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gildedangel
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
Firstly, you are not too picky and you should not lower your standards! If you miss your girlfriends, try to get all of you to block out one night every once in awhile for a girls night, no boys allowed! If you want to make more friends, then you have to be the outgoing one, friends don't come to you. If you are in college, join student groups that you like and participate in them. It is a great way to meet new people and make new friends that like the same things you do. The only real piece of advice that I have is don't give up!
Firstly, you are not too picky and you should not lower your standards! If you miss your girlfriends, try to get all of you to block out one night every once in awhile for a girls night, no boys allowed! If you want to make more friends, then you have to be the outgoing one, friends don't come to you. If you are in college, join student groups that you like and participate in them. It is a great way to meet new people and make new friends that like the same things you do. The only real piece of advice that I have is don't give up!
Holy Rapture
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
I guess everyone goes through this phase sometime or the other. Lowering your expectations and going with a guy you probably wouldn't have gone with otherwise will make you unhappier, so, no point. I know you know it all, it's just that there are times when you want others to say it out loud for you
See, if you're really lonely and all, just date any random guy for a week or two. Random as in, someone you atleast enjoy talking to or a guy friend who's been interested in you, hang with him just like that till you feel something (attraction, repulsion or nothing). If not this, make some new girl friends, that's probably easier and with lesser hassles
How about Specktra? I'm sure there are many girls on here who live near where you do. Why don't you meet up with them?
I guess everyone goes through this phase sometime or the other. Lowering your expectations and going with a guy you probably wouldn't have gone with otherwise will make you unhappier, so, no point. I know you know it all, it's just that there are times when you want others to say it out loud for you
See, if you're really lonely and all, just date any random guy for a week or two. Random as in, someone you atleast enjoy talking to or a guy friend who's been interested in you, hang with him just like that till you feel something (attraction, repulsion or nothing). If not this, make some new girl friends, that's probably easier and with lesser hassles
How about Specktra? I'm sure there are many girls on here who live near where you do. Why don't you meet up with them?
LoveMakeup4Real
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
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Shimmer
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
before being single and liking it, or trying to find people to hang with or not hang with regardless of gender...maybe you should learn to hang out with yourself and like it.
If you don't like hanging out with yourself, why would anyone else?
before being single and liking it, or trying to find people to hang with or not hang with regardless of gender...maybe you should learn to hang out with yourself and like it.
If you don't like hanging out with yourself, why would anyone else?
darbywynn318
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
Can I just say THANK YOU for posting this? I'm in my senior year of high school and have always had problems with guys. I've gone on a few dates most of which were guys that I had pursued. It just has never happened for me and until recently I've blamed myself for my misfortune (honestly, sometimes I still do) while all of my friends are happy and have dated plenty of guys. We've always been super close and I've never had trouble getting everyone together but recently everybody has been off doing their own thing so I end up as the odd man out with nothing to do. I love alone time but not when it's my only option.
I'm starting to realize that there is nothing I can do to control the way people act towards me. I can ask people to hang out, go out etc but if they contribute nothing it isn't worth it for me to try. Being in high school is hard because everyone has their own group and it's difficult to branch out. I'm on the quiet side so people assume I'm judgmental and bitchy which isn't the case.
I don't have any specific advice for you as I'm dealing with a similar situation but I guess I'd just suggest not blaming yourself. Why kill yourself trying to create something out of nothing? Lonliness is no fun but it's better than dissappointment or feeling rejected (even though it has nothing to do with you majority of the time!) Its not an ideal situation and it's no fun but you could be worse off. Be grateful for the friends you have and enjoy your life for how amazing it is! It will happen you just have to keep telling yourself that. If you remain hopeful there's no reason to stress about something happening immediately. And remember there are people going through the same thing so you are never alone!
Can I just say THANK YOU for posting this? I'm in my senior year of high school and have always had problems with guys. I've gone on a few dates most of which were guys that I had pursued. It just has never happened for me and until recently I've blamed myself for my misfortune (honestly, sometimes I still do) while all of my friends are happy and have dated plenty of guys. We've always been super close and I've never had trouble getting everyone together but recently everybody has been off doing their own thing so I end up as the odd man out with nothing to do. I love alone time but not when it's my only option.
I'm starting to realize that there is nothing I can do to control the way people act towards me. I can ask people to hang out, go out etc but if they contribute nothing it isn't worth it for me to try. Being in high school is hard because everyone has their own group and it's difficult to branch out. I'm on the quiet side so people assume I'm judgmental and bitchy which isn't the case.
I don't have any specific advice for you as I'm dealing with a similar situation but I guess I'd just suggest not blaming yourself. Why kill yourself trying to create something out of nothing? Lonliness is no fun but it's better than dissappointment or feeling rejected (even though it has nothing to do with you majority of the time!) Its not an ideal situation and it's no fun but you could be worse off. Be grateful for the friends you have and enjoy your life for how amazing it is! It will happen you just have to keep telling yourself that. If you remain hopeful there's no reason to stress about something happening immediately. And remember there are people going through the same thing so you are never alone!
ashley8119
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
I'm 20 and I constantly run into the same kind of guys and I am very glad that I haven't lowered my standards and actually committed to a relationship with one of them. There are guys I could be with for the sake of having a boyfriend, but I've tried that route and it's a miserable one. Your standards are not impossible, in fact, I know a guy who has everything I want in a boyfriend...but I'm not attracted to him. at alllll. And that's not fair to either of us if I were to date him, because 1) he deserves to be with a girl who finds him attractive on every possible level, and 2) i could develop feelings for somebody else that i meet later on who I happen to be attracted to and he deserves to be treated better than that, so I just continue to stay his friend. However, he has given me hope that good genuine guys do exist. He is wonderful, but just not for me. I'm sure that one day I will find a great guy who I am attracted to.
So I guess my bottom line of advice is:
Stand your ground with your standards, enjoy your own company and take all of this time of the single life to learn as much as you can about yourself and when you are in the company of a couple, observe them a bit and take note of anything that sticks out to you as something 'special' that you might like to have for yourself one day. I've learned a lot about relationships and guys just by observing them, lol. Remember: once you get into a relationship, a considerable amount of your time will be taken up by him and wanting to learn about him. Therefore, if you know yourself as much as you possibly can, then you are better equipped to pick out a good boyfriend for yourself when he finally comes along!
I'm 20 and I constantly run into the same kind of guys and I am very glad that I haven't lowered my standards and actually committed to a relationship with one of them. There are guys I could be with for the sake of having a boyfriend, but I've tried that route and it's a miserable one. Your standards are not impossible, in fact, I know a guy who has everything I want in a boyfriend...but I'm not attracted to him. at alllll. And that's not fair to either of us if I were to date him, because 1) he deserves to be with a girl who finds him attractive on every possible level, and 2) i could develop feelings for somebody else that i meet later on who I happen to be attracted to and he deserves to be treated better than that, so I just continue to stay his friend. However, he has given me hope that good genuine guys do exist. He is wonderful, but just not for me. I'm sure that one day I will find a great guy who I am attracted to.
So I guess my bottom line of advice is:
Stand your ground with your standards, enjoy your own company and take all of this time of the single life to learn as much as you can about yourself and when you are in the company of a couple, observe them a bit and take note of anything that sticks out to you as something 'special' that you might like to have for yourself one day. I've learned a lot about relationships and guys just by observing them, lol. Remember: once you get into a relationship, a considerable amount of your time will be taken up by him and wanting to learn about him. Therefore, if you know yourself as much as you possibly can, then you are better equipped to pick out a good boyfriend for yourself when he finally comes along!
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
as others have said i don't think you should lower your standards in guys. when the right one comes along you will know and it will be totally worth the wait!
but i agree that you should join some clubs in order to try and make new friends. i know what you mean about being lonely because i don't have any girly friends where i live to hang out with - simgle ones or taken ones!
i get on well with a guy from works girlfriend though but that's about it. so while you are still at school and have the chance make sure you join clubs and meet people you may not get the chance to later in life. and hopefully the guys will follow!
as others have said i don't think you should lower your standards in guys. when the right one comes along you will know and it will be totally worth the wait!
hello_my_apple
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
how to be single and love it? love yourself first hun. be happy with who you are and everything believe it or not will fall into place.
how to be single and love it? love yourself first hun. be happy with who you are and everything believe it or not will fall into place.
JustDivine
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
I don't agree with the suggestions of "love yourself and everything will be ok" or "when you're truly happy with yourself, life will fall into place and magic will happen". I think things like this are very easy to say when you're in a relationship, or are/have been in multiple relationships throughout your life. I think we should all learn to be comfortable with ourselves, single or not. But unless you know what it's like to be single for a very long time, advice like that is a bit wide of the mark.
It's possible to be comfortable, confident, self-fulfilled, love yourself and enjoy life, yet still feel "lonely" when you're experiencing protracted singleness. When you reach a stage in life when all your contemporaries are with somebody, and you are yet to experience that. When you go on dates that don't materialise. When you wonder whether your time will ever come. I don't think there is anybody, comfortable, self-loving, confident or not, who wouldn't have such feelings if they had been single for so long.
Some people have not been single for long enough to know what that feels like; some people feel lonely 1 month after a break-up and jump into another relationship with someone else just because they don't want to be alone. That's not cool.
I think OP that you're perfectly justified in feeling the way you do. We were created for community and relationship, there is nothing abnormal about wanting to have "somebody". You don't have to totally love being single. I do believe however, that you shouldn't let it get you down. Remain optimistic. Find new ways of meeting new people. Don't compare yourselves to others: you never know what compromises, struggles or challenges they have had to endure for the sake of their relationships, possibly things which you aren't willing to. Don't berate yourself: treat every date you've been on as a success, in that you were approached, asked, and you agreed because there was something interesting enough for you in it. It only takes one....to get it right and go the distance. And when you have that one (right date, right person, right time, right opportunity), then that's the end of your dating story. So don't give up!
I don't agree with the suggestions of "love yourself and everything will be ok" or "when you're truly happy with yourself, life will fall into place and magic will happen". I think things like this are very easy to say when you're in a relationship, or are/have been in multiple relationships throughout your life. I think we should all learn to be comfortable with ourselves, single or not. But unless you know what it's like to be single for a very long time, advice like that is a bit wide of the mark.
It's possible to be comfortable, confident, self-fulfilled, love yourself and enjoy life, yet still feel "lonely" when you're experiencing protracted singleness. When you reach a stage in life when all your contemporaries are with somebody, and you are yet to experience that. When you go on dates that don't materialise. When you wonder whether your time will ever come. I don't think there is anybody, comfortable, self-loving, confident or not, who wouldn't have such feelings if they had been single for so long.
Some people have not been single for long enough to know what that feels like; some people feel lonely 1 month after a break-up and jump into another relationship with someone else just because they don't want to be alone. That's not cool.
I think OP that you're perfectly justified in feeling the way you do. We were created for community and relationship, there is nothing abnormal about wanting to have "somebody". You don't have to totally love being single. I do believe however, that you shouldn't let it get you down. Remain optimistic. Find new ways of meeting new people. Don't compare yourselves to others: you never know what compromises, struggles or challenges they have had to endure for the sake of their relationships, possibly things which you aren't willing to. Don't berate yourself: treat every date you've been on as a success, in that you were approached, asked, and you agreed because there was something interesting enough for you in it. It only takes one....to get it right and go the distance. And when you have that one (right date, right person, right time, right opportunity), then that's the end of your dating story. So don't give up!
sweetbabyblue
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
^Good luck hun, I didn't have a boyfriend until I finished high school, I do understand a little where you're coming from. Up until my first bf I'd never even been on dates!
I used to have moments where I thought 'am I just bad company? What's wrong with me?' But looking back now, I am happy that I waited for the right guy to come along. I wouldn't want to find myself in a mediocre relationship and then have the perfect guy for me go by.
Because mine is long distance, I do feel lonely at times, when I'm out with my friends and they're all in couples, or we're at a friends place playing games and I feel like the loner without a partner (charades anyone?)
My sister is 23 and she's never had a bf or been on a date, and I know a few people who have never had a partner either who are 21, so don't feel left behind at all!
^Good luck hun, I didn't have a boyfriend until I finished high school, I do understand a little where you're coming from. Up until my first bf I'd never even been on dates!
I used to have moments where I thought 'am I just bad company? What's wrong with me?' But looking back now, I am happy that I waited for the right guy to come along. I wouldn't want to find myself in a mediocre relationship and then have the perfect guy for me go by.
Because mine is long distance, I do feel lonely at times, when I'm out with my friends and they're all in couples, or we're at a friends place playing games and I feel like the loner without a partner (charades anyone?)
My sister is 23 and she's never had a bf or been on a date, and I know a few people who have never had a partner either who are 21, so don't feel left behind at all!
Shanti
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
Loved JustDivine's post. Sooo true. Everything is easier said than done. Most people never truly know the feeling unless they've been there themselves.
I just try to convince myself that I don't want a man until I'm content with myself, especially physically. I am starting to get into the routine of exercise and eating smaller portions like when I was a teenager. Even if the loneliness is still deep in there, I try to overpower it with "I don't want a man til I'm 100% content with myself or if I'm 100% content with him".
It's been working so far, but sometimes you just have those days when you want to break down and sulk and rant and whine. It's okay and understandable every once in a while.
I've never been in a relationship that lasted over 2 months, and the only person I ever "fell in love with" was an old best friend, and that never blossomed into anything. Some days I resort to thinking back to them. But I say when you reach your goal (I'm positive you'll be successful!) and you know you're hot stuff, that's one of the best revenges to those douchebags...
...okay I think I'm just really bitter right now, sorry. I want to think that after reaching the goal of hotness everything will fall into place but who knows. I guess it's who you surround yourself with and stuff. =/
They'll see.
Loved JustDivine's post. Sooo true. Everything is easier said than done. Most people never truly know the feeling unless they've been there themselves.
I just try to convince myself that I don't want a man until I'm content with myself, especially physically. I am starting to get into the routine of exercise and eating smaller portions like when I was a teenager. Even if the loneliness is still deep in there, I try to overpower it with "I don't want a man til I'm 100% content with myself or if I'm 100% content with him".
It's been working so far, but sometimes you just have those days when you want to break down and sulk and rant and whine. It's okay and understandable every once in a while.
I've never been in a relationship that lasted over 2 months, and the only person I ever "fell in love with" was an old best friend, and that never blossomed into anything. Some days I resort to thinking back to them. But I say when you reach your goal (I'm positive you'll be successful!) and you know you're hot stuff, that's one of the best revenges to those douchebags...
...okay I think I'm just really bitter right now, sorry. I want to think that after reaching the goal of hotness everything will fall into place but who knows. I guess it's who you surround yourself with and stuff. =/
They'll see.
bubbleheart
Well-known member
Re: How to be single and love it...I need advice please :/
Kinda late here but you could nearly be speaking the exact same situation that I've found myself in. In college and developmentally 'behind' in terms of dating and relationships. I definitely get moments where I feel self pity about my situation but most of the time I praise myself for being smart about my personal decisions and not wasting time with losers the way a lot of my friends have (and yes, it seems like 99% of everyone around me has been in relationships etc). I know what Im looking for and I dont think its a lot to ask (similar to you - just a fun, nice guy who is also attractive to me) and even when I find a guy who I'd date - nothing ever happens and nobody ever asks me out. I worry about one day meeting someone and being incredibly resentful of them having all this experience and past gf's and Im not sure how Im going to approach that. For now I take solace in developing myself as a strong and confident person and knowing that even if Im alone - I'll be okay at the end of the day. Follow what YOU want rather than what social expectations of you are (you've never had a b/f!!!??? etc).
Kinda late here but you could nearly be speaking the exact same situation that I've found myself in. In college and developmentally 'behind' in terms of dating and relationships. I definitely get moments where I feel self pity about my situation but most of the time I praise myself for being smart about my personal decisions and not wasting time with losers the way a lot of my friends have (and yes, it seems like 99% of everyone around me has been in relationships etc). I know what Im looking for and I dont think its a lot to ask (similar to you - just a fun, nice guy who is also attractive to me) and even when I find a guy who I'd date - nothing ever happens and nobody ever asks me out. I worry about one day meeting someone and being incredibly resentful of them having all this experience and past gf's and Im not sure how Im going to approach that. For now I take solace in developing myself as a strong and confident person and knowing that even if Im alone - I'll be okay at the end of the day. Follow what YOU want rather than what social expectations of you are (you've never had a b/f!!!??? etc).
kellbell8577
Member
I've read through everyone's response, and I must say, a lot of you have given good advice! OP, I completely understand where you're coming from. In HS, I had crushes on guys, but they were always interested in someone else. In college, it was the same story! I lowered my standards and beliefs just to be with someone. It caused more heartache than anything. But, I'm older and wiser now. I will never lower my standards or be with someone for the sake of "fun" ever again! It just isn't worth it.
I'm 25 now and I'm still single. It does kinda suck being lonely sometimes when all you see are others coupled up everywhere you go! I now have the confidence in myself that I didn't have in HS, College, or even a few years ago!. I agree, it is a good idea to join clubs/other activities on campus. I did those things by myself. The point is to put yourself out there and enjoy yourself along the way.
This year, I'm making similar choices as well. I plan on going out more and getting involved in activities that interest me to meet new and interesting people. I used to be a hermit and wanted to stay in all the time, too. But, I feel like I should show others who I am. Why hide?! Generally, I just plan to enjoy myself no matter what I'm doing or where I am...I believe others will see that. For those who are interested...Wonderful! Those who aren't...I'll keep it moving. Life is too short to dwell on the past and what others have. Be yourself and strive to be genuine in all you do. I believe one day for those of us who are single, and have been for a long time, will eventually get what we desire. We have to go about it the right way. That means no lowering standards or doing things just to "fit in" with crowd.
I'm 25 now and I'm still single. It does kinda suck being lonely sometimes when all you see are others coupled up everywhere you go! I now have the confidence in myself that I didn't have in HS, College, or even a few years ago!. I agree, it is a good idea to join clubs/other activities on campus. I did those things by myself. The point is to put yourself out there and enjoy yourself along the way.
This year, I'm making similar choices as well. I plan on going out more and getting involved in activities that interest me to meet new and interesting people. I used to be a hermit and wanted to stay in all the time, too. But, I feel like I should show others who I am. Why hide?! Generally, I just plan to enjoy myself no matter what I'm doing or where I am...I believe others will see that. For those who are interested...Wonderful! Those who aren't...I'll keep it moving. Life is too short to dwell on the past and what others have. Be yourself and strive to be genuine in all you do. I believe one day for those of us who are single, and have been for a long time, will eventually get what we desire. We have to go about it the right way. That means no lowering standards or doing things just to "fit in" with crowd.
StandingRoom
Active member
A lot of great advice has been given in this post, and I just wanted to add one little thing.. Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy once said, about relationships, "You can stand in the water, see something you want, and splash around trying to get it and lose it.. or you can wait for it to come to you."
I have no idea what she meant by that, but I've always interpreted it to be, "Be yourself, and what comes to you is what's worth having. Don't lose yourself for anyone."
I've taken that to heart, and lived by it since - when I've been single & not.
I have no idea what she meant by that, but I've always interpreted it to be, "Be yourself, and what comes to you is what's worth having. Don't lose yourself for anyone."
I've taken that to heart, and lived by it since - when I've been single & not.
