Should I be mad?

[iio]

OR am I over reacting?
I have become extremely frustrated and pist at my bf because we took this summer class to help eachother out. He works and I dont and so he thinks that since I dont work and that he's paying for my gas, I should be doing all the school work...its our last week and we have this big group project due in a couple of days and he has Tuesdays off but the thing is, it is his jam out day so he isnt gonna help me, he expects me to do all the work turn it in with my name including his. Im not trying to be selfish but this summer class is hard he seems to understand it more cause he has better test grades than I do and when I ask him for help he rarely has time to do it cause he has work, too tired to do it, or he wants to play his guitar. I dont think its fair that Im stressing out so much while he gets the benefit of me doing all this work for him. I thought we took this class to help eachother out. I dont ask him for gas money but he insist putting gas in my car and saying all these things that he is going to take care of me since I can't find a job. And now he's using it against me.

Its not fair! I started crying and was so overwhelmed plus I've been taking new BC pills which might be adding to the stress...I dont know he doesnt know how much stress I am in now because no jobs has accepted me and I cant fail this class cause i cant afford to and I would be behind on my credits! The thing that really gets me is this happens every week. Assignments are due every week and when I force him to try to help me and do his hw he gets all pist. Like im making so many efforts for him to do well and I dont get anything back plus he hasnt changed at all after all that I have done. He can at least take this one tuesday off of jamming out with his cousin because he can do that the rest of the summer and help me with this class!!

Im sry this is probably a dumb subject but I just had to rant so I will feel better tomorrow...while he is out having fun and Im stuck doing the project!

 

[PolyphonicLove]

You have every right to be mad. When people pull this shit at school, I don't put their names on the project, and I let it be known that they did not a damn thing. And I've had many people do something out of [what I think] is the kindness of their heart, only to turn it on me to get me to do something for them. You should tell him that he isn't being fair, and if he STILL refuses to help, then DON'T put his name on the assignment. He does no work, he gets no grade - end of story!

 

[iio]

I know...he isnt being fair at all! I understand that work can be hard at times, but it doesnt mean he should take advantage of me. The thing is I helped him out when he didnt have a job and now its vice versa. I hate that he uses money over something that doesnt even relate to it. He can easily make money but if I dont do good in this class its a total waist of money and time. It sucks to take it over again and thats why I am so stressed, plus its alot of studying and hw in such a short amount of time...ugh

 

[PolyphonicLove]

everything so just said in that post, you should say to him. and don't worry too much about the course - you should take a breather and relax.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[M.A.C. head.]

If you don't live with him, then I suggest not putting his name on the project, and seeing how he reacts to that. Grades are not something that you share, they're individual, and if he pawns all of his work off on you, then he shouldn't get the grade. Him paying for things for you doesn't mean that he shouldn't have to do his own school work.

IMO these are signs of financial abuse. I don't know how old you both are and what your future holds; but I would bet that he is the type to have a woman stay at home and take care of the kids, but he controls the money; and in turn, he controls your life. Think about that.

 

[iio]

Thanks girls...I know this is all a red flag. The reason I stick with him is to hope that he would change (we've been together for 11 months now by the way). I feel better now that I have all of your opinions. jasminbarley The only reason I use the word force is because Im always pushing him to help me do these assignments and yeah...so that is what I meant. But I guess I should have given up a while ago so that would be my fault.

This isnt only the reason Im mad at him, there are other things that are built up in me other than this whole school situation. But I will keep it on this subject for now! haha but thanks for the advice and opinions!

 

[Beauty Mark]

I try never to take classes with anyone I'm friends with prior to taking a class. Classes can destroy friendships.

He's asking you to essentially help him cheat. I don't care what he's doing otherwise in his life, but he choose to work and go to school. That's his problem, not yours.

I don't know how pissed you can be about him not helping you, though. On one hand, he should want to him you understand the material. On the other hand, it's not his responsibility to make you succeed. If he won't help you, find other resources. If you are struggling, please ask the professor or TA.

 

[iio]

^thats what he told me and I was like fine...so I told him that if he doesnt help with our project then Im gonna put my name on it. Then he turns around saying that after all that he has done for me (give me gas money, took me shopping) I wont put his name on it...I got so mad, I didnt know that he would use money against me especially if he insist in buying me things. I didnt ask for those things.

Im just pissed that he's using all these things that he has done for me like help pay for gas and all, against me. If it was me I would never use what I have done for the person I love against them. I mean that is what relationships are...is to help eachother out. I helped him out when he didnt have a job and he said that once he finds one he is gonna give me back the favor. And he has, he just took it to another level with college.

I have one class with him next semester...but Im not gonna take that extra step anymore to encourage him to do the assignments/projects... and whatever...

oh well

 

[eye_pr0mise]

you should be mad !! its unfair for him to be telling you that you should do the work. ya he pays for gas, BIG deal. you took this class together "to help each other out" well apparently hes not doing his part..you might as well have taken the class yourself.

 

[Beauty Mark]

The way that you're telling this sounds like it's an angry fight where people sling stuff around they don't mean, which is why it sounds like he brought up the gas. I'm not saying it's right, but it sounds like everything was said in anger vs. being what you truly feel.

Whatever he pays for you, regardless of whether you did anything for him, is irrelevant to the class. They are three separate issues.

You need to talk to him about it all, but BE FIRM ABOUT THE SCHOOLWORK. I don't know what your grading is like, but it'll look bad if teamwork counts as the grade and it looks like you did everything.

If he's going to be unwilling to talk about it, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

 

[miss_supra]

Wow, he's selfish, lazy, and is using you. Him working is the lamest excuse for you to do his work. I work two jobs and still do well in school. He won't help you? I am sorry, but to me it doesn't seem he is capable of thinking about anyone BUT him. If he truly cares about you he'd try to help instead of playing his guitar. This may seem harash but I'd personally leave him. I dated a guy just like him. He insisted on buying my things, but then accused me of using him for money! Sad to say, he ended things between us. At first it was hard on me, but that was the best thing he could have done. He's graduated, still lazy with no job still. I'd be worried that his behavior may suggest how he will be later in life or maybe he just needs to mature and understand how relationships work.

 

[kimmy]

i'd be mad as all hell. straight up.