so if the guy you're in love with is the WORST person for you...

[pinkhandgrenade]

WTF are you supposed to do?

As in, he has a girlfriend that he's cheating on. PS, he and I have always had a complicated relationship but we were never really together--that either of us would actually admit to.

He wants me to help plan his wedding.

His fiance is in SD.

I'm in SF. He's here too.

He crashed my car.

I used to take him to AA meetings.

He's using. Again. Lot's of vicodin, E, coke, maybe some meth--not sure. Alcahol.

Oh, he dosn't want to marry her.




he's cheating on his fiance with me. and as much as i try to avoid him by changing my phone number and moving and deleteing him from my myspace and changing my phone numbers again and even getting a new job he somehow still happens to show up in my life and we pick up right where we started. me as the crazed single girl and him as the boy who cheats on whoever he's with with me.

i should not even be talking to him. wtf is wrong with me?

rant over.

but seriously. how do i get away from this situation?

 

[gitts]

Hi there

This is some serious sh*t. One thing you need to realize is that you will never get out of this situation until you really want to. You guys getting back into the swing of things does not just involve him. It also involves you. Once you are seriously willing to remove your aspect of the relationship then it will end. You keep going back for a reason and that is what you should think about. What about this guy do you crave or do you feel you are missing in your life? That question involves deep thought and the process will be soul revealing. Once you have determined this then you know what exactly you are looking for and you should look for it in a more wholesome package.

 

[wolfsong]

gitts = Very sound advice!
You make yourself available to him - you dont mention if you are ever in a relationship when he comes back for more. Maybe if you started dating you would see that you dont need nor deserve to be treated like that.

Also are you dealing with self esteem issues? I know whenever i have entered a relationship with someone who is so wrong/harmful for me, thats the main reason behind me doing so. Its a type of self harm - emotionally hurting yourself on purpose, and it can be a hard cycle to break.
Surround yourself with people that love you and listen to what they have to say about this subject - their opinions about this guy (and im sure they have them) will help you see what he really is, and keep you strong. They can help you see you deserve respect.

 

[*Stargazer*]

How old are you? What is your life situation? I would advise you to WALK AWAY NOW. Have some respect for yourself and for his girlfriend and stop enabling him. Easier said than done right?

I had to walk away from an emotionally harmful situation once. It was so bad and my willpower was so low that I literally had to move half way across the country to get away. I had to physically place myself somewhere that I wouldn't be tempted anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but it changed my life for the best.

I don't know if you can make such a huge change but you have to begin by deciding once and for all that you are worth much more than being this boy's afterthought.

Good luck!

 

[SparklingWaves]

He is a user and he is using you like a drug. You are addicted to him. You keep picking him up like a bad habit. You can't save him. You can't fix his life. What are you getting out this - excitement of the highs and lows, the risk taking behaviors (you might get caught, or you are doing something that 's "bad"), etc. It's time to do a hard detox from him.

There's an old saying that goes like this - A man is not what he sees in the mirror; he is the people that he associates.

You may find Al-Anon meetings helpful to break from this.

 

[ndn-ista]

^^^ I agree. Girl, you need to walk away. What would you say to another female in this position? your best friend, your sister, your daughter? It's so clear to the outside, but when you are in that situation, it is hard I know. I have been involved with someone for 6 years, and we have had breaks, he has cheated on me evreytime, had other relationships while he is with me, etc. I had to break away, slowly but surely. It is like a drug addiction, but you have be strong and seriously just cut him out. It will be tough like all things are that are bad for you. I recommend you to listen to that song "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera.

You know, for 6 years, I used to go back and forth with him, thinking he will change, that my dedication and sacrifices will finally pay off one day, and he would realize-but it didnt. He just thought he could get with more and more with me, why give someone who constantly hurts you that power over you? Believe me, I know how hard it is, but as soon as u really, truly break away, you will the have the feeling of your self-esteem and self-respect back, BELIEVE ME! and that feeling is incredible, knowing that you u went through something like this, and came out stronger.

 

[little teaser]

untill you are ready to say NO to him all the advice in the world isnt going to help. remember people only do what you allow them too.. sounds like hes addicted to more than drugs and alcohol, like lieing and cheating i hope you are useing protection when you have sex with him, hes sounds very, very, unsafe.

 

[lipstickandhate]

STAY AWAY.

Easier said than done but seriously, this is only going to end terribly. I had to move away to college to get away from someone like this and I thank God every single day that I did so b/c my life would be totally different-and undoubtedly much worse- had I not done so and chosen to continue the relationship.

You need a lot of space to get away from someone like this. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIX HIM. I'll repeat it again for emphasis: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIX HIM. Your love and stabilizing influence will not encourage him to change to be with you. He'll use you and spit you out and then make you feel guilty for not giving more.

 

[messhead]

I've been in a situation kinda like yours, I call it my bad boy phase!!!

I was in lust with one of my co-workers. He was older (by ALOT), he had tattoo's that were hidden and peeked out of his sleeves every once in a while, he was notorious for being a bad boy, and last but not least he was married.

It felt indescribible to be 'the other woman', to know that he belonged to someone else but there was something about me, obviously, something his wife didn't have. And though I thought it was fun and 'dangerous' at first, I became obsessed with the situation. The thought of being sneaky fueled the relationship. He made me feel wanted, and I made him feel young. It got out of hand and just ended.

For me, I came to terms that what we were doing was wrong. Now I am engaged to someone in the same profession as my married guy and I would never want to be in the situation as what I did to his wife.

It's easy to say stay away, and you know you need too but you just can't. Put yourself in the fiance's shoes, how would you feel? and if that doesn't work, all you have to do is wait it out, one of you are finally going to come to terms that what your doing is not of best interest. Hopefully it's sooner than later.

But take a serious re-read of what you wrote because that in it's self should jump out at you!

Sorry it's so long, but I hope it helps!

 

[jenii]

It's like you said: You should not be talking to him. At all.

Cut him off. If he tries to contact you again, don't let him back into your life.

If you can keep him out of your life, he'll eventually realize you're not his doormat anymore. I'm sorry if that's rude, but you kind of ARE his doormat right now. He does those things because you let him do them.

So stop letting him.

It's not easy to just cut someone out of your life, but sometimes it's necessary. That guy's toxic, and as much as you care about him? He must not think much of you, if he's trying to drag you down with him.

Just don't speak to him. No matter how hard he tries. If he shows up somewhere to see you, you leave that place immediately and get away from him.

It won't be pleasant, but it's really the only way to get rid of someone like that.

 

[Ms. Z]

You have got to be kidding? What a LOSER!!!!!!!!!!! Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you do this to another woman? Stop it!​