So irritated and irrational

[venusapollo]

Ok I feel like a total weirdo for being upset but...

I have been with my bf for over 3 yrs. We have had ups and downs but things are good. I am in no hurry to get married and I believe marriage should be forever-when you are sure of what you are doing and where you are going. (I am 28 btw.)

So my perfect ex-the one you have when you are really young and naive and compare all the rest of your bfs to-broke my heart when I was 19 for no apparent reason and I didn't get over it for years. Out of the blue he contacts me a few years back and is upset I am in a relationship because he "has always wanted to contact me and try things again." I come to find out he is sorta a loser-has been involved with heavy drugs and at 31 is still relying heavily on his parents, moving back in and working minimum wage. I almost wish we never got back in touch and I could keep the perfect bf image of him in my head.
We kept in touch through email as friendly banter and he decides to move back across the US to be near me to try to steal me away from my bf. I keep telling him not to move and that I am happy where I am and not interested. Because I am lame i agree to see him for coffee. He professes how much better he can be than my bf and how we are meant to be together...blah blah blah. Not only this but he starts telling me he is gonna contact my bf with crazy stories of things we didn't do to try to break us up. He literally got kinda stalker crazy for awhile so I cut him off from any contact.

Here is the even more psycho part. The longest relationship he had was with me when he was 21 for 6 months. A month after all this hoopla with me he meets some girl. They date a month and he asks her to marry him. Then they decide to get married less than 2 weeks later-which is tomorrow. I think they both are freaking crazy for rushing into things.
I am really upset because I can't understand how someone can be this crazy rushing into a lifelong commitment with someone they barely know. Then I feel like I should warn the girl that he is kinda psycho. I keep telling myself it is none of my business but I feel so icky about all of it.

I guess I am just venting or looking for validation for thinking it is freaking nuts and I dodged a bullet by staying away from him.

 

[MAC_mallory]

that guy sounds like a freak. you're lucky you didn't get back with him..

 

[MAC_mallory]

Oh, and I like your steinbeck quote!

 

[Janice]

IMO What he does is really none of your business. You aren't interested in seeing him, he doesn't want to be your friend (only your lover, BF, or SO). Let her have the crazy dude and wash your hands of the relationship.

I know it's probably not as simple as that and there are emotions involved but he is psycho stalker crazy to move to be nearer with the intention of convincing you to return to him when of when he knows full well you are in a relationship.

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

let go of him!

if u think he's nuts, aren't u happy he's moved on? i'm sure she knows he's a little off or she's nuts too so he doesn't look bad to her. either way i'd keep my mouth shut. be happy,he's out of ur life now.

 

[MACATTAK]

Thank your lucky stars you are not marrying him. This guy sounds like trouble, and I'm sure this marriage will probably be short-lived if he doesn't shape up.

 

[MACATTAK]

Delete please

 

[talste]

as usual all the above posters have given sound advice.

I understand you're bewilderment at him getting married so quickly, They both probably dont view marriage as a life long commitment and in all likelihood the marriage probably wont last long or it'll be a miserable one.

So I say move on and don't dwell on it to much.
Live your life with your BF & be happy

 

[talste]

Double Post.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[SkylarV217]

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'It might have been."

- You've held this guy on a pedestal for so long , you haven't really moved on or been able to commit your self fully to your current relationship. Now that you know what would have been if you have stayed with the Nutso guy .... I think you can have a healthier relationship with your SO. Count your recent interaction as a Blessing... "Fates" way of letting you know you are better off and need to move on =)

 

[Brittni]

If she's rushing into the marriage with him as well she's obviously not all there either so goodluck if you do try talking to her about it; though I don't think you should.

 

[seonmi]

I think the best thing for you is stay away from him. If you tell that girl stuff about him and he finds out, he's not gonna leave you alone. A girl who agrees to marry some guy she dates for a month cannot be all that normal, that's my guess.

 

[Divinity]

So he is desperately in love with you, meant to be with you and now he's getting married to some chicky after a month? Clearly he's one crayon short of a full box and really confused. Maybe this is his way of trying to win you back by making you jealous. Just the same, let him go. He's got to grow up and learn his own lessons.

 

[venusapollo]

I appreciate the comments ladies. I think there is just something in the back of my head irking me and I am frustrated that it irks me. If only we could switch emotions and feelings on and off like a light switch and understand the true motivation behind our words and actions- well then we wouldn't need therapists. Venting and validation work well for me in getting over things in a therapeutic matter. I guess most people just want to know they aren't alone in how they think and feel. So thanks again.

I am just glad I didn't get a bunch of responses vindicating marriage after a month or two in the name of "love."

 

[iluffyew769769]

He sounds a little unstable. I would just stay away from him. Obviously this girl he is marrying is a rebound and you don't want to be around when everything blows up.