When Jealousy Ruins a Friendship


New member
okay I am a bit stressed out

I have a person who I thought was a friend who is insanely jealous of me to the point that it is scary. I bought a new car and got my own place and it has magnified the jealousy she already had for me for a long time. She seems to parrot everything that I say or do--if I mention I went fishing with somebody, the next time I speak to her she starts talking about how she went fishing with a friend. she does this with everything. she has become obsessively competitive about even the most trivial things

She also cannot stand to see or hear about anything good going on in my life. when things were not going great in my life and I was miserable she was all ears soaking up everything that I was saying. she was the best listener and had all the advice in the world. now that I have gained confidence from being independent if I mention anything in my life that is going good she cannot stand to hear it, she'll start to talk over me, or change the subject sometimes even pretend that she has to get off the phone at that very moment. Things have gotten to the point where she'll make indirect comments about how I am "not all of that". I simply cannot say one good thing about myself or anything in my life. she gets so jealous of any and everything that it's pathetic. once I had a new purse that I bought from the flea market and she was jealous of that! its like she cant stand to see me have anything or to even have happiness.

What really hurts me is that she has had other friends or acquaintances who have had things like a new car or their own place and she never from what I know tried to tear them down. But when I got it, she became livid and just downright nasty, mean and cruel to me. She never even visited me. I dont know why it bothers her so much for her to see me happy; why is she okay with seeing other people have things but when it comes to me she is downright furious and so damn neurotic and jealous. that's what stresses me out.

I tried my best to kill her with kindness by saying that I wish her well and will pray for her to have happiness somebody but it does not work. I know you are going to say cut her out of your life, and that is what I have been doing. But she has been spreading rumors about me and telling other people not to talk to me. I even suspect that she is listening in on conversations when I am talking to a friend that we both share (I am going to cut her out of my life too) because when I talk to her she'll bring up things that I never discussed with her. Either that or the friend is just telling her everything that I say.

I just cannot believe the extent she will go to try to sabotage me. I never thought this would cause her to feel this way at all. what can I do to not let this consume me?


Well-known member
sadly i used to know a girl like this and the only thing i could do was cut all ties with her. things steadily got worse and it was crazy. she was jealous to the extreme though and even was jealous of family members if she thought they got more attention than her, as far as i could see that wasnt the case but whatever. it's not right that you should feel so bad for having some good stuff happen to you. im guessing you have worked hard for your things so you shouldnt let somebodies jealous streak put a downer on them. maybe you should sit down and have a chat - be honest about why you want some time apart from her. perhaps she doesnt know just how bad she is acting?


Well-known member
i have had this happen before.
she is envious of you the person you are period; just you being you. so naturally when you do other things, materialistically, it's going to get worse.
the best thing you can do is cut her out of your life. any mutual friends you have that you suspect are setting you up and letting her listen in on convos, cut them loose as well.
the rumors she's spreading, there's nothing you can really do about it but ignore. you could take it to extremes and beat the sh*t out of her but in the end, that's childish and you're only stooping to her level. just move on from this broad and don't associate with anyone you know that associates with her on a close, friendly level. find a new set of friends/associates that have nothing to do with her and surround yourself with those people.
like i said i've had it happen and more than just one time and the more it happens you start to view as more of a freaky thing than anything. rumors won't even phase you. the fact that they compete on EVERY level of their lives with you will freak you out the most.
just kick the broad to the curb and peace the f**k out in regards to anyone who you feel is friends with her but trying to set you up.
just do you. she's not worth it. let her wallow in her own childish insecurities and anger. the bottom line is, you cannot change or control anyone but yourself so don't even worry about her anymore.


Well-known member
I've been in the situation before and it was never fully better, but I did bring it to her attention and eventually got tired of it and stopped seeing her. Flat out ask her why she can't ever be supportive or happy for you if you want to try and salvage something out of this. Otherwise, or next, start removing her out of your life. I think it's best to surround yourself with positive, supportive forces in your life. Life already throws you enough curve balls.


Well-known member
Yikes! People like this definitely have issues with inadequacy and self confidence. MAJOR ISSUES. It's not your fault, I honestly feel bad for people like this who feel as if for whatever reason they aren't good enough or don't have this or that that they have to tear other people down just to feel better about themselves. It's such an awful way to go about life and definitely not healthy.

But I do think that you definitely need to COMPLETELY cut her off. I know you said that you have decided to do so already. But I do suggest that if it does get bad enough for you to block her calls/text on your phone or even change your number, blocking her online on any social networking sites like facebook, etc. Do not talk to her! No matter what she has to say, don't speak to her! They feed off of any type of attention they receive from you...that's why she won't leave you alone! Whether its through talking shit on you or spreading rumors about you, she's doing this all in the hopes of receiving some type of reaction from you. She WANTS to see you upset. She WANTS to see you blow up. She WANTS to see you hurt by all the nasty things she's been sayhing about you. Do not give her the satisfaction! And if anyone wants to believe the false things she has to say about you then they are not worth being in your life either. She uses people like this to get to you also.


Well-known member
I don't see why people have to be nasty. If people cannot be happy for you and be a positive impact in your life, then they aren't true friends.


Well-known member
Been there! I am so sorry you are going through this. Yes, the best thing is to break ties. It is hard, but this is when we have to remember it isn't at all about you or even your friendship. She envies you because she is highly lacking in self-esteem and the only way she can define herself is by copying you, being competitive, tearing you down to put herself on a pedestal and making everything about her. My sister is exactly like this and I blew up at her finally and dropped her from my FB page. Drastic measures are often the best way to silence these people They will move on and treat someone else like that. But you don't need to be her victim. Let her find another target. More than likely she will keep up this attitude for the rest of her life, which is really sad. You will be able to find true friends who SHARE ideas and thoughts and not COMPETE in them all. That isn't what a healthy relationship with anyone can be based on. I have had other friends like that and have also cut those ties recently. I feel a little lonely but I have made some new friends that I hope blossom into happy friendships and not competitive ones. I wish you the very best on this. Do what is best for you, that makes you happy. We only have one life, don't let someone's negative energy always bring you down. No one deserves that.


Well-known member
Whoa, she sounds like a real peach! If she's hurting you she's what I'd call a "toxic friend". You need to cut her out of your life or she'll just keep cutting you down. You're probably not going to be able to change her behavior and if you confront her about it, it probably won't go well. Good luck!


Specktra Bestie
This really sucks.

There is an expression for a person who is a "fair weather friend"- someone who is only there for you when things are good and easy and you have things that you can give- but what you seem to have here is a "foul weather friend"- someone who is only there when things are hard, or when things are difficult to deal with. That's someone who appears to be a friend, but who is really dragging you down.

Since you've done all you could to be encouraging and to show support, my advice would be to let things lie the way that they are. Don't contact this person, don't invite their hurtful opinions and don't feel like you have to justify yourself based on their narrow point of view. Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest, without worrying about what such malignant persons think. I agree absolutely with the description of this person as a "toxic friend". Nothing you need in your life.


Well-known member
Ugh, this happened to me and my former best friend as well. She was always so nice and sweet to me and we were so close for almost seven years. Then I met my husband--when I got engaged to him she just changed into such a horrible person. I spent years listening to her go on and on and on about her boyfriend of five years and how sweet and amazing he is and how they're going to get married (you get it) and I was always happy for her. And then all of a sudden she got so bitter and angry to the point where I posted an engagement facts article (which wasn't even aimed towards anyone) on my FB and she threw a huge bitch fit even though no one else that saw/read it even got mad about it. Then she actually skipped my wedding and started telling mutual friends they weren't allowed to talk to or hang around me anymore, and called my other now-best friend a "parrot" for always agreeing with me and saying the same things I did. As if.

Anyway, I'm so so so sorry you had to go through the same thing but at least you're not alone. It happens to a lot of people it seems. The good news is she was a crap friend to begin with and you don't need someone that toxic and pathetic in your life.


Well-known member
Oh and another thing... I also had an admirer that liked to copy my purchases. I didn't actually think she copied me in the beginning--I always just figured we had a lot of similar interests (what girl doesn't like make-up and purses and other pretty things?) but it got to the point where she was telling people that *I* was copying her even despite the fact I've been a MAC collector/fan since 2004. She was just intensely competitive with me for some reason (purchasing similar/better things than me at the same time I said I would be, or purchasing better things and "one-uping" me after I'd already purchased something) and when I found out what she was saying about me, I got really angry and actually started flaunting my purchases more just to piss her off and egg her on.

I wouldn't recommend it because it can really burn down bridges (and quite frankly, my reaction was pretty immature) but I figured I wouldn't be working with her or have to see her again so I could care less, but sometimes you just really need to show a jealous girl what's up. In my case, the girl stopped talking to me. I don't know what inspires people to react so jealously--perhaps unhappiness in their own lives? But regardless, just keep doing you. Sorry for all the anecdotes. I just haven't had a lot of people that understood.


Well-known member
I don't think I've ever been jealous of a friend. I feel if your jealous of your friend it creates a huge barrier that doesn't allow you to enjoy your friendship instead it leads you to feel as if your in a competition with them :(

Latest posts