What's YOUR story?

[GirlyDork]

Everyone has somewhere they came from and some way they were raised. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has felt times of sadness, and times of happiness. But everyone's story is different. I'm interested in hearing the stories of those who respond to this thread.

Here's my summarized story, but it's a bit lengthy:
I was born on July 18th, 1994 (so I'm turning 15 on Saturday). Since then, my life has been crazy. Basically, I grew up without a real father figure, and my mom has had to do everything on her own, even when my parents were married. They got divorced when I was 6 or 7.

The reason I say that I didn't grow up with a real dad is because he's not involved. I've met him and I still "know" him, but I don't really know much of who he really is. I don't know anything good about him, even though I see him almost every Friday evening. What I do know is this: He refused to get a job for many years after marrying Mom, so she took care of him like a child. He didn't try to properly teach me and my twin brother Alex to brush our teeth, wash our faces, do homework independently, go to the bathroom, get dressed, or make friends. He didn't see the importance of celebrating birthdays. He's always in denial of something. He didn't tell me, my brother, his family, or Mom that he was gay and found a boyfriend until he had been dating men for over 18 months. He won't tell me what his job is, even now that he's found one. He's getting better at trying to be a dad, but that's only because Mom is paying for our therapy sessions. He also won't come to my birthdays at Benihana (it's a tradition-like thing) unless Mom pays for his dinner. She did twice, but now she's not. Dad isn't coming this year because he'd have to pay for it. Even when he did come, he would never stay for pictures. He leaves important events without saying goodbye. (He'll "go to the bathroom for a minute", and then he won't come back.)

Yeah, Dad and I are working on it. I still love him, but I hate how he's slowed down my life.

Besides being "fatherless", I have mild autism. It's either Asperger's Syndrome (AS) or Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD). (I think my Dad has Asperger's, too. Anywayyy...) No one is sure which it is that I have exactly, but I have high-functioning autism, and I go to a special private school for it. Things didn't work out in public school. Mom is struggling with the school district so they'll pay for Alex's tuition. (They're paying for mine because they know they fucked up, whether they say it or not.) Alex is a grade behind me because he did 5th grade twice, first in special ed and then in normal ed. Hopefully this quote from a district admin explains WHY I said that they fucked up: "We don't need to provide your son with an optimal education; An adequate, just-good-enough education will get him through high school just fine." (Alex needs to go to tutoring, summer school, reading specialists, and Mom for homework help just so he can get a 3.0 GPA. His learning deficits are more severe than mine, and a bit different. He has AS and some sort of language delay. He has a kickass work ethic and mediocre intelligence (sorry bro!), and I can be quite lazy, but supposedly I'm "brilliant". Okay cool...xD.

I've recently had many "Aha moments" (as Mom and Oprah say?) and "epiphanies". I'm trying to become the best person I can be and break bad habits, anything from biting my nails to dating total douche bags just to have a boyfriend (that's how I lost my virginity and broke my heart for the millionth time...), and from not showering as much as I should be showering (gross but it was true!) to not doing chores the first time I'm asked to do them (and this includes homework). I think I want to be a psychologist. What better way to pay it forward to everyone who has helped me

?


That kinda sums it up for me, as far as a "life story" goes. What about all of you?

 

[gildedangel]

I can relate to your story somewhat. My brother has been diagnosed with three learning disorders, including Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, ADHD, and dysgraphia. We thought he had AS for awhile but it was NVLD. We have had a lot of difficulty with the school district in trying to help his education, there is one crappy private school in our county and we are not sending him there. His counselor was the problem, she was a bitch who didn't want to do her job. Eventually onced he was diagnosed with his last two disorders (he has had ADHD for years now) he qualified for a federal program that adjusts his education so that he can learn more effectively, and it will follow him through college. He learns all of the same material at the same pace as everyone else, he just has to take his tests verbally because the kid can't write well in thanks to the dysgraphia. It was mostly his test scores that were killing his grades. Anyways, the program had some time requirements that the counselor did not meet. We called the district office friday night and left a message; we had a call at 8 monday morning. The counselor got fired because she put the district in deep shit for lying to us and not upholding her obligations. She told us that the district couldn't test him for the disorders when it turns out that the school psychologist is certified to do that. We spent over a thousand dollars getting him tested privately. Bitch.
Sorry, I wanted to let you know that I somewhat understand that part of what you are going through. I have to help my brother learn after school and deal with his teachers who didn't understand and it is still a frustrating process.

 

[GirlyDork]

Thank you for sharing! It is definitely upsetting and stressful. I feel so bad for my mom and brother, and for your family's struggles with the school district in your area. This shit shouldn't happen to anyone. So many parents, guardians, families, etc. aren't willing to do this, and I hate the mind games school districts can play with people who don't back down like that!

At least the counselor there was fired! My school district never admits to their mistakes or tries to fix them. They wanted me out of their hair, so they readily paid for my HS tuition. I was rebellious at times, always in the office, and calling out anyone who did anything unfair, whether they're students or admin or anything in between. I challenged EVERYONE'S authority when they were really being unjust. I don't mean things like, "I was suspended for beating someone up with no reason besides I hate them!". I mean things like, "I was suspended for punching a girl in the back of the head and then running away (without hurting her, because I'm weak) because was taunting me for weeks without any reaction from me!" or "I was sent to the principal's office for drawing on a strand of hair with my own pink highlighter marker!".

Yeah all of that was dumb, but really...Who sends a kid to the office for drawing on her hair with her own school supplies? Who just tells a kid to get over it when they're being bullied by other kids, but when they react badly, they're punished and a grudge is held against them?

Sorry, more venting, but damn...I'm so sorry for what you and your brother and your family have to go through, and I wish you all the best!

 

[ShortnSassy]

i can also relate to your story in a way. my brother is 19 and has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, panic anxiety with school phobia, some slight tourettes and some slight schizophrenia they think. he can function on a day-to-day basis and is unbelievably intelligent, but the school district doesn't give a shit about him. he hasn't attending public school since he was in the 5th grade. at first they fought it, then got him a tutor who was wonderful and came to our home. just when my brother started doing well, they had budget cuts and took away the tutor. he hasn't been in school since. now he is taking his GED pretests (which he is passing no prob) and after he gets his GED wants to take some local community college courses and go into psychology.

oh and MY story...
(or one of my many stories)

i am 21 years old and still live at home. i have a twin sister who is so sensitive that when she gets hurt she pushes people away instead of talking about her feelings, which basically means she is a bitch 90% of the time. i have a brother with many difficulties (read above), including angry outbursts because of his frustrations with OCD that usually end in holes being punched in walls. my father is an alcoholic who has been in recovery for about 10 years now but he doesn't go to AA anymore which basically means he is a dry drunk. he also hasn't worked for about 6 years and won't put away the idea of striking it rich with his own independent business. my mother has something called environmental illness which means she is allergic to any and all fragrances. her nose is almost like that of a dog (she smells everything) and she has asthma-like symptoms when she smells anything from perfume to scented lipgloss to coffee to a neighbors lawn being mowed. she has learned to deal with it and can live a pretty average life except for the fact that every product in our house is unscented, which makes it hard for me being a hairstylist and makeup artist. my mother also has, in no particular order, vertigo, mitral valve prolapse (heart murmur), sensitive skin, a fear of taking any and all medications, menopause, high blood pressure, panic anxiety, a dysfunctional relationship with her husband and pre-diabetes. needless to say, my house is a mess... figuratively and literally.

i was always the responsible one. the "normal" one. the daughter who the whole family would point to as if to say "see...? our family isn't that bad. she turned out fine!" i've always been career-driven and known what i want to do with my life: be a makeup artist, fall in love and have lots and lots of babies.
so far, the makeup artist thing has been successful.
but the whole "falling in love thing" was another story.
i was deathly afraid of boys. afraid of being hurt, cheated on, lead to, and so forth. i always really liked boys. i would imagine what it would be like to date the boy i had a ridiculous crush on... but unfortunately i would never unearth my secret and confess my love, so i was the single girl in my group of friends indefinitely, even when everyone would tell me how beautiful i was and ask in a grandmother type of way why i was single.
i took the esthetician course at a local privately-owned beauty school in my town about two years ago and in november i decided to go back to learn to do hair. and something happened that i never expected... i fell in love.
when i found out there was going to be a boy in my class, i never ever thought that out of all of the girls at my school (roughly 110) that i would be the one he would choose. and he did.
james and i would flirt subtly at school, and when we were alone he would ask when he could make me dinner. i was casually dating a boy at the time, but i was finding that the more i got to know of him the less i could stand him. i remember telling my best friend that this boy i was casually seeing was the type you date for awhile and then get tired of, but that james was the type of boy i could fall in love with. so i decided to let james make me dinner.
after one date, we talked in his car for 2 hours.
after one week, we made if official.
after two weeks, we knew we were in love.
after two months, i lost my virginity to him and knew it was the right person.
after eight months together, i can't remember how i functioned without him in my life.
he is my best friend.
we've talked about marriage, but it wouldn't be for a few years because we both want to make sure it's for real. i've had thoughts wondering if he is really the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. he is worried that i will decide i want to experience other people and leave him. i'm planning on moving to either LA, london, or paris after cosmetology school and he is going to stay here in WA. i figure we will eventually grow lonely without each other and date other people. and then i will know what my real choice is.
in the meantime, i am ridiculously happy.
i finally found something, and someone, i never thought i would find.
<3<3<3

 

[GirlyDork]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShortnSassy i can also relate to your story in a way. my brother is 19 and has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, panic anxiety with school phobia, some slight tourettes and some slight schizophrenia they think. he can function on a day-to-day basis and is unbelievably intelligent, but the school district doesn't give a shit about him. he hasn't attending public school since he was in the 5th grade. at first they fought it, then got him a tutor who was wonderful and came to our home. just when my brother started doing well, they had budget cuts and took away the tutor. he hasn't been in school since. now he is taking his GED pretests (which he is passing no prob) and after he gets his GED wants to take some local community college courses and go into psychology. oh and MY story... (or one of my many stories) i am 21 years old and still live at home. i have a twin sister who is so sensitive that when she gets hurt she pushes people away instead of talking about her feelings, which basically means she is a bitch 90% of the time. i have a brother with many difficulties (read above), including angry outbursts because of his frustrations with OCD that usually end in holes being punched in walls. my father is an alcoholic who has been in recovery for about 10 years now but he doesn't go to AA anymore which basically means he is a dry drunk. he also hasn't worked for about 6 years and won't put away the idea of striking it rich with his own independent business. my mother has something called environmental illness which means she is allergic to any and all fragrances. her nose is almost like that of a dog (she smells everything) and she has asthma-like symptoms when she smells anything from perfume to scented lipgloss to coffee to a neighbors lawn being mowed. she has learned to deal with it and can live a pretty average life except for the fact that every product in our house is unscented, which makes it hard for me being a hairstylist and makeup artist. my mother also has, in no particular order, vertigo, mitral valve prolapse (heart murmur), sensitive skin, a fear of taking any and all medications, menopause, high blood pressure, panic anxiety, a dysfunctional relationship with her husband and pre-diabetes. needless to say, my house is a mess... figuratively and literally. i was always the responsible one. the "normal" one. the daughter who the whole family would point to as if to say "see...? our family isn't that bad. she turned out fine!" i've always been career-driven and known what i want to do with my life: be a makeup artist, fall in love and have lots and lots of babies. so far, the makeup artist thing has been successful. but the whole "falling in love thing" was another story. i was deathly afraid of boys. afraid of being hurt, cheated on, lead to, and so forth. i always really liked boys. i would imagine what it would be like to date the boy i had a ridiculous crush on... but unfortunately i would never unearth my secret and confess my love, so i was the single girl in my group of friends indefinitely, even when everyone would tell me how beautiful i was and ask in a grandmother type of way why i was single. i took the esthetician course at a local privately-owned beauty school in my town about two years ago and in november i decided to go back to learn to do hair. and something happened that i never expected... i fell in love. when i found out there was going to be a boy in my class, i never ever thought that out of all of the girls at my school (roughly 110) that i would be the one he would choose. and he did. james and i would flirt subtly at school, and when we were alone he would ask when he could make me dinner. i was casually dating a boy at the time, but i was finding that the more i got to know of him the less i could stand him. i remember telling my best friend that this boy i was casually seeing was the type you date for awhile and then get tired of, but that james was the type of boy i could fall in love with. so i decided to let james make me dinner. after one date, we talked in his car for 2 hours. after one week, we made if official. after two weeks, we knew we were in love. after two months, i lost my virginity to him and knew it was the right person. after eight months together, i can't remember how i functioned without him in my life. he is my best friend. we've talked about marriage, but it wouldn't be for a few years because we both want to make sure it's for real. i've had thoughts wondering if he is really the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. he is worried that i will decide i want to experience other people and leave him. i'm planning on moving to either LA, london, or paris after cosmetology school and he is going to stay here in WA. i figure we will eventually grow lonely without each other and date other people. and then i will know what my real choice is. in the meantime, i am ridiculously happy. i finally found something, and someone, i never thought i would find. <3<3<3

Oh wow! Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with that's out of your control. I'm so glad that you're succeeding in life though, and you're able to stay sane under such conditions with your family. I must commend you for that. That sort of thing has never come easily to me, and I'm really not restricted by other family members' health concerns. I mean, I live with my mom and brother, and Mom has menopause (I'm pretty sure) and arthritis that is under control. She doesn't have a job, though, and she's often home and constantly searching for one. Damn economy. My brother, as I mentioned, has AS and a language delay, but he spends most of his time in his room or in the living room watching every trashy dating show known to man on VH1 xD.

It's so amazing to me when I hear stories of others with different issues, and even some similar issues, and hearing how they cope and what they feel they have control over, etc. I may be hearing some very unfortunate things, but I think it will also give other people insight, too. And sometimes as someone says or types something, they'll come up with a thought or an idea that they've never considered would apply to their life in any way. Does that make sense at all? IDRK sometimes if I make sense to anyone else really...

I've always been interested in having a boyfriend. I'm not one to shy away from a chance to connect with someone I like, even if I end up looking stupid. My love life started in 8th grade, when I was 13. I had a guy, Sam, who I was with on-and-off for most of that school year. IDK if he was even my boyfriend. He's too fucked up for words. He caused drama in everyone's lives for his entertainment-LITERALLY! He was so depressed and bored that he needed REAL live entertainment at all times.

Somewhere in between times with Sam as my "BF" (what am I supposed to call that dumbass?), there was Matt, who was basically the school "casanova". He was my first real kiss/makeout session. He wanted to get in my pants, and he used stupid lines, his good looks, and attempted phone sex to bring him closer to the chance of that happening. We never had sex. He cheated on me with 2 good friends, and now one of them is a best friend. The other is sorta a friend, but damn annoying. I don't care about him at all now, he's just funny to talk about. At the time it broke my heart though

Then, Nick was a great guy I got with twice. He was so sweet and sometimes nearly-sickeningly-cliche, but he just wasn't for me. It didn't click and it was awkward, but he's still a great friend. Sam and Matt, not so much. I blocked Sam on everything and Matt only calls when he's bored. I never call them.

Aaand Anthony. Oh, stupid, stupid Anthony. Well, here goes:
We met online. We proceeded to flirt.
We met at school. We became official on the first day (my first day of high school).
After a week or so, we became very physical. VERY physical.
Exactly a month after we got together (1-month anniversary, w00t...), he dumped me for going to fast, even though I didn't ask for him to do anything in the first place.
Weeks later, he comes up with an excuse to want me back. We get back together and go slow. Then he dumps me for having no chemistry.
He then gets together with his ex. THE DAY AFTER DUMPING ME.
He and Hannah break up. Boo-hoo. Anthony still hates me.
Anthony's hate continues to grow for me, as I make snarky comments to him and about him constantly, and then cry my eyes out all the time OVER HIM.
Over winter break on New Year's Day, he unblocks me on AIM and says he wants to make peace with his enemies as his resolution. Before I know it, we're back together, he said he loved me, and we were having webcam sex . When we got back to school, we end up having sex (which was pathetic, BTW). He lost it to me and vice versa.
Eventually I couldn't keep any more secrets about our relationship (did I mention I couldn't tell ANYONE?) and I broke down in front of school admin. I told them we had sex and Anthony denied it in front of me when we were both in the office. That was the end, but we still hate each other. IDK about him, but I'm over my feelings for him.

I have yet to find a good guy for me. I want a relationship, but I need to remember what I know now. I can't regress back to the way I was earlier this year.

Sorry about the length of this...

You know, things even out for everyone somehow. Your family may be crazy, but you have a good head on your shoulders and know how to remain happy. I may lack some social abilities that other people have, but I'm extremely compassion and understanding, because I can see things that some people will never understand (like people who've had everything given to them without working for it, or those few evil people in the world. I don't believe everyone is a good person. There are people who have a special place reserved for them in hell, like the bitchy school counselors, and anyone else who is only concerned with themselves, even if it means trying to ruin other people's lives somehow.).

Thank you for sharing, I know things can get pretty personal. No one needs to say anything they don't want to say, but if you do want some feedback, I'm here to help

.

 

[BlueMoonDoll]

GirlyDork--you are a dedicated educators dream my dear. Other than the slacker thing of course (I was one too though...).

Gildedangel--Nothing makes me angrier than to hear about people who are supposed to be helping just make it worse. I feel like there should be signs posted around the world outlining the code of conduct teachers and counselors have to follow. Whenever I learned about certain duties, I'd instantly pass them on to families with children who have autism, ADHD, and various other disorders (or whatever it is you want to call them nowadays. I hate trying to be PC, always offend someone...). I'm so sorry they're absolute jerks in your county.

 

[BeccalovesMAC]

Wow this is a wonderful thread. I love hearing about our strong ladies on this forum.


Here is my story. Im 29 and was born on 05/04/80. I was abandoned by both my parents when I was five years old. I am so grateful that my biological parents gave up on me. I had the greatest adoptive parents in the world. My sisters and I were taken in by my paternal grandparents when my biological father went to prison. I don't know my mom. She left me and my little sisters in a crack house when I was 4. My biological parents try to make up for giving up on my little sisters and I but I honestly don't care for them. I have OCD and mild tourette's because of all the trauma I had as a child. I really try hard to forgive but its really hard because of the shit I seen at a young age. My adoptive parents were so good to me and my sisters. I am forever grateful. I am now 29 with two children(not married cuz of my ocd). I have been with my fiance for 11 years. The reason we are not married is because marriage plays a big part in my OCD. I am so afraid of getting married and then getting divorced. I broke up with my fiance 3 times during our engagement just so I wont get married. Its not because I don't love him..it's because I am deathly afraid of marriage. It is so permanent. I don't not feel comfortable with that commitment to anyone. I truly do believe that this why I can never be happy. I love children and want to have more. My fiance does not want to have anymore until we get married. It has caused lots of fights. I am going to see a counselor when I feel ready. I don't know when that will be but it isn't now.

 

[L1LMAMAJ]

i'm so happy that you found someone that truly appreciates you and loves you for who you are. that is such a wonderful thing to have.

i'm glad you eventually got out of those abusive relationships because now you can focus on renewing yourself and being a new person.

happy for you.

 

[Willa]

Thank you girls for sharing <3

 

[RedRibbon]

I was born in April 1984 which would make me 25. I look a lot younger than that though and have been "carded" many times which I don't like. I can't even buy medicine in the local supermarket without producing some ID.

When I was born my parents didn't have much money and the whole extended family lived in the same house. My parents and my brother all lived in the same room (it makes me cry typing this because I remember how hard it was and how easy the kids in my family have it now). My dad used to work during the day and take evening classes so he could move on up and make something of himself. My mother was a stay at home mum and she did the best she could. My grandmother was, and still is a bitch to both my parents but I don't care for her (you will see why). My parents gave up a hell of a lot so me and my brother could have toys that we wanted and I wasn't always grateful for it. Since I've been working, I buy them anything and everything, whatever they want, they can have it. They sacrificed a hell of a lot for me so I feel it's my duty to them to make them happy now. They want for nothing and that's how I feel it should be.

My dad managed to get enough money together and buy a house, so we moved out. My mum had another son and our family was set. There's me, my brother who is one year younger and my other brother who is 5 years younger than me. My parents bought another house as it was cheaper and larger than the one we lived in and we were set.

I got through secondary school with a decent set of friends, my best friend moved to a different college for sixth form and I had to remake some friends and so I befriended a group of indian girls. WORST.DECISION.EVER. They were, and still are bitches to me, always left me out of stuff, never told me what was going on and ignored me most of the time. I met Mr RR on my first day of sixth form and when they realised we were becoming friends, they got even worse. I don't really care though because now I'm happy with my life and where I am whilst none of them made anything of themselves. They left uni at 21 (all bar one who failed and is doing another degree) and have been unemployed since.

All three of us children have gotten to uni, my youngest brother is going into his final year, me and my other brother graduated from uni. I'm a lawyer, my brother is a banker and my youngest one wants to do marketing. Whilst I was living it up at uni, my dad lost his job so I moved back home, dropped out of uni for a year, got a job and helped pay the bills. My dad found another job, I stayed at home still helping them out.

The year that my dad got his job back he decided to realise his dream and bought himself a million pound house, some of which is owned by me and my brothers as we paid stamp duty on it but that's by the by. This is one of the reasons why my dad is my idol, he came to England with the clothes on his back and nothing else and to see what he's worked up to gives me the push to do things knowing that it can be done. I'm a poor child at heart, I never had anything fancy like my cousins have now, I was never tutored or anything like that, I paid for everything I had and worked my way through school which makes everything I have now seem even more worthwhile as it wasn't handed to me on a plate. I know I'm not the only one who has done that in this world and this message might come across as being preachy but if you understood the rest of my family's mentality, you would understand why I'm the way I am.

I moved out of my parents house a few months afterwards and moved in with Mr RR. We moved from there to a flat by the Thames which I adore as it's down a road which reminds me of Jack the Ripper

and the area is the right mixture of common/fancy.

I used to be really insecure about stuff (when I was in sixth form and those girls were being bitches) and would worry what people would think and so always put a front up and did what I thought people wanted of me. Then Mr RR made me see that I should just be myself and not apologise for it either so now I do what I want, how I want, when I want and with whom I want and I must say I am happy for it.

I've always been the black sheep of the extended family because I do things that an Indian girl shouldn't do, I was the first girl who was allowed to go out clubbing, my parents didn't mind me getting a tattoo or a piercing, I was allowed to move out, I was allowed to learn how to drive etc..The whole family expected me to be a crackwhore seeing as I was doing such un-Indian things. The ironic thing is, I did all that and still got to the top of my game whereas my cousins who stayed at home, locked in are the ones who resorted to drugs and prostitution. Even now they frown on me because I'm not living at home, I'm living with a man who firstly is white and secondly isn't my husband.

I never ever thought I'd feel this way, I was the fat, ugly girl at school who thought she'd never find love and lo and behold, I have, with the most perfect man ever and every single day he makes me feel like

.

So, in closing, that's my life.

 

[LMD84]

wow willa... the story about your dad and not letting you make noise and screaming if you did, not having friends over.... exactly how my childhood was.

 

[Willa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMD84 wow willa... the story about your dad and not letting you make noise and screaming if you did, not having friends over.... exactly how my childhood was.

I guess we can understand each other then
I try to make people understand what it felt like, but they dont always do
My boyfriend, even tho we've been together for almost 3 years now, just started to understand... as my father did something mean to him a couple of weeks ago.

It was my birthday, and for the occasion I bought plastic hats, just for the fun of it. My man had a French hat (you know, white with the flag all around) anyway, I realized my father was putting his cigarette ash on the hat for a moment, I took the hat to remove it and I was MAD at him. Poor bf, he almost cried, wondering what he had done wrong to deserve it... I had to take him appart and tell him : Now, do you understand???

My father doesnt know how to deal with people, and all he find to tell people that he likes them, is do stupid pranks like that. He's like a 15 years old who doesnt understand life, and I sometimes feel (at 29) I have to act like his mother sometimes, because he doesnt get what he's doing

 

[LMD84]

yeah that was shitty to do that to your bf.

my dad sounds very similar indeed. i haven't spoken to him in 4+years. he wrecked my childhood. he was nothing more than a bully and like you i was the only one to stand up to him which made it so much worse.