Please tell me what you think
- Thread starter tricky
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ClaireAvril
Well-known member
The cons look like they are outweighing the pros.
Don't you want to be with someone who's got their life together and wants to be successful? Especially if you're in your late 20s..
I think either you dump his ass or you tell him - these are the things I want and I need to see you executing these goals now and if you mess up once then we're done.
To me it seems as though you don't want to be with him or you wouldn't be questioning it. He's just going to get more and more comfortable living off you and he really needs to just get his shit together and be a man.
Don't you dare ever settle for less than you know you deserve!
There are so many women out there that do that.. they pretend to be happy when they're dying inside.. I am sure you don't want that for yourself.
Don't you want to be with someone who's got their life together and wants to be successful? Especially if you're in your late 20s..
I think either you dump his ass or you tell him - these are the things I want and I need to see you executing these goals now and if you mess up once then we're done.
To me it seems as though you don't want to be with him or you wouldn't be questioning it. He's just going to get more and more comfortable living off you and he really needs to just get his shit together and be a man.
Don't you dare ever settle for less than you know you deserve!
There are so many women out there that do that.. they pretend to be happy when they're dying inside.. I am sure you don't want that for yourself.
prettysecrets
Well-known member
From everything you say here the cons out weigh the pros with this guy.
I think you know what you should do and its just hard to come to terms w/ it.
It's not an easy thing to break up w/ someone but it seems you'd be better off w/o this guy. IMO.
I think you know what you should do and its just hard to come to terms w/ it.
It's not an easy thing to break up w/ someone but it seems you'd be better off w/o this guy. IMO.
laguayaca
Well-known member
Like the girls before me said you know what you gotta do...there's too much there for you to even try to fix. I think you do need time alone especially after a break up of a relationship that lasted nearly a decade! You need to find yourself, what you want in life and in love and once you find it go for it. We tend to lose "me" because for so long it was "us" or "we". Take time to get to know you once again.
Once you do begin dating it sounds like you're looking to get serious. Remember you date to marry and if you really don't think you would be able to live with the person don't waste your time or theirs. Those tiny little habits that get on your nerves will stay the same or get worse unless the person trully wants to change it for themselves.
Once you do begin dating it sounds like you're looking to get serious. Remember you date to marry and if you really don't think you would be able to live with the person don't waste your time or theirs. Those tiny little habits that get on your nerves will stay the same or get worse unless the person trully wants to change it for themselves.
carandru
Well-known member
I'm going to say that by the sheer tone of your post, that you made your mind up already. You feel bad about your decision, and don't want to come to terms w/ it. But you have definitely already made a decision.
You wrote a long ass post about how he's irks you and then like 2 sentences about why he's a good bf. What does that tell you? I can come up w/ a million reasons why my hubby gets on my last nerve. But, I can come up with 8 million why I love that man. Please know that YOU CANNOT FIX ANYONE. They can only fix themselves, and they will only do it when they are ready.
If you really don't want to let it go yet, then you need to sit down and talk to him. If it helps you, make a list first of all the topics you want to cover and make sure you talk about each and every one. And if things don't change permanently after that. Then you do what you gotta do. O and I say permanently b/c things will probably get better at first, but once you guys settle in again, old behaviors tend to resurface if people haven't really changed.
And lastly, you are the only person who is in control of your happiness. If this guy is bringing and holding you down, then fix that. Quick.
You wrote a long ass post about how he's irks you and then like 2 sentences about why he's a good bf. What does that tell you? I can come up w/ a million reasons why my hubby gets on my last nerve. But, I can come up with 8 million why I love that man. Please know that YOU CANNOT FIX ANYONE. They can only fix themselves, and they will only do it when they are ready.
If you really don't want to let it go yet, then you need to sit down and talk to him. If it helps you, make a list first of all the topics you want to cover and make sure you talk about each and every one. And if things don't change permanently after that. Then you do what you gotta do. O and I say permanently b/c things will probably get better at first, but once you guys settle in again, old behaviors tend to resurface if people haven't really changed.
And lastly, you are the only person who is in control of your happiness. If this guy is bringing and holding you down, then fix that. Quick.
florabundance
Well-known member
you sound like you barely even like him right now, tbh. and i don't think that's his or your fault, it just is what it is.
as others have said, you can't "fix" someone. even if a relationship starts out rocky and then stabilises and becomes stronger with time, that's generally because the person/people themselves WANT it to be that way.
good luck tho hon. im sure you'll work it out
as others have said, you can't "fix" someone. even if a relationship starts out rocky and then stabilises and becomes stronger with time, that's generally because the person/people themselves WANT it to be that way.
good luck tho hon. im sure you'll work it out
user79
Well-known member
Honestly, if you are seeing that many cons and flaws after a mere 5 months with this guy, I'd say break up. Doesn't seem like you have much of a long-term future if he's already driving you nuts after 5 months. It's easier to overlook faults once you've been with somoene for a long long time, nobody's perfect, but I think if there's so many things already that bother you, I'd say you probably aren't right for each other.
kittykit
Well-known member
Does he make you happy or is he getting on your nerves most of the time? If you find yourself getting frustrated most of the time, then I say break up with him. From your original post, I see more frustration than happiness in this relationship. It will be easier to break up now since you've been together for only 5 months. If you do it later and find out you've fallen in love with each other deeper but everything else remain the same, it will hurt both of you more.
TIERAsta
Well-known member
Quote:
Well then maybe you need to back it up and slow it down. Let him know that things are moving way to fast for ya. You need your space and he has to honor that. And be sure to emphasize that when he is in your space (your house) he has to be considerate and respectful. It he definitely needs some time & space to grow up, and mature a little bit, so it might be good for both of you.
Originally Posted by tricky
Yeah, however I think things got wayyyy too serious too quickly. He's more or less been living at my house for 2 months now, staying over 5 or 6 days per week. So even though it's only been 5 months the relationship developed really quickly and got intense very quickly. |
Well then maybe you need to back it up and slow it down. Let him know that things are moving way to fast for ya. You need your space and he has to honor that. And be sure to emphasize that when he is in your space (your house) he has to be considerate and respectful. It he definitely needs some time & space to grow up, and mature a little bit, so it might be good for both of you.
