More then a friend, not quite a boyfriend

[ndn-ista]

Hello! Okay, so I never really like to talk about my personal stuff to anyone but I am in a sort of dilemma so just wanted to get it off my chest!

I have been talking to this amazing guy (or so I thought?) for about 6 months or so. He claims he likes and cares about me soooo much, and yes I have to say he has shown it more then any other guy I have been with. We are sexually active and do not see each other too much, all though he makes more effort then I do to see me as much as he can. I am scared to get into an actual relationship because of my past and I feel that I would not be a great girlfriend at this time and that would not be fair to him.

We occasionally jokingly talk about being a "couple" and them I say what's in a title, that should'nt change anything. I feel like if you really like and care about someone that much, then you don't need a title to feel for that person.

Okay so, he said that he basically stopped talking to all his other "girls" because he likes me that much. I'm like okay, thats a step for me to trust him. So, we went out this past weekend, which he ditched his friends to chill with me and my friends, so that was nice and assuring about him. We got into out first argument, and I basically was upset because I was liek your too good to be true, wait till I catch you moment. I know it was wrong for me to say and think that, but honestly with my past and trust issues I felt exactly that way.

Well, anyway...I am NOT the type of person to go through anyone's phone and personal stuff, but he left his phone while he stormed out of the club because we were arguing. I waited a few minutes to see if he would return back to get his phone, but I guess he didn't realize right away. And with much contemplation, I went through his text messages (VERY wrong of me I know). What I found...:

His brother wrote: We are at Pacha (this other club btw), mad hot girls here, come through if u can.

Ok...so mind you, his brother knows about me and supposedly knows how much my guy likes me and know he was hanging out with me...why would he write that?? Do I think, I am wrong to think like this, or I am making more of a big deal then it should be??

another text was from a Sabrina, she wrote: I will def come see you next time, your more then worth it

Okay....what the f is that about??? again, am I wrong to think wtf? I confronted him becuase he came back into the club and he said Sabrina is just a friend and he never even texted his brother back. I felt silly, so I let it go.

This is why I can't trust anyone to be in a "relationship" becuase I feel like some things are really just too good to be true.

So, do you guys think I am thinking way too much and it's not a big deal?

 

[Chikky]

As per the brother thing, I think it's... Well, he's a guy. Heh. No other reason I can give ya than that. Looking at girls will never ever be something a guy doesn't do. It's whether he acts on it or not that is the telltale mark.

 

[MACATTAK]

I'd say that up until the time you make it official, he is still free to do what he wants, and of course the same goes for you. Now, if after you are together these things are still happening, that's a whole different story. It sucks to have past issues and baggage (almost everyone has a past, and things that are hard to get over), but until you are ready to give someone a fair shot, it's not going to work. You have to go into a relationship giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying that you go into it blindly, or without a care in the world, but if you are bringing up past issues that he did not create, it's never going to work.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I don't understand this. ???

To me, you are giving out the message - no strings attached. Is that what you really want?

It's almost as though you are setting yourself up again for hurt. Get involved sexually first, not talking in between, and test the guy for trust later. You can be not emotionally involved and just be sexually involved. Sure, but what's that? Is that protective? Is that honoring. What is the point in that? I think you would be better off with a vibrator (satisfaction guaranteed) than risking your life with strangers going with other strangers.

In the meantime, work on your wounds . These guys aren't worth your health. There are just too many diseases out there to be doing this. This is hurtful to you.

If you don't work on these wounds, you may repeat the exact hurt you are trying to avoid.

 

[faithhopelove24]

Things will always be in your life the way you say it will be. You create your world with your words. If you keep saying guys are too good to be true eventually you will find this to be true.Work on fixing your issues from your past or when the "right one" does come along you won't be able to recieve his love or believe anyhing he says to you.

 

[ndn-ista]

Yes, all of you are correct. I cannot judge him from what has happened to me in my past. But, then again, I have to trust my gut instincts. I guess, I want the liberty to talk to other guys and do my thing without putting myself into a relationship...but at the same time I want him to act like I am the only one for him, which is unfair to him. Im sure, I give him mixed signals at times, when I don't commit, but yet get mad when other girls come up.

I mean, so far, he puts up with me...and let me say I am not the easiest person to deal with. My friend tells me that I am that "tester girl" who always puts guys through tests and challenges to see if they pass etc.

Honestly, I am not ready to commit. I still want to talk to other guys and see what else is out there. I don't know why, even though this guy treats me great. I am the type of person that is never satisified and always looking for something better, in everything. I guess I have to realize that sometimes, the things you already have are just the best for you, and by me not accepting what I have, I will regret losing it one day. I guess I still have alot of issues to still work on.

 

[SparklingWaves]

You have to give yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself.

One thing you may think about doing is body work. It's a form of therapy, but with your body. It's massage. It's a form of relaxation. However, with this type of massage, you will realize you have stored a lot of pain within your body. Once the this is area is worked on, you will actually feel emotional release. It's one type of therapy. Talk therapy doesn't every reach this level. I just think you would feel so much different about yourself if you started addressing your body and it's needs. The mind and body are not separate. Love your body. Don't forget it is your most precious gift.

 

[TrueRiot]

You are not ready for a committed relationship. Your trust issues will only ruin what could become a good thing. Like you've acknowledged, you still have some issues to work out. So you have made the most crucial step which is acknowledging the problem. Dating around is not going to help. You need some time as a SINGLE woman to work out your issues. Wish you the best of luck!