What is the meaning of dating? Do I want to "date"?

[tricky]

This is an email I just sent to a friend. I want to post it here to ask you all your opinions on dating and what I want.

I've been thinking about the whole dating thing. I've come to the conclusion that I also am not looking for dating in the American sense right now. Right now I want to "date" people meaning that I want to have fun, hang out, meet new people. I can't imagine entering a serious relationship within at least the next six months. I really need to get past the anger I have towards my ex first. With all that being said, is it wrong for me to even use the term dating when it comes to what I want right now? I told this guy A, whom I have gone out with twice, that I'm not ready for any sort of relationship with anyone right now. But him and I used the term "date" when referring to the activity that we were doing, as in we are going on a date.

Right now this is what I am worried about. What if I start going on dates with someone pretty frequently, like this guy A, and everything is good and it goes on for a while. And then maybe this person is thinking of getting into relationship mode with me. Then they talk to me about it, and I tell them that I am not ready still and probably won't be ready for a while longer. Then the person might end up being hurt or feeling lead on by me in some way.

Should I even say that I want to "date" people? Or should I say that I just want to hang out? I am afraid that if I say I am interested in dating, people will think that there's possibilty for a relationship within a few months or something, when there isn't. I don't want to set people up for disappointment.

I guess I just need to be explicitly clear about what I need and want from the beginning with any guy I date/ hang out with, right?

 

[kaliraksha]

I've wondered about that whole "dating" thing... the word is very misleading to me. I think each couple defines it for themselves... each person defines it individually. "Dating" to some people is casual and for others it's serious.

In your shoes I would just say you were looking for friends to have a good time with or just to meet interesting people. I wouldn't feel urged to define anything to anyone unless the guy I was "seeing" asked me himself. In which case you should just be honest and tell him what you want at the moment. But, yeah I would keep away from the word "dating" just because every person has their own definition.

 

[kimmy]

i don't take the term "date" or "dating" too seriously, i think alot of people do though.

there's alot of guys that i consider guys i "dated," simply because they weren't really friends...well, kind of, but not really...they were just dudes i went out with whenever and had the occassional flirty kiss or something with. none of those dudes was i ever serious about though, and they knew. they didn't have a beef, because they were mostly in the same boat.

i think it's okay to use the term, as long as he knows you're using it loosely and that "dating" in no way means you want anything serious.

 

[iluffyew769769]

I say just share your intentions up front. If you want to see more than one person, that's fine as long as you are honest. There is nothing wrong with meeting new people and having fun. That's the most important is that you are happy. Don't make yourself stressed out over it.

And I agree with kimmy, as long as no one takes the term "dating" too seriously, it isn't the wrong thing to say.