Telling the truth to bf...
- Thread starter mickey_ds
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blazeno.8
Well-known member
I would probably tell him, but not for the sake of getting it off my chest. I would probably do it while addressing the larger issue of the sacrifices that you feel you've had to make for him and his attitude towards it. And even when discussing it, I would only bring up the clubbing only if I needed to use it as an example if there was no other relevant example that could be used.
Girl about town
Well-known member
i think its pretty bad that he is allowed to go out and party with his friends but you aren't allowed to have any!!! i wouldn't ever give up my friends for any man my fiance included. You need time apart with friends on the odd occasion. I think its shocking that you feel worried about telling him you went out for your birthday! its not as if you cheated on him. I would leave out the strip club bit but tell him you have made a friend and intend to go out on the odd occasion, and if he doesn't want you to go out then he should practice what he preaches.
Willa
Well-known member
Honestly, I think that this relationship isnt really healthy.
He can do what he wants, and you, stay at home or he'll make you feel guilty for whatever fun you could have without him. And it works because you are asking us in this thread.
My dear, you should go on your own.
He's hidding stuff (important!) from you, and probably is lying too!
He can do what he wants, and you, stay at home or he'll make you feel guilty for whatever fun you could have without him. And it works because you are asking us in this thread.
My dear, you should go on your own.
He's hidding stuff (important!) from you, and probably is lying too!
Beauty Mark
Well-known member
Are you sure you're not "allowed" to go out? Some girls I've known put that restriction on themselves, even though it isn't necessarily true.
If he is that way, this is a really bad and unfair relationship. You don't seem to trust him and given that he sneaks around- yeah. If he isn't doing anything wrong with his female friends and ex, there is no need for him to sneak around. Same for you.
You need to examine if this is really the kind of relationship you want to be in and have a huge talk with him about why things are the way they are.
If he is that way, this is a really bad and unfair relationship. You don't seem to trust him and given that he sneaks around- yeah. If he isn't doing anything wrong with his female friends and ex, there is no need for him to sneak around. Same for you.
You need to examine if this is really the kind of relationship you want to be in and have a huge talk with him about why things are the way they are.
V15U4L_3RR0R
Well-known member
I agree with everything that was said completely. A relationship is a two way street and if he doesn't like it then you really need to consider why you are still with him.
*Stargazer*
Well-known member
I think the fact that you are worried that he is going to dump you because you went out with a friend for your birthday speaks volumes.
Either you need to get out of what appears to be a disturbingly controlling relationship or you need to have a heart to heart talk with him about the double standards he has.
Either you need to get out of what appears to be a disturbingly controlling relationship or you need to have a heart to heart talk with him about the double standards he has.
slowhoney
Well-known member
I can see you really love him but... why would you want to be in a relationship where you're not allowed to go out and have fun? I think you either need to end this relationship or sit down and talk to him about this. The rules should apply to both people: if he is allowed to go out with his friends, you should be allowed to go out with yours. In fact, there should not be any 'rules' about going out at all. You are allowed to do whatever you want in terms of going out with friends. He doesn't own you. He's hid horrible things from you (personally I would have dumped him after the MySpace profile incident), and that is not a good basis for any relationship. I appreciate that you want to be honest with him, that is good, but it's also concerning that you are scared of his reaction. All you did was go out and have a good time on your birthday--you didn't cheat on him, hurt him or anything like that. You should be allowed to go out with friends without feeling guilty about telling him later. You need to talk to him about all of these restrictions and control he has over you if you want to be in a healthy relationship.
tearsindecember
Active member
Honestly? I think he's cheating on you. You let him go out and have fun, but you're not allowed to? & then you find all these things.. that if he weren't doing anything wrong he would have no reason to hide them? I say screw that asshole and get out of that ridiculous relationship.
xIxSkyDancerxIx
Well-known member
Yah.. that doesn't sound fair to me either. You need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respect that, then leave. My boyfriend encourages me to go out with my friends and make new ones because he doesn't want me to be at home all day waiting for him to come home with nothing to do. He bought me a puppy and games to keep myself occupied because I like staying at home and waiting rather than going out (strange i know).
But that's the kind of thing you want. My boyfriend hid things from me too in the beginning of our relationship but we talked through it and we understand each other now. But it took a lot of work on both our parts, and he has to want to change too, you can't make him.
But that's the kind of thing you want. My boyfriend hid things from me too in the beginning of our relationship but we talked through it and we understand each other now. But it took a lot of work on both our parts, and he has to want to change too, you can't make him.
Ms. Z
Well-known member
Quote:
He won’t let you do things, what century are we in? I am old enough to be your mom and let me tell you that if it’s this bad now, it will only get worse. Never allow a man to come between your family & friends; you have to have your own life & identity.
What I have seen in my life (which upsets me
) are woman who give up everything and/or everyone for the man in their life, the relationships ends and they are left all alone because they broke ties with all others. If your guy is doing things behind your back, he’s up to no good. If he wants to stop you from having a personal life (and he is by what you write) he already has you in the palm of his hand. He sounds like the type of guy you date/mess around with, not boyfriend/husband material.
Originally Posted by MissChievous
Sounds like you are letting him control you. |
What I have seen in my life (which upsets me
SparklingWaves
Well-known member
From your title, I thought you had done something terrible like went to prison for burning down a city.
Why do you feel like you have to go to confessional with your bf for going out having fun on your birthday with your friends? Meanwhile, your bf was doing whatever in another country for two weeks.
Do you feel guilty for having fun? What were you supposed to do change diapers on 20 six month old babies for your birthday? Is it in some written contract of this relationship for you that you can not go out with friends. You can only go out with him, but he can go out with friends and you. Hmmmm, does that sound right to you?
You call him your bf. Boyfriends aren't allowed to make stipulations like a communist government on their girlfriends.
Where in the relationship did you give him this power? Most importantly - Why did you give him this ultimate power of your happiness & freedom?
Would you make the same demands upon him that he is making upon you? Do you consider that loving and caring behavior?
Why do you feel like you have to go to confessional with your bf for going out having fun on your birthday with your friends? Meanwhile, your bf was doing whatever in another country for two weeks.
Do you feel guilty for having fun? What were you supposed to do change diapers on 20 six month old babies for your birthday? Is it in some written contract of this relationship for you that you can not go out with friends. You can only go out with him, but he can go out with friends and you. Hmmmm, does that sound right to you?
You call him your bf. Boyfriends aren't allowed to make stipulations like a communist government on their girlfriends.
Where in the relationship did you give him this power? Most importantly - Why did you give him this ultimate power of your happiness & freedom?
Would you make the same demands upon him that he is making upon you? Do you consider that loving and caring behavior?
alien21xx
Well-known member
I think you should tell him. But if you are worried about him dumping you for trying to have innocent fun (maybe the strip club is not so innocent, but hey, you didn't cheat on him!) then there's something wrong with either of two things: what your relationship really is or how you are viewing your own role in a relationship.
There's really no need to resign yourself to a dreary lonely existence because you love your boyfriend. I was almost on my way to this life because my boyfriend is incredibly clingy, but I've found that if I discuss with him why I need personal space (so I don't want to break up with him every two months because he's so effing suffocating) I not only get to have fun with my friends, he also gets to spend some valuable time with his own family.
In your case, your bf seems to already be spending so much time with friends and family. Why can you not do the same? If you're afraid of him getting mad when you make plans to spend time with friends while he's away spending time with his friends, you need to reevaluate your relationship.
There's really no need to resign yourself to a dreary lonely existence because you love your boyfriend. I was almost on my way to this life because my boyfriend is incredibly clingy, but I've found that if I discuss with him why I need personal space (so I don't want to break up with him every two months because he's so effing suffocating) I not only get to have fun with my friends, he also gets to spend some valuable time with his own family.
In your case, your bf seems to already be spending so much time with friends and family. Why can you not do the same? If you're afraid of him getting mad when you make plans to spend time with friends while he's away spending time with his friends, you need to reevaluate your relationship.
angelamarie
Active member
You're too young to be wasting your time on a guy who either a)controls you like this or b)makes you FEEL controlled like this. Sometimes girls will give up their friends and social life so that they can show the guy how much they love him and how many sacrifices they are making for him...but it's not healthy and it isn't a good way to communicate love!!
Maybe he hasn't cheated on you yet...but any guy who has to secretly create a MySpace account and is sending text messages to coworkers that make you uncomfortable is not worth your time and stress. I know you love him...I know he has some great qualities you really like. But you cannot let another person take your choices away from you...letting go of who you are and your friends for a guy is NOT love.
My advice...tell him what you did...as you're breaking up with him. He's trouble...
Maybe he hasn't cheated on you yet...but any guy who has to secretly create a MySpace account and is sending text messages to coworkers that make you uncomfortable is not worth your time and stress. I know you love him...I know he has some great qualities you really like. But you cannot let another person take your choices away from you...letting go of who you are and your friends for a guy is NOT love.
My advice...tell him what you did...as you're breaking up with him. He's trouble...
