So this is why....

[feebee]

they tell you to cut all contact when you break up with someone.

Ex has himself a new girlfriend, he told me last night.
We have no spark, i dont make him laugh and he doesnt feel anything for me (didnt stop him sleeping with me last week... oh god im turning into one of these neurotic bitter women)....
And its all my own fault im hurting cos i was the fool who hung around hoping he'd change his mind.

Lesson learnt. Big time.

 

[Janice]

Damn girl, I'm sorry you're hurting so bad right now. It's a tough break for you.

He's an ass, and it doesn't sound like any relationship will last long with him. I do think it's a good thing to cut all contact, makes it easiest to move on and heal. I hope you can start feeling better soon.

 

[Juneplum]

woah. what a frickin jerk! i'm sorry sweetie.. wow. definitely a good idea to break all contact with him.. ((hugs))

 

[feebee]

Thanks guys... i'm gonna have to just try and put him out of my mind and my heart.... gah welling up again now!

 

[mspixieears]

If I were your ex's girlfriend, I'd be pretty pissed to find out that my apparently new bf is sleeping with his ex. Does she know? That's not exactly considerate of him to either yourself or her.

As for cutting contact with exs...I said I'd try but I seem to do pretty badly on that front, especially if the relationship meant a lot to me. I'm still very good friends with one of my exs, who was my best friend till I got a new boyfriend.

And sometimes exs do get back together...speaking from experience. Heart travels are never free of complication. Sigh.

 

[joytheobscure]

I'm sorry

He sounds very manipulative to act like he has in the last week. (((Hugs)))

 

[feebee]

mspixieears the first thing i asked was if he'd met her last week when i was down in his place... believe me ive had a guy do that to me and id never knowingly do that to any other girl, id feel terrible. He said he hadnt met her at that stage, so i guess ill have to take his word for that.

Joy he's not manipulative... its my fault for hanging around waiting for him when he wasnt interested... ive only got myself to blame for feeling this way now

 

[mspixieears]

Hey feebee,

I don't know if it'll make you feel any better, but my SO of 2 years just broke up with me, and even though we tentatively agreed to not see or even speak to one another, it's actually been the complete opposite. I'm so weak! And completely to blame. I'm seeing him shortly and it looks like neither of us know what the hell is going on. I'd be gutted if he found someone else though.

I think I'm trying to say that you're not alone when it comes to cutting off contact...it's really difficult for me too, and actually makes break-ups worse for me.

Hope you're doing better, but take your time too.

 

[feebee]

hi again, im sorry to hear that mspixieears... i know how tough it is to cut someone out of your life. I wont start preaching but honestly if id known id end up hurting this much id have tried my hardest to! Ive been hanging around for a year and a half (im so ashamed to admit that), doing the whole "friends" thing, hoping he'd see me as more... and now i'm just left looking like the psycho ex who wouldnt take the hint

Seriously though it does help to hear other people have the same problem... people tell you "oh forget him", "dont contact him" and i think gosh how is it so easy for them?!
Hope you are doing ok too, and thanks for the words of support.

 

[mspixieears]

Hi feebee,

Don't worry, I'm ok, we're still very good friends and that is pretty important to me. It was crushing initially though *pout*. I intend to keep hanging out with my ex (as we're both artists in different fields) but the acceptance that things are over is slowly sinking in.

Sadly, and I say this from experience, sometimes we learn things the 'hard' way. So we hurt at first, but the next time you find yourself in a very similar situation, you're able to step outside yourself and go, hang on, I can do this another way to stop myself from getting hurt.

It's mega-hard, but I figure that if one truly cares about someone (and they happen to split up with that person), you have to remind yourself that if you really care about them, then you have to try and respect what makes them happy.

Don't think you're psycho! It isn't like you're obsessing about his every move etc. (at least I hope not!) and trying to be friends with an ex can work. I guess it's just going to take you time to not want your ex back.

I was with one of my exs for almost a year and a half - and we are still in close contact, we've been good friends for 5 years. We have some bad patches, but the friendship really has survived.

(hugs)