please help me figure out what he means

[jess98765]

Ok so i meet this guy a couple of days ago and we hit it off right from the get go. We've been hanging out everyday, flirting and jokeing around like you do when you meet someone. So there i was thinking, whoa this is gonna turn out great, and yay i can finally have my first real relationship!.... all good.

But then i meet him again today, and yep like the other days we begin all happy and flirty enjoying each others company. However things turned kinda sour when he turned around and said to me "look jess, i don't want to lead you on or anything but I'm not ready. I broke up with my ex under really bad circumstances". After that our convo just turned silent and that was that.....

He then says he has to go to class which is all cool. But he comes back after a couple of minutes and starts being all happy and flirty again!! wtf?? so much for the not leading me on!

What i don't really understand is what he meant by that. Like it was clear he really liked me and everything before this convo; heck he was even lying on my lap and hugging me before it.... then he goes and says it making me so confused. I put my heart and energy on the line for this to work out and now i'm just shattered. Even all our mates were already calling us a couple and all and just to hear what he said just makes me sad...

Was it just him indicating that he wanted to take things slowly?? That he doesn't want to take this further?? That i'm a rebound?? that he just sees me as a friend? Oh i'm so confused cos all the right signs were there.
Please help me out girls and work out what he means. i'm new to this whole relationship thing so really need the help

Thanks girls

 

[Urbana]

i think men are simple, and i think this man just wants to have fun. he doesnt want a real relationship but he knows you want, and i think whats why he told you that.
he wants to be with you, flirting and having fun but not be serious.
so its your choice

 

[Shimmer]

He doesn't want a relationship and he doesn't want to be a dick and use you without warning you.

 

[Beauty Mark]

He doesn't want a girlfriend right now, just some fun

 

[jess98765]

so he's just expecting me to be all flirty back, all just to entertain him unitl he's ready for another relationship....?? oh men are just confusing!!! dammit! lol

But thanks girlies for the replies

 

[Beauty Mark]

Friends with benefits, I'm guessing. Not necessarily waiting until someone else comes along, but wanting a little fun without a big commitment.

 

[Urbana]

exactly, i think he wants so benefits
so, do you want to share that kind of relationship?

 

[user79]

I don't know, it seems unclear. The best idea is to ask him exactly what he meant. Maybe he just needs some time and some space to get over his ex, before pursuing a real relationship with you. Or maybe he just wants a fling...

 

[Raerae]

How old are you...

You said "first real relationship" so I'm assuming your young. Not to mention class n stuff.

I think some of the replies here are rather adult lol. Depending on your age.

 

[giz2000]

I would keep this nice and friendly for now...he was honest about his situation (which is a plus), and I am guessing he flirts to reassure himself that he's attractive. I wouldn't jump into a relationship with this guy...yet.

 

[little teaser]

you should at least give him credit for being upfront and honest.
alot of guys dont even do that, so even though he dont want to commit he dont want to hurt you either.

 

[a914butterfly]

men are asses!! they dont know how to convey their feelings sometimes (like it's too macho for them) and some have a hard time showing their feelings or even figure out what they feel. i had a man look me in the face and straight in the eye and tell me he loved me, and then later (like only 10 minutes later) deny it and says he said something totally different and that i heard him wrong. men are totally confusing creatures!!

 

[Urbana]

i hate them all . lol!!

 

[macslut]

If he doesn't want a relationship, then he really doesn't need to be lying in your lap. I would say cut off the flirting and all of that. Don't give him those benefits because if you like him, you will be the one hurt. You can be friends without flirting and hugging and all of that. When he walked away from you I think he was trying to disconnect himself from your emotions. Perhaps save himself from the guilt of having hurt your feelings.

The only thing i can say is that at least he said something. The fab ones on here are right, some don't (as many of us can personally attest to).

Oh, and if he asks why you are suddenly "so cold", tell him that you reserve those activities for someone who is interested in you and you him and that since you guys are not going to be anymore than friends, then sorry.

 

[MiCHiE]

He wants sex. Take away the common denominator (sex) and see what happens.

 

[a914butterfly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ♥MiCHiE♥ He wants sex. Take away the common denominator (sex) and see what happens.

he would go nuts!! men think with their dicks and not their head or heart. taking away sex from a man is like cutting off their oxygen supply, but sometimes that's what we women need to do to get our message through!!!

 

[makeupgal]

Well, I think he was very clear in what he doesn't want....and that's a relationship. He just wants to play. At this point, if you decide to "play" you can't get mad at him later and say he lead you on, etc. because he was very clear from the start that he doesn't want a relationship. Gotta give him props for being honest from the get go.

 

[Beauty Mark]

I don't think he's a bad person for just wanting something casual/friends with benefits or that it's a part of being a male, because I want that sometimes. It's great he was upfront about it.

If you don't want that, be honest with yourself and him. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache doing it now than allowing yourself to get attached.