please take the time to read this, please.

[missxlauren]

i need some serious advice, because i honestly have no idea what to do.

i've been a relationship for almost 6 years, with the person i believe to be 'the one'. we've been engaged for about 2 years, but since we are young, we are waiting until he gets out of school and such to get married.

we have a great relationship. we are best friends, and haven't spent more than a few days apart since we have met.

for christmas he got me and ipod with an engraving that said 'i, i'm so in love with you, whatever you want to do' from our song let's stay together by al green.

anyways, the point is is that we have a great relationship.

we just moved out together in may, and it's gone pretty great. we still have our own lives, i let him go out when he wants to and vice versa. but we spend a lot of time together, but we enjoy each others company.

he just recently got a second job, and has been going to school 16 hours also. so, basically, he's overloaded.

well, the day before new years he told me he was unhappy and he didn't know if he loved me anymore and wanted some space. we were both crying and he told me he loved me (which i don't get since he said doesn't know if he loves me anymore) and begged me to stay home.

i went to my parents and have spoken to him once. he said he needed time to think and i asked him if he thinks things are going to work out and he said he didn't know. then i asked if he really wanted things to end or if he just needed some space and he said he thinks he just needs some space.

i'm so confused and so upset. please give any insight as to what might be going on.

p.s. i don't think it's a matter of another girl, i really don't.

 

[NicksWifey]

Wow, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine how horrible that must feel, being in a relationship as long as you have and living together, etc. I can't insert a hug smiley because they are not working right now, but here's a hug from me to you ------->Obviously, there is something going on with him, it doesn't sound at all like it's you. Maybe he is just overwhelmed with school and working 2 jobs, plus paying bills. I know how hard it is when you live with someone you love and you have got all that going on. You have to talk to him though, to see what's going on. When he said he was unhappy, it truly could be because of everything he has going on in his life and maybe he doesn't know how to deal with it, so he's using you as an excuse.Either way, talk to him. Ask him to tell you what is up because it's very important that he tell you everything that's going on in his head. You two live together for pete's sake, you have a right to know!HUGS!

 

[luckycharms]

Hi there !
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know you are very sad and heartbroken and disappointed at this moment. But if I were you, I would give him some space to think if he still wants to continue the relationship. Don't communicate with him for a while. Sometimes, guys need to feel alone to appreciate what they have been missing and that is YOU.
Give him 3 weeks at least. And while you are separated, focus yourself with other things you love doing. More important is give yourself more time like pampering yourself to a beauty salon, foot spa or read a good book. Being with family and friends would really be great. Just stop thinking about him for a while and if you don't hear anything from him after, maybe you can give him a buzz and make a heart to heart talk about his decisions. Just try not to pressure or it would lead into a negative side.
Hang in there

 

[Beauty Mark]

It could be a lot of things. I was going to write the possibilities, but you really need to talk to him. Even if he's stressed or hurting somehow, given that you and he were planning to spend your lives together, you deserve an honest explanation.

From there, you can decide what to do. But you do need to talk to him. Good luck and keep talking with other people who care about you.

 

[florabundance]

It sounds like he's feeling overwhelmed with the relationship and has just reacted badly about feeling that way. In the best relationships at some point one or both of the people will question if it's right or if it's really what they want. That's human nature. But it can be scary to think that way sometimes when you've invested so much in a relationship.

Whatever his problem is (and obviously you know you guys will have to discuss it thoroughly), it's obviously not you that is at fault.

I hope everything works out and that you can guys can patch things up in whatever way things need to be patched up

Until then, don't agonize over it. Whatever happens in the end (good or bad..hopefully good), you will have learned a valuable lesson and gained a valuable experience.

 

[darkishstar]

If anything, you deserve an honest explanation after he has enough space to himself. Because if there's anything I know about relationships, you as the other significant in his life for such a long time, you need to have that closure and he needs to tell you out of courtesy at least, so you don't spend a long time wondering if you did anything wrong. Which I'm sure you didn't, but human nature always makes us wonder if we did something wrong, if we don't get the honest truth or an explanation.

Good luck and we are all here for you.
I hope it's just holiday blues and all that work he's doing and being overloaded, it could just be really stressing him out.

 

[abbyquack]

I'm so sorry you're going through such a a hard time, I know how painful it is for the person you love dearly to tell you maybe they don't love you the same way anymore. Especially after 6 years! But hang in there, stay strong and know that you're doing the right thing by giving him time to think about things and see how life is without you. He'll either realize it's horrible without you and come running back or he won't, but the only way to find out is to allow him his personal time (which guys truly value). He also sounds like a great guy considering he has been open in communicating his feelings. Whatever is troubling him, I do hope he figures it out, but I hope you will be okay regardless of the outcome! Don't lose hope and know your friends here are thinking of you and wishing you the best.

 

[rbella]

I'm so sorry. That sucks. When Mr. Rbella and I moved in together after dating for about 5 years we went through kind of a "weird" phase. I think a lot of it has to do with the feeling of losing a little of your identity because you are now sharing everything in your life 24 hours a day with another person. It is much different from living in separate houses. It is basically the same as being married without the sheet of paper.

He is probably just freaking out. Give him some time. Ask him when this started and if he feels the moving in together has anything to do with it. If so, you will just have to come to terms with each other, make compromises and you'll be fine.

Good luck to you. Relationships are always full of ups and downs. What defines a truly great relationship is how you and your significant other handle rough patches and whether or not you can get through them. It sounds like you two truly love each other and just need to communicate. I'll be thinking about you!!

 

[ImMACnificent]

The best advice I can give you right now is, as difficult as it sounds, instead of worrying so much about what could be 'wrong' with him or the relationship is use this time to be with your friends, family and most importantly, yourself. Don't let this feel like he needs space from you, perhaps you two just need space from one another and have your "me" time.
It sucks we can't know what other people are thinking and control what goes on, but that's life, right? After 6 years, I can't imagine he just woke up and decided he didn't love you anymore. I think he just probably has a lot of internal battles going on that probably have nothing to do with you.

Hang in there, sweetie

 

[kaliraksha]

I wasn't totally in the same situation as you are in, but my boyfriend told me the same things once... for him it ended up being I was his first girlfriend.. the only girl he had seriously gotten to know and even though he wasn't sure he wanted to date other people he wanted to get to know other girls without me freaking out. It was really painful and honestly I felt hopeless... and in reality I was to change the situation... I had to let him do what he wanted without compromising myself. The most important thing I had to remember was that his need for a break had nothing to do with me, it was all him. He admits that to this day that it was his own talk in his head and that if he had been able to form those thoughts into words we may have stayed together.

Once again, I'm not saying this is what is going on just letting you know my experience. Definitely, hang in there and talk to him and try to get more concrete answers... ask him when he feels that way, what his train of thoughts are, has he thought of things you two can do differently to help, etc.

Best of luck =)

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Lauren, I'm really sorry that you are going through all this. You should spend sometime apart so that he can 'miss you'. I'll be praying for you guys

 

[Lauren1981]

as hard as it is i would just take it for face value. he said he needs space so let him have it. this is very unfortunate.
it could be a number of reason's but i don't feel that it would be anymore healthy to try and analyze 24/7 what it could be. he could just be in overload right now. i mean, i have two jobs (60 hrs a week) and go to class three nights a week. i can handle it but everyone is different. and he's got 16 hrs of school a week?? i can't even imagine how stressed i'd be.
i'm not rationalizing for him but i am saying that he might just be in a confused state right now, ya know? like maybe trying to figure things out and can't see that since he's carrying so much on his plate that it's got him all over the place.
then again, i don't know him.
just take that time, give him his space but also make sure that maybe you might have some things you need to think out.
i am SO sorry you're going through this. relationship problems are the worse.
i will hope for the best!!! but remember, that whatever does happen, it's happening for the best, k?

 

[MissMochaXOXO]

i think he sounds really stressed and maybe hes trying to figure things out with himself. i have a feeling its not ur fault at all. let him have some space to breathe but make sure he knows the ''space'' isnt to be filled with other chicks and ur not going out with other guys. this sucks though, i feel bad 4 u

. i know how it feels to just want everything to be okay. it sucks not knowing whats going to happen. just try to stay positive and take this time to help work on urself too. read some good books, workout to relieve some of the stress and anxiety. good luck

 

[Prinsesa]

Wow, your man is pretty mysterious! The thing is, I have a tendency to think that EVERYTIME a man says he needs "space", it's because he wants to explore his other options. And the tricky part is, you are willing to do so because you love him..BUT..how much space? How many days/weeks/months? A lot of guys don't even give you a "timeframe" as to when they are done with the whole "space" thing.

Men want to try a buffet without letting go of the good thing. He knows you're good for him but he just wants to explore his options which is unfair to you. Just confront him and tell him straight up that the "space" thing is bullshit and just tell you the truth so you actually know what's going on. tell him that he owes you at least THE TRUTH. School and two jobs opens up a lot of social connections around him.

 

[leenybeeny]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I so agree with rbella. When hubby and I had been living together for quite some time, he decided he wanted to get his own place. I think the loss of independance freaked him out a bit, as well as the fact that he was very stressed with work. He really did need space. Everything ended up working out. It sounds like he does need a little space. From my experience, it doesn't take long for people to realize that they either want it or they don't. If things go on for more than a few weeks, I would seriously let him know that you can't wait forever. *hugs*

 

[rimberry]

I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing this time last year with my fiance at almost 6 years together also. I agree with giving him time and space, but at the same time your doing that I think you should also take the time for yourself to do the same. I'm not saying going out with guys, but just make sure that this is what you REALLY want and proceed from there with him when he does come around. But from what I got from my fiance was that he just got kinda freaked out. Hopefully everything works out.

 

[zzoester]

One of the possible downsides to living together and/or spending a ton of time with each other can be that you aren't given an opportunity to miss each other. Sometimes the intense and overwhelming feeling of missing your SO is what 'proves' or measures the love. I'm not saying I think it should be this way or that it always is. But, I do know from experience that my husband might not have realized how much he is truly in love with me if he had not missed me so terribly much when we had a couple weeks apart. It brought our relationship to a whole higher level.

I hope this is the case for you and your boyfriend. Only time will tell. As someone else said above; let him miss you.