When do you know you're depressed or how did you find out you had depression?

[tropical_smiles]

I really didn't know who to go talk to about this. Everyone knows me as the girl that has always had a smile, excelled in life and had a sparked. I'm use to being the social kid and the approachable one. I was the type of person I knew some people wanted to be in my shoes and had a large network of friends. These past two years had changed drastically for me. My mother had fallen ill about two years ago. I gave up pretty much my life, jeopardized my career, and friends to take care of her. It all started in 2007. On January 4th 2007, my ex over two and half years broke up. He had controlled me, treated me badly through most of my relationship. On Jan 15 2007, I started a new job. A week after that, I was told to take my mom to the hospital for a family discussion. This was after having taken my mom to numerous doctors in prior months trying to figure out why she wasn't feeling well. It was announced on Jan 22th that my mom had lung cancer.

It turned out it was too late by the time my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was already at stage 4. Chemotherapy would not stop the cancer from spreading but would just slow down the process. Every doctor's check up, every chemo treatment, surgery I was by her side making sure she was taken care of. I think I was getting in about 3-4 hours of sleep because I had to leave for at 5 int he morning, work until I had to take her to the hospital, drive home to pick her up, than drive her downtown to the hospital, than drive her back home after the appointment (the days she didn thave chemo) and than drive back to work to keep working until 11pm to make up my hours. My brother lives out in Alberta so he wasn't able to come home to help as much as he liked. My father is an idiot. I have no relationship with him and I refuse to speak to him. He has never taken care of my family and when my mom had fallen ill, he had not even taken the effort to understand what she had, helped her or even really seemed to care when she past away. Hence why I had to continue to work to keep supporting my mom at home with the bills and everything.

Anyways, she past away on Nov 19th just 6 days shy of my 25th birthday. I never would of thought that on my birthday I would be at the funeral home picking out an urn for my mother and deciding what time of engraving I wanted or whether I wanted a casket for her, etc.

My mom was my best friend and also a big loop factor to the whole family and relatives. Mother day had past last weekend and I had a really hard time dealing with it. Everyone I knew had spent time with their mother or family. I had no one. My relatives don't talk to me and I have a feeling because I look alot like my mother when she was young and carry the same care free attitude. I've written them emails, asked my cousins to get my relatives to call me but no one does. A few of them spend time with my brother but I feel like their neglecting me and I really dont' know how to deal with it. Since my dad and I don't have a relationship or even talk to each other and since my brother lives so far and that my only other relatives dont even want to talk to me. I feel like after my mom's death, I've lost more than my mom but my whole existence.

I felt so bad, my boyfriend that I have now takes good care of me, but this is the long weekend in Canada and he's gone up to visit his mom. I was really sad and down before he left and i don't think he understands why i was so pouty and sad about it. I dont know how to explain it to him that I'm happy he's going to spend time with his mom and his sisters and brothers. I think i"m just jealous that he could do that.

I don't go out very much anymore. But it's like a lose lose situation. I don't want to go out because well one..i'm still trying to pay off the funeral and two I just dont have that chirpiness as I once use to. I always feel like I want to be with my boyfriend because I care for him so much and I don' twnat to lose him but I knwo better to be overly needy. I think he is right now the one thing that keeps me really happy. But when he's not around, I noticed i'm not. I'm always not happy. My friends call to try to get me out but I noticed lately I've just make up excuses of some sort and say I can't. Also I've reevaluated my relationship with alot of my friends and come to realize that some of my friendships that I thought were great before are not worth it as much because I am just getting taken advantage of before for my kindness and willingness to help.

I dont know whether you would call that depression or what. I really don't know what to do. I feel so low and the last people that I still have close to me, I'm so worried that i'm going to push them away unintentionally.

For those who did manage their depression, how did you find out you were and what did you do?

 

[Beauty Mark]

To diagnose yourself as being clinically depressed, you have to go to a doctor, a therapist rather.

Given your situation I'd suggest that you visit one. If you found something on your body, you'd go visit your doctor. Mental health should be treated the same; it's better to check in than let something manifest and consume you. However, your therapist cannot fix everything. S/he will listen, suggest things, and do more listening. It is ultimately up to you to decide what you're going to do and then do it.

For me, my family has treated me badly in the past, particularly my father and my brother (my mother died when I was 14). Being around him in any sense (phone, in person) is toxic for me. He makes me feel bad about myself or ashamed of him, because he treats my grandmother terribly (not that she's a saint). I spent several years in therapy over the course of my life sorting through my emotions. It finally took this year for me to realize that not talking to him is the best idea. My therapist always suggested limited contact, but I would only do it for a week and then feel guilty.

While there is ambivalence, I've never been happier that I can remember. I finally chose myself, instead of other people's alleged happiness (my father hates that I refuse to talk to him; I think it makes him feel like a bad father).

I don't know what you'll come up with in therapy, but I hope you can peace with your situation. If you ever want to talk about have a deceased parent (my relationship with my mother, though it's been almost 9 years, continually changes as I mature), feel free to PM me

 

[boudoirblonde]

Aww hun

For me, depression wasn't like a light that turned out. it wasn't like a switch.
Its more like a series of events that just keep building and building and then you just can't handle it anymore.

I used to have sort of "anxiety attacks" where I would just start to shake and feel trapped. It was horrible

These are the things I did:
-Rid myself of destructive relationships/activities (I was studying at Uni, and absolutely hated me course, so I decided to switch to something I would enjoy more)
-Visited my doctor for treatment (more info below)
-Got into exercise (this really helped me, because you can sort of lose yourself in it, and the endorphins(sp?) really help you feel better too)

I went on treatment (anti-depressants) for a month. My doctor was really great.
Some people just need that kick start to rebalance the hormones in their brain, and some people need to take it for longer periods.

Oh, and do something that makes you feel good about yourself as much as you can. For me it was make-up. Im not saying go out and buy the whole mac store to make yourself feel better. But do your make-up everyday, try new combinations, or stick to a look you love.

I hope you can get through this

If you want any more info, you can ask, or PM me if you'd feel more comfortable

 

[ginger9]

By all means I am NOT a certified professional but it sounds like you are going through the 5 stages of grieving.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance
(do a google seach for more info)

I've been through this, but it doesn't always happen in the sequence it's listed. But I agree with Beauty Mark definitely seek professionals for a proper diagnoses. Good luck, big hugs and we're here for you

 

[coachkitten]

Thank you tropical_smiles for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it is no wonder that you are feeling the way that you are. As stated above some of the best things that you can do are seek some sort of therapy and also talk to a doctor about maybe getting on some meds or other treatments if that is what is needed. You are in my prayers and I wish I had more advice. Keep hanging in there and we are here for you!

 

[pumpkincat210]

I was diagnosed with depression when i was 12. the symptoms are:
1. Depressed Mood
A person may report feeling "sad" or "empty" or may cry frequently. Children and adolescents may exhibit irritability.

2. Decreased Interest or Pleasure
A person may show markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, daily activities. (anhedonia)

3. Weight Changes
Significant changes in weight when not attempting to gain or lose (a gain or loss of 5% or more in a month) may be indicative of depression. In children, this may also present as a failure to make expected weight gains.

4. Sleep Disturbances
Insomnia or sleeping too much may be a symptom of depression.

5. Psychomotor Agitation or Retardation
The person may be observed to be either agitated and restless or physically slowed down in their movements.

6. Fatigue
Deep fatigue or a loss of energy is a symptom of depression.

7. Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt
A depressed person may feel that they have no value or they may feel inappropriately guilty about things they have no control over.

8. "Brain Fog"
A depressed person may have a diminished ability to think, concentrate or make decisions.

9. Thoughts of Death
A depressed person may have recurring thoughts of death, especially thoughts of suicide, with or without a specific plan.


When I was 20 i was diagnosed as bipolar too and since then I have felt much better with the combination of meds i take. I'm not 100% better but i'm no longer sleeping all day and crying alot. Just know that you aren't alone and there is plenty of help out there.

 

[rbella]

I am so sorry that you have gone through this. For me depression was easily diagnosed. I was irritable, didn't get out of bed, gained weight, lost contact with friends and family and cried...a lot. I was also exhausted all the time and just didn't have the desire to do anything. Going to the mailbox seemed like a chore.

Finally, I spoke with someone and got the help that I needed and am so much better today. I really advocate therapy and not just the use of pills. If you don't have someone that you're close to (other than your b/f) to vent to, it is really beneficial to go to therapy. It's a great way to see that life isn't so bad and everything is a series of choices. I also took a low dose of zoloft for awhile which helped. I wouldn't recommend doing so until you speak with a professional. Getting on anti-depressants is one thing. Getting off of them is a whole different story....

Good luck to you. You sound like such a genuine, sweet person. I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[User93]

Im so sorry you had to go through it.. I feel depressed and down now, but after I read what you had to deal with, i feel ashamed for feeling bad. But see, you're a very strong person, after you dealed with all that. And you won't let the depression get over you. After all this time of lack of sleep, and all other things you had to go through, i think you should just stay at home, sleep, do what you feel like doing. And then start to go out little by little, maybe a 1-2 hours in a cafe or pizza place, something which wont take much time, exhaust you etc. Slowly you will recover i hope. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sad you had to go through that.