What should i do about my bf???

[marreyes38]

I've been with my bf for a little over a year now and we've become quite serious. there's been talk of marriage and future children. In the beginning i loved him so much and i loved being with him. We were each other's first serious partner. We've only slept with each other and im starting to wonder if maybe im missing out on the dating scene. i know it sounds slutty but lately i've been wondering what its like to be with a different partner not only in bed but in a relationship as well. idk if im just tired of the routine because we always do the same thing and he hates going out. He's been nothing but wonderful to me but idk if i feel the same way or if its just my doubts that are getting in the way of our relationship. and it sure doesnt help that i have the hots for his best friend...i feel so ashamed but idk what to do

ive tried breaking it off several times or taking a short break so we can both date other ppl but he doesnt want to and always manages to convince me to stay together. he sais he'll make me love him again. but the truth is im not sure if i love him already or not. he loves me so much i dont want to hurt him.


PLEASE HELP



i never intended to persue his best friend im just physically attracted to him (as i am to my bf) but thats just it...its all physical atraction and nothing more with BOTH of them. the feelings are just not there or are hiding for the moment

 

[V15U4L_3RR0R]

People fall in and out of love all the time. If your feelings have changed then that's just the way of things. No one can make you love them. If you're not happy and want something more, then go out there and get it.

 

[Dahlia_Rayn]

Truly, if you feel like it's over, it's really not fair to him to stay with him. He may want you to stay with him now, and it will hurt if you go, but in the end you'll both resent eachother if you stay. You will resent him because he "forced" you to be in a relationship you didn't want to be in. He will resent you, because you never loved him the way he needed to be loved. I'm sure you feel fondly for him, but you can't create love, especially under such a cloud of trepidation. I think moving on is the most gentle thing you can do, for both of you.

 

[Divinity]

I think he's being a little unfair. You have made it clear on more than one occasion that you just aren't feeling him and he always sucks you back in with the sympathy card without considering YOUR feelings. I'd have a serious talk with him and make a clean break. It wouldn't be fair to you to be with someone that wants you, but don't love and it would be unfair for him to keep you that way. Sounds like he's being a bit selfish. Who knows? Maybe you both with come back to each other someday, but you don't want to stay with him and wonder what might have been.

 

[benzito_714]

You have to do what is best for you. A wandering mind only leads to a wandering body and that would hurt him more than you just breaking it off with him. You are not wrong and you should not feel as if you owe him anything. It is going to hurt but like they say 'all is fair in love and war'. Best of luck with your decision.

 

[Susanne]

There will be the day when your feelings are stronger than your mind. If you have the feeling then that you should go even if you can't really understand it - go. You will see that everything has a sense. I can tell you that from a personal experience.

 

[lvgz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marreyes38 ive tried breaking it off several times or taking a short break so we can both date other ppl but he doesnt want to and always manages to convince me to stay together. he sais he'll make me love him again. but the truth is im not sure if i love him already or not. he loves me so much i dont want to hurt him.

actually, i dont think he's pulling a sympathy card as one of the above posters said. at all. if you think about it, if anyone we cared for or wanted to be with wanted to call a break.. how many of us would just let them go without some kind of attempt to keep them?

from that paragraph alone, youre having major doubts. leave. staying with him is more of false hope in my opinion.. dragging things out and keeping him for the ride. you have the hots for his best friend.. and i think its better for the both of you to take a break, just bc it doesnt sound like youre into him anymore (let alone love)

 

[purrtykitty]

You probably do still love him, but it's possible that you don't love him in "that way" anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to just keep going through the motions, even if he's sure you're "the one", because in the end, you'll resent him for trapping you. It will make for a miserable marriage and it will be that much harder the next time around. Yes, you will hurt him by breaking it off, and you should expect to hurt some, too - even though you're the one who did the breaking up.

I'm not sure I would pursue the best friend thing, at least not right away. You know...dating the best friend goes both ways and nothing says betrayal like going after the other person he's closest to. Neither you nor him will get any closure if you have to see each other because you're his best friend's new girlfriend. Besides, who knows...after a break you might see your bf in a new light and re-discover what it was about him that drew you to him in the first place. Good luck, hun...things like this are never easy.

 

[chocodcocoa]

I think you should really sort out your own feelings first... are you just bored and curious about what it would be like to be with others, or are you seriously over your current bf?
If you decide to leave and really break up but later realize you actually still loved him, the heartbreak can be difficult to mend.
It is common for feelings to transition from romantic and passionate love to companion love, but it is also common for people to just fall out of love. Just really think about what stage your at, and make the decision.
If you're just bored with what you two are doing, talk to him and I'm sure he'll try to change for you, a little bit at a time. However, if you're really over him, breaking it off quick would benefit you both... maybe not now, but he'll have to get over it sooner or later.

 

[stacylynne]

If you were strongly in love with him once. It's ok not to have those feelings any longer. People grow apart all the time, and that's fine. You may both want different things now.
Don't feel guilty about how you once felt about him & not any longer. You have to do what's good for you & not for him. If it's time to move on & explore what's out there for "you" is totally normal. This is not being selfish @ all.

 

[makeup_wh0re]

I think that to be fair to you and to him, you should break up with him.