Pseudomemories?

[ilovexnerdsx]

i'm dealing with an intense issue right now and i know specktra is overwhelmed with intelligence and resourcefulness. i'm not so much looking for sympathy right now, but a more scientific point of view.

i've always dealt with pretty severe depression (which i am finally over) and as a result i've been going to therapy for years and years, though now i only go for meds management. i've never really been close to my brother and i know when i was little he used to hit me some. almost right after i started going to a new psychiatrist, i started having dreams about my brother raping me.

for the longest time it's been ripping my family apart. when i told my sister i was having the dreams, but wasn't sure about them, she said she "wouldn't put it past him."

i talked to my therapist about it and it seemed to make a whole lot of sense.

my mother has been doing a lot of research though, and it turns out that MANY people have been convinced that they had been abused once it had been suggested they were, even if they weren't. according to a lot of research, repressed memories aren't even possible.

so now i am starting to doubt that it had ever happened.

but i was wondering if anyone had any information that could help me sort through this, more scientifically. research i could read over? repressed memories that turned out to definitely be true, or false?

my brother lives on the other side of the country and does not know that any of this has been going on.

 

[Dark_Phoenix]

This is going to sound totally weird, but are you sure you want to remember something that traumatic if it was real?

I can't remember a week of what happened after an attack in 2005. And after looking at pictures of my injuries I don't want to; it sounds cowardly but I think I'm better off not remembering anything that painful. But I don't think I'm in your situation because I have scars, pictures, and articles of what happened to know what occured was real (I'm not saying what happened to you wasn't, but just that I'm in a different situation).

I found some websites on info of repressed memories and false memory syndrome:
Leadership Council
American Psychological Association Info
Monitor on Psychology
Summary of Recovered Memory Debate
False Memory Syndrome Facts
Childhood Trauma Remembered
Summary of Research Examining the Prevalence of Full or Partial Dissociative Amnesia for Traumatic Events

 

[jillianjiggs]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix This is going to sound totally weird, but are you sure you want to remember something that traumatic if it was real? I can't remember a week of what happened after an attack in 2005. And after looking at pictures of my injuries I don't want to; it sounds cowardly but I think I'm better off not remembering anything that painful.

that is very true. the fact that you don't is your body's way of protecting itself. it is not cowardly!

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

i've already had the dreams and suffered for months because i believed them.

but i would really like to know what the chances are that what happened could have been real or if the power of suggestion took over.

 

[ilovexnerdsx]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix This is going to sound totally weird, but are you sure you want to remember something that traumatic if it was real? I can't remember a week of what happened after an attack in 2005. And after looking at pictures of my injuries I don't want to; it sounds cowardly but I think I'm better off not remembering anything that painful. But I don't think I'm in your situation because I have scars, pictures, and articles of what happened to know what occured was real (I'm not saying what happened to you wasn't, but just that I'm in a different situation). I found some websites on info of repressed memories and false memory syndrome: Leadership Council American Psychological Association Info Monitor on Psychology Summary of Recovered Memory Debate False Memory Syndrome Facts Childhood Trauma Remembered Summary of Research Examining the Prevalence of Full or Partial Dissociative Amnesia for Traumatic Events

thank you so much for those links, i am checking them out now

and at that time, were you on any painkillers? i know some heavy duty painkillers have some sort of amnesiac in them.

 

[Simply Elegant]

Well I know that it can and has happened lots before. Does your therapist ask lots of leading questions? Do you go to a psychoanalyst?

This doesn't seem to have a lot to do with pseudomemories but it does.. Anyway, studies have been done where people have to look at lists of related words (example-sleep, bed, dreams etc) and the person testing will ask them to repeat the lists and ask if pillow for example was on there when it was not and they will say yes. It just shows you that your memory can be faulty sometimes. Asking lots of leading questions can help you lead to false memories especially when it's someone who has a lot of authority, like a doctor, over you. Psychoanalysts encourage you to just say whatever and help you act out what happened but sometimes they can lead you in the wrong direction and you may become convinced that abuse has happened. Sometimes just labelling it as childhood abuse that you don't remember is like the easy way out for your therapist. I'm not saying that s/he's doing this intentionally but if your doctor thinks you were abused s/he may start pressuring you almost into thinking that.

Of course this doesn't mean that it couldn't have happened. You have to really think about what happened around the time frame that you think it may have happened and consider whether your brother has done anything like this to another person.

 

[lipstickandhate]

This may be a hassle but I would go to another therapist and see what he/she thinks about this entire situation. Your therapist, however well-intentioned, is no longer "neutral". You owe it to yourself and to your family to really investigate this in the most logical way possible.

In my legal experience, yes, therapists can be highly influential, almost manipulative, to the point where false memories are generated. I'm not saying this is what happened to you but it is certainly possible.

I'm also not necessarily inclined to believe my dreams mean anything. I've had some seriously f-d up dreams in my life- dreams similar to what you are describing. Constantly for several months of my life. I don't think I was harmed in any way growing up, however.

Obviously, I have no idea whether you were or were not hurt. I would suggest you see a different therapist though. I don't think its a coincidence that your dreams and this therapist are occuring simultaneous to one another.

Good luck.

 

[glamdoll]

I think its possible because I have some memories of some family members that tried to do things to me, but THANK GOD, I was smart enough not to fall for it. I put it all behind and didnt remember till I read your thread. Its posible. I think its a defense mechanism of the mind to put painful memories in your subconcious.

 

[Hilly]

I have these dreams and thoughts too about my father!! He is no longer in my life but was a druggie, alcoholic, etc. I always wondered if it really happened myself. Glad to know I'm not the only person who experiences these dreams/thoughts.

 

[SparklingWaves]

I have PTSD and I have flashbacks. I had them as a kid, but I didn't understand what was going on with me. I learned early on in the healing process that people will not always be supportive. It all depends on their relationship with you and their knowledge of the abuser. Some friends who do not even know the abuser may not be able to hear what you have to say, because they have not dealt with their history of abuse or they just can't imagine a person doing things to children of this nature. Also, many do not understand how the mind heals from abuse. Others on the extreme end of the spectrum, can't even determine what abuse really is.

In the case of an abuser within the family, family is not always going to be your best supporter. They may try to blame your treatment for your healing process. Why? They have an idea of what someone is and that is their reality. They will think they know your history, because they were not a witness.

The worst is the people that believe your accounts and actually blame you for what happened or tell you what you should have done to correct the abuser's behavior.

For all of the above, I don't always think it's a great idea to reveal all this ealier in the healing process to someone other than a therapist or someone that you know is going to be a great support.

Pseudomemories came out to the theory of False Memory Syndrome. This is a theory that a therapist or psychiatrist made you believe you were abused. They "implanted" memories in you. They may have used drugs and/or hypnosis. There are just a few cases, that people claim a psychiatriac facility would not release them until they acknowledged they were molested - even though, they had no conscious memories of abuse. They were "brainwashed" to believe they were molested.

I have read the literature behind the 1st case of so-called false memory syndrome. The actual situation of the victim has been extremly twisted. The actual details of the case were highly dismissed by the press.

If you want my opinion, I would not read any thing that discredits what I am experiencing. I would only read things that gives me support, comfort, and understanding of what I am experiencing.

 

[jenii]

Oh, hon, that is rough. I'm truly sorry.

The memory might not be false at all. It could have been repressed. When we're young, and traumatic things happen, we tend to repress them without trying. Sometimes we're so successful at it, that we completely forget. And then, we might have strange "dreams" about it. It's natural to second-guess yourself, and think there's no way you'd forget something that big.

But, people often do. It's the mind's way of protecting itself.

I hate to say this, but... I think your mother was second-guessing you, and bringing up the "false memory" concept as a defense mechanism. Some mothers do this when one person they love hurts another person they love. They somehow think they can protect both parties by protecting one, if that makes any sense. They also protect themselves, from having to believe that this would happen within their own family.

So, please, don't put too much stock in what your mother is saying. While she could genuinely believe this memory is false, she could also simply be trying to protect her son.

My advice is to trust yourself. Despite the depression (which I've also had a lifelong struggle with), you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Trust that you know what's real and what isn't. And if you don't know now, trust that you will figure it out.

The most important question here is: What do you want? Do you want to know if the memory is real?

ETA: Know how your sister "wouldn't put it past him" to do that to you? I think it indicates that your memory could be genuine. Siblings notice things about each other that parents do not. I noticed depression in my sister 20 years ago that my parents are only just now starting to realize she has. Parents simply do not see sometimes.

 

[Dark_Phoenix]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovexnerdsx and at that time, were you on any painkillers? i know some heavy duty painkillers have some sort of amnesiac in them.

The only ones I know of that cause memory loss are barbiturates and benzodiazepines. I was on morphine based drugs for pain. But after reading my charts, I'm pretty certain the physical trauma (hypovolemic shock, burns, penetrating injuries, internal injuries, etc.) caused the memory loss.

I agree with what lipstickandhate said. Like any other medical problem this impacting, you should probably have someone give you a second opinion. Maybe request your own chart from this therapist so you can see her opinion directly in her notes.

 

[MAC_Whore]

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. I know it isn't easy to discuss this, so I applaud your bravery for addressing it and looking for answers.

I hope when you read my comments, you know I completely support your efforts to recover from this. That I only want you to be happy. Some of what I am going to say may seem detached and unemotional, but I want to offer an univolved/unbiased opinion.

If your brother did this to you, I don't even know what to say that would adequately express my anger and disgust towards him. That is trully awful. I am glad to hear that your brother is no longer around you. You don't expect him back, do you? It is very important that you feel safe. I hope your mother is being as supportive as she can be. I hope you have other outlets for support, as well. Has anyone ever spoken to your brother about this?

The body, as a defense mechanism, is definitely capable of represing bad memories. It is completely possible that this did occur and you were just unable to process the horror of it, so you hid it inside.

On the other side of the coin...I agree with those suggesting that you get a second opinion. A lot may come down to the psychiatrist. If you are in a state of depression, you probably aren't trully focused. You would be more prone to being lead into a memory that may not have occurred. When you are depressed, you want to solve the problem and get better. In other words....

If the psychiatrist is asking you leading questions (questions that seem to suggest something happened, rather than ask a question) you may be more likely to put your depression on an event that is tangible (i.e. rape) whether it occured or not. That way you can categorize your depression into one tangible event and that will make your depression easier to understand. Rather than just being depressed or sad and not knowing why.

I recently read an article (which of course I cannot find now) on sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations. I used to experience sleep paralysis in my late teens and early 20's (though I didn't know what they were at the time). They are dreams that seem so incredibly real. It is like your mind is awake, but your body isn't, so you can't respond. Fortunately my episodes of sleep paralysis were never terrifying, they were just weird and goofy. Sleep paralysis episodes can be brought on by fear and stress. If you didn't have a good relationship with your brother, that might suggest him being the topic of a sleep paralysis episode.

I Wiki'd them for you here:

Sleep Paralysis
Hypnagognia/Hypnagogic Hallucinations

Another reality is that you may never have definitive proof that the rape occured. That being said, don't let it control you. Don't let that event define you. Do as much as you reasonably can to find answers, but make sure you are working to heal yourself. That is the most important thing. Work to be a person who is comfortable with herself and who is happy. You are the most important thing in your life. Take care of you.

I'm not a doctor. The closest I have come to that is watching ER. These are just some thoughts that popped into my head.

I think you are a great gal and I enjoy your presence on Specktra. I know you are going through a lot right now. I hope you start to feel better.