ashleydenise
Well-known member
Do you believe the phrase 'once a cheater, always a cheater?'
Or do you think a man can change?
Or do you think a man can change?
Once a cheater....?
- Thread starter ashleydenise
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NicksWifey
Well-known member
I think people can change, but that is often a really hard pill to swallow.
For example, my fiance was in a relationship with a girl for four years. She cheated on him quite a few times and he always took her back. He finally had enough, so before he dumped her, he cheated on her with one of her enemies. I think he was justified in cheating on her but then again, I think once someone cheats on you, to hell with them. If they want to screw up something special for a piece of ass, it's not worth it. I would dump anyone who cheated on me, regardless of what we had. I do believe in the good of people, but like I said, unless I was faced with that situation, it would be a really hard pill to swallow and one helluva situation to deal with.
For example, my fiance was in a relationship with a girl for four years. She cheated on him quite a few times and he always took her back. He finally had enough, so before he dumped her, he cheated on her with one of her enemies. I think he was justified in cheating on her but then again, I think once someone cheats on you, to hell with them. If they want to screw up something special for a piece of ass, it's not worth it. I would dump anyone who cheated on me, regardless of what we had. I do believe in the good of people, but like I said, unless I was faced with that situation, it would be a really hard pill to swallow and one helluva situation to deal with.
gigglegirl
Well-known member
If a guy cheated on me, there would be no way of staying together because there would be this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that if he has done it once, he could likely do it again. I believe my trust would probably be gone out the window and I wouldn't ever have the same trust for that person ever again. So that'd be it.
Id like to think that a man can change, and probably some do. But I just think that if it were me, I wouldn't want to take that chance. Maybe if he hasn't changed, he'll just be better at hiding it and I'd never know.
Id like to think that a man can change, and probably some do. But I just think that if it were me, I wouldn't want to take that chance. Maybe if he hasn't changed, he'll just be better at hiding it and I'd never know.
SkylarV217
Well-known member
All experiences I have Points to "Once a Cheater always a cheater" . I think it's possible to chance but very unlikely. It typically happens when a man is too old to cheat ... =/ . granted thats not ALWAYS the cases. But more often than not it is.
MACATTAK
Well-known member
Cheating is one of those things I have told myself I would never tolerate in a relationship.
I do believe people can change. Change is not easy, nor something that can be done quickly. It takes a lot of hard work, will power, and the true desire to change.
That said, I personally would never be able to stay with someone who cheated on me. It would always be in the back of my mind.
I do believe people can change. Change is not easy, nor something that can be done quickly. It takes a lot of hard work, will power, and the true desire to change.
That said, I personally would never be able to stay with someone who cheated on me. It would always be in the back of my mind.
bellaconnie80
Well-known member
I think that we are ALL capable of cheating so you gotta size up the situation.. for example if your 3 months in a relationship and he/you cheat that doesnt mean that he/you is capable of doing it a year into a relationship when the bond/feelings are stronger... but if you feel you cant trust someone/yourself then you should ALWAYS listen to that little gut feeling... So what I'm saying is YES I think someone can change.. if they want to... ultimately being faithful is a choice we make.. daily lol
ashleydenise
Well-known member
Okae, so here's the thing.
I have this friend who wants to be in a relationship with me, the only problem is that he's admited to me that he's cheated on his past girlfriends but he now says that he's done cheating. When I call him on it and ask what would happen if say we were married and he got 'bored' he said he wouldn't cheat cause if we were married that means he took vows before God and he wouldn't break that.
Idk what to do. I'm so aggrivated. I will NEVER stay with someone who cheats on me, I'm the type of person who will walk away and never look back, but idk if I should even bother getting into a relationship with a 'changed' person....
Help! lol
I have this friend who wants to be in a relationship with me, the only problem is that he's admited to me that he's cheated on his past girlfriends but he now says that he's done cheating. When I call him on it and ask what would happen if say we were married and he got 'bored' he said he wouldn't cheat cause if we were married that means he took vows before God and he wouldn't break that.
Idk what to do. I'm so aggrivated. I will NEVER stay with someone who cheats on me, I'm the type of person who will walk away and never look back, but idk if I should even bother getting into a relationship with a 'changed' person....
Help! lol
SkylarV217
Well-known member
If you like the guy and want to give it a try be open and honest with him. Tell him you are willing to give him a chance. Also make it clear that you will not tolerate cheating and that you are putting yourself out there so you are trusting him.
Cheating while young is a bit different that marital cheating. Some people view dating relationships differently. Make it clear to him from the beginning what you expect from him in a relationship and what he can expect from you.
Cheating while young is a bit different that marital cheating. Some people view dating relationships differently. Make it clear to him from the beginning what you expect from him in a relationship and what he can expect from you.
ashleydenise
Well-known member
Quote:
Thanks, I think I'm gonna talk to him.
Originally Posted by SkylarV217
If you like the guy and want to give it a try be open and honest with him. Tell him you are willing to give him a chance. Also make it clear that you will not tolerate cheating and that you are putting yourself out there so you are trusting him. Cheating while young is a bit different that marital cheating. Some people view dating relationships differently. Make it clear to him from the beginning what you expect from him in a relationship and what he can expect from you. |
Thanks, I think I'm gonna talk to him.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
People mess up every single day. They can change. It's up to you whether you want to see if a person will.
For me, there are different kinds of infidelity. A one night stand that's stupid and drunk, I could possibly forgive with a hell of a lot of work on his behalf. Repeated infidelity? Something more planned out (like sex after a series of flirtation)? Absolutely not. I think it's easy to make a bad decision once (haven't we all) and learn not to do it again, than to make the same decision over and over again.
My friend's father cheated on his first wife (not my friend's mother). She divorced him. He ended up marrying my friend's mother, and he was completely faithful until his death. It is possible, it just depends on the person.
I'm also more inclined to believe that someone can change if they're young.
For me, there are different kinds of infidelity. A one night stand that's stupid and drunk, I could possibly forgive with a hell of a lot of work on his behalf. Repeated infidelity? Something more planned out (like sex after a series of flirtation)? Absolutely not. I think it's easy to make a bad decision once (haven't we all) and learn not to do it again, than to make the same decision over and over again.
My friend's father cheated on his first wife (not my friend's mother). She divorced him. He ended up marrying my friend's mother, and he was completely faithful until his death. It is possible, it just depends on the person.
I'm also more inclined to believe that someone can change if they're young.
SingFrAbsoltion
Well-known member
It depends on your reasons for doing it. Ever since i was little I basically had it drilled into my head that men will always use me and cheat on me. I cheated on all my previous boyfriends just so if that ever happened we'd be "even". When I got together with my current boyfriend I was thinking about cheating on him but he had a serious talk with me early in the relationship (he didn't know about my past). That conversation and the fact that I came to love and respect him so much made me change the way I view relationships all together. It's been almost 2 years now and I've never strayed
So my advice is talk to him and find out his reasons for doing what he did. Good luck!
So my advice is talk to him and find out his reasons for doing what he did. Good luck!
MACATTAK
Well-known member
The good thing is at least he admitted it to you. That's a good start. I'll never understand why people can't just end something before starting something else. Obviously to the person cheating, they are risking losing what they have, so it seems like it doesn't mean much to them in the first place.
JessieLovesMac
Well-known member
I took back a cheater once and ended up getting even more hurt.
I was only 15 (now 23) and I was seeing a 21yr old. We were together for 5 months when I lost my virginity to him a week or so later I find out that he was sleeping with on of my so called "Best friends" .As soon as I found out I broke off the relationship. I was heart broken (at that time! I thought it was so serious and love...haha).
A couple of weeks later i got a phone call from him, he was crying!! Begging me to take him back... Naive 15yr old me did! We stayed together for a couple more months. It was never good. He tried really hard but I was always yelling at him. I hated him deep down. I ended up falling pregnant and getting really hormonal and I was seriously depressed. I never broke up with him i just ended up pretending that none of it had ever happened! Ignored phone calls, locked doors. My Mum made me have an abortion (I hated her then, it was very hard for me. But I now know it was for the best) and My Dad was extremely ashamed. And after all that I later found out that he was cheating still with his cousins Girlfriend!
I learnt Someone who doesn't care enough about your feelings to begin with does not deserve a second chance. And I now live by the motto Once bitten, Twice shy.
I was only 15 (now 23) and I was seeing a 21yr old. We were together for 5 months when I lost my virginity to him a week or so later I find out that he was sleeping with on of my so called "Best friends" .As soon as I found out I broke off the relationship. I was heart broken (at that time! I thought it was so serious and love...haha).
A couple of weeks later i got a phone call from him, he was crying!! Begging me to take him back... Naive 15yr old me did! We stayed together for a couple more months. It was never good. He tried really hard but I was always yelling at him. I hated him deep down. I ended up falling pregnant and getting really hormonal and I was seriously depressed. I never broke up with him i just ended up pretending that none of it had ever happened! Ignored phone calls, locked doors. My Mum made me have an abortion (I hated her then, it was very hard for me. But I now know it was for the best) and My Dad was extremely ashamed. And after all that I later found out that he was cheating still with his cousins Girlfriend!
I learnt Someone who doesn't care enough about your feelings to begin with does not deserve a second chance. And I now live by the motto Once bitten, Twice shy.
ashleydenise
Well-known member
Quote:
That's what I was thinking... I know he's grown up in the last year, so I'm wondering if he's really done cheating or if his admiting to it is just part of him maturing lol.
| Originally Posted by MACATTAK
The good thing is at least he admitted it to you. That's a good start. |
That's what I was thinking... I know he's grown up in the last year, so I'm wondering if he's really done cheating or if his admiting to it is just part of him maturing lol.
ashleydenise
Well-known member
Quote:
He said he didn't have feelings for the girls he was with and he was just doing it for the 'thrill'
He's also said recently that he's ready to settle down and get married lol.
&& thanks!
| Originally Posted by SingFrAbsoltion
It depends on your reasons for doing it. Good luck! |
He said he didn't have feelings for the girls he was with and he was just doing it for the 'thrill'
He's also said recently that he's ready to settle down and get married lol.
&& thanks!
TDoll
Well-known member
I think generally, people can change. It just depends on the situation. If someone cheated on someone else in high school or in college when they were not in a serious relationship and still immature and unsure of what they wanted....then I can totally see that person growing up, getting married and having a serious and monogamous relationship with someone and never ever cheating.
HOWEVER...if someone cheated on his or her spouse as a "mature" adult, that's kind of a different story all together. And in that situation, I'd say the phrase rings true.
HOWEVER...if someone cheated on his or her spouse as a "mature" adult, that's kind of a different story all together. And in that situation, I'd say the phrase rings true.
pinkvanilla
Well-known member
This is a hard one! I think people can change, but the reality is that many don't
I do agree with MACATTACK though that the fact he admitted it to you is a great start!
If you are going to give him a go definitely let him know you will not tolerate anything of that kind!
I do agree with MACATTACK though that the fact he admitted it to you is a great start!
If you are going to give him a go definitely let him know you will not tolerate anything of that kind!
CantAffordMAC
Well-known member
Quote:
Agreed
I kissed a guy 3 months into my relationship with my boyfriend. I told him about it, we went through a lot. He brought it up, and still does. (IT happened two years ago) Yet recently in February, I found out about him talking to other girls/(more emotional cheating than physical) But he apologized till the cows came home. And we went through soooooo much drama then. And we are still broken up frm it. I dunno if he physically cheated on me, but its long and complicated. But he did this almost 2 years into our relationship. So I think theres a big difference.
I did not cheat once after the first time. So i think a cheater can change.
| Originally Posted by bellaconnie80
I think that we are ALL capable of cheating so you gotta size up the situation.. for example if your 3 months in a relationship and he/you cheat that doesnt mean that he/you is capable of doing it a year into a relationship when the bond/feelings are stronger... but if you feel you cant trust someone/yourself then you should ALWAYS listen to that little gut feeling... So what I'm saying is YES I think someone can change.. if they want to... ultimately being faithful is a choice we make.. daily lol |
Agreed
I kissed a guy 3 months into my relationship with my boyfriend. I told him about it, we went through a lot. He brought it up, and still does. (IT happened two years ago) Yet recently in February, I found out about him talking to other girls/(more emotional cheating than physical) But he apologized till the cows came home. And we went through soooooo much drama then. And we are still broken up frm it. I dunno if he physically cheated on me, but its long and complicated. But he did this almost 2 years into our relationship. So I think theres a big difference.
I did not cheat once after the first time. So i think a cheater can change.
pumpkincat210
Well-known member
I used to cheat on my boyfriends, but i've never cheated on my husband. I know it would spoil it and it would have an unhappy ending. I changed. I would not be able to live with myself if i cheated.
I have mixed feelings about him telling you he cheats... It's almost as if he is telling you this incase he does cheat, he can have an excuse, that he told you this before the relationship started so you can't blame him. Just going into the relationship you are going to question and wonder his thoughts, motives and intentions to a new extent. I would be paranoid as hell.
And though he believes it's wrong in the eyes of god to cheat on your wife, surely god doesn't think cheating on girlfriends is good either. Cheating is a lie and lies are bad! Just think of the emotional toll it takes on person, not to mention you could get an std. If the only thing that is keeping him from cheating on his wife is god then he has a lot to think about anyways...
I would just date him and still see other guys. I would really reconsider being with him, it seems like a bad foot to start a relationship out on. I'd take this one sloooooowwwwww.
I have mixed feelings about him telling you he cheats... It's almost as if he is telling you this incase he does cheat, he can have an excuse, that he told you this before the relationship started so you can't blame him. Just going into the relationship you are going to question and wonder his thoughts, motives and intentions to a new extent. I would be paranoid as hell.
And though he believes it's wrong in the eyes of god to cheat on your wife, surely god doesn't think cheating on girlfriends is good either. Cheating is a lie and lies are bad! Just think of the emotional toll it takes on person, not to mention you could get an std. If the only thing that is keeping him from cheating on his wife is god then he has a lot to think about anyways...
I would just date him and still see other guys. I would really reconsider being with him, it seems like a bad foot to start a relationship out on. I'd take this one sloooooowwwwww.
