jillianjiggs
Well-known member
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second thoughts
- Thread starter jillianjiggs
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*Luna*
Well-known member
If I were you... I wouldn't do it. By letting someone who treats you that way move in with you, you are risking losing your BF and your BF risks losing you and his friend. You don't deserve to be treated in the manner that you were before, why let that into your home... thats your personal space. I just think it would be an unhealthy situation.
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Don't do it. I can't believe your boyfriend allows his friend to treat you badly. It sounds like you and boyfriend have a good hold on yourselves and money. You don't need this other person treating you badly, especially during the academic year; minimize stress as much as possible.
If you go through with it, I would make sure that you have a drawn up agreement of what's shared and not shared. It's your money, you have watch out for your best interest. One of the best living situations I was in was where we each put in $20 for previously agreed shared items (butter, flour, milk, and so on.) Whenever we were running low on something, someone would buy it with the money in pot. When the money in the pot ran low, we'd each add $20. It's the only way to keep it fair.
It isn't immature or petty of you not to want him to use your cable or Internet if he's not paying. It's immature and petty of him not to pay for a service and then expect to have access to it.
Also, if you go through with this, keep in mind if the stress gets bad enough, you can always kick him out and sublet his room. It doesn't take care of the emotional damage, but it'll help with the financial aspect.
If you go through with it, I would make sure that you have a drawn up agreement of what's shared and not shared. It's your money, you have watch out for your best interest. One of the best living situations I was in was where we each put in $20 for previously agreed shared items (butter, flour, milk, and so on.) Whenever we were running low on something, someone would buy it with the money in pot. When the money in the pot ran low, we'd each add $20. It's the only way to keep it fair.
It isn't immature or petty of you not to want him to use your cable or Internet if he's not paying. It's immature and petty of him not to pay for a service and then expect to have access to it.
Also, if you go through with this, keep in mind if the stress gets bad enough, you can always kick him out and sublet his room. It doesn't take care of the emotional damage, but it'll help with the financial aspect.
MxAxC-_ATTACK
Well-known member
Quote:
I agree with this.
My boyfriend has a friend who doesn't like me
I try and steer clear of him.. I don't need that crap in my life.
Originally Posted by Shimmer
ouch. boundary issues. Your boyfriend stands a bigger chance of losing his best friend if y'all live together than he does if y'all head it off at the pass. But that's just my experience/opinion. |
I agree with this.
My boyfriend has a friend who doesn't like me
I try and steer clear of him.. I don't need that crap in my life.
pumpkincat210
Well-known member
You definately don't need that kind of bs! I would say no.. Save your sanity!
giz2000
Well-known member
Just my humble opinion: I would rethink the friend situation...very seriously...he's toxic and the fac that he's trying to manipulate and emotionally blackmail the two of you into doing things his way should be sending HUGE red flags. What's up with his stupid control issues? Who is he to say how you and your BF spend your money?
The two of you would be WAAAAY better off without him. He's a big boy and can take care of himself (or better yet, let his rich parents get him his own apartment where he can do things the way he wants to).
The two of you would be WAAAAY better off without him. He's a big boy and can take care of himself (or better yet, let his rich parents get him his own apartment where he can do things the way he wants to).
kaliraksha
Well-known member
Oh room mate issues! I really think you guys stand a better chance of maintaining the current relationships by not living together. You may be able to stay amicable with him, your bf and him can stay friends, and you are your boyfriend can stay together. I could see it all going haywire if tensions keep rising. I mean this is how he acts when he doesn't even live with you. I'm sure your bf doesn't like being condescended either and can see that you have different living styles. That's not a reason to necessarily stop being friends, but it would stop me from living with someone. Moving in together with a friend can sometimes ruin relationships… I know, I hate to say it and it shouldn’t be like that. But think about it; with a stranger you would try to be more courteous, fair, respect the situation and with a friend you get hurt and don’t want to say anything to not hurt them. It can turn into a lot of drama. I would never want to move in with my guy’s best guy friend because if you guys fight… you may have two angry people at you in your home. Bah! Your best bet is to talk to you boyfriend about your feelings…. I bet you he may feel some of the same things. Your guy’s friend sounds a bit pushy and maybe your boyfriend doesn’t know how to push back and needs your support.
Yep, this is definitely not going to be a fun talk and decision, but choose this over living it out for the term of your lease. I’m not saying it can’t work, but there will have to be a lot of preliminary guidelines that you should have in writing, so when something is out of line you can say “we agreed on x and you did y” .
Yep, this is definitely not going to be a fun talk and decision, but choose this over living it out for the term of your lease. I’m not saying it can’t work, but there will have to be a lot of preliminary guidelines that you should have in writing, so when something is out of line you can say “we agreed on x and you did y” .
amoona
Well-known member
yuck haha sorry i hate my boyfriends friends and his best friend sounds just like your bfs best friend. my bfs friend used to rave about me and say how beautiful i was and how lucky my bf is and how smart i am and how i have my stuff together. then all of a sudden he turned on me one day and went off on me and he started making fun of me for being Muslim and he was making light of a very serious situation that happened in his country involving Palestinians being killed which wasn't funny to me because I had family killed. I still regret not tearing him a new a-hole because I could have done so easily, instead I just stay away from him. I act as if he doesn't even exist because I honestly don't feel he should.
It seems like this guy is a jerk if he had already talked smack about u before for no reason. don't bother moving in with him, seriously its not about him or your boyfriend, it's about you. don't put yourself in that kind of a situation. if his parents are so rich he can afford to live all by himself. If your boyfriend still wants to live with him then let him and find some girls to move in with at your new school.
Whatever you do I think you'll be making a big mistake by moving in with this guy.
It seems like this guy is a jerk if he had already talked smack about u before for no reason. don't bother moving in with him, seriously its not about him or your boyfriend, it's about you. don't put yourself in that kind of a situation. if his parents are so rich he can afford to live all by himself. If your boyfriend still wants to live with him then let him and find some girls to move in with at your new school.
Whatever you do I think you'll be making a big mistake by moving in with this guy.
jenii
Well-known member
Don't live with him. Talk to your boyfriend now, and tell him you can't live with his friend. Tell him WHY. Tell him about the way his friend treats you. Tell him that you do not want to live with someone who has such a shitty attitude towards you, and that you shouldn't be expected to.
Because, honestly? I've done the doormat thing, moving in with a boyfriend's friend who doesn't like me, just because I wanted to live with the boyfriend. And it's really not worth it. I just ended up moving out within the first three months anyway, because I couldn't handle being so mistreated, and having the a/c turned off every single day in 100-degree heat just because the friend felt it was "unnecessary."
And this friend, who didn't want to spend money? Yeah, they ended up using the stuff I bought anyway, no matter what I tried to regulate.
So, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you shouldn't live with that guy. And if your boyfriend's dead-set on going to live with his friend? Let him. You can visit, while you live somewhere else with people who have respect for you.
Because, honestly? I've done the doormat thing, moving in with a boyfriend's friend who doesn't like me, just because I wanted to live with the boyfriend. And it's really not worth it. I just ended up moving out within the first three months anyway, because I couldn't handle being so mistreated, and having the a/c turned off every single day in 100-degree heat just because the friend felt it was "unnecessary."
And this friend, who didn't want to spend money? Yeah, they ended up using the stuff I bought anyway, no matter what I tried to regulate.
So, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you shouldn't live with that guy. And if your boyfriend's dead-set on going to live with his friend? Let him. You can visit, while you live somewhere else with people who have respect for you.
kaliraksha
Well-known member
I wanted to point out that I do 100% agree with Jenii, but I realize that sometimes it takes some time to have that kind of strength and confidence to cut someone out of your life. At your age I was a complete and utter door mat.... it was bad. I allowed even my "best friends" to mistreat me... and they weren't bad people... I just put it out there and let myself be treated like that. I'm not friends with these girls anymore because it got extreme and that was my fault. I always wish I had maybe stood up for myself more and shown people how to treat me, how I wanted to be treated, how I deserved to be treated. I think if I had I would have salvaged a lot of great friendships... yes, in part, maybe they should have noticed they were being a bit unfair or that maybe I had needs too. I think I portrayed myself very differently to them though... like nothing could bother me, I was always happy to help, I was always there... and I was for them, but never for me. What I really want to emphasize is to take care of yourself foremost... whatever your needs may be make sure you get them met. Also, I totally understand how touchy this subject may be for your boyfriend and it's not an impossible situation but one to approach with a lot of caution.
Personally for me, my boyfriend's best friend I also hated =( He was one of those f*&^ 'em and chuck 'em guys (his philosophy from his own mouth)... so he couldn't understand why my boyfriend, now fiance wanted to be with me after so many years. He started out just the way Amoona's bf's BFF started... always praising me and telling him what a great catch I was. Apparently great catch meant to him- great conquest... ahem, but I digress... I think guys especially choose hang out friends and sometimes turn the friend they hang out with the most into their "best friend" especially when younger... so don't feel bad about asking for what you want.
Personally for me, my boyfriend's best friend I also hated =( He was one of those f*&^ 'em and chuck 'em guys (his philosophy from his own mouth)... so he couldn't understand why my boyfriend, now fiance wanted to be with me after so many years. He started out just the way Amoona's bf's BFF started... always praising me and telling him what a great catch I was. Apparently great catch meant to him- great conquest... ahem, but I digress... I think guys especially choose hang out friends and sometimes turn the friend they hang out with the most into their "best friend" especially when younger... so don't feel bad about asking for what you want.
uberlicious
Well-known member
Do not move in with this guy. Honestly, if you can't get along with him when you aren't living ogether, those problems are only going to get amplified if you all move in together. Your boyfriend has a MUCH better chance of remaining friends if he does't bring this whole new facet into their relationship, including money and boundaries.
sharyn
Well-known member
Being critisized (I cant spell) and having people telling you bs all the time is a form of tortue IMO. Dont move in with that guy. dont waste your time on stubborn people. thats like smashing your head to a wall hoping someday you might have some kind of break through but all you do is hurt yourself.
ben
Well-known member
save yourself from the stress and unhappiness and re-think your future living situation. if there is already tension between you and the friend living together will only escalte that tension, even if you set guidelines.
these next few years are going to require that you be of sound mind and living with someone that makes you unhappy will jeopardize that.
if you decide (and i hope you do) that you're going to make different living arrangments let this guy know as soon as possible. i am sure that he'll be angry at first but once he's settled down somewhere he'll get over it (i would hope).
whatever you decide to do don't let yourself be a doormat!
good luck to you in whatever you decide to do : 0 )
these next few years are going to require that you be of sound mind and living with someone that makes you unhappy will jeopardize that.
if you decide (and i hope you do) that you're going to make different living arrangments let this guy know as soon as possible. i am sure that he'll be angry at first but once he's settled down somewhere he'll get over it (i would hope).
whatever you decide to do don't let yourself be a doormat!
good luck to you in whatever you decide to do : 0 )
