Military - overseas service :(

[feebee]

My ex/friend (yes its one of those on/off, ross/rachel messy situations!) is in the forces. We've just heard on the news that our troops may be sent to Lebanon as part of the UN contingent out there. He doesnt know yet if he'll be drafted or not

He's served in the Lebanon before, and in the Balkans and Africa, but these have all been peace keeping missions, this will be very different (and a lot more volatile).

I know i shouldnt complain, when there are others who have friends and loved ones in Iraq, Afgan... but how do you ever cope with the worry

 

[Shimmer]

You just keep going.
The world can't stop because they're over there. Unfortunately. Watch the news, know where they're at, and just...keep him in your prayers.

Send care packages regularly, and letters, and cards. Email is great. Real mail is AWESOME.

 

[*Stargazer*]

One day at a time, by keeping myself so busy that I have no time to stop and think.

 

[feebee]

Thanks guys.

When he was overseas last i used to write and email loads, lots of parcels etc, so i know how much it means to them to have some sort of contact from home.

**Selfish rant alert** its just that now, well i suppose now we're not as close as we used to be... and i'm not going to be his priority when he is away if that makes sense... so i wont have the comfort of hearing from him and knowing that he is ok... i know how selfish and needy that sounds... but i love him to bits and if anything happened id be heartbroken.

Gah, men... i think i should just get a cat and settle into a life of spinsterhood!

 

[kimmy]

Shimmer knows what's up. send lots of care packages and be in the know. know where they are, what's going on. pay attention to the news. but, when you watch the news, they sometimes sneak a little spin into the story, don't fall for it. remember that he's there doing his job and he's there protecting YOU

and don't worry about being or not being his priority, things like this can really change a man. you never know, he might come back more interested in you than ever before because while he's there he'll be faced with some harsh stuff, and i can promise you that if he does go, he'll think alot about you while he's gone

just keep your head up and keep him and his buddies in your thoughts, we'll all do the same if he goes

 

[lightnlovly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by feebee Thanks guys. When he was overseas last i used to write and email loads, lots of parcels etc, so i know how much it means to them to have some sort of contact from home. **Selfish rant alert** its just that now, well i suppose now we're not as close as we used to be... and i'm not going to be his priority when he is away if that makes sense... so i wont have the comfort of hearing from him and knowing that he is ok... i know how selfish and needy that sounds... but i love him to bits and if anything happened id be heartbroken. Gah, men... i think i should just get a cat and settle into a life of spinsterhood!

In all actuallity u can't be his priority while he is overseas---I've been in your situation. My boyfriend spent 2 ( looooonnnngg years) over in Iraq and Bahrain and he called (and emailed) occasionally. For the longest I felt kinda put out--like he doesn't really care for me, like I feel for him. I pushed my feelings aside and focused on the fact that this is his job....and although selfishly I felt left out--I stuck with it. He just got back in the states a couple of weeks ago and he calls (atleast) 3 times a day----It's like we were never seperated!!! I am trying to get time off of work now so I can plan my special rondevous(sp?)

Just be patient---show him love (as in letters, packages and email) and it will be what it will be. Good luck and we are here for venting purposes (if u need us)

 

[Hawkeye]

Shimmer gave you the best advice you will ever need with this situation

 

[Beauty Mark]

A friend of mine is in Iraq. He shipped over his computer, so he's able to talk to people via the Internet at times. Maybe your guy will be able to do the same?

I second the packages. My friend receives so many from strangers,, but he appreciates most things from people he knows. We send nothing much really- snapshots, write him about what's going on in our lives, etc. He really appreciates the little things.

Is there a support group in your area? My friend's girlfriend is a part of the one for his troop. They receive updates and support that way.

 

[feebee]

Thanks everyone for all your great advice!

There is no word yet on whether they will be sent, the government will have the final say but if it does go ahead it will be mid-November.

I know i wont be his no1 priority when he is away, im used to that, sometimes he would be so busy he would only get to email or call every couple of weeks. i meant more in the sense that we are not a "couple" anymore, so i wont be the first person he goes to phone or email if that makes sense. and god forbid if anything happened, would i be told or would i have to hear it on the news, you know?
Beauty mark there are support groups and there is a military liaison officer you can chat to, but i kinda feel like a fraud as im not his official "girlfriend" now... i feel like i dont have the right to be feeling this way

Oh im all about the packages! I used to send him his local newspaper every week, all the sports pullouts, food, candy.... i used to get him showergel, shaving foam etc... i never knew mens grooming products were so expensive lol!!

THE ANTHEM you made an interesting point there... when he was away last he really seemed to have a change of heart if you know what i mean.... we became so much closer even though he was thousands of miles away! It was great for a few months after he came home, then things just fizzled out... now its on/off... best mates/at each others throats... like i said think ross and rachel lol!

Thanks again everyone for your advice, i know some of you are going through the same thing and will be thinking of you and your loved ones x


ETA ive just realised how pathetic i probably sound..... i know in a sense i know if he is drafted i should probably use this time to cut all contact and move on from this on/off relationship, but i just couldnt turn my back on him if he were sent away, you know?

 

[Beauty Mark]

You could just join as a friend. The groups, from what I can tell, primarily exist for family and significant others, but I'm sure it isn't unheard of for a friend to join one. You shouldn't feel bad about being sad about this. I feel upset my friend is in Iraq, and I have nothing but platonic feelings.

 

[queenofdisaster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by feebee ETA ive just realised how pathetic i probably sound..... i know in a sense i know if he is drafted i should probably use this time to cut all contact and move on from this on/off relationship, but i just couldnt turn my back on him if he were sent away, you know?

hunny you do not sound pathetic in the least bit... it just shows that you care about him. if you're not ready to move away, then don't.. all i can say is just that i agree with everyone else that you should support him as much as you can. those care packages you were saying you used to send last time he was away probably meant a great deal to him and i'm sure he would appreciate it. my husband's in the military and his job is his life. it's his number one priority and he takes it very seriously and i know it means so much to him that i support him in that aspect...

 

[feebee]

Thanks for your support everyone, it means alot x

 

[duch3ss25]

i agree w/ everyone here... just be supportive and keep him in your prayers everyday.

my bf is getting sent to qatar next week and i don't know how i'll cope then since we talk to each other several times a day. i'm very worried but i know that's not going to help in the least. so right now, i'm preparing things for him to take so he doesn't miss home too much.

i agree w/ shimmer, write letters. lots of them, actually! i have just finished writing 3 weeks worth of letters for him to take next week. i don't know how long it takes for packages to get to him so i have a letter a day for him to read the moment he gets to qatar. they're not long letters. just something that tells him i love him and that i support what he's doing. and most important, i think, is to assure him that everything's fine at home so he doesn't worry about me or his family at all.

in the meantime, i've signed up for dance classes and clubs to occupy my time. this way, i won't have to think of what he's doing too much. if other families around the world can do it, and they even have young children, i'm sure we'll be fine. so don't worry. instead, write him letters and support him in every way you can!