect for myself when I see how my father treats my mother, and I'll never settle for less.

The older I get (although I'm only 18, so still very young), the more I see how independent I am. I have been in only one serious relationship, but I don't need to be with a guy to be happy. While I would love to get married, I would be perfectly content to have a life revolved around a career that I love, and maybe one day having children. If I find someone to spend the rest of my life with, then great, but if we never marry, that's fine too. I guess my opinion on marriage, for me, is that it's a nice bonus that I'd love to have in my life someday, but I know I'll be just fine if it isn't in the cards for me.

 

[User93]

Quote:

Originally Posted by revinn My father's favorite saying is, "the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.".

i love this quote! And i LOVE hearing about families like yours. Im honestly getting soo happy and excited these things DO happen and love like this excists.

 

[revoltofagirl]

I'm engaged so... definately pro-marriage. though growing up, and when I was a teenager, I always said I'd never get married. I think it had something to do with not wanting children. I realized that you can find someone to love and be with them forever and NOT have kids

I'm lucky to have found my fiance, who is great, and also childfree!

his parents divorced and mine are still together (but seemingly hate each other) so we don't have the best role models to go on. however his grandparents are still married and they give us advice from time to time and I really look up to their relationship. I want our's to be just like their's when we're old (still poking fun at each other and laughing). although hopefully we'll be more cuddley, too. hehe.

 

[florabundance]

Marriage and family has always been a big deal to me. Since I was a little girl, i've known that that's what I want. I don't see the problem with being a young bride either. A lot of people tell me that it's a waste to marry young etc. But the way I understand it is that if you truly love someone then their permanent presence in your life (no matter what age) would never be a hindrance, but a huge benefit.

Aside from that kind of deep stuff, I like the idea of calling someone my husband - or flashing my ring when i'm hit on, like, "sorry, i'm married" lol. That stupid stuff excites me. Obviously as well as building a family, and being part of a team for life.

So basically - yay to marriage for me

 

[MACATTAK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by seonmi I'm pro-marriage. I have a great bf and I look forward to us living together. We plan to get married when I'm done with school, which is 5 or 6 years from now. My view is if you live together, why not getting married? I really don't see any difference between a serious long-term relationship with marriage. But it's just me. My parents got divorced 6 years ago after 16 years of marriage but it doesn't affect how I think about marriage, frankly. If my bf asked, I would say yes right now. But he wants to have financial stability before building a family. I think he's right. About children, I'm not the type of girls who get all excited seeing a baby/child. I plan to have one or two because it's necessary; but it doesn't sound exciting to me

Just wondering...why are children necessary??

 

[purrtykitty]

I'm all for marriage if you've found the right person. We just celebrated 4 years of marriage and we are coming up on being together 13. For us, it's been both good and bad. I'm not gonna lie, it takes work, but what relationship doesn't? I love the thought of growing old together and sharing our triumps and sorrows. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.