Something about pheromones that eludes me

[kabuki_KILLER]

Yes, I know what they are and how they work, but it's the most likely explanation. A friend of mine told me that he thinks my phermones may be out of whack since I only attract the kind of guys I'd never date and never ever the ones that I would.

I don't think it's how I look because at least I don't find myself overly atrocious and they don't seem to respond negatively to me at all...until I show some interest in them, then it's like they become appalled by me or something. Suddenly, things get VERY awkward and they stop responding. If this was a one or two time thing, I'd dismiss it, but it happens pretty much every single time. I'm not single by choice. And with girls, the longer we stay single, the longer we will stay single. A lot of guys don't even seem to think of me as a viable female of the same species. It's like I might as well have been a sponge with a brain and mouth.

I want some advice from anyone that has been in a committed relationship or married for a long time. I don't care if your advice comes from experience or if it's silly. I'm an eccentric gal anyway. It just sucks to feel like no matter what I think and how I feel, it's completely worthless and pointless anyways. I've gotten to the point that I've grown cynical and approach people with more trepidation. If someone doesn't respond to me, I just start forcing myself to give up. I don't want to seem like a girl that can't take a hint.

 

[LMD84]

well because i have been married for a while now (3 years) i feel like i have been out of the game of attracting other guysso not sure what advice i can offer.

i guess one of the things to think about is where are you meeting the guys that you like? is it just a club where you get a good mixture of people? or is it somewhere where you all share the same interest - like a gym or some kind of class? maybe going to a class to meet people with similar interests would be a good start? that way you are bound to have at least one thing in common.

and as far as the guys dissmissing you when you show signs if interest - i dont think that it is you as such. so dont get down on yourself and start being cynical. a nice guy will come along eventually. i think going to a different place to meet guys might just be a good start.

 

[dnarcidy]

I'm not in a relationship, but I have a few theories.
As for attracting guys you're not interested in, I'm kind of in the same boat. It might have something to do with being more confident around them simply because you're not after them. I think I'm far more charming around guys I hardly know/don't especially like than I am with guys I do like. And then there's the unfortunate life fact I've learned: freaky guys always seem to have more confidence approaching girls. Yesterday I was asked out by a guy with no teeth whose eyes were looking in two different directions.
The type of guys you like might be intimidated by you. You definitely are pretty. Or perhaps you fall for guys who are afraid of relationships.

 

[Cydonian]

Well, from someone in a committed relationship (married for nearly 6 months, was long distance and now he's moved countries to be with me), the best advice I can give is to be more cautious about who you are interested in. Sure, go out for drinks and chat; but don't jump into anything, make any promises, sleep with anyone... that's my best advice. Talk to someone and get to know them. I can usually tell within 10-15 minutes of conversing with someone (male or female) whether or not I would get along with them. The same went for a potential mate when I was still looking. I always kept a bit of a wall up until I found something fascinating about the other person, then I'd let it down a little... but the second I saw any red flags, I was done. That's not to say I didn't get in some bad relationships -- but I think that advice would help you in terms of dating and finding someone.

I agree with LMD84... where are you meeting these people? I have a friend who meets girls on this weird online dating site (it's odd, trust me, not a normal one) and gets depressed when the girls are psycho... well... duh?

The last part of my advice is that you will find someone -- just wait for that genuine spark of interest, and you'll immediately know. That's what happened to me

 

[kabuki_KILLER]

I’m actually meeting these people in real life. Never, would I EVER, go to a bar for the purpose of meeting people. I don’t even go to bars that often. I am a full time graduate student and I work part-time as an accountant. I also volunteer every weekend to help underprivileged families with their taxes or finances. In terms of hobbies, I obviously am married to rock n roll, but I have many other more silly hobbies like animation. I’m by no means a wild child.

I actually am pretty picky about who I like. I can tell who is lying and who isn’t about what they are. I meet most people in person first before deciding if I like them or not. It’s just that the sentiment is never ever mutual. I don’t do dating sites, actually. I always get bombarded right away by too many gross, overly aggressive men that a deceased granny wouldn’t want to hang out with. I tried, but I have never lasted more than one week on a personals site. Trust me, this is not the problem.

To put it straightly, the decent guys that I do like, never like me back, ever. My question was what other angle can I go at?

Dnarcidy is right in a sense. Most halfway decent men love getting some level of rejection and lack of complete acceptance from beautiful women. They always wonder if something is wrong with you if you’re not at least a tiny bit hard to get.

@Cydonian: You and your hubby are an adorable couple! 8D