Ok, i feel stupid now...

[jess98765]

I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me??
i feel kinda sad and all about it, cos most of my friends do and stuff- but i know it's something you shouldn't rush into etc... but i can't help but to think why i don't! It's not as though i'm not approachable, friendly or anything. It kinda gets me down sometimes when everyone talks about the fantastic times (and sometimes the bad) they have with their boyfriends. I know that my day will come sometime, but right now i feel that by not having the experience of having a boyfriend is seperating me from the rest of the people.
I have guy friends and everything and that's a really good thing i guess- like i can talk to them quite easily just like what i do with my girlies, but it's just taking that one step more that i'm lacking in

So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf???
Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

 

[mspixieears]

I turned 18 in my first year of uni and in high school, sadly for me, no one would touch me with a ten foot pole. Yes, I had lots of male friends, and still do, but I was pretty scared whenever I met a boy I liked. Probably because my mum gave me so much crap in high school; she didn't want me to have one.

A lot of my friends have been in a similar position, where they didn't really start relationships till after high school (curse of the nerds I guess!), so to me, it seems pretty normal to have started that whole thing a bit later.

I think I was 18 when I had my first boyfriend. Embarrassingly late, eh? Just when I started to get used to the fact that boys didn't like me that way, things of course changed.

I know you're probably wondering why you aren't the same as your female friends and how come you don't have a boyfriend, but my guess is when you're ready, it'll all start to happen. Another guess is it's probably easier to get one for the sake of it, but to have an actual relationship, well yes, it takes time to find someone half decent. Intuition is a good thing; if you're not rushing, you probably feel yourself you're not ready.

It's a shame that you feel that not having one separates you from your 'taken' female friends, but entirely natural. I tentatively suggest that anyone who made you feel 'lesser' for not having one isn't a real friend at all. Again, personal experience: the amount of female friends I've had who abandon you when they have someone is too high. Yes, they hang out with you - till they stop being single.

I advise you thus assuming that you're attracted predominantly to boys and not girls. Though of course there is nothing wrong with liking girls either.

In summary, I'd not stress. You sound pretty 'normal' to me (what exactly is normal anyway???) and as long as you're comfortable in your skin and that this issue isn't affecting your self-esteem in harmful ways, I'd sit back and take the time to work out what you want, alone or in a relationship. It'll be much harder to do it when you've got one! I hope that helps.

 

[caffn8me]

I'm not suggesting that anyone here is like me but I'm a little unusual as I'm 39 and I've never had a relationship. I've simply never been sexually attracted to anyone - male, female, animal, vegetable (even naked ones) or electrically operated kitchen gadgets (battery or mains powered). Scientists have now identified that a significant proportion of the population (about 1%) is "asexual" like me. There is a very interesting article on the subject from New Scientist entitled Glad to be asexual.

I've had plenty of offers - including two guys this year who asked me to marry them and an indecent proposal from a very drunken girl in Atlanta who told me she was bisexual! I'm simply not interested. I do in fact have to spend quite a bit of time telling guys I'm not interested in a relationship as I get hit on quite a lot.

I'm very sociable and enjoy going out for dinner with friends (male or female) at nice restaurants but a relationship simply isn't going to happen. Every guy seems to think that if I sleep with them they can "cure" me of my "problem" - well, it's not a problem for me and according to the scientists it's not something that is to be cured!

 

[colormust]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess98765 I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me?? i feel kinda sad and all about it, cos most of my friends do and stuff- but i know it's something you shouldn't rush into etc... but i can't help but to think why i don't! It's not as though i'm not approachable, friendly or anything. It kinda gets me down sometimes when everyone talks about the fantastic times (and sometimes the bad) they have with their boyfriends. I know that my day will come sometime, but right now i feel that by not having the experience of having a boyfriend is seperating me from the rest of the people. I have guy friends and everything and that's a really good thing i guess- like i can talk to them quite easily just like what i do with my girlies, but it's just taking that one step more that i'm lacking in So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf??? Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

you know what, i didnt have a boyfriend till later in in my teen years also. it is not a bad thing. there are a lot of people like us out there. just think a year from now all your friends that have boyfriend could end up pregnent or something.....

a lot of girls that chose to go out with guys at a early age dont ever really know who they are. by you growing up "by yourself" you are able to "find yourself". you will be a stonger woman from this and know exactly what you want.

 

[user2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess98765 I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me?? i feel kinda sad and all about it, cos most of my friends do and stuff- but i know it's something you shouldn't rush into etc... but i can't help but to think why i don't! It's not as though i'm not approachable, friendly or anything. It kinda gets me down sometimes when everyone talks about the fantastic times (and sometimes the bad) they have with their boyfriends. I know that my day will come sometime, but right now i feel that by not having the experience of having a boyfriend is seperating me from the rest of the people. I have guy friends and everything and that's a really good thing i guess- like i can talk to them quite easily just like what i do with my girlies, but it's just taking that one step more that i'm lacking in So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf??? Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

The same thing here!
I'm 21 right now and NEVER had a bf!
It sucks so much, I really feel depressed from time to time! Especially when I get home from an evening with some couples and I'm the only one who's single!
There's one scenario I still remember very well! New Year's Eve 3 years ago! 2 weeks before I twisted my knee, had a surgery and wasn't able to go out! So all of my friends decided to come over to my place and party with me! And they all brought they bf/gf's with them, so now the countdown is going on, the new year starts and everyone starts kissing and I'm in the middle of the room with my crutches and a glass of champagne just standing around like somebody forgot me! Horrible!

I even can understand why nobody wants to date me! I mean seriously look at me! I'm fat and I nearly act like a boy! I laugh about the dirtiest jokes and even tell them! So only the gay guys might fell in love with me!

Sorry to hi-jack your thread but I had to say it for so long!

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by VuittonVictim only the gay guys might fell in love with me!

but some of those gay guys are so sweet

 

[user2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me but some of those gay guys are so sweet

Yup but THEY LIKE MEN!!!

 

[Cruella]

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17. Keep going out with your friends and try to be outgoing. If you are really concerned, ask your closest friends what they think about the situation. We aren't always aware of how we appear to other people - shyness can seem like snobbishness, etc. Have your friends describe you so you can get a better idea of how you come across.

Vuitton Victim, have you tried online dating? I have a few friends who met their "significant others" through personals. Although I didn't meet my husband that way, I did meet some really nice guys. It is worth a shot

Caffn8me - I hope you won't think I'm too nosy but I wondered about what you said about being asexual. How do you feel about non-sexual physical contact? Do you enjoy hugs, etc. or does that put you off? I apologize for being pushy but I'm curious.

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cruella Caffn8me - I hope you won't think I'm too nosy but I wondered about what you said about being asexual. How do you feel about non-sexual physical contact? Do you enjoy hugs, etc. or does that put you off? I apologize for being pushy but I'm curious.

I used to be very uncomfortable with it but not so much these days with good friends - it's still not something that features high on my list of "must do" activities although it's still higher on the list than having teeth pulled!

 

[pumpkincat210]

You should have your friends set you up with someone or a blind date..Then go on a double date with your friend. The point is try to meet new people!

 

[Miss Pumpkin]

My first boyfriend came along when I was 19... I used to feel like crap because I thought I was the most unattractive person in the world... But he showed me that I am a bit beautiful too

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Pumpkin I used to feel like crap because I thought I was the most unattractive person in the world...

It's strange how some people are completely unable to see the beauty they possess. You certainly aren't short of beauty - you look really pretty in your pictures!

 

[jess98765]

Oh guys, thanks so much for making me feel better!! It's good to know i'm not alone with this

.

 

[joytheobscure]

I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me??
i feel kinda sad and all about it, cos most of my friends do and stuff- but i know it's something you shouldn't rush into etc... but i can't help but to think why i don't! It's not as though i'm not approachable, friendly or anything. It kinda gets me down sometimes when everyone talks about the fantastic times (and sometimes the bad) they have with their boyfriends. I know that my day will come sometime, but right now i feel that by not having the experience of having a boyfriend is seperating me from the rest of the people.
I have guy friends and everything and that's a really good thing i guess- like i can talk to them quite easily just like what i do with my girlies, but it's just taking that one step more that i'm lacking in

So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf???
Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

[/QUOTE

I never had many boyfriends in HS at all........ I went to my first movie at 15- he didn't last long.. Then when I was a Junior I met my first real boyfriend - he was in the army and dumped me - I was really hurt. My next "real" boyfriend was my husband who I met June after I graduated HS I was barely over 18. I met him at the lake, I wanted a date to the fourth of July - we got engaged that August, I was pregnant by September 24th of 1995 !!!! We got married November 11 1995 and we've been married ever since, sooooo...............My mother was not pleased, she's neve rtotally forgiven my hubby I think- anyways..I don't think its normal not to go out.

When I was in HS I was VERY shy- which I believe was taken as being a "snob" or very standoffish- I was cold "ice woman" etc. B/C I was so scared to even talk to guys that I froze, I really couldn't do anything, and in my school all the girls approached the guys - and looking back I had quite a few guys that liked me enough to flirt with me but I couldn't recipricate I was so shy. I always thought people were looking at me or making fun of me and finding out later that it reallky wasn't the case. I was also the "brain" top in my class and not rich at all- I was the poor kid - teachers pet and when I was a Sr. I worked. I remember being in HS and always getting mad that those "certain" girls always had tons of guys and of course the reason they did is they went after them! Why I like my husband....<grin> I met him one day at the lake, mentioned I'd be there the next day and found out later he came back to meet me- <getting sappy in my old age of 28> I also believe that everything happens for a reason and we all have a plan for our life and your man is out there Its hard though ----

Good Luck I rambled!

 

[GreekChick]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess98765 I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me?? i feel kinda sad and all about it, cos most of my friends do and stuff- but i know it's something you shouldn't rush into etc... but i can't help but to think why i don't! It's not as though i'm not approachable, friendly or anything. It kinda gets me down sometimes when everyone talks about the fantastic times (and sometimes the bad) they have with their boyfriends. I know that my day will come sometime, but right now i feel that by not having the experience of having a boyfriend is seperating me from the rest of the people. I have guy friends and everything and that's a really good thing i guess- like i can talk to them quite easily just like what i do with my girlies, but it's just taking that one step more that i'm lacking in So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf??? Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

I never had a serious bf before this year, I turned 18 and pouf there he was....I was crazy about him, maybe too crazy that he ended up breaking my heart so badly, I still have a tough time getting over it and it hurts like a bitch....to the point where i wish i never met him and never had a bf to do this to me
right now girl i envy you, guys should be the least of ur troubles..dont worry about not having a bf, when u will have one ur gonna wish u were single again! lmao! Hang in there and wait for the one who truly desrves to be with you! and dont rush into anything like i did (((hugs)))

 

[kimmy]

i'm seventeen, and i've never had a boyfriend either.

i've been in a few situations where i look back now and wonder how we weren't together. i mean, these guys would tell me how much they loved me and wanted to be with me forever...but we were never in a relationship.

i don't think it's strange for you to not have had a boyfriend yet. but i totally know what you mean about getting bummed when everyone else talks about their boyfriends and their incredibly romantic and happy relationships...major bummer :\

i guess all there is to do is wait for the right one...he'll come along. it's just pretty much a waiting game, i think.

 

[mspixieears]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caffn8me I'm not suggesting that anyone here is like me but I'm a little unusual as I'm 39 and I've never had a relationship. I've simply never been sexually attracted to anyone - male, female, animal, vegetable (even naked ones) or electrically operated kitchen gadgets (battery or mains powered). Scientists have now identified that a significant proportion of the population (about 1%) is "asexual" like me. There is a very interesting article on the subject from New Scientist entitled Glad to be asexual.

Wow, that's amazing. I tend to be like that when mentally sound. Does it ever become an issue in platonic relationships? Do your family ever heckle you about settling down and reproducing? Hope you don't mind me asking - understanding equals harmony (I wish...).

 

[caffn8me]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mspixieears Wow, that's amazing. I tend to be like that when mentally sound. Does it ever become an issue in platonic relationships? Do your family ever heckle you about settling down and reproducing? Hope you don't mind me asking - understanding equals harmony (I wish...).

LOL! I think my family has given up on me reproducing or even having a partner and has never badgered me. I did have a guy a few months back telling me he wanted me to have his babies (he also asked me to marry him) - perhaps I should have asked "and who's the mother going to be?"

I've not really had platonic relationships probably because everyone I meet wants so much more! I guess I've also got used to the life and freedoms of a singleton. Nobody to complain about how much money I spend on M·A·C or evenings out at upscale restaurants (I don't usually dine alone but have lots of friends I like to go out with).

 

[Isis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jess98765 I'm like 17 going on 18 and have never had a boyfriend.....is anyone else in the same boat as me?? .... So my question to all you girlies out there is what age were you when you got serious about realationships/ got yourselves a bf??? Is it normal to not have gone out with guys at my age??

I didn't really date until I got out of High School either. I dont' think I'd really change it either looking back on it.
I think I started dating Disaster #1 the summer right out of school. Oh yes, he was deffinitelly a disaster! Note to self... no more dating big brother's best friends.... Jason turned out to be a total $@#!*&^, and my brother doesn't miss him either now that he knows what he was really like. It's been interesting if not fun since then. My current b/f and I have been together for going on 4 years now

so I suppose I was 21ish when we started going out. It's deffinitelly not all been tea & cookies for all 4 years, as a matter of fact, Paul would say they were quite possibly the worst 4 years of my life. Oh he's had his fair share of really rough spots too and then some shared between the both of us. But I think that if you can get through stuff like that it says something about your degree of comitment or seriousness.
If I have any advise to give you on keeping a relationship stong it would be communication, trust & a willingness to compromise.