No idea what to do... [LONG]
- Thread starter QueenBam
- Start date
Simply Elegant
Well-known member
Short answer: dump him.
He's going in a direction you don't like and no one can change that but him. He doesn't seem to want to change and until he does it won't happen. Maybif he had different friends and a different job he could turn around but if he loves his job, it also won't be happening anytime soon, unless it goes bankrupt.
You have different goals that are going to cause lots of problems and you're both going to feel pressured. I think you should stop wasting your time with him if he cannot make the first step of finding a different job and getting off the drugs willingly on his own.
He's going in a direction you don't like and no one can change that but him. He doesn't seem to want to change and until he does it won't happen. Maybif he had different friends and a different job he could turn around but if he loves his job, it also won't be happening anytime soon, unless it goes bankrupt.
You have different goals that are going to cause lots of problems and you're both going to feel pressured. I think you should stop wasting your time with him if he cannot make the first step of finding a different job and getting off the drugs willingly on his own.
Babylard
Well-known member
^ agree with simply, you need to drop his ass. you are obviously not going to be happy with a dead beat junkie. and he is obviously not being very serious about marrying you.
"You don't really know someone, until you live with them."
I'm sure you can decide for yourself that you deserve better, much much better.
i think if i were you, i'd be gone by now. imagine what he'd be like as a father. Run away as fast as you can!
"You don't really know someone, until you live with them."
I'm sure you can decide for yourself that you deserve better, much much better.
i think if i were you, i'd be gone by now. imagine what he'd be like as a father. Run away as fast as you can!
cazgh
Well-known member
Hey hey,
I have to say I think these problems are stemming from the weed - and they probably arent going to get any better short term. If you want to have the life you want you are going to have to move on and be warned if he says he's stopped he prob wont for a long time. Just dont waste too much of your life hoping it will get better because it wont.
I gave it 4 months short of 10 years and will never ever get that time or my youth back and it was never worth it.
I'm so sorry hunny that I can't be more positive - but getting your own life back on track will bring that smile back once you are over it a bit...
I have to say I think these problems are stemming from the weed - and they probably arent going to get any better short term. If you want to have the life you want you are going to have to move on and be warned if he says he's stopped he prob wont for a long time. Just dont waste too much of your life hoping it will get better because it wont.
I gave it 4 months short of 10 years and will never ever get that time or my youth back and it was never worth it.
I'm so sorry hunny that I can't be more positive - but getting your own life back on track will bring that smile back once you are over it a bit...
kimmietrinh
Well-known member
Just like the others have said and your gut feeling...it's time to move on. You can't stay and be happy living off the happy memories, but feeling pissed at what a mess he is. You can't change him, because obviously he does not want to improve for the better.
LC
Well-known member
I was with a guy for 2 years and everything was great, but he was lazy and also smoked weed way way too much. He wasnt quite as lazy or unmotivated as what your boyfriend sounds, but it was still enough for me to know that I could not see myself marrying him if he continued to smoke and play video games on his couch all day and never clean.
You have to ask yourself...can I truly marry this person!? if the answer is no, then stop wasting your time. tell him to have fun in the trailor and selling his dildos and that you're moving on. you DO deserve more. If that's all your bf was capable of and was striving to do what he does then fine, but that's not the case. You need to be with someone that challenges themselves and doesn't settle for an easy job or an easy living situation. Look for someone who is always trying to succeed
You have to ask yourself...can I truly marry this person!? if the answer is no, then stop wasting your time. tell him to have fun in the trailor and selling his dildos and that you're moving on. you DO deserve more. If that's all your bf was capable of and was striving to do what he does then fine, but that's not the case. You need to be with someone that challenges themselves and doesn't settle for an easy job or an easy living situation. Look for someone who is always trying to succeed
AudreyNicole
Well-known member
First and foremost, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You are absolutely not at all wrong for feel the way you do. At 21, you are just starting out your life. PLEASE do not let yourself get guilted into staying with someone who does not want the same things you do. It's a waste of time. He will drag you down - emotionally, financially, and quite possibly, legally. Drugs are ILLEGAL. I'd hate to see you in the wrong place at the wrong time, and get caught up in something that could land you in jail, over his addiction.
I know all too well what addiction can do to a relationship (I have seen it with my parents). His addiction (whether he's willing to admit he has one or not, if he has the same routine everyday, it will soon be an addiction if it hasn't already become one), will take priority over EVERYTHING, including you, your finances and your potential future family. You deserve so much more, and you want more for yourself. Go after it, and leave him in his trailer, with his nasty roomates and his weed.
Good luck to you! *hugs*
I know all too well what addiction can do to a relationship (I have seen it with my parents). His addiction (whether he's willing to admit he has one or not, if he has the same routine everyday, it will soon be an addiction if it hasn't already become one), will take priority over EVERYTHING, including you, your finances and your potential future family. You deserve so much more, and you want more for yourself. Go after it, and leave him in his trailer, with his nasty roomates and his weed.
Good luck to you! *hugs*
MACPixie
Well-known member
I agree with everyone else, leave him.
I know what you mean about the pride thing, but go to your parents, be honest with them and I'm sure they will be supportive and proud of your decision.
He sounds like he's set in his ways and you're going to end up wasting your life and money supporting him.
Good luck.
I know what you mean about the pride thing, but go to your parents, be honest with them and I'm sure they will be supportive and proud of your decision.
He sounds like he's set in his ways and you're going to end up wasting your life and money supporting him.
Good luck.
LC
Well-known member
just adding to what I already posted...
if you tell your parents what's going on and ask them for help in getting out of the situation, they will be more than happy to help. People like to feel needed. Surely they don't want you in that situation either. You're their baby, even if they're bitter about your previous decision to move out, I'm sure they'd rather see you at home than being dragged down in your current situation
if you tell your parents what's going on and ask them for help in getting out of the situation, they will be more than happy to help. People like to feel needed. Surely they don't want you in that situation either. You're their baby, even if they're bitter about your previous decision to move out, I'm sure they'd rather see you at home than being dragged down in your current situation
QueenBam
Well-known member
thank you guys for your words of support... This has been one of the hardest decisions I've had to make but I'm glad that my gut instinct kicked in and apparently I wasn't being too selfish or proud to conform to my bfs lowlifeness and lack of interest in everything. Thank you <3
westindiesangel
Well-known member
Honestly, he sounds like a loser, plain and simple. I have plenty of acquaintances just like him who just waste their lives away and are happy with an ambition-less life. I even have a friend who is dating one. She spends all her time trying to fix him, get him to go to school, find him a job, and keep him out of trouble. It's extremely ridiculous. You do deserve better! I wouldn't stay with him in a heartbeat; if anything he should be working hard for you!!
