Never had an orgasm

[georgi]

Hi all, i didnt even know this part of the forum was here!
ok time to get personal as i figure this will hopefully be the source of advice im looking for

Im 23 and have never had an orgasm.

In the past sex for me was all about pleasing the guy, not myself, and i just wanted to look good, not let go, so was a bit conscious

In the past i have also been on anti-depressants for a while which i thought was what was making me not have them, but i have been off them for 3 years now

I have 2 amazing viabrators that i love, i get so so close to an orgasm (i think) but i just never get the 'release', its just intense and intense (sometimes toooo intense) and then when i guess other women would orgasm the intense and good feelings fade away and it just starts to hurt
I thought this may have been the orgasm and its just not as powerful as i thought it would be....but it isnt

I am really confident with myself and my body now and not at all up tight during sex, ive read books about orgasms but just cant get it, i 'know' my body and what i like, im usually not 'frustrated' about not having one as i dont really know what im missing out on exactly, but it is a bit disheartening at times and sometimes i think i'll never have one and get a bit sad about that because i feel its part of being a woman!

has anyone else had a similar experience or know what i could do?
would going to a doctor help?

 

[Shimmer]

just relax and masturbate and don't have the orgasm as the goal.

 

[georgi]

yah i've tried that
Most of the time im not even thinking about an orgasm, hoping that it will come up and 'surprise' me, because i always just assume its not going to happen
I've also tried really concentrating on trying to have one, but both 'tactics' havent worked

 

[TISH1124]

It took me many years.....But I have learned if you don't think about having one and just enjoy the act it will happen. You also have to experiment with different positions...Honestly, and I will not name it

But I can only have an orgasm when I am in two certain positions. Although I enjoy it in the others....these two are the only ways for me to get where I eventually desire to be when it's all said and done. Thank goodness, my husband is now fully aware of that fact and those positions.

Relax it will happen...and then you will know what it takes

and he will know as well.

 

[georgi]

Thanks Tish!
Im actually single right now and always thought the first orgasm i have will be by myself but maybe being with a partner i really love will add something to it. I'm intentionally staying single until i finish my degree and graduate haha, only a few months to go!

 

[Beauty Mark]

You need to be confident with yourself. Very few people (and I might even say no one) looks good while having sex. Why bother trying to look good?

You also need to figure out what kind of touching you enjoy and where. Some people need direct clit stimulation, others do not. Some people like to be handled rough, others gently.

Also, you might have had one and not know. That sounds crazy, but everyone has different orgasms and for me, they're not always the same.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgi Thanks Tish! Im actually single right now and always thought the first orgasm i have will be by myself but maybe being with a partner i really love will add something to it. I'm intentionally staying single until i finish my degree and graduate haha, only a few months to go!

You're welcome...and that is very smart!!
Just be patient it will happen..you are young...concentrate on the other things in your life that are more important...and when it's right you will know it...
P.S. Vibrators never worked for either..But we had fun buying them

 

[marreyes38]

You pretty much described my situation. I dont want to get too graphic but the only pleasure i get is from (either of us) playing with my clit. In other words i can get a "clit orgasm" or at least thats what i think it is. The whole vaginal/orgasm region has been virtually unexplored to this day. Whenever he fingers me i get the feeling that i need to pee and i've been told thats the first sign that you're doing it right but idk i just dont like that sensation so i always make him stop. I also have no idea if penis size really maters for i am quite inexperienced in, well...sex in general so i am the last person to be giving advise about this... but seriously im begining to think that the whole G-spot is a myth or im the one girl on earth that's incappable of having an orgasm, and im beginning to give up on it too...dont get me wrong i enjoy it as much as the next girl but i find that this is what happens during sex...



me before sex:

him before sex:

me during sex:

him during sex:

me after sex:

him after sex:

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!!!

 

[melliquor]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marreyes38 me before sex: him before sex: me during sex: him during sex: me after sex: him after sex: ITS JUST NOT FAIR!!!

You are so funny!!! I burst out laughing.

You need to just relax and enjoy yourself. Don't think about it too much. Experiment and see what you like and what feels good and just go with it.

I am the complete opposite... i get so excited and can have lots of orgasms but really quick... it is very frustrating because something I wish it would slow down a bit for i can enjoy what my DH is doing.

Good luck.

 

[TISH1124]

OK I am sure everyone is going to throw pens at their monitors trying to hit me .....HOWEVER in my life and past experience with ME personally,
Size DOES Matter....along with endurance, technique, patience and the desire to please you as well as himself....If you love him and he has and does all of these things it is so much more enjoyable for both of you

And....as far as one of the previous quotes...can't remember which one...But I have seen a lot of women look fabulous naked while making love...Not saying that I am one of them at this weight and time...But I used to be and will be again. So it is really not all about being comfortable naked...Because even if you are that does not mean you will get to the finish line of choice.

 

[NutMeg]

^^ I'm going to throw my vote in with size does matter. It is something you can feel, although I would venture to say that width is a lot more important than length. In any case it's only one factor in many. It contributes but there are far more important factors, such as communication, chemistry/passion, how you're feeling that day, etc.

And to be honest, I wouldn't stress about not orgasming. Sometimes I find the lead up is more fun than the actual orgasm anyway (not to say that it's not awesome). Sex is not all about the finish line. I suggest you just keep doing what you've been doing, and experiment with different kinds of stimulation/toys. If it really concerns you go see a sex therapist, they'd probably have way better advice than me.

 

[NicksWifey]

Don't worry girl, you are not alone!

The other men I slept with before my fiance, could never get me off. I always faked and pretended I was just so they would roll off of me and go away. I never thought it was possible for me to come with someone else until my fiance and he opened all kinds of doors up for me lol.

You have gotten some great advice from the peeps above though. Just keep in mind that orgasm is not the main goal. It's all about enjoying yourself, feelings of intensity (and yes I know things can get pretty intense!) and feeling good yourself. Just take your time and take things slow and I'm sure you will have that glorious feeling soon enough.

 

[LittleDevil]

I'm kind of in the same boat as Brit^....None of the gus that I have had sex with have been able to get me off and I do/did the same thing Brit mentioned above about faking it, so they would roll off me already. I didn't even know what an orgasm felt like until I bought a vibrator. Now I know and am bummed no male has been able to give that to me. I always tease that the first guy that gets me off is going to be my husband!!!! (Still haven't met him yet!!!!!!)

 

[georgi]

Marreyes, too funny!
I agree with some of the things that have been said in here so its kinda good to know im not alone/a freak!!
Like you Marreyes I only get 'stimulation' from playing with my clit, sex or having something 'in' there is nice but its all about clit stimulation for me really

And i agree about thinking i need to wee thing but i dont get that as much anymore? When that happened i used to tell the guy to stop.
I used to tell the guy to stop alot, i dont know why, it felt good but fear of the 'unknown' and not knowing what i look like, sometimes i used to even tell myself to 'stop' when i was by myself!
im 1000% not like this anymore but im wondering if im my brain im still telling myself to 'stop'!

Should also add, even though i dont have an orgasm, i still love sex and playing with my viabrator so its definitely not all bad! Just would be 'nice' to be able to have an orgasm, firstly for myself, and in the future for my partner.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

I didn't have my first orgasm [with a partner] until I met my DH, and even then it didn't just magically happen. We had a lot of hang ups between the two of us because of our sexual pasts. After being together for a while, getting to know each other's bodies and preferences, and just falling more in love; the sex is awesome and we both get off every time!

As for masturbation, I used to have to have a lot of "extra" stuff going on to bust, but now all I need is my good ole self. I find that starting slowly and rubbing the clit and a nipple at the same job will do the trick. Nipple stimulation can work wonders. Like Shimmer said, don't let the goal be the orgasm, just have fun and enjoy yourself.

Good luck, and good nuts.

 

[chocolategoddes]

Wow, I was totally thinking about the blush when I saw the title, but now I see you're talking about the "actual orgasm".

Orgasms are usually compared to sneezes. There's this build up of tension and your muscles get stiff, then you release all of that tension and then you're done. If that's what it sort of feels like, then it's probably an orgasm, even if it doesn't feel as amazing as you had anticipated.

Some people find it easier to have an orgasm through penetration or rubbing certain sensitive spots. Some people can get one from not even touching themselves; just thinking about sex gets them going.

Expirimenting might help. You might get your first orgasm doing something you'd never even think of trying.

 

[Simply Elegant]

It feels warm and then you feel contractions, so if you felt that, you've had one.

Anyway, don't think or assume anything is going to happen. Just have fun. When it starts to hurt or feel numb it's too much stimulation, so move to the side instead, just not on the clit directly and the hurting feeling should go away.

Once you find out what it takes, then you can show your future partner what to do or you can do it for yourself during sex.

If you've never checked for your g-spot, put your palm facing your stomach and it should be a couple inches in and it should feel sort of hard and spongey.

 

[TISH1124]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes Wow, I was totally thinking about the blush when I saw the title, but now I see you're talking about the "actual orgasm".

That made me spit my water out...

 

[georgi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes Wow, I was totally thinking about the blush when I saw the title, but now I see you're talking about the "actual orgasm".

Well yes, that too, its so frustrating, i have mata hari, angelika, desire, penny lane and many more, but NO ORGASM!! grr!

 

[jenee.sum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolategoddes Wow, I was totally thinking about the blush when I saw the title, but now I see you're talking about the "actual orgasm".

!!!!!!!!!! that seriously made me LOL


georgi: have u ever tried doing some kegel exercises while masturbating? i give it 2 tumbs up!

"With regular kegel exercise many women report being able to experience vaginal orgasm for the first time. Women also report more intense and more frequent multiple and g-spot orgasms."