To single people...

[killbill23]

Hello, Im almost 26 and I have not found anybody to share my life with. Most of my friends are married or engaged. Some of them have kids already. Im getting really depressed because I feel so lonely. When I see my friends and see how happy they are, I feel so sad. Im happy for them of course, but as Im getting older I feel like I will never find the right man for me. My parents want me to get married soon. Im indian so arranged marriage is very common. My parents say that if I dont find someone I like, they will find somebody for me. I feel the pressure from both my friends and family. Im so sad, I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure cause I have not found anybody to share my life with...

I think I may have depression because of it. Lately I have been crying everytime I see a happy couple. Life is so sad...

 

[ndn-ista]

listen here girlfriend, im indian too i know exactly what your feeling. just do you and be content and happy with yourself first. after that, everything will fall into place.

 

[pumpkincat210]

I'm not single, but most of my friends who are in their late 20's early 30's are. It is not uncommon now to stay single for longer. Have you tried blind dates, friends of friends or possibly an online or local dating club?
It makes me sad when i hear that someone wants love but cannot find it, i truly think there is a match for everyone.
Please tell me more about arranged marriages in your culture, I know little, but I do know the parents try to pick out a man that can offer you a higher standard of living. It may sound crazy but sometimes i wish my parents would have arranged a marriage for me. Just so I could cut out all the b.s. of dating, etc, and get down to business! If you do choose an arranged marriage, would you have to leave your country and your rights? Are your parents against abuse and want equality in the marriage?

 

[kimmy]

i think there's someone for everyone, whether it takes until you're twenty or until you're seventy to find them. i don't think being involved with someone equates to happiness, honestly i've found myself happier without a significant other, probably because the ones i've had weren't the right ones.

i agree with courtney though, if it's really upsetting you, you can always try online dating or having a friend set you up.

 

[Kuuipo]

I'm single and 45. I have friends my age who are unmarried for the same reason as me- we have not found anyone good enough, and we are not settling for average. For me, the person I would marry would have to treat me and repect me as an equal. I would not expect them to quit their job and follow me across the country like a puppy, so my partner should not as me to put them or their job first. I know many women who defer to men, and that just cheapens them as people.
My partner would have to be similar to me intelligence wise , hobby wise, and humor wise as well as in the looks department. I am not interested in lowering my standards just to be legally joined to someone. With the divorce rate today, the people who resent their spouses, I am in no hurry. I am busy, fulfilled and complete, I do not need anyone else to "complete" me.
Alone doesn't always mean lonely. Sometimes it means that you can better devote your time to charity, career, education, and a life were you are free to do as you please without answering questions when you will be home, who you were with, etc.

 

[Mizz.Yasmine]

i know lots of singles my age too even though im not... but yeah, never settle or cling to a man just becuz hes there, trust me the pain of a broken heart after a bad relationship is a million times worse then the pain of being alone.

just try to get out more and be very social. u can meet the man of ur dreams in any random place.

 

[mona lisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by killbill23 Hello, Im almost 26 and I have not found anybody to share my life with. Most of my friends are married or engaged. Some of them have kids already. Im getting really depressed because I feel so lonely. When I see my friends and see how happy they are, I feel so sad. Im happy for them of course, but as Im getting older I feel like I will never find the right man for me. My parents want me to get married soon. Im indian so arranged marriage is very common. My parents say that if I dont find someone I like, they will find somebody for me. I feel the pressure from both my friends and family. Im so sad, I don't know what to do. I feel like a failure cause I have not found anybody to share my life with... I think I may have depression because of it. Lately I have been crying everytime I see a happy couple. Life is so sad...

There are few things that contribute to misery more than being dependent on anyone for your happiness or contentment in life. And anyone who has been where you are now themselves at one time or another can relate to what you are feeling now but trust me: when you find your happiness, self worth, etc. from within you, it will spill over into everything you do. It will make you more comfortable with life, more confident in general, and those traits are attractive to everyone -women, men, it will not matter.

Remember, while in eras past when it was considered a stigma to be unmarried at your age or older (unless you were a monk, priest, nun, etc.), it is not that way anymore. The problem is, pressure from the outside (parents, friends, etc.) will not help you in cultivating the sort of situation which will naturally enhance your appeal.

If you are under a lot of pressure on this matter, it is possible that you will either settle for someone who would not be right for you or accept from your parents someone who would not be compatible and that would in the long run not make you happy either. And you would in that situation not fix the core problem you are confronted with now which means you will find yourself going through this again should you get married and for some reason it does not work out.

My suggestion is focus now on finding your happiness from within. Broaden your knowledge, diversity your interests, focus on your spirituality, and set some non-relationship based goals to achieve and generally strive to be as well-rounded a person as you can be. By doing these things you will find that inner happiness and contentment which can then be enhanced with the addition of a man in your life to share it with rather than seeking to find your happiness outside of yourself and making your happiness dependent on others.

 

[MACATTAK]

Mona Lisa that was a beautiful post! I wish I could thank you 1,000 times over.

 

[macface]

I have heard don't look for love love will find you

 

[bklynfemme]

I'm 25 and single and almost all of my friends have boyfriends or are recently engaged and getting married. It's fustrating sometimes to see everyone move on in life with their significant others, sort of feels as though you are being left behind. I know it can be lonely, but be patient, love yourself and enjoy life while you are still young

 

[mona lisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MACATTAK Mona Lisa that was a beautiful post! I wish I could thank you 1,000 times over.

Well thank you Macattak

 

[stacylynne]

Listen, I'm 35 & single.
Most of my friends are married b/c they settled & wanted kids. Guess. what they are so unhappy now.

I rather be single & happy than be married & miserable. I like my life & I like the fact i'm very independent & I don't answer to anyone.

I will not settle. I want to find a life partner who is my partner & doesn't behave life a child. I want to be respected, have trust.

Don't be depressed you just haven't found mr. right. But, having Mr. right now (lol) is always fun. Don't rush it. Don't settle for something you won't be happy with. Tell your parents to back off & it will happen when it happens.

You are still very young. Expeience life & do things that make you happy & it will happen when you least expect it...

 

[aimee]

ok im not indian but i know what youre going through
i never had a really long term relationship and im 28
keep your head up

 

[val-x]

I'm 16 been single my whole life, and all my friends have had over 10 bf's each and there under 17, I remember in elementary school my former best friend would have one for every month. (She's the whore I talked about in the virginity thread.)

 

[Switz1880]

Killbill, I know exactly what you are going through. Being an Indian woman myself, I know the pressures that we have to face be it in regards to education, getting married, making enough money, having a child, etc. Some people have given good advice here, but the thing is, Indian culture is very set in certain aspects. It's generally expected that a woman will be married before 30 and will most probably have her first child. On top of that, she is also expected to be a professional, with a certain income and have at least one graduate degree. These ideas are so ingrained that it's really hard to break from it. Parents have a sort of punchlist for their children but ironically they believe it's for their child's own benefit.

My best friend who is also Indian had been dating an Irish guy for four years and she was ready to get married and he wasn't. They broke up and she is still devastated now, though it's been 2 years. She will be 29 this year and her parents are making her crazy with all the pressure to find someone. I hate that she is so fed up that she wants to just give in, let them find someone who THEY like, and basically call it a day. She said that she wished she could get married so that "all her problems would be over." I told her that you inherit a whole new set of issues when you get married and that that wasn't the way to go about making a life altering decision.

I think all you can do is get out there and try to meet guys. I know the expectation is to meet a nice Indian boy that meets your family's approval but you have to do this for you. Try dating websites, friends of friends, etc. You won't meet anyone if you don't put your self out there. I wish you all the best and am sure you will find someone special when the time is right.

 

[jasminbarley]

*****

 

[kaliraksha]

I think you should first be happy with yourself entirely. You shouldn't need someone to make you happy. I wouldn't want to rely on anyone else for happiness. I think you should hold out until you find someone who makes you want to be married to them.

I know it's tough to keep your parents at bay, I have a girl friend who is Indian and went on to get her PhD just to get her parents off her back about finding someone to marry. I realize what the Indian culture can be like with the being good people without passion and divorce not being acceptable- but that is not a life I would choose for myself or allow anyone else to make for me.

Good luck and cheer up! You can find the right person if and when you want and you are perfect the way you are... and most importantly you are still young!