mother's concern

[gohgoomah]

i just need somewhere to rant right now...

honestly, i love my mother to death... i know she has my best interest in mind, but i can't help but to feel that EVERYTHING i do is wrong in her book sometimes. everything from my career choices to the way i handle my relationships. she's very weary of boys (with a good reason bc i have been burned in the past and i am her only child), but she keeps telling me that if i spend too much time with my bf, or if i talk too much on the phone with him... he's going to take me for granted and that our relationship is only going to last about a year, give or take a couple of months.

i am twenty two years old and i realize that many times she does speak out of wisdom and care&concern for me, it's not like i completely disregard the things she says, but i can't help but to feel like i am a child that she believes is incapable of facing whatever consequences occur due to my decisions.

for example, today when i was talking to my bf she told me to hang up, so i did. then she goes on telling me how i'm being "easy" by being so readily available to him, that i'm acting like i'm a boy-crazed girl and that if what i want to do with my life is get married so much that she'll find me a guy to marry me off to (she says this more so bc both me and my s/o are still in school). honestly i was really hurt by this, and though i know a lot of times it's cultural/generational differences, sometimes i can't help but to wonder if my mother is right and if i'm just being "too easy" and "wasting my time".

*sigh*

 

[MACATTAK]

This is hard because you know that your mother is just trying to protect you & loves you. However, at 22, you are old enough to make your own decisions & if those decisions aren't right, then your own mistakes. That's how we learn & grow as a person. I do have a question though...do you share a lot about you & your boyfriends life with your mom? If you do, she may think she has the right to tell you what to do. Have you ever had a serious conversation with her about how you feel & how she makes you feel? If not, I would definitely start there. Take care

 

[giz2000]

Take it from a mom who's got a child at the verge of adulthood: it's not easy to know when to let go. You never stop being a mother...ever. I know she might be driving you crazy, and that you are old enough and smart enough to do whatever you need to do for yourself (it is your life after all), but understand where she's coming from and acknowledge her opinion (doesn't mean you have to follow it!!!). Someday, you'll be in her shoes..but until then, I think it's a good idea to have a nice, long adult talk with her as to why she feels the way she does. A mother-daughter adult relationship is not easy sometimes, and hopefully, she'll see you as an adult soon. Good luck...