old friend to new flame? Warning - long =P

[meiming]

Hey gals and guys,

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this topic. Do you think it's possible for 2 people who have been friends for years (I mean over a decade already) to transition over to thinking of each other as more? I guess why I am posing this question to you all is because I think I'm starting to have more than platonic feelings for one of my friends that I've known for 13 years.

We've never gone there with each other and I honestly don't even know how he thinks of me. Part of my problem is that I've been hurt before and rejected many times by guys that I've cared for but who haven't felt the same way and I'll be honest - I fear rejection perhaps more than anything. The other thing is that we 2 are a part of a bigger group of people who hang out on a semi-regular basis and my confession or pursuit of this would make things very public in a way. Also, at least a couple of the guys in the group have at one point confessed to me that they liked me and I rejected all of them. They all have girlfriends/fiances now but I worry about weirdness. Oh yeah and one of those guys is his best friend. Plus there's a nosy girl in the group (isn't there always) who has been bugging me since before christmas if I like him or are interested in him and part of me doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of being right because I know I'll never hear the end of it. (I know I'm petty)

To my close friend that is also part of this group, I've told her before that of any of the guys it'd probably be this guy that I could even see myself being with. But he's definitely one to shy away from relationships and has always maintained this "I'm still too young to grow up" attitude. The reason for my burgeoning attraction is that I've always felt an ease when talking to him and we've shared deep conversations in the past without hesitation. For quite a number of years we didn't really talk or just superficially in group conversations when we hang out. More recently we've bantered with each other easily and rib on each other all in good fun. I feel I can joke with him and he won't get offense and I can just generally act stupid around him without worry. Plus, I went to lunch with him a couple days ago and found that we can still talk about the serious stuff or more philosophical stuff as well.

I know this is very long winded but what do you think?

TIA and love ya all!

 

[meiming]

oh yeah, plus of the girls he has brought around to us, they've always been petite, beautiful and thin. And I already think men look at me as being too big.

 

[meiming]

anyone experience friends to flames or have any thoughts or suggestions in general to my situation?

 

[Obreathemykiss]

My suggestion to you would be to confess your feelings to him. You only live once and need to express what is weighing on your heart. I know you're worried about weirdness, but in the end it isn't up to your group friends to decide how YOU should feel. He might be open to the idea, no one's saying you have to get married or start a relationship, who knows...he could be your destiny. I would just be weary of losing him as a friend in the end. I've had experience with a friend who became my boyfriend of 3 years. We were great friends before anything came to be...I wasn't open to the idea at first, but in the end, I'm so glad I took that road. I still care about him, but we broke up and I moved on. He still really hasn't, though we broke up 3 years ago or so.

I think you should follow your heart. Go with it. Again, you only live once and who knows what you're missing out on. Only good can come out of it.

He could on the other end not feel the same, but at least you can move on and get over it. I don't think anything will change your friendship, considering you have been friends for such a long time.

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

Agreed. Life's too short and quite frankly balls to what anyone else thinks about it. You should tell him how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same way but you both a have good freindship then it shouldn't be a problem. You'll still be freinds and you haven't lost anything.

But if it's reciprocated then go for it. Take the chance to be happy. And you'll have gained something then won't you?

Seize the moment because tomorrow you might be dead.

 

[meiming]

Sigh...balls IS the problem. I don't have them to muster the guts to do it. Plus, these feelings are so new to me that I feel unsure myself. Has anyone else made the transition successfully or have been totally shot down?

 

[Obreathemykiss]

If they're that new, maybe you should take a look at the bigger picture and ensure your feelings are genuine and not just on a whim, that way you can avoid heartache and hurt on both sides.

Otherwise, my opinion is this: Woman, you're ballsy enough to share your thoughts to the whole world on this forum, so you're ballsy enough to tell him how you feel! Take a chance. Life is all about chances, this is what makes us human.

I've been rejected many times, not in similar situations, but rejection does hurt...and then it leads to bigger and better things eventually. He'll be your friend no matter what, so don't worry about that.

 

[meiming]

Its true and you're right Obreathemykiss. I think the emotions are too new and confusing and I am pretty fearful right now. I'm glad yours worked out for 3 years. That's encouraging. Perhaps that's what I was more looking for - stories to help me believe it's possible. How did your ex win you over from thinking of him as just a friend to more?

Are there any girls out there that was able to woo over their guy friend?

 

[jay0hwhy]

omg i'm totally in the same situation and dont know what to do either. it totally sucks!


sorry for not having a success story to tell you!

 

[Brittni]

The best relationships start with good friendships. Enough said!! (and because everyone else already said everything I would've lol)

 

[xxsgtigressxx]

it depends, if you really really value your friendship you have to take a look at the risk that it might end out of awkwardness if he doesnt feel the same. Generally, Id say that if you dont know if he feels the same or if you dont know he is going to be a very substatial relationship, i would stay away from it. Its not like i dont think its impossible for you guys to get together, but I started a relationship with a friend of mine of 6 years, and it was short lived (awesome, but quick) and now we dont talk. Its too awkward. so it all depends on the risk you are willing to take.

 

[FantaZ]

I've been through it and it ended badly. My best friend confessed he liked me and I was curious so I gave it a try. It didn't end up well because I couldn't get over the fact that he's my best friend and I broke his heart. We haven't spoken since. Sigh, I regret it all because we were all part of a group and now we are split.

Oddly, (not to sound conceited) I've had my close guy friends fall for me but when I tell them I don't feel the same way, they no longer hang out with me. My current bf was a good friend of mine (I gave him a chance)and this is the greatest relationship I've ever had. So there's a hit and miss but I wouldn't have the sweetest bf if I hadn't given him a chance.

Sorry, it's long. Here's my advice: you need to realize that if it doesn't work out you may not be friends -- not to be a pessimist. Funny, I asked my exbf if we can still be friends again and he said yes. That didn't happen at all. There's going to be awkwardness. Hope that helps you.

 

[meiming]

I think right now I'm not ready to do anything. As far as I can see (but I'm a bit oblivious), he's not made any signs that he's interested in me that way and I definitely hear what you girls are saying. My biggest fear is what you've just said and it doesn't seem worth it to me at this point. Perhaps down the line...I'll never say never, but I'm a bit too chicken s*#t at this point.

FantaZ: I definitely know what you mean about other close friends falling for you and then it being awkward afterwards. I don't think you're trying to be conceited. If it's true, then it's true. I'm thankful that those friends (for the most part) are still in my life after we had gotten over the awkward hump. Fortunate for knowing people over a decade...even if you don't speak to them for a year or so, it doesn't matter later on.

Then again, I never dated any of them, so perhaps that's a sign I shouldn't go there. Actually, scratch that...I did go on a couple of dates with one, but even though I supposedly crushed him (my friends' words, not mine) he's getting married this weekend, so yay. Then again, we went on that date back 9 years ago.

Wow, I sound old as I type this, lol! I can't afford to wait years for this current friend and I to be good if things go wrong. Then again, current guy and I will both be at the wedding this weekend, hehe

just kidding....

 

[Kalico]

I had a similar experience to FantaZ. He was my best friend for years and years... and while we had a good relationship while it lasted, it just wasn't right for me at the time. I ended up breaking his heart and lost him as a friend for good. =(

 

[Babylard]

i havent tried to woo anyone over... but i know my cousin's boyfriend had to be very persistent and tried REALLLLY hard to get her attention. she wasn't the least bit interested in him before, but they eventually started dating. perhaps you can do something to help him picture you as a girlfriend instead of a friend? maybe flirt with him more and give him hints? lol do nice things for him that you usually wouldnt do

 

[EmbalmerBabe]

Your in the same boat I am, except I have only known my secret crush for about 5 years. I am shy as well, and the feeling of making a mistake is something I want to avoid at all costs. I fear the rejection as well.
If you are unsure of your feelings, I would suggest just waiting on it.
Just sit on it for a while and see if the crush feelings are still persistant and that there is just something about that person YOU have to get near.
And it sounds like you have a great friendship all ready established so he probably won't disconnect from you on the friendship level.May make it a bit awkward for a bit. Just smile and be happy.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says, in the end no one else will matter.






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