My heart is breaking my chest feels like shrinking =(
- Thread starter miszjenny
- Start date
rbella
Well-known member
I would be pissed whether he was with the 2 chicks or the one. Telling you that you shouldn't separate from each other at parties if he is drunk is ridiculous; he is setting you up for blame if he cheats. I'd dump his ass, but that's my opinion. I wouldn't dig being in your situation, you deserve better.
purrtykitty
Well-known member
Why should you have to "watch" him? If he knows he gets stupid and does stupid things when he's drunk, then he should have the forethought not to get drunk. ITA that he's just setting you up to blame if he cheats and you don't need that.
macface
Well-known member
I think you should leave him now because later on its going to hurt 10 times worse.I dont understand why do you need to watch him and baby sit his ass because he might do something stupid. If he does that when your around imagine what he does when your not around? You need to think about yourself in the future because obviously hes not thinking about you now so imagine yourself later on. I'm telling you this because I have been in your shoes. I have been cheated on by they guy that I was so in love with instead he thought me was love is not. Always remember that love does not hurt and does not make you cry. You deserve way better you gotta let it go for your own good.
SkylarV217
Well-known member
I agree, you are better leaving now than later. The whole situation is sketchy. He should not be getting drunk if he can't control himself. You deserve to be treated better than this. I think deep down you know it. Sometimes it's hard to leave relationships we've been in for a long time because we are afraid that we won't find another relationship. That is no reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
jenjunsan
Well-known member
I agree with SkylarV217. Many times we are afraid of leaving a long term relationship because we don't know what the future holds. I can promise you this...99% of guys who cheat will do it again. My husband of 10 years cheated. I was scared to death at the thought of being on my own, but it has been a wonderful time of getting to know myself and also meeting a man 100 times better. If you feel like you are always going to think about it and wonder, it is best to leave now or you will just make yourself miserable and waste more time with him. You deserve so much more...never forget that and never settle.
Edited to add: Staying next to him to babysit him when he is drunk is like putting a bandaid on something that needs stitches.
Edited to add: Staying next to him to babysit him when he is drunk is like putting a bandaid on something that needs stitches.
hr44
Well-known member
I know the feeling and truthfully you will figure it out on your own. It sucks how bad it hurts and then you just don't know what to do. It is true better now than later. I found out two summers ago when my ex cheated and I crashed. I had this edge of oh no maybe he'll change and I can deal with it. Honestly, I took a break and realized eventually that ending things was the best I can do for myself.
It sucks in the beginning but at least now I never doubt myself of my worth.
Don't let him make excuses for you to fall into and trap yourself into his own weaknesses. Like the other girls have said, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
It sucks in the beginning but at least now I never doubt myself of my worth.
Don't let him make excuses for you to fall into and trap yourself into his own weaknesses. Like the other girls have said, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
bebegirl88
Member
Girl you need to leave him!!! He is such a pussy saying you have to watch him when he drinks!!! Come on you are smarter then to buy into his crap! I hate men who drinks so much that they supposely can not remember what they were doing! Sorry to say if he drinks and act this way he is slowly morphing into a wife beater and a NEGATIVE PERSON!!!
You are NOT WEAK !!! LEAVE HIS ASS AND GET A NEW GUY THAT TREATS YOU WITH RESPECT!!!!!
SOrry if i offended anyone
You deserve better @!!!!!
You are NOT WEAK !!! LEAVE HIS ASS AND GET A NEW GUY THAT TREATS YOU WITH RESPECT!!!!!
SOrry if i offended anyone
You deserve better @!!!!!
MAC_mallory
Well-known member
This is exactly why I hate alcohol.
PolyphonicLove
Well-known member
Darlin...he lied to you on two different occasions, and each lie was actually something your man shouldn't have been doing in the first place. I'd leave, and ASAP...only because he'll probably do something like this again, and lie twice as hard...
Sorry this happened to you darlin....no one deserves shit like this.
Sorry this happened to you darlin....no one deserves shit like this.
ok he's your partner NOT your child! you shouldn't have to watch him, he should take responcibility. butu seriously you deserve respect and he is not respecting you - weather it be getting his perv on over the lesbians girls OR if he was alone in the dark with another girl. People in relationships do not act like this.
if he was that quick to lie to you then you have to ask yourself what will happen a few months down the line... what if he goes out alone and you'd never find out? i'd say kick him to the kerb and get a guy who actually repects you. easier said than done i know but it will save alot of heartache in the future.
if he was that quick to lie to you then you have to ask yourself what will happen a few months down the line... what if he goes out alone and you'd never find out? i'd say kick him to the kerb and get a guy who actually repects you. easier said than done i know but it will save alot of heartache in the future.
VDUB*BELLA
Well-known member
Wow this is really tough I'm sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be cheated on its one of the worst things you can do another human being.
Now here's what I think;
Without trust there is no relationship. Obviously this guy doesnt even TRUST HIMSELF to be around another girl while he's drunk. When would this stop? I dunno if I was in that situation I dont think I could trust him ever again and like I said without a trust in a relationship there is nothing.
Only you yourself know what you want out of this relationship at the end of the day (marriage? short term?) but whatever you decide its not going to be same after this. If it was me I'd be outta there looking for someone who RESPECTS me and someone I can trust who can have a few beers without trying to get into some skanks crusty underwear.
All the best
Now here's what I think;
Without trust there is no relationship. Obviously this guy doesnt even TRUST HIMSELF to be around another girl while he's drunk. When would this stop? I dunno if I was in that situation I dont think I could trust him ever again and like I said without a trust in a relationship there is nothing.
Only you yourself know what you want out of this relationship at the end of the day (marriage? short term?) but whatever you decide its not going to be same after this. If it was me I'd be outta there looking for someone who RESPECTS me and someone I can trust who can have a few beers without trying to get into some skanks crusty underwear.
All the best
miszjenny
Well-known member
we were talking last night for 6 hours on the phone and i was breaking up with him. he wouldn't break up with. he's making me feel that he's human being and he messes up. he told me that he didn't cheat on me all he did was he wrapped his arms around her and tried to kiss her and the only thing that the kiss didn't happen was because the girl said "you have a gf." omg wow the girl was the one reminding him he has a gf. i don't know anymore... all i know is i want to get out of this relationship but i have no guts to say it so. well i tried but he convinced me that he just does stupid things when he drinks too much...okay he was drunk but still could you forget that you have a gf just because you're drunk? how many times could you do that to me? and he's like he won't do it again. and what made me really mad last night was when he said i think kissing is not cheating. it's wrong but it's not cheating. ha so what does that comment leave me? im not stupid. i told him if i kiss another guy in front of him if he would be mad at me and he said he wont. wtf? and then he changed what he said...he said he was just mad that's why hhe said that. hmmm really? i just really hope i was stronger enough to stood up for myself and leave this guy alone coz honestly i will never forgive what he did to me.
i really appreciate all your advices. i feel so much better whenever i read them. huggs
i really appreciate all your advices. i feel so much better whenever i read them. huggs
User93
Well-known member
I cant really advise you much, i just wanted to tell that i know that damn feeling when something hurts in your chest so bad that you think its the end. I would say yes, do leave him, cause thats what men say - i messed up, im a human being, i make mistakes etc. But well, like girls before said - if it happends again it gonna hurt 100 times more. You're his partner, his girl, not a nanny to babySHIT him and keep him away from hooking with girls. Plus, you cant be around 24/7, what, you gotta worry every time he goes away? I think its not a man you can spend your life with... How long have you been together? Had he ever acted shady before?
You should worry about yourself more. This things happening will slowly drive you insane every time he goes away. You gotta at least be able to trust you man. Im sorry you're going through this. Lots of hugs & positive vibes.
You should worry about yourself more. This things happening will slowly drive you insane every time he goes away. You gotta at least be able to trust you man. Im sorry you're going through this. Lots of hugs & positive vibes.
Brittni
Well-known member
Your bf isn't bf material, obviously. What kind of guy tries to explain to you that he was trying to watch 2 girls do lesbian stuff while you are there? It's so disrespectful. He's really immature and honestly if you give him a second chance then wow, maybe you are too. I'd leave him.
rbella
Well-known member
Quote:
I'm sorry, but I really have to agree with Brittni. This does not sound like a normal relationship at all. Honestly, this reminds me of my very first bf when I was about 15. This whole situation is so wrong on so many levels it is actually frustrating:
1. No one can keep you from breaking up with them
2. It is unacceptable for him to use watching lesbians as his excuse for being MIA
3. You shouldn't have to babysit his stupid ass
4. You shouldn't have to worry when you are at a party that he might be fucking someone else
5. Kissing someone else IS WRONG if you are in a relationship. Unless you have clearly defined otherwise (which it doesn't sound like you have)
6. His friends more or less told you he was cheating on you
7. This guy is such a douchebag
Originally Posted by Brittni
Your bf isn't bf material, obviously. What kind of guy tries to explain to you that he was trying to watch 2 girls do lesbian stuff while you are there? It's so disrespectful. He's really immature and honestly if you give him a second chance then wow, maybe you are too. I'd leave him. |
I'm sorry, but I really have to agree with Brittni. This does not sound like a normal relationship at all. Honestly, this reminds me of my very first bf when I was about 15. This whole situation is so wrong on so many levels it is actually frustrating:
1. No one can keep you from breaking up with them
2. It is unacceptable for him to use watching lesbians as his excuse for being MIA
3. You shouldn't have to babysit his stupid ass
4. You shouldn't have to worry when you are at a party that he might be fucking someone else
5. Kissing someone else IS WRONG if you are in a relationship. Unless you have clearly defined otherwise (which it doesn't sound like you have)
6. His friends more or less told you he was cheating on you
7. This guy is such a douchebag
girlsaidwhat
Well-known member
By staying, you send yourself the underlying message that:
You don't deserve better.
You aren't worth more than that.
While I do think there is a point of being drunk past which you really do lose all faculty, I also think that many times the true character of someone comes out when alcohol loosens their inhibitions.
If it were me, I would absolutely leave him. When there is emptiness...there is /also/ space for something new to come into your life. And if you know you're worth more, your next choice will be better...or you will see through a new person more quickly, for the things you have learned this time.
If you don't feel:
cherished
seen
valued
understood
cared for
you need to just get out. Because if those things aren't present now, a marriage isn't going to grow them magically.
With that said...I'm very sad for you that you had to go through this. Please, be sure that you don't take any of this on as ... you not being /good/ enough, or something. Don't let this ... dickling... ::laughing:: ...
cause any kind of damage to your self esteem. YOU are the one who gets to define your value....not him, or anyone else.
Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us. He's 100% right.
You don't deserve better.
You aren't worth more than that.
While I do think there is a point of being drunk past which you really do lose all faculty, I also think that many times the true character of someone comes out when alcohol loosens their inhibitions.
If it were me, I would absolutely leave him. When there is emptiness...there is /also/ space for something new to come into your life. And if you know you're worth more, your next choice will be better...or you will see through a new person more quickly, for the things you have learned this time.
If you don't feel:
cherished
seen
valued
understood
cared for
you need to just get out. Because if those things aren't present now, a marriage isn't going to grow them magically.
With that said...I'm very sad for you that you had to go through this. Please, be sure that you don't take any of this on as ... you not being /good/ enough, or something. Don't let this ... dickling... ::laughing:: ...
cause any kind of damage to your self esteem. YOU are the one who gets to define your value....not him, or anyone else.
Dr. Phil says we teach people how to treat us. He's 100% right.
