To believe, or not believe

[soulstar]

.. that is the question. Here I go..

First of all, I just wanna get this out there.. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, he's my best friend. We've been shaky for a couple of months on and off. He took on a new job that makes him work odd hours from like 7-3am so he's really tired usually. Well, that's his excuse to why we aren't having ANY sex. He works 3 times a week and I usually only stay at his place on Sunday... 3 days after he's last worked so why would he still be TOO tired to be intimate with me? Anyway, on Monday I found a girl's panty on our bed when I woke up. It obviously wasn't mine because it was NOT my size

. I woke up him crying hysterically and he swears to God he doesn't know whose it was. He even swears on someone deceased that it isn't his (which is bad but is the only way I kinda believe him). Well, I believed him because I knew his roommate did both their laundry that same day so it could've been some other girl's. BAD SITUATION, RIGHT? Earlier that day I found smaller shoes in the living room. Just tonight I found 2 movie tickets from last friday in his drawer. Strange because he and I watched the same movie 2 weeks ago and it definitely WASN'T our tickets. I question him about it and he said it must've been in the laundry again. Arguing, he gets defensive and says it's not what I think it is. He got really mad and even asked me to leave. Should I believe him?

This really could just be a misunderstanding but WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF YOU FOUND ALL THOSE THINGS IN YOUR BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE? Omg I don't know what to do

 

[Lizzie]

I would want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it's so fishy. I feel like he shouldn't have to explain himself so often. Even if the underwear came from the laundry why was it in the bed? And if movie tickets were in the laundry wouldn't they be all soggy and whatnot?

Personally, I wouldn't stand for it. But it really depends on how you feel deep down. You can't be with him if you're suspicious of him. It's not going to be a good relationship.

 

[kaliraksha]

Take it from someone who has been lied to and cheated on... deep down your suspicions are usually right.

I would talk to his room mate to see if there are any new girls in the roommate's life that might explain some of the things. With a room mate I can see the small shoes and the panties... but 2 movie tickets in his drawer for a movie he's seen? Please... it's easy to know when paper has been put through the washer and dryer.

I've had a guy's boxers show up in my laundry that wasn't my SO's- because I went to my parent's house to do my laundry and my brother's boxers (ick) got lost with my laundry. So, yeah there are possible explanations for everything... but usually stick to your premonitions and follow your heart.

Relationships are built on trust... and honestly if you don't trust each other then that's enough to not be in a relationship. Whether it's because he's lying, or you're insecure or he's not making you feel safe- those are all valuable (in my opinion) reasons to not be in a relationship. Good luck with making your decisions and hopefully getting to the bottom of the situation!

 

[user79]

That does sound pretty fishy, especially if he isn't having sex with you anymore...

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, hope it all works out though!

 

[Calhoune]

Not to bring you down but I was lied and cheated on for a very, very long time and looking back, all the signs where there but I gave him the benefit of the doubt way longer they I should've.

You feel sad and depressed that all this is happening, and him turning defensive and asking you to leave instead of comforting you is not the best sign, it's what I had done to me.

You don't deserve this, no one does, and you should make that clear to him. I'm sorry I can't give more advice

 

[Beauty Mark]

The tickets are shady... Underwear is one thing (I've accidentally found baby socks in my laundry, because it's public machines), but the tickets are what are odd.

You need to talk to him. If it "isn't what it looks like" he should have no problem telling you what it is

 

[wolfsong]

IMO i think he's lying through his ass - how does the underwear get into the bed? If the tickets were from something innocent like him going again to see the film with a friend, why didnt he tell you this instead of obviously making something up? Why the lack of sex?

I think you know in your heart what you feel about this, and you need to listen to that. You dont sound like an insecure/jealous person and you have good evidence that something is not right. (Laundry problems explains away the 'evidence' twice in a week?! Someone needs a few housework tips - or better yet, a new excuse...)

Guilty people tend to turn it around and make the other person the bad guy so that they dont feel the remorse they are meant to be feeling (the classic "you pushed me into their arms" BS). You deserve better then to be given the run around - if he cant give you any solid answers about any/all of these issues (and try to make you feel better like an innocent boyfriend should do), then what does that tell you?

Good luck with this, ive been cheated on by someone i cared deeply for so i know how tempting it is to sweep it under the carpet when you should be finding someone that will treat you with respect.

 

[soulstar]

I think I better ask his roommate if he seen the movie and when he seen it.... the thing is about the "evidence" is that his roommate did both of their laundries together and then put it on my boyfriend's bed to fold. I am giving my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt because:

for 1) he would never swear on something so important to him if it weren't true
2) his roommate admitted to him that he had someone here saturday night
3) he was at his parents house the Friday the tickets were purchased (supposedly)
4) he cried when he thought I thought he was cheating
5) he really doesn't have time to cheat on me! hahahaha I see him every other day when he doesn't have work

My thing is.... KARMA will come back to him if he is doing something shady behind my back right??? So let's see if the cat comes out of the bag..

I will definitely tell you guys if his roommate saw the movie or not!!


TO BE CONTINUED... fuck boys

 

[SkylarV217]

What it comes down to is you and how you feel. No one here on the board can give you advise that you will follow if you don't like it. To me it seems like there are too many things going against him. In your last post you gave us reasons why you are giving him the befit of doubt. Are you trying to convince us or yourself. I know what it feels like to find things like that and want so badly to believe that your man is being faithful. I hope you are right. I hope they are coincidences. That being said you need to be careful b/c if he is cheating and you are still sleeping with him you are putting yourself at risk. Now that you've found these things you need to keep your eyes open. Look at the situation with your head and notyour heart. Us girls have a bad habit of letting guys run all over us. I know I've been there! Keep your eyes open girl and I hope it all works out !

 

[MissChriss]

I would not believe him. I think he is lying to not hurt you. He should come right out and be honest. When you say you were off an on for 2 months does that mean you broke up? He may have been doing something in that time.

 

[Beauty Mark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulstar I think I better ask his roommate if he seen the movie and when he seen it.... the thing is about the "evidence" is that his roommate did both of their laundries together and then put it on my boyfriend's bed to fold. I am giving my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt because: for 1) he would never swear on something so important to him if it weren't true 2) his roommate admitted to him that he had someone here saturday night 3) he was at his parents house the Friday the tickets were purchased (supposedly) 4) he cried when he thought I thought he was cheating 5) he really doesn't have time to cheat on me! hahahaha I see him every other day when he doesn't have work My thing is.... KARMA will come back to him if he is doing something shady behind my back right??? So let's see if the cat comes out of the bag.. I will definitely tell you guys if his roommate saw the movie or not!! TO BE CONTINUED... fuck boys

Why on earth would tickets that his roommate purchased be in your boyfriend's drawer? And why would he put them in a drawer? I don't know you or your boyfriend, but I do know how recognize something that sounds like a lie. And that sounds like one hell of a lie. If he gone to the movies with his roommate, he would've probably said "I went there with so and so."

I also hate to sound accusative, but lawyers, who are notoriously busy, cheat.

 

[tricky]

My suspicions say that he's lying... I don't have much more advice but to say I think you should break up with him. I was in a 7 yr relationship with a guy who always had these suspicious little things going on. I never got the undeniable evidence that he did cheat, but your first instinct is usually right. It's better to be with someone who you can trust all the time than to be with someone who you constantly have doubts about.

 

[sadecki]

Ugh! I am sorry you are going through this.

What you have been describing does sound odd. While it sounds like he explained his way out of it, I would definitely keep an eye out.

Even if you are giving him the benefit of the doubt (for now), PLEASE stay safe. You do not want to put your health in jeopardy for this.

 

[puncturedskirt]

Wow, That definitely sounds like a bunch of BS..

 

[Obreathemykiss]

Sounds like BS to me too. There are too many things pointing to a cheater and the fact that he swears is only out of desperation and guilt for what he has done. He probably never knew he would get caught and now he did and he's diving to save you. I would be very wary. Even though you love him and have a long history with him I wouldn't be so quick to believe him. I have had this happen to me and I will never go there again. The most alarming red flag is him getting upset and asking you to leave. If there wasn't anything to hide, there wouldn't be anything to be upset about.

 

[M.A.C. head.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Obreathemykiss Sounds like BS to me too. There are too many things pointing to a cheater and the fact that he swears is only out of desperation and guilt for what he has done. He probably never knew he would get caught and now he did and he's diving to save you. I would be very wary. Even though you love him and have a long history with him I wouldn't be so quick to believe him. I have had this happen to me and I will never go there again. The most alarming red flag is him getting upset and asking you to leave. If there wasn't anything to hide, there wouldn't be anything to be upset about.

Absolutely.

The whole situation is suspicious. Get to the bottom of it ASAP!

 

[Taj]

Similar happened to me, and I trusted my boyfriend all the way and waited for him to get adapted to the "changes" in his life. of course, its me who lied to my feelings and instincts, and he just couldn't face his mistakes and fled for whole three months.