Opinions about sexuality please

[Amber*Christine]

(I wasn't sure what to title this but now that you're reading this...) Okay, really weird question, but I'd really like some opinions. So like I know this guy and he confessed to me that he once thought he was gay and that he's hooked up with the same sex before and even given a blowjob. But he claims hes all about girls now, and he goes through them like Kleenex, the boys a total manwhore, and he treats women really badly. When we first met he mentioned something about being bisexual but now he claims hes completely straight. Bizarre?! Myself and a fair amount of others have gotten gay vibes from him once in awhile. But yet at the same time he has no problem gettin turned on by a girl and gettin off with one. I've never really been sure about bisexuality with guys, as I read some scientist did some experiment were he took a bunch of men who claimed they were bisexual and showed them each straight porno and gay porn and every man became aroused by one or the other, not one was aroused by both. I really don't think one can switch up their sexuality, I believe what you're born as is what you are. I wonder if he just uses girls the way he does to try and deny his true sexuality to himself and others. I do have a legitimate reason behind why I'm asking this question.

 

[Makeupaddict88]

I have this friend (who is also my boyfriend's roommate) who we thought was straight for the longest time. One night we started talking about this kid that I know who is gay. All of a sudden, this kid comes out and says well I'm bisexual and have hooked up with guys before. It doesn't bother me so I was like ok whatever, whatever makes you happy. We are really big into playing video games on Xbox, and I noticed he would always call people faggots, or gay and anything else he could come up with. He would always make fun of them and I would always think, but your bisexual so how are you making fun of somebody who likes the same things you do?? Now, we also caught him hooking up with one of his friends BOYFRIENDS and we called him out on it and they stopped seeing eachother. Now he claims he's totally straight and wants a girlfriend. It's all very confusing but I think maybe they go through phases. They want to be accepted by society and may say things around their friends because they know we won't judge them, but when somebody outside of their inner circle says something, they go on the immediate defense because they don't want to be looked down upon.

 

[gildedangel]

Sometimes people become confused about thier sexuality for a period of time and experiment to figure out what they like. It is certainly possible that he is using women as a "cover", but maybe he is just a man slut. I don't think that his behaviour is bizarre if he is using women as a cover or not, some straight guys are like that and some bi guys are like that, I think that has more to do with personality than sexual orientation.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Maybe he's always been bi but goes through changes of what he prefers. Maybe he'll sleep with a few girls and get tired of them and fool around with guys instead.

 

[Funtabulous]

He sounds just like a friend I used to have, who was undoubtedly gay. The real clue is how he treats women badly and 'goes through them'. That right there is macho overcompensation. My friend did the same thing. It was really sad because he was a sweet guy who had a lot of issues with shame. It sounds to me like your friend is struggling to accept himself, which is why he is going back and forth. The faggot comments sound like he is trying to fight his sexuality. I wouldn't be surprised if he really was gay and is just having a hard time coming to terms with it.

 

[luxury]

I've dated two bisexual men before and i've had gay friends who used the protective veil of the term bisexual as a safety net before coming out to themselves and friends and family.

In regards to the guys i've dated: they were very much so turned on by the aspect of sex with other men and sex with women. I'm into that kind of thing so we had done threeways and such with other men. As far as I could see and was concerned they were the least bit interested in how physically attractive or the personality of a man, just how big his cock was.

So, it's possible. While it's hard for many heterosexuals to understand it's possible, cookie cutter sexuality does not fit all.

 

[LoveMakeup4Real]

I haven't read the other responses but is he even worth it? I mean, if he says he is bi sexual then BELIEVE it. Why can't people just accept what people genuinely tell them. He has given a man a BJ (that in itself is already considered gay to me), what else is he giving men?...ya never know! There is just no snowball chance in hell I'd still be remotely interested in him after hearing that. That's just me though. I like my men straight, very straight. And yes, just as women, men too can be bisexual and fondly attracted to both genders. I call it 'greedy' for wanting both but that's just my weird term lol. No offense to anyone. But yeah, let dude go. Not worth it. I wouldn't want to kiss his penis/booty mouth.

Before I date a guy, I ask a lot of question and I get them comfortable enough to open up to me; 2 men have admitted to having gay thoughts, one acting on it...told me he kissed another man "back in his college days." I lost interest in both. Now not saying anything is wrong with having thoughts, as long as it's just thoughts, but acting on it just takes it to another level. I'd be lying if I said I've never once thought about being with a woman, but I won't act on it b/c I don't need the act itself to confirm anything. I'm getting way off topic.

EDIT:
OOOPS! I read that first line wrong, thought you said you were interested in him. Sorry, disregard that part But this can go to anyone who do not mind bi men. More power to you. I could NOT do it!

"I do have a legitimate reason behind why I'm asking this question." OP, simply out of curiosity, I'd like to know if you don't mind.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

omg! This is totally weird. I know that I am pretty old(32) so I really don't understand the 'bi' shit. I have two friends that are gay and are drag queens. Me being the nosey bitch that I am, I always ask them questions about their sexuality.

They pretty much think that BI people are really confused and possibly depressed. The reason they bring up depression is because they say that they would never be with a girl just the get laid(they pretty much think as bi ppl as sell outs and that they need to pick a team). Maybe this dude just wants companionship/attention and will take it anyway he can get it.



My dad was in prison my whole life. He would always tell my lil brother stories about shit that went on there. I would always ask my bro what my dad told him. He told me that some men would rape other men. I always wondered doesn't that make you gay???? He said its different in jail. My bro would be scared shittless!


I always ask my hubby like hypothetical questions. If its anything to do with men on men, the answer would always be 'fuck no'. lol He's completely comfortable around my gay friends. He just doesn't swing that way. I personally don't understand it either.

 

[paperfishies]

People are attracted to what they're attracted to. I think men can be bi just the same as women can.

 

[Meisje]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC They pretty much think that BI people are really confused and possibly depressed. The reason they bring up depression is because they say that they would never be with a girl just the get laid(they pretty much think as bi ppl as sell outs and that they need to pick a team). Maybe this dude just wants companionship/attention and will take it anyway he can get it.

That's really not true. People can be bisexual just as easily as straight or gay. I'm bi, I'm not confused or depressed. I'm married to a guy. The only difference between me and a straight or gay person is that my sexual desire is not tied to a gender.

Part of the problem with the perception of bisexuality in our culture is that the squeaky wheels (the bisexual people who sleep around) get the most attention. I've heard some really boneheaded things from people who classify themselves bisexual and attribute these things to bisexuality --- like, they need to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. That's not bisexuality, that's polyamory. The two aren't linked. They can coexist, but a straight, married person can also have lots of straight, slutty sex with people other than who they married *cough* Tiger *cough*

I don't normally discuss my sexuality with people because a) it's moot who I would date if I were single, since I'm married and b) I'm not a person who is frank about personal sexual things beyond a very, very limited social circle.

To answer the OP, it's possible the guy is bisexual (since you say he enjoys sex with women) and has discovered his life is simply easier if he ignores/denies his attraction to men. He may even be gay and enjoy sex with women but prefer sex with men. Only he really knows that. But I wouldn't worry about it too much; relationships work or fail for many reasons, and whoever is dating this person needs to give him a chance without trying to classify him.

PS. It's not that easy to be bi within the gay OR straight communities. Folks either think you're bound to be slutty or you're in denial/can't choose. I guess for all the "progress" people have made with understanding and acceptance, there's still some things we don't get.

 

[obscuria]

I think most people think of sexuality as one rigid and unwaivering thing. This topic made me think of something I learned back in college about sexuality lying on a continuum and it's what I generally think about sexuality.


Quote:

Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history... An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life.... A seven-point scale comes nearer to showing the many gradations that actually exist." (Kinsey, et al. (1948). pp. 639, 656)

In short, the theory is that sexuality lies on a continuum. Very few people lie on the point of complete heterosexuality and complete homosexuality and people can change their points on the continuum throughout their lifetime. The need to categorize people into specific classes leads to this notion that once we are in a category, we become contained and boxed in by that category. Which seems absurd to me.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Meisje - word! I agree with your comment 100%.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisje That's really not true. People can be bisexual just as easily as straight or gay. I'm bi, I'm not confused or depressed. I'm married to a guy.

This was not my opinion. I personally don't understand Bisexuality at all but I still think you should be able to love whoever you want except for my man(hes mine). lol I am really interested in peoples opinions or experiences with it. For me, I see it as one or the other. My gay/drag friends have the same opinion about it too. There is nothing wrong with being bi.

I did have a lesbian friend back in the day and she would get so pissed when people would think she was bi. Her reason was because she thought BI people were in it just for the attention and the free drinks at the bar. We stopped being friends cuz she made a couple passes at me and my man wanted me to stop hanging out with her.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisje . It's not that easy to be bi within the gay OR straight communities. Folks either think you're bound to be slutty or you're in denial/can't choose. I guess for all the "progress" people have made with understanding and acceptance, there's still some things we don't get.

^ I totally agree. Gay/lesbians discriminate on people too. I think you should be allowed to date anyone you want. Most people think its so cut and dry.

 

[Meisje]

obscuria, it's interesting that you quote Kinsey --- I've often used the Kinsey scale to try to explain this to people.

0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual.
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X Asexual, Non-Sexual

I would definitely be a 3.

Some modern sex researchers say this scale is too simplistic but I really think it's perfect --- of course you can't sum up a person's entire sexuality JUST with a numbered scale, but it's a reference point to make people understand that there are many degrees of sexual attraction and that you don't have to perceive yourself as solely straight or gay. It's important to accept your feelings and realize it's okay to be attracted to either sex; it's also okay to be attracted to both, or to be attracted to both but one more so than the other.

Our culture tends to want to box us in with neat labels, and this scale helps combat that --- by fulfilling the desire for the comfort of a label and simultaneously allowing us to acknowledge and accept the different degrees of attraction.

It's amazing to me that he came to these conclusions in the 40s, which was before the sexual revolution.

 

[Meisje]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeccalovesMAC This was not my opinion. I personally don't understand Bisexuality at all but I still think you should be able to love whoever you want except for my man(hes mine). lol I am really interested in peoples opinions or experiences with it. For me, I see it as one or the other. My gay/drag friends have the same opinion about it too. There is nothing wrong with being bi. I snipped out a bit here for brevity's sake - Meisje ^ I totally agree. Gay/lesbians discriminate on people too. I think you should be allowed to date anyone you want. Most people think its so cut and dry.

I understand that wasn't your opinion

I thought it might be interesting if you had another perspective (mine!) to offer these folks the next time the subject came up.

As for the last part --- sometimes we think that prejudices and -isms can only be limited to the majority party, but you're right, that's not true. All cultures and groups have members that think other members are not "something" enough for their liking. It's an odd habit humans have of being more concerned with criticizing what others are doing than representing their own ethics, beliefs and lifestyles, and it's not limited to those with opposing positions.

 

[revinn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisje That's really not true. People can be bisexual just as easily as straight or gay. I'm bi, I'm not confused or depressed. I'm married to a guy. The only difference between me and a straight or gay person is that my sexual desire is not tied to a gender. Part of the problem with the perception of bisexuality in our culture is that the squeaky wheels (the bisexual people who sleep around) get the most attention. I've heard some really boneheaded things from people who classify themselves bisexual and attribute these things to bisexuality --- like, they need to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. That's not bisexuality, that's polyamory. The two aren't linked. They can coexist, but a straight, married person can also have lots of straight, slutty sex with people other than who they married *cough* Tiger *cough* I don't normally discuss my sexuality with people because a) it's moot who I would date if I were single, since I'm married and b) I'm not a person who is frank about personal sexual things beyond a very, very limited social circle. To answer the OP, it's possible the guy is bisexual (since you say he enjoys sex with women) and has discovered his life is simply easier if he ignores/denies his attraction to men. He may even be gay and enjoy sex with women but prefer sex with men. Only he really knows that. But I wouldn't worry about it too much; relationships work or fail for many reasons, and whoever is dating this person needs to give him a chance without trying to classify him. PS. It's not that easy to be bi within the gay OR straight communities. Folks either think you're bound to be slutty or you're in denial/can't choose. I guess for all the "progress" people have made with understanding and acceptance, there's still some things we don't get.

This, this, a thousand times this.

It took me a long time to tell my friends that I was bi-sexual, because there is such a label attached to it. I don't become attracted to someone because of their gender, I'm attracted to them for their personality, their looks, the chemistry between us.. Bisexuals are often painted as slutty or attention-whores, but that really isn't the case. As with straight people and gay people, obviously you have some bisexuals who tend to be promiscuous, but it isn't more prevalent in one form of sexuality over another.

As for the OP, it sounds to me like your friend is having a hard time coming to terms with what exactly his sexuality is. That's something lots of people go through! His poor treatment of girls is pretty gross though, there's no excuse for that..